WrestleMania was just as I suspected. Absolutely incredible! Although, John Cena lost in his US Championship match against Austin Theory, part of me isn’t really that sad. I’m actually okay with it. If this were five years ago, maybe I would have been pissed.
Let’s see. What did piss me off?… Oh yeah, Jimmy and Jey lost…. I cried for a hot minute. But I am proud of Owens and Zayn. Now the only question that remains is, since the Usos have laid out a historical reign by becoming the longest and greatest tag team ever created by surpassing the phenomenal ones before them, how will Kevin and Sami beat that? Not to be rude, but I give it now and the next three months for them to loss those titles. To whom? I really can’t say…
I’m not surprised that Roman Reigns is still the champion, but if I’m being honest, I would much rather have the Usos wear the gold while Reigns loses his. A nice change of pace. A mean one. Ha!
I adored seeing Titus O’Neil again. He was funny as hell when, instead of swearing, he said, “Holy sugar honey ice tea,” Ha! I laughed so much when he was there.
MVP was so keen to believe that Brock Lesnar wouldn’t be able to solve the anomaly that is Omos, it may have taken several shots to the kidney and lower back, but Lesnar delivered German suplexes and the F-5 to the Nigerian giant. Guess it’s back to the drawing board for them.
Snoop Dogg punched The Miz, twice. Amazing. Do it again! Rhea Ripley won the SmackDown Women’s Championship, which is great, I’m shocked with myself. But The Demon of Finn Bàlor couldn’t take out Edge. Rey Mysterio gave Dominik the beating he so desperately begged for and won. While Seth Rollins proved how much of an attention seeker Logan Paul really is by emerging victorious. That we’re happy with.
By the way, am I the only one still questioning the partnership between Sonya Deville and Chelsea Green? It continues to be a conundrum. Green during the entire Fatal 4-Way Tag Team match felt like a comedy skit, which shouldn’t be a problem if it was initially meant to be one.
The Brawling Brutes vs. Imperium – 6-man Tag Team match
Every time you hear Imperium’s theme music, you know arrogance is strolling in. Ludwig Kaiser walks like a penguin imitating a human while also trying to strut like a person. Ha!
We’ve questioned how are Gunther and Sheamus still standing upright after one of the most physical fights in a Triple Threat match I’ve ever seen. The answer: they’re inhuman.
Giovanni and Butch start this match off as Vinci performs a great takedown of his opponent. After a couple of avoiding dodges, Butch manages to deliver a clothesline to Vinci’s throat.
Holland is tagged in and sends a few punches to Vinci before receiving a heavy crossbody from the opposing team.
Kaiser has Holland screaming for help as he sends a harsh kick to his kidney and a running uppercut for good measure for a cover that ultimately fails.
While the official was distracted by Gunther’s comments being thrown at Sheamus, Kaiser pushes Butch off from top ropes, so Gio could catch him and deliver a massive vertical suplex.
Gunther has Butch in a headlock centre of the ring. Butch momentarily breaks free, yet the Intercontinental Champion goes right back on the attack then cheap shots Sheamus.
I actually heard a snapping sound when Butch finally broke free from Gunther’s hold. “Crik” is what I heard. Oof. Damn. He tagged Vinci after that.
Kaiser attempts to perform the Pedigree on Ridge, fortunately for Holland, he muscles Ludwig up for the Alabama Slam. Mind you, Kaiser’s dick was on the back of Holland’s head…. Think about that for a moment.
Once the rest of Imperium came into the fold, they play a triple team of Ridge. Multiple basement slide kicks involved.
Holland may have sent cheap shots to Vinci and Kaiser, but Gunther hit him harder with a chop then a powerbomb that could have finished this if it weren’t for Butch. So Gunther gets rid of him then applies the Boston Crap submission on Ridge.
Holland crawls his way to Sheamus and tags him. The fans are roaring. Back and forth punches inflicted on the two wrestlers.
Sheamus gives Gunther Ten Beats of the Bodhràn, which the champ counters with a German suplex.
Anarchy ensues once Butch hits Gunther with a Step Up Enziguri. Kaiser ploughs him in returns. Holland takes out Ludwig, who gets an assistance from Vinci with the high and low takedown of Ridge.
Vinci is the legal man as Sheamus delivers a harsh knee to his face followed by the Bro Kick for a victory.
Winners: The Brawling Brutes
Last Monday on RAW, Rhodes tells Reigns that he’s won a lot of matches by simply skating by, especially after Solo Sikoa delivered the Samoan Spike on Sunday guaranteeing Roman’s win, but Cody had him that time. We all know it!
