It’s been 146 days since Tyrus won the Ten Pounds of Gold. Chris Adonis wants to win it in Chicago. I have a flagon of Night Train wine, a half pack of cigarettes, it’s dark, and I’m wearing sunglasses writing this recap of the NWA 312 pay-per-view.
The National Wrestling Alliance is coming to you from Studio One of Highland Park, Il. Joe Galli and Tim Storm have the call on YouTube as we start with the…
And the First Match is between…
Natalia Markova vs. Labrava Escobar (with CJ)
The match has my inner Joey Styles screaming, “Cat Fight” but then Markova takes control, as CJ gestures from outside the ring. Escobar does not lay down for The Crush as they go back and forth on offense. Markova manages with a double arm DDT, and CJ enters the ring to gesture (whether she is being oblivious or just to play mind games with Markova, I leave you to judge, O Internet reader). The End comes with the Beautiful Disaster as Markova gets the win.
Your Winner via Pinfall: Natalia Markova
CJ celebrates, and Markova eyes her suspiciously.
Then we get the first title fight of the night for the…
NWA United States Tag Team Championship: The Country Gentlemen (AJ Cazana and Anthony Andrews) (c) vs. The SVGS (Jax Dane and Blake “Bulletproof” Troop) (with Chris Silvio, Esq.)
As The Gentle enter the ring, the SVGS Pearl Harbors the champs. Troop takes the workload for the team as he gives some lessons in MMA to Andrews and Cazana respectively. Dane is no slouch, either, as he chokes Cazana on the middle ropes. Silvio attempts to interject for his team by throwing in his boot and the ref notices and gets him ejected. Troop argues for his counselor and then Andrews comes up from behind and rolls him up for the pin and the win.
Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still NWA US Tag Team Champions: The Country Gentlemen
May Valentine is backstage with Kenzie and Kayla Paige. Kenzie is hyped up for the Women’s Television Title tournament and states Max the Impaler doesn’t intimidate her because this is her time and she will make history as the first champion.
That brings us to the next match and it is a…
Hair vs. Mask Strap match: Sal the Pal vs. Gaagz the Gymp
Judais leads both men to the ring by the leather strap. As the bell rings, Sal whips Gaagz, but he loves the pain, and it’s getting kinky up in here. at one point Gaagz tries to leave, and Judais sends him back to the ring. Even though Sal has the advantage, Gymp-a-Mania™ runs wild in Chicago and he fires back with headbutts, and then he whips the strap to Sal’s nether regions and he delivers the Gaagz Reflex for the three count.
Your Winner via Pinfall: Gaagz the Gymp
As Judais gets ready to give the clippers to Gaagz to shave Sal’s head, Sal grabs the clippers and starts right away on his head. But then another stipulation comes up that both men need to kiss the foot of Judais, and then they bail, and you can imagine that won’t sit well with Father James Mitchell.
Valentine is now talking with Bully Ray before his matchup with Thom Latimer later tonight. Ray then says he knows what buttons to push with The King of all Evil, and methinks this won’t be a friendly match.
The last match of the Preshow is between…
Trevor Murdoch and Mike Knox vs. Daisy Kill and Talos
Knox and Murdoch school the young upstart Kill early in the match, but once Talos enters he puts the screws to the veterans. Talos misses an elbow drop and Murdoch and Knox double-team the big man with a chop block/ clothesline to get the three count.
Your Winners via Pinfall: Trevor Murdoch and Mike Knox
And now that leads us to…
We are joined again by Joe Galli, Tim Storm, and Danny Dealz on commentary. Velvet SKys is away on a personal matter, but we will start the night with the Offical First Match of the PPV for the…
NWA National Heavyweight Championship: The Great Cyon (c) (with Austin Idol) vs. EC3
EC3 enters by himself, and BLK Jeez is nowhere to be seen. Another interesting fact is that Cyon has held the second important title of the NWA for 219 days. Personally, I am never a fan of heel-versus-heel matches, but let’s see where this goes since fans are chanting for the “Over Man” in the NWA.
