Hey, wrestling fans!
My fear of the Usos not winning their Tag Team Unification match has dissipated dramatically. I knew they could win, and I also knew they would get challenged very soon.
I know I expressed how much I despise Riddle’s one-liner, it really does piss me off. I ask myself why. But, nonetheless, he and Shinsuke Nakamura want war… and the opportunity to dethrone the twins.
Anyway, another set of people issued a challenge, the Brawling Brutes better known as Sheamus, Ridge Holland and Butch. They go from being titled “Fight Night” to “Brawling Brutes”. My God. Someone call someone because I hate that name. After their loss last week against New Day and Drew McIntyre, of course, let there be an opening to wreak havoc.
Drew McIntyre calls himself “Big D”, which I found funny, as he assures Kofi Kingston and Xavier Woods that they could always count on him if they’re in trouble.
The New Day & Drew McIntyre vs. The Brawling Brutes
Every time the Brutes make an entrance, it always looks like a mess because Butch feels the need to shove people. Butch goes after New Day and McIntyre in the ring only to be grabbed and thrown back out. I don’t know what he expected. Embarrassing.
Butch attempts to engage with Kofi while he’s fighting Sheamus, until McIntyre pulls the rabid animal away and right hooks him in the face.
Drew swings a hard blow to Ridge’s face causing him to fall backwards, McIntyre then goes for Butch, who’s on the edge of the ring to punch him out. Holland runs towards Drew, he moves out of way as Ridge bumps himself against the turnbuckles. McIntyre grabs his opponent from the waist and throws him over his head.
McIntyre exits for a bit to plummet Sheamus to the ground in front of the announcement table then proceeds to clap hands with Pat McAfee. YAH! I laughed at how quick that was.
Drew was going for his ‘Claymore’ move to end Holland, yet gets sidetracked by Sheamus’ distraction. Butch is tagged in. He jumps McIntyre and punches his head repeatedly, but Drew tosses him aside as Butch lands on his back like it was nothing. An insect, he was.
Woods uses a maneuver no one has seen before in order to take out Butch, unfortunately, Holland stops it in time. Whatever is happening inside the ring no longer matters for the time being. Kofi tries to kick Holland in the face as he stood on the edge of the mat, but Ridge catches Kingston’s leg, somehow swings him onto his back and they both hit the floor pretty harshly. Sheamus stomps his way to deliver a knee and a ‘Bro kick’ to Drew’s face when he tried to help Kofi by beating Holland up.
This leaves Xavier on his own against Butch. Gasp! Woods thought he had a handle on the animal when he managed to roll him up, yet Butch grabs onto Woods and knocks him cold for the win. I’m crying with tears of frustration. Sheamus said that New Days only won last week because of the Celtic warrior that is Drew McIntyre. I… have no words on the matter. Yet.
Winners: The Brawling Brutes
For some reason, Max Dupri is back tonight. My head did a complete 180 as I saw him approach Adam Pearce to reveal his first client for the Maximum Male Models club he’s been forming as if anyone gives a damn. Dupri even grabs Pearce’s phone to further pronounce his name as Max Du-pri adding a little, shall we call it, arrogant entitlement to his voice to the person on the other line. That poor individual didn’t ask for this.
Max still doesn’t know about personal space, you can see how uncomfortable Pearce is as Dupri starts talking. I learned to tune him out.
The heavens haven’t answered my prayers because now, we all need to wait till next week to find out who is the lucky model candidate, having Dupri show up. Again. Don’t I deserve a break? Please.
Jinder Mahal vs. Humberto
Now this is a match I never thought I’d see. Tinder against Humberto. The world keeps delivering more matches to scream at the television for.
Jinder warns Shanky to take tonight’s match seriously by not dancing, even though, he isn’t the one fighting. Shanky shimmies away behind Mahal on their way to the ring. I would also continue to shake my ass when I’m told not to.
As the match begins, Mahal back drops Humberto violently and with no struggle whatsoever. I love it. More agony, please.
I got what I wanted as Humberto misses the chance to jump Mahal while using the second rope, but immediately gets a boot to his jaw soon after. It was so brutal, you could hear the impact. That made me giggle.
Shanky loves jiggling so much. It’s strange. Due to whatever he calls those abrupt movements, Jinder got momentarily distracted, and Humberto rolls him up, yet fails. So, Mahal gives it a go by rolling up Humberto while he payed attention to Shanky’s wiggling for the win.
“The dancing worked,” said Pat McAfee
Winner: Jinder Mahal
Guess who is back? — Madcap Moss! He’s no longer wearing those ridiculous suspenders and shorts, no. No more bull. No more jokes. He is here on a quest for total annihilation of Nappy Corbin, the big, bald wolf. Yay! This will be fun. Chaos and anarchy.
Moss rolls up in an ambulance truck in black skin-tight wrestling shorts, knee pads, hand coverings and boots. He’s not Corbin’s “employee” anymore, Moss buried the man Happy smashed a 90-pound trophy upon three weeks ago. That man, folks, is dead. He vanished. He isn’t part of this timeline no more. Quite frankly, I prefer it this way. New Madcap is better. Let’s see.
Corbin arrives and assumes that Moss wants his job back as Happy’s lackey. He thinks Madcap needs the structure Corbin brought to his life. What I want is a beating of the asses, not reconciliation with a prick. So, Madcap provides us with the fight he, and we, wanted.
Madcap Moss vs. Happy Corbin
Idiot. The idiot uses the referee to shield himself of Madcap’s incoming attack, then proceeds to kick him in the knee, causing a misbalance. Corbin applause to himself, allowing Moss to swing a fist to his face and send him over the ropes.
Madcap uses the barricades to throw Corbin against like an unwanted piece of garbage. It was riveting. This isn’t just a physical attack, it’s a mental one as well, unleashed on Corbin for months of crap.
Sorry to say, but Madcap gets disqualified for taking hold of the steel chair Corbin was going to use to hit Moss with. Madcap didn’t care, and neither did I. Moss unravels months of anger and rage onto Corbin’s back. I finally got to see Happy whale in pain for once. I know, that’s sadistic. But I don’t care. Where payback is due, pain is owned.
Madcap was going to deliver the same torment Corbin has onto him, but for once, the officials crash the party on time. Boo! All the other times you could have shown up, you didn’t.
Winner: Happy Corbin (due to disqualification)
Natalya vs. Shotzi vs. Shayna Baszler vs. Xia Li vs. Raquel Rodriguez vs. Aliyah – 6-way match
Raquel dominated the beginning of the match by hard slamming Nattie and Xia, slightly stumbles after catching Shotzi mid-air, but uses her as a weapon to kick Shayna and throw onto Xia. Aliyah was nowhere to be found. The girl disappeared. I laughed at how unimpressed Ronda seemed as she sat on the sidelines.
This is a big opportunity to receive the SmackDown Women’s Championship, so Xia took it seriously. She suplexes Natalya into the middle of the mat then performs a kick to the back of her neck for a failed submission due to