“It boils down to one word: rematch!” said Cody. I’m all for it. Except, Paul Heyman’s reply was “No, no, no, no, no!” He looked so bothered but terrified.
Since they declined the rematch, Cody proposes he, Roman and Sikoa have a tag match instead. However, as the words of Heyman, “Anybody who agrees to team with you tonight will never get another title match against Roman Reigns as long as his the champion!”
I was going to say that’s smart, but I think devious is better.
If things weren’t hectic enough, Brock Lesnar shows up and decides to team with Rhodes. No one would have suspected a team like this one…. and they never will. Before the main event started, Lesnar rains brutality on Rhodes in more ways than one that made my eyes tear up.
Four nights later, we still don’t know why Brock did that. But I think I do. He must have sensed the gold lust off of Rhodes because he wanted another opportunity after he literally just got one, while Lesnar hasn’t because he’s been banned. Statement maker?
Wade Barrett says he heard that Brock told the officials that he was livid that his match went first on WrestleMania Sunday. But we’re not sure, so Kayla Braxton is hoping Heyman would shed some light. Pfft. As if he knows.
As suspected, it’s not only because he doesn’t know why Lesnar attacked Rhodes, Heyman deviates our attention to talk about Roman instead. I heard this weird sound in the background while Paul was talking going “eeeeeeee,” and I wondered what the hell was that? It’s Jey Jey. Ha! Ha!
He was looking for Jimmy, but Heyman tells him that he wasn’t here because Roman wanted Jimmy to watch Jey wrestle Sami from home. Jey found this odd, and so did I.
You notice this more and more when Roman wants the rest of The Bloodline to handle business on their own without his help, but when it’s his turn, he always expects the Usos and Sikoa to be there. Always. If this was a real family, then they would help each other. Blood is irrelevant if you don’t meant the criteria of a family.
The fact that I used the word “criteria” is a strange choice yet accurate. Jey left with a hint of uncertainty in his eyes.
“He solves the Sami Zayn problem tonight, or you solve our problems tonight?” said Heyman in an ominous tone to Sikoa.
Ricochet vs. Ivar of The Viking Raiders
Ricochet has the upper hand in this match by dumping Ivar on his head before he scurries to the outside.
Rico goes flying after Ivar, yet he gets caught and shoved spine first against the apron. Valhalla yells at Ivar to finish him by delivering a running crossbody. Crushing him.
Ivar was showing some agility, but he runs into a drop kick by Rico. The incredible high flyer attempts to hoist Ivar on his shoulders, yet he couldn’t get the full extent due to the pain in his lower back.
Ivar misses Ricochet at first, luckily, he catches him with a spinning heel kick. Rico counters with a slingshot of athleticism off the coast to Ivar. Ricochet leaps from up high with a winning Shooting Star.
Backstage, Sami startles Kevin as he catches him staring at the Undisputed Tag Team titles.
Owens says that Sami’s main event match against Jey tonight will be a great opportunity for Zayn, so he and Kevin can put this feud with The Bloodline behind them. However, Zayn seems to have other things in mind.
He can’t shake the feeling that something isn’t right, like he needs to talk to Jey instead. This confuses Kevin as well as the fans. Sami feels a sense of obligation, and maybe I get it. A little.
Owens doesn’t. He reckons that after all that has happened, Jey is more dangerous than before. We’re beyond talking now. Right? Sami says that Kevin is right then he becomes inconsistent by saying he’s going to do it anyway. Ha!
Raquel Rodriguez & Liv Morgan vs. Natalya & Shotzi – Tag Team match
I’m not there live with the rest of the fans, so I missed something important. Michael Cole told us that Wade Barrett fell off his chair when Shotzi and Nattie made their entrance. Ha! Ha! Ha! I got jumpy thinking I misheard.
Nattie and Shotzi are pissed that they aren’t the number one contenders for the Women’s Tag Team Championships because Rodriguez and Morgan aren’t ready for “a couple of ballsy baddies!” I like that.
Rodriguez and Morgan take on the Women’s Tag Team Champions Lita and Becky Lynch next Monday.
Right out of the gate, Raquel takes Nattie down with a shoulder tackle.
Once Shotzi is tagged in. She and Nattie play a double to dive onto Rodriguez, who got sent to the outside at the hands of Natalya. Because of that, Liv gets involved and delivers a Code Breaker to Nattie.
Later on, Raquel has Shotzi on her shoulders, stretching out her out. Morgan tags herself in and drops on Shotzi off the second rope.