This is an evenly fought match that turns quickly into a shoving match, as EC3 tries to get in Idol’s face. Cyon then forearms the back of The Essential Character and he slams away in the center of the ring. As Cyon picks him apart, EC3 manages with a desperation STO and lights up with chops in the corner. A Death Valley Driver by Cyon gets a two count and then he hammers away at EC3’s forehead. EC3 tries the One Percenter and Cyon escapes but gets stunned on the throat by the top rope. Cyon then nails with a running dropkick, and EC3 plays possum with his “bad leg” and then catches the masked man with a modified Purpose that allows him to fishhook Cyon, and he achieves his next form because…
Your Winner, And New NWA National Champion: EC3
May Valentine is backstage with Father James Mitchell and things aren’t going well within his group. After the actions of Sal and Gaagz, he officially washes his hands of both those guys and will deal with them later. As for the upcoming match, he describes what will happen with his Non-Binary Nightmare and Kenzie Paige as “an ant versus Godzilla.” Mitchell states that Paige may be the “best-dressed hillbilly at the dogfight,” but dealing with Max is a testament to what happens with someone who will erase history.
Speaking of history in the making, your next match is for the…
NWA World Women’s Tag Team Championship: M95 (Madi Wrenkowski and Missa Kate) (c) vs. Pretty Empowered 2.0 (Ella Envy and Roxy)
Apparently, Madi and Kate are going by that tag team name. Not sure what it means, but let’s run with it as the match is all for Kate and Madi and the Chicago crowd is digging the hometown hero Kate. It isn’t long before Pretty Empowered isolates Madi and she is in Peril and Envy and Roxy nail a double team suplex for a two count. But Madi gets space with a step-up enzugiri, and manages a hot tag to Kate and she is like a Chicago inferno. It isn’t long before the match devolves into a Pier Four brawl, and then Roxy gets tripped up by Madi and Kate delivers the Kick-Fil-A for the pin, and…
Your Winners, and Still NWA Women’s World Tag Team Champions: Madi and Missa Kate
And now for something really different, it’s…
Kratos vs. Yabo the Clown
Yabo is a staple of the Illinois wrestling scene and looks like what would happen if Bozo the Clown and The Joker has a tryst with Doink the Clown for an illegitimate child. Even though fans love this sideshow, and I like Kratos, I gotta treat this with a Haiku in Review™:
Yabo is silly,
But Kratos fears not this clown.
Side Slam ends laughter.
Your Winner via Pinfall: Kratos
And we head to a ton of humanity entering the squared circle in anticipation for the…
Bob Luce Memorial Battle Royale
The match is named in honor of the local wrestling promoter Luce, and this Battle Royal is to determine the number one contender to the NWA National Heavyweight Championship. As for the participants, they include Jay Bradley, Vik Dalishus, Homicide, Rhett Titus, Jeremiah Plunkett, Hale Collins, Mercurio, Brady Pierce, Odinson, “Thrillbilly” Silas Mason, Wrecking Ball Legursky, Jordan Clearwater, Alex Taylor, Rolando Freeman, PJ Hawx, Matt Vine, Fodder, “Magic” Jake Dumas, Eric Jackson, Rush Freeman, Chico Suave, and Super Beast.
Just to skip ahead here, the four men left in the ring are Homicide, Mason, Jackson, and Odinson. Jackson eliminates Homicide from the ring and Odinson throws Jackson. That leaves the Asgardian and the Thrillbilly, and they go to town on each other. At one point, Odinson grabs his spray can from the corner, and Pollo Del Mar gets on the ring apron to defend her man. Odinson sprays on Del Mar and Mason takes umbrage with the Asgardian laying hands and paints on his lady. Mason attempts a Thrillride, but Odinson escapes and nails him with The Pounce to send him over the top ropes. Mason doesn’t touch the floor as he is supported by his love, and he skins the cat and dropkicks Odinson over the top rope to win.
