Fastlane. My, oh my, was it an epically good night. I got to witness Seth Rollins be pushed to even greater lengths during his Last Man Standing match against Shinsuke Nakamura. It was brutal. BRUTAL. But there have been speculations when we arrived on RAW that Rollins’ back isn’t, mind you isn’t, in actual pain. He almost seems… fine.
The underselling of his broken back was brought to my attention when I visited Twitter. And no, I’m not calling it “X”. What the living hell is that? Anyway, I haven’t really thought much of it now, so I won’t bore you with uncertain thoughts.
My highlight of the event was seeing Jey Uso and Cody Rhodes win Tag Team gold off of The Judgment Day’s Finn Balor and Damian Priest. These guys lasted only a few weeks compared to Zayn and Owens. Ha! Ha! I’m hoping that Jey Jey and Cody last longer. Please…
But the one thing I was the most intrigued by was when Jey and Rhea had a… thought provoking staring competition. There was some smiling too, by the way. Mm? What is going on there? I strangely like it, believe it or not. Dom Dom can skedaddle for all I care. Ha! Ha!
Now, I need to move on before I continue to talk about this odd, but alluring ship.
Did I mind that Iyo Sky retained her Championship not mainly with her fighting skills, but because Bayley chose to insert herself? AGAIN? Hell yeah! If Iyo is a “once in a generational talent,” why not let her prove that given she has the gold? That is her role to play.
I’m getting a little tired of this constant need to interfere just because… I was looking forward to seeing Sky win without Bayley’s nonsense. I’m praying I get that soon.
And speaking of getting, Jade Cargill was seen making her appearance at Fastlane. Just one step closer to seeing my girl further break people’s spines. Ha!
Although I’m not mad that Carlito was the one whom Rey Mysterio called to help the LWO win, it doesn’t pause me from thinking why wasn’t it Dragon Lee?
Welcome to the season premiere of SmackDown as we have the greatest of all time John Cena opening the show. Fresh off his and Knight’s win against Sikoa and Jimmy.
As if on cue when I talk about relations, Roman Reigns has arrived. Given what transpired last week when he authorized the unholy union between The Bloodline and Judgment Day, Jimmy being somewhat of a shot-caller and their lost at Fastlane, I’m curious to know what he’s going to say.
See here? Jimmy wasn’t walking out to the stage with Sikoa, Heyman and Reigns. Why is that? If you could see my face, I’m grinning.
So, Roman is pissed that John had the “audacity” to show up and have people calling him the greatest of all time, when in all actuality Cena is here because Reigns was unavailable and the current champ is far more dominant.
…………… Well, I see that hiatus did nothing for your attitude. You’re still self-involved. Regardless of the fact that Roman wants John to leave, the fans continue to chant Cena’s name.
To my shock, the complete befuddlement of my being, John acknowledges Roman. But, hold on now. He may be congratulating Reigns on such a historic achievement, then again he also throws him a curve ball being a Championship match between Roman and the Megastar LA Knight because he deserves it, whilst Cena doesn’t.
Yeah!! “It’s your time!” John says. Reigns feels disrespected as he wonders why Knight is standing in the same ring as him. I wasn’t really present for the Attitude Era, but I’ve seen that age in Knight since he burst into the game. He’s one of the few who can wipe the smirk off your face with unfiltered, tactful insults. Ha!
Knight was putting Reigns in his place until Jimmy felt like attacking him from behind, then gets immediately disposed of. John was trying to warn Knight of the incoming threat, but Solo kept him cornered.
Roman gives Sikoa his marching orders to deal with Knight. The Megastar seemed all too happy as he accepts Sikoa’s challenge for later tonight.
And oof. Oof. Oof. Jey and Cody have an Undisputed Tag Team Championship match against Grayson Waller and Austin Theory. I’m in dire straits. This hit me in the face with a horse’s hoofs. I may believe in them, but that doesn’t stop me from being worried. Twice in one week… At least I get to see Jey.
The Brawling Brutes vs. Pretty Deadly – Tag Team match
Butch and Elton Prince start this match off as Prince attempts to gut wrench his opponent only for the rabid animal to thwart the healing process by stomping on the formerly injured shoulder.
Holland and Wilson are tagged in much earlier because of this. Ridge bulldozes through Kit very quickly. The Brutes play a double team as they deliver 20 Beats of the Bodhran.