Morgan and Nattie were rolling each other up for failed covers, yet Natalya has a handle on her with a German suplex followed by the Disqus clothesline. Rodriguez breaks the cover just as Shotzi gets involved with a crossbody.
Nattie and Shotzi play another double team on Morgan. They had this match in their favor, but Raquel intervenes and helps Morgan with a tornado DDT to Shotzi. An Oblivion for a winning ending.
Winners: Raquel Rodriguez & Liv Morgan
After the fight, we see Madcap Moss and Xavier Woods playing the new 2K23 WWE game while Emma watched.
Moss was very humble the entire time…
LA Knight comes in and says “Games, games, games and more cockamamie games.” I cackled asking if “cockamamie” was a word. Ha! Damn me.
I see Knight is still pissy that he wasn’t part of WrestleMania. Woods decides to put him in his place.
“I’m done with this deja vu. LA, what’s wrong? Are you upset because daddy didn’t pat you on the head and tell you you were special on his big day, huh? Now you wanna come here and complain to us about it…?”All we hear Knight do these days is whine, whine, whine. Arg. Damn. Be quiet, please. Woods gladly reminds Knight that he beat him once, and he’ll do it again.
“These ain’t one of your little video games, you’re going to be playing LA Knight’s game. Yeah!” This results in an official match next week.
Elsewhere, Triple H is here tonight, and aren’t we happy?! We’re going to relive WrestleMania moments with The Game himself. WWE broke so many records by surpassing expectations.
Now, we’re here to talk about the future where they’ll sanction a draft that will change the destiny of every Superstar in a few short weeks. Bigger than before, Triple H guarantees. I’ve never seen this draft game before, but I’m excited to.
And speaking of game switching, Rhea Ripley is here as well along with The Judgment Day. “I think it’s time everyone rises for mommy.” I just got the shivers…. Cole thinks Ripley shouldn’t let success go to her head. Ha!
I don’t know why Finn is mad that Edge had to resort to using a latter as a weapon, slightly splitting his head open just to win. It’s called HELL IN A CELL for a reason. In the end, Bàlor is still standing is the point he’s making. So is Dominik.
But so what though? The second Dom started talking, everyone booed him. Ha! Ha! I couldn’t contain my laughter.
“You know, at Wrestle—”
As he continues to talk, the fans booed even louder. Ha! My stomach is in knots.
“You suck!” shout the audience
“You know who really sucks? A father who lays his hands on his own son!” Pfft. I thought you weren’t Rey’s son anymore. Dom wants us to believe that he held back during his fight with his dad because he knew he couldn’t hurt him. The problem is, you already have. The physical hits were optional.
“I love my dad!” You said you hated him. The signs are there. Dom is starting to regret his decisions. Even Cole found this funny as you hear a tiny laugh in the microphone. He’s enjoying this, I’m sure.
Dom knows where the lines have been crossed given the clear anger he saw in Rey’s eyes, so he condemns his family to hell along with Bad Bunny and Legado del Fantasma. Are you serious? Are you Goddamn serious?!
Bad Bunny prevented Dom from using the chain that was carefully hidden in Damian Priest’s jacket at Mania. This past Monday, after Rey lost in a match against Austin Theory due to Judgment Day interference, Dom went after his dad again.
He saw Bad Bunny in the crowd and had some words with him. Dom tried to one-up Bunny, but he beat him to it. Classic. Cole thought that Priest was friends with Bad Bunny, yet he swung his body on the ground and asked him why he had to get involved.
Bunny did punch Dom again before getting ploughed by Damian for the second then third time. Strangely, Priest hopes Bunny can forgive him. Oops, my mistake. Priest hopes Bunny can forgive him for making him choke slam the Latino singer.
Rey Mysterio & Santos Escobar vs. Dominik Mysterio & Damian Priest – Tag Team match
Since Dom doesn’t want to hurt his dad, he tags Damian in as he pounds away at Rey. Priest makes sure that Rey is unable to move, so Dom could deliver punches to his gut.
Later on, Dom whips Rey into the corner as he bounces off and lands on his side. Rhea came closer, so she could laugh in his face.
Rey was in momentary trouble, luckily, he manages to tag Santos in. Escobar sends a running kick to Dom then a cheap shot to Priest.
From the top, Santos cross-bodies Dom, wiping him out. He follows that up with two back breakers to Dominik.
Santos helps Rey up and sends Damian outside. Escobar suicide dives Priest while Rey takes care of Dom.
After the break, Damian body slams Santos on his spine, changing the atmosphere of this match. Dom comes in and puts him into a headlock in the centre of the ring.
Santos was struggling to get to Rey since Dom managed to keep him away for a brief period. Rey comes in and ploughs through Dom then goes for Damian too then back to his son.