Your Winner and New Number One Contender for the NWA National Championship: “Thrillbilly” Silas Mason
We then go to the historic match to determine who will be the…
Tournament final for the NWA Women’s Television Championship: Kenzie Paige vs. Max the Impaler
NWA Owner William Patrick Corgan is in the ring with a trophy and wishes the combatants a good clean fight. Yeah, right.
Max overpowers the Pretty Empowered one and toys with her like a cat with their prey. It looks bleak as Max plants Paige hard with a powerbomb and then follows with a clothesline to cover for one, two…oh, Max her head up and they want to do more damage. Max channels their inner Wardlow and conducts a powerbomb symphony, but Samantha Starr comes out from behind to defend her friend. Max grabs Starr and clotheslines her to hell. Now Kayla Paige comes out to help her sister, and Max waylays her, too. Those distractions allow Kenzie to deliver a cutter onto a steel chair and she gets the three count.
Your Winner of the NWA Women’s World Television Championship: Kenzie Paige
Backstage with May Valentine is La Rosa Negra. She discusses facing Kamille in the championship bout, and La Abusadora makes a proclamation that she will be the next NWA Women’s champion tonight.
Speaking of championship matches, your next match is for the…
NWA World Junior Heavyweight Championship: Kerry Morton (c) vs. Joe Alonzo (with Jamie Stanley)
Morton is able to outwrestle Alonzo and he takes a breather to confer with Stanley about his next strategy. As he gets back in, Morton is still in control and keeps the challenger down, but as he hits the ropes Stanley picks his ankle, and then Alonzo dumps Kerry and spits in the face of Ricky at ringside.
The match goes back and forth, and Alonzo is in the driver’s seat for the most part. The action spills to the outside as they brawl, and then once it gets back in the squared circle, Kerry hits a powerslam for a two count. He delivers a flash Kiss It Goodbye knee and Kerry garners a two count. Now Stanley gets on the apron, and Alonzo nails a running dropkick to Morton. Ricky slams Stanely on the steel steps to stop the interference, and in the ring, Alonzo lands with a springboard cutter but fails to cover the champ. Morton lands a slam and gets a cocky cover for a two count and then goes up top for a high-risk maneuver, but Alonzo nails a superkick and gets a cover for a two count. Morton comes back with the Kiss It Goodbye and then follows with a Showstopper and he retains.
Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still NWA Junior Heavyweight Champion: Kerry Morton
After the match, Kerry offers his hand in sportsmanship and Alonzo slaps away and gives Ricky a one-fingered salute. What a sore loser!
But let’s get to the next match…
Thom Latimer vs. Bully Ray
This is an exhibition match, and not for the NWA Television Championship, Galli explains.
The start of the match has both men in a Greco-Roman that has no one in the lead and then it’s a traditional match. Ray shows up the champ and gives Latimer a nice pat on the face and there’s the first button pushed. The match continues at a slow pace and Latimer is ahead and then returns the pat on the cheek. Then things stop getting nice as Bully Ray grabs the belt and throws it in his face. Then Ray gets on the mic and calls out his wife wearing the pants in the family, and that is where Latimer loses it. Because of that, the ref has no choice but to declare that the
Winner via Disqualification: Bully Ray
After the match, Ray tells Latimer he won because he is his own worst enemy.
