On this NWA Power, Not only do we go on a Thrillride, but we’re going to find out who will face Kenzie Paige to be crowned the NWA World Women’s champion at the NWA 312 pay-per-view between Taya Valkyrie and Max the Impaler.
But before we step Into The Fire (it feels like forever since I said that), I need to bring up one of my patented…
(Author’s Rant: I have an excellent job in the “real world” that pays the bills, but I also love to write about the Sport of Professional Wrestling™. Sometimes, those worlds collide, and make my life harder in both instances.
In short, I blame everyone but myself for trying to make me choose what is important. I want to be as in-depth as possible with my recaps, but this is the case where the real job forces me to prioritize things. So, because I have little booze, less sleep, a growing migraine, and an ever-dwindling love of people that grows by the day, I am left to do one thing that makes sense:
Feed my half-conscious ramblings into this mojo wire and pray to St. Hunter S Thompson someone will be able to interpret this inane babble into something that resembles a sentence. Without further ado, and in the words of Krusty The Klown, “Let’s get this over with!”
I should also add for you gentle readers: At least I don’t bombard you with my Haikus in Review™. I save that for other programs [and you know what you keep doing with your bookings, AEW! Do not make me force a limerick down your windpipe!]).
Okay, the “Genius Juice” just took a left turn, so I best get into the First Match with…
“Thrillbilly” Silas Mason (with Pollo Del Mar) vs. Brady Pierce (with Rolando Freeman)
Fun fact: Mason and Pierce will be in the upcoming Iron Claw movie as the Fabulous Freebird members Terry Gordy and Michael “P.S.” Hayes, respectively. As for the match itself, Mason offers a multitude of Thrillrides for all The Spectaculars, including Rolando, before pinning Pierce for the pin and the win.
Your Winner via Pinfall: “Thrillbilly” Silas Mason
At The Podium with Kyle Davis is the newcomer Daisy Kill facing Trevor Murdoch, and he strums a ukelele with the following lyrics:
“Mr. Murdoch. I really respect all the ways you’ve risked your neck
To carry this company like the man you are (I really do).
I’m not trying to ride your coattails. No!
I’m dragging you down by them as I go
To the top of the mountain because Daisy Kill’s a star. (That’s right).
And you ran my giant out of this town,
But I still got some big pals around.
I think I might have to go and make a few calls,
And if this crippled redneck wants to fight,
He could find Daisy Kill in the ring tonight.
That is, if you still got the balls. (We doing it, big man?)”
Hard to tell if Murdoch is a music lover or not, but he’s tired of the wrestler that looks like what would happen if Raven and Shane Douglas had a lovechild, and the next match is…
Daisy Kill vs. Trevor Murdoch
This is an unsanctioned match and just as the match gets underway a big guy called Talos appears, and Joe Galli from commentary states he is billed at seven feet.
(Author’s Note: Fun fact. Talos has been featured not only on IMPACT Wrestling but also as “The Undertaker” on Young Rock.
In any case, the Unsanctions one-on-one match becomes a two-on-one handicap match, as they jump Murdoch. Then Mike Knox comes out from the back to make the save. There’s a lot of history between these two, but Knox offers the Handshake of Respect, and Murdoch accepts. Apparently, fences are mended and a new alliance is born.
May Valentine is backstage with Kevin Kiley and he thanks NWA for his first match in six and a half years. He came back to earn a spot and appreciates the opportunity in gratitude and humility. As for his match at the Nuff Said PPV, Kiley makes it clear that he controls the narrative, not EC3. He wants to get back on the path he was on before life happened and he will control what happens in the squared circle.
Speaking of, Valentine interviews EC3 and BLK Jeez about their mutual partnership. Jeez states all is good with him and Tyrus, as does EC3. This is business and business looks good. But there’s no problems with him and Tyrus. No way. Nope. Not at all.
(You’re feeling something is gonna happen as well down the road, too, eh?)
There is also a re-broadcast of the No-DQ match with the NWA Women’s Champion, Kamille, and Angelina love, but I am gonna say you should read my recap.
Why? Because, if I may channel my inner Matthew McConaughey from Dazed and Confused, “It’d be a lot cooler if you did.”
There is a recap of the main event from this NWA USA as CJ faced Natalia Markova. If you missed it, just read it here.
Why? See my previous response.
But we go to the Main Event and it’s the…
NWA World Women’s TV Title Tournament Semifinal Match: Taya Valkyrie vs. Max the Impaler (with Father James Mitchell)
As Davis gives the Introduction to Valkyrie, she gets jumped by Max and the Non-Binary Nightmare sets her on a chair to hit a cannonball, but she evades her attack, and then La Wera Loca fights back and nails a running crossbody, but it barely fazes Max. They finally get into the ring and now the match starts, and Max pulls off a false eyelash and eats it. Yum? There’s a hip attack by Valkyrie, who feeds the other eyelash to Max, and she lands double knees to the monster in the corner. But Max is able to overpower Valkyrie and The Impaler delivers a short arm clothesline for the one, two, and three.
Your Winner via Pinfall, and Advancing in the NWA Women’s World Television Tournament: Max The Impaler
After the match, Max rips off an extension from Valkyrie’s head and raises her hands high in the air, as she will face Kenzie Paige at the NWA 312 PPV.
A brief show, but a fun show as another piece of the PPV comes into place in the NW Women’s World Television tournament.
Until then, enjoy, and see ya in Seven!