Pretty Deadly starts to gain momentum as Elton pounds away at Butch inside the ring. I don’t know what the hell Prince and Wilson were doing holding hands, supposedly saving the other, but Holland crushes them the moment he’s tagged in.
Ridge almost gets the win after taking down Elton from the top until Kit swooped in to save their interests. Butch was dropped on the apron spine first at the hands of Wilson after hitting him with the Shiniest Wizard.
The Brutes were rolling for a little while, but once Holland delivered a back drop to Prince, he goes on to masterfully pretend he’s injured only for Wilson to kick Ridge’s head allowing Elton to roll him up and win.
Holland warned the official not to fall for it, and she did.
Winners: Pretty Deadly
Backstage, Carlito is here. Bobby Lashley may have congratulated him on his return, but he was amazingly bitter about it. Carlito is fired up as he challenges Lashley to a match, yet before Bobby could fully extend his decline, the Street Profits jump Carlito from behind.
They really are bitter. Luckily, Adam Pearce swoops in on time to prevent Lashley from using a chair against Carlito’s head. The LWO are seen at his side.
However, Bayley doesn’t care. She wants to build a celebration for Iyo, which Zelina was having none of. A surprise match between the two ladies has been sanctioned. Ha! Vega seemed happy.
Reigns, nevertheless, wasn’t beaming no more following his encounter with LA Knight and Jimmy’s disastrous performance. Jim fancies himself the quarterback, so Roman asks him what would he do if he actually was. His response was to get Jey.
He may be old news according to Roman, yet he still feels insulted by Jey and Cody being Tag Team Champions. He expects Jimmy to deal with it.
Zelina Vega vs. Bayley
Vega was doing well as she continues to avoid the early power slams Bayley could have inflicted by ducking and weaving. She even manages to arm drag Bayley across the ring.
Zelina almost had Bayley, but she’s on the receiving end of a clothesline plus an elbow drop. Fortunately, Vega comes back by paying homage to Rey Mysterio with the 619. Dakota Kai tries to trip Zelina, she jumped over it and dealt with Bayley.
She almost had Bayley with the Meteora, yet she kicked out. Vega was going for Code Red, Iyo had the official distracted, so Bayley shoved her off.
Just as Zelina delivers a 619 to Sky, Bayley punishes her with a knee to the face followed by a victorious Rose Plant.
And if things just had to be even more difficult, Damage Control inflict a 3-on-1 assault on Vega. It could have been much worse if Charlotte Flair hadn’t shown up.
Winner: Bayley
Up next we have the King of Kings, Hall of Famer Triple H joining us on the season premiere of the blue brand. He wanted to thank Adam Pearce for his contributions to the industry that he promotes him to General Manager on RAW, so Pearce won’t have to do the job alone.
Now that leaves us without a manager on SmackDown. Triple H was about to announce said person, yet Dominik felt like interrupting. He’s still pissy that Judgment Day got “screwed” out of their Tag Team Championships to Rhodes and Jey. To him, Fastlane wasn’t momentous.
I nearly fell off my bed when Cory Graves mistakenly assumed that Dom was going to be the new GM on the blue brand. If I ever faint in my life, this delusion would have cost me.
Triple H hilariously couldn’t hear Dom speaking since people are still booing when he even bothers. No one wants him to talk. No one. I even saw a mother covering her child’s ears. Ha! Ha! Ha!
I’m not sure what the problem is. Dom says he’s mad because Pearce made the Undisputed Tag Team Championship match official for tonight between Rhodes and Jey versus Waller and Theory, when Judgment Day also has a tag title match on Monday.
It’s not like Judgment Day won’t face the winners of tonight in hopes to regain the gold. So once again, what’s the problem? Ha! Dom is whining to the wrong person. Pearce isn’t responsible for SmackDown anymore. Triple H introduces Nick Aldis as the new GM.
Aldis is a fan of Dominik……’s dad. Ha! Ha! Ha! He foolishly thought Nick was shaking his hand for him.
Since we got that out of the way, Aldis’ first act is finally revealing who from the red brand is joining SmackDown since Jey went to RAW. This is the second time Dom cuts someone off. Get out already. Damn.
Dom may not care, saying he’ll slap whoever it is, but we care as Kevin Owens joins the blue brand! Yay! Owens wastes no time as he delivers a Stunner to Dom, shutting his ass up. “You didn’t slap me!” Kevin mocks.