As we reset, Gallie mentions the announcement that the Crockett Cup will return on June 3rd and 4th of this year. While we are on the subject of tag team action, it’s time for the…
NWA World Tag Team Championship: La Rebelión (Bestia 666 and Mecha Wolf) (c) vs. Magnum Muscle (Matthew Mims and Dak Draper)
This is Draper’s Champions Series cash-in match. Both La Rebelión and Magnum Muscle are evenly matched, but the lack of tag chemistry leads to friendly fire that allows La Rebelión to come back with a version of the BTE Trigger and a Chase the Dragon double team maneuver to Mims but Draper makes the save. They send him out, and attempt the Mark of the Beast but are disrupted by Magnum Muscle and they go for their own double team with a high/low maneuver and get a two count. Now it gets lucharific as Mecha lands with a tope and Bestia follows close behind with a tope con hilo. All of a sudden, Blunt Force Trauma comes out with Aron Stevens to attack both teams, and the ref sends them out. Magnum Muscle attempts another double team, but the same miscommunication allows La Rebelión to deliver with a Mark of the Beast for the pin and the win.
Your Winners via Pinfall, and Still NWA Tag Team Champions: La Rebelión
May Valentine is backstage with Chris Adonis and he states he is in the best condition of his life. He’s done a lot, but he promises he will be NWA Champion after tonight.
So let’s get to the…
NWA World Women’s Championship: Kamille (c) vs. La Rosa Negra
This is La Rosa Negra’s Champions Series cash-in match, and Kyle Davis gives the boxing-style intros. As the bell rings, they go to a collar and elbow and the champ takes her to her knees. It gets a little spotty at points but the speed and quickness by La Rosa start to overtake the champ, but Kamille is able to keep out of any pin attempts. A springboard elbow by La Rosa gets a two count, and then she attempts a snake eyes and a crossbody, and La Rosa gets another two count. She tries a springboard back elbow for another two count, and then La Rosa goes up top, and Kamille knocks her down.
They battle up top and La Abusadora lands with an avalanche brain buster and then Kamille reverses with a spinning neckbreaker. Both women go to chops and they swing for the fences, and then a torture rack bomb gets Kamille a two count. La Rosa comes back with a stunner and then goes up top with a frog splash for the one, two…Kamille grabs the bottom rope. La Rosa hits a leg drop again, and she digs deep. She goes for a frog splash again and Kamille catches her with a cutter, and a spear by the one-time champ gets her the three count.
Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still NWA Women’s Champion: Kamille
Now it’s time for the Main Event for the…
NWA Worlds Heavyweight Championship: Tyrus (c) vs. Chris Adonis
This is Adonis’ Champions Series cash-in match, and there is a mix of cheers and boos for the Great American Smash.
Davis gives the boxing-style intros and chants of “Tyrus is gonna kill you!” echo in the Studio. As the match gets underway, Tyrus asserts dominance early but Adonis doesn’t back down. He goes for a test of strength and Adonis looks like he overpowers the champ. Tyrus shoots him to the ropes and he dropkicks the champ to his knees and chops him down.
Adonis works him over and attempts the Figure Four leglock (Woo!). Tyrus fights out of the move and puts the pressure back on Adonis to break the hold. A side slam by Tyrus gets two, and then he sends him into the corner, but Adonis goes for his patented Masterlock, but Tyrus fights out of the hold. The Champ goes for a fishhook to Adonis and breaks down The Masterpiece. He fights back and nails an axe handle to the champ and covers but Tyrus grabs the bottom rope to break the count. Adonis goes up top for a high-risk maneuver and Tyrus catches him with a T-Bone suplex. He slams Tyrus to the mat and then calls for his submission. Adonis manages to get him in the Masterlock and Tyrus slams him into the corner and then to the mat. As he gets a breather, Adonis locks in the hold again, and the champ looks like he’s fading, but then positions himself to keep Adonis’ should to the mat to get the one, two, and three.
Your Winner, and Still NWA World Heavyweight Champion: Tyrus
After the match, Tyrus offers his hand, and Adonis walks off in disgust as the show fades to black.
NWA 312 PPV - 04/07/2023
This was an okay show. Not a pay-per-view-worthy show, but a POWERRR-Trip-worthy show.
I wish there were some more title changes, but Kenzie winning the World Television championship was the right call, as was EC3’s National title win. This might be the set up for more angles but we’ll how that shakes up later.
For now, see you next NWA POWERRR.