HOUSTON – Ever the techno wrestling geek, Bob Kapur filed his report Twitter-style, giving you short bursts of his wacky life as he heads to Raw on Monday, with waffles (again), an old-school referee, and malls on the agenda.

Mon, Apr 6, 8:27am — Down to the lobby for breakfast. The waffle maker is designed so that the waffles are in the shape of the state of Texas. That’s brilliant.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:39am — Doug does some net research and finds what is described as a great mall near our hotel. We walk in and are greeted with the smell of manure.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:40am — Nope. That’s the smell of the guy sitting on a bench near the entrance way. Doug is banned from doing any further net research.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:47 am — This is the most depressing mall in the world. Every store is either closed or should be. The employees are surprised to see a customer.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:53am — There’s an Easter Bunny for kids to take a picture with. The guy in the ratty, dingy costume is sitting alone, giant head in hands. Sad.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:57am — I buy the “Everything’s Bigger in Texas” shirt from the video for “So Yesterday”, that great song by Hilary Duff. So sue me, I’m a fan.

Mon, Apr 6, 10:13am — Find a FedEx store to box up my Mania chair. Noel left this morning and said the airport has no such facilities and to pack it in advance.

Mon, Apr 6, 11:19am — Go to the Galleria Mall, one of the largest and fanciest in Houston. There’s an ice rink, many high-end stores, and no manure smell.

Mon, Apr 6, 11:22am — There’s a sign for the free parking area; follow it, and it leads you to the exit, as if to say “Can’t afford $3 to park? Leave now, peon.”

Mon, Apr 6, 12:17pm — Every third person in this mall is wearing a wrestling shirt. Many other people in fancy suits and such, looking down on us in disgust.

Mon, Apr 6, 1:33pm — After lunch, call Tommy Fooshee, a long-time referee living in Houston. SLAM! boss Greg Oliver suggested he would be great to meet up with.

Mon, Apr 6, 2:12pm — Pick up Tommy and head to the Armadillo Palace, a nearby restaurant right beside the Goode BBQ place from yesterday.

Mon, Apr 6, 3:04pm — Sitting in the Armadillo Lounge with Tommy, laughing up a storm. He’s great, sharing stories from his multi-decade life in the business.

Mon, Apr 6, 4:09pm — Still there with Tommy. He’s got a great sense of humour, and has some amazing stories. Hopefully my future writeup will do him justice.

Mon, Apr 6, 5:11pm – Disappointed that we have to finish up with Tommy. Drop him off after exchanging contact info and a promise to meet up again in the future.

Mon, Apr 6, 5:22pm — Get in line for RAW. Everyone there heard it would start at 6:30, but it was not to be. We all stand there like idiots for the next hour.

Mon, Apr 6, 5:27pm — Teddy Long is driving in and gets stopped at a red light, right beside where we’re standing in line. Nobody but Doug and I seemed to notice.

Mon, Apr 6, 5:53pm — There’s a guy in line wearing tights and a lucha mask. We ask if he’s a local worker. He says, “I have a job, but it’s about an hour away.”

Mon, Apr 6, 5:55pm — Someone in line asks the fake luchadore if he’s the guy who works for the local paper. The guy says yes he is. Kayfabe is dead.

Mon, Apr 6, 6:32pm — The doors finally open and we head in. Pass by the merch stand, but nothing new. Probably for the best, in terms of my souvenir budget.

Mon, Apr 6, 6:49pm — Our seats are way at the very top of the arena. Thinner air up here, as people beside me seem to be oxygen depleted — or just stupid.

Mon, Apr 6, 7:51pm — After dark matches, Lillian sings the anthem. To our left, the guys don’t remove their hats. To our right, they remain seated. Commies.

Mon, Apr 6, 7:57pm — Jerry Lawler is introduced. I try to start a “Jerry” chant, but the people beside me don’t get into it. Commies.

Mon, Apr 6, 8:35pm — This kid a few rows back is screaming, almost pleading the RAW divas to win. He hates the Smackdown girls like they killed his pet dog.

Mon, Apr 6, 8:47pm — They show a Tribute to the Troops video to the great, but lesser-known Bob Dylan song, “Ring them Bells”. Great tune, iTunes it if you can.

Mon, Apr 6, 8:51pm — Forgot about Jeff Hardy’s pyro. Surprised, I jumped when they went off, and spilled diet pop on my pants. Hardy is now my new Starbucks.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:19pm — Two gangsta types just came into our section. People are scared to cheer guys they’re not, for fear of getting shanked, “Oz” style.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:21pm — Another Troops video, but not to a Dylan song unfortunately. Dubya’s appearance gets the gangstas all riled up. I fear for my life.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:25pm — Vickie Guerrero has more heel heat with these guys than even Dubya. Rest of the crowd hates her too, based on the boos during her promo.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:37pm — I might be in the minority, but I really can’t stand Santino’s schtick anymore. His segment is really lame. What a giant waste of TV time.

Mon, Apr 6, 9:40pm — They should have used the returning divas like Sunny, Molly, Torrie, etc. to expose and embarrass Santino and end this stupid angle.

Mon, Apr 6, 10:01pm — Earlier today, Doug was saying how little he missed Batista. Houston fans would seem to disagree based on the reaction for his return.

Mon, Apr 6, 10:04pm — Great. HHH, Vince, Shane and Batista. It’s like the Four Horsemen … if, that is, only one of the Horsemen could wrestle worth a damn.

Mon, Apr 6, 10:19pm — Outside, someone compliments my tie-dye shirt. I turn around, it’s ROH star Larry Sweeney. We talk to set up a SLAM! piece on him soon.

Mon, Apr 6, 10:47pm — We stop at the Hard Rock to buy a T-shirt and have a shot of Jack, as is my tradition when traveling. Then, back to the hotel to crash.


Bob Kapur’s ramblings from Houston may or may not be done. Sounds like that story on Tommy Fooshee will be worth the wait though.