Elsewhere, Roman isn’t laughing. He thought he got rid of Owens when he lost during their Undisputed Championship match at Royal Rumble, Kevin being drafted to RAW and his extensive vacation. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Karma.
Meanwhile, Chelsea Green addresses Aldis about how the public have deemed the Women’s Tag Team Championships to be cursed as I mentioned a few weeks back. Her idea is to redesign the belts as a whole, but before we could get any further with the conversation, Flair has a meeting with Aldis as well.
He saw what happened at Fastlane. Flair was cheated out, so he makes the decision to grant Charlotte the opportunity to face Iyo next week for the title. We’re all happy, right? Ha! Flair was about to make her exit till she bumped into our newest arrival. Jade Cargill! Whoo!
“It’s my pleasure.” says Jade. “Oh, it will be.” replies Flair. The tensions are already up, and I love it.
Jey Uso & Cody Rhodes (c) vs. Grayson Waller & Austin Theory – Undisputed Tag Team Championship match
Rhodes took to Twitter as he issued an open challenge that his partner, Jey, agreed to, which was answered by Waller and Theory. Cody and Grayson begin the match as Waller gets a little too overconfident, and Rhodes makes him pay with an uppercut.
Because Cody was taking the fight to Grayson, he felt embarrassed enough to quickly tag Austin into the fray… until he isn’t in the game again. Rhodes sends Waller into their corner, so a tagged Jey could deliver a quick kick to his abdomen.
I was confused when Waller headbutted Jey only for him to be the one wobbling instead of the champ. Jey notices that too, and starts doing the wave with his arms before attacking Grayson. I suspect Waller got the worst end of it. Ha!
Jey Jey didn’t realize the tag Grayson made to Austin once he came into the ring and plants a knee to Jey’s spine. Uso was cornered by the adversaries as Theory continues to pound away. Rhodes notices that Grayson was also illegally getting involved.
The turning point of this match is when Jey Jey is finally able to kick Waller’s head in order to create space, so he could tag Cody. Once the American Nightmare is in the ring against Austin, he ploughs him down with a Disaster Kick prior to throwing Grayson out for trying to intercept.
Rhodes almost loses the titles after that painful neck breaker Theory inflicted on him if it weren’t for Jey’s quickness.
The spectacular duo perform the Cody One D, as commentary calls it, but I prefer Cutter D on Theory. Jey disposes of Waller with a suicide dive, so Rhodes could end the match victoriously with a Crossroads.
They retain!! On to Judgment Day this coming Monday. Everything was going just fine as the champs exit in glee, but things have a way of bringing darkness and a change in demeanor once you hear Roman’s theme music. Reigns, Jimmy and Solo are having a stare down against Cody and Jey.
No one threw punches, but I believe the damage was already done by merely glaring.
Winners: Jey Uso & Cody Rhodes
Next week, Charlotte Flair has another opportunity to win the WWE Women’s Championship back as she faces Iyo Sky.
Also, given Carlito’s attack, Santos Escobar has taken the lead to fight Montez Ford of the Street Profits.
LA Knight vs. Solo Sikoa
Sikoa is looking to destroy LA Knight given the “imprudence” he had to challenge Roman. Sikoa continues to be the silent puppet.
Knight reverses a potential suplex into a neck breaker. Sikoa responds with a massive clothesline. The Enforcer had temporary gain till Knight began to fight back.
All the Megastar’s momentum is deflated once he collides with the post. He almost, for the third time, hoisted Sikoa up, but this time he squashed Knight down like a crossbody.
A great Running Bulldog from LA Knight wasn’t enough to pin the Street Champ. Sikoa makes a comeback with a Samoan Drop, practically sending his opponent across the ring.
Knight dodges Sikoa as he hits his forehead against the top of the post. A well-placed DDT teeters Sikoa. Knight was finally able to power slam Solo.
“What a collision!” was the reaction of a double clothesline. It wipes them out both. Jimmy sees an opening as he slips into the ring waiting for Knight to get back on his feet.
He wasn’t able to do anything due to John Cena’s sudden, but deserved AA to Jimmy. Sikoa sees this and Samoan Spikes Cena, which diverts him away from Knight, who performs a winning BFT.
The celebrations were cut amazingly short once Roman materializes out of nowhere to spear LA Knight’s stomach open.
Oof.
Winner: LA Knight
TOP PHOTO: The Bloodline chatting. Courtesy of WWE