Dominik drives Rey down for a close win, but Rey comes back with a roll through drop kick. He also knocks Priest too.
Rey says it’s time for the 619, unfortunately, Rhea moves Dom out of the way. That only prompts Zelina to get involved and throw Ripley off her feet. Now, would you say that’s smart? Maybe. Ripley starts chasing after Vega as she says “Yeah, you better run!” She’s trying to lead Rhea away from interfering further.
Rey delivers the 619 to Dom, then tags Santos. Regrettably, neither of them knew that Dominik tagged Damian, which makes him the legal man. Priest plants Escobar with the South of Heaven move for the win.
As soon as the bell rings declaring Judgment Day the winners, Rey drop kicks Priest onto the main floor.
Winners: Dominik & Damian Priest
Sami is able to find Jey like he wanted, although, he can see that Kevin was right when he said Jey Jey wouldn’t want to talk. But he’ll do it anyway. Ha!
Zayn was right when he predicted that The Bloodline would crumble even further after he and Owens took the tag titles. And it did. He wants to remind Jey again that there is a way out of Roman’s clutches.
Jimmy isn’t here. Roman is mad at him as he always seems to be. Solo looks like he’s ready to drop Jey at any given moment. And Heyman is feeding him lies. I love Jey, but I don’t understand what is it about him that makes all these people crowd over him the way they do, as if leaving him alone means he’s a loose cannon. Or something else.
To try and answer my own conundrum, Sami is still on Jey’s side even after he and Owens won the titles. When he was able to finally get Jey to trust him then stabbed him, I think he’s attempting to make amends by showing him he isn’t the problem, that he can leave if he so chooses.
Jey isn’t one to obey orders very willingly like everyone else, it kind of makes him dangerous to the entire warped system. I reckon Roman sees that, and so does Sami. Maybe that’s why Cole kept asking why is Sami driving a wedge between the twins rather than simply going after Reigns only.
Everything was going as smoothly as Zayn could hope, yet the sound of metal hitting the floor alerts him to the commotion to find Kevin under a red tool crate at the hands of Sikoa. Once officials prevent Solo from inflicting any more damage, Jey is seen standing over Owens. Just staring at him. Heyman was there too.
Because of that, Kevin needed medical attention.
Jey Uso vs. Sami Zayn
Ding. Ding. Ding.
Zayn and Jey have each other in a hold as Sami backs the Uso twin into corner. Jey Jey shoves Sami off after he yells at him.
And again, Sami tells Jey that The Bloodline is crumbling, which provokes Jey to shove Zayn’s face. He laughs at Jey’s expense knowing he’s right.
Jey shoulder tackles Sami, and Zayn returns the favor. Sami sends Jey on the outside.
Zayn was about to pursue Jey, but an ominous presence that is Solo Sikoa marches his way to ringside. Earlier, when Heyman said “He solves the Sami Zayn problem tonight, or you solve our problems tonight?” he said problems as in plural. Heyman was alluding to more than one person, Cole and I think he meant Jey too.
Barrett found that hilarious.
Jey is sitting at the top, Sami meets him there and punches his head. Jey counters with shots of his own while Sikoa looks on. Zayn manhandles Jey into a superplex. That caused his body to roll over like a person with fleas. Ha! Sorry.
Jey delivers a back kick to Sami’s midsection then an uppercut and a Step Up Enziguri. He goes after Sami in the corner but meets with a boot to the face.
Sami goes up high, leaps and collides with a Super Kick. Jey continues to shout at Sami wondering how many times does he have to repeat himself, but Zayn sends him an exploder into the corner.
Jey Jey was down for the most part after that Blue Thunderbomb move by Sami, while Zayn climbed the ring, Jey quickly meets him there with a swift kick to the side of the head. He even headbutts Sami so hard that he goes teetering off onto the apron, where Sikoa delivers the Samoan Spike while the official had pulled Jey away.
Sami bounces off the ropes, and Jey delivers a high kick for the win. What followed that you can guess, Solo goes after Sami while Jey watches from afar. Sikoa was about to inflict the Samoan Spike for the second time, yet Jey stops him. Here I thought he wouldn’t side with The Bloodline like he did at the Tribal Court, saving Zayn, but no. He Super Kicks Sami instead then asks Sikoa to get a chair.
Outnumbered until MATT RIDDLE arrives to even the odds. Roman thought he ended one problem, only for him to come back. Yes!!!!
Winner: Jey Uso
TOP PHOTO: Riddle and Zayn standing tall. Courtesy of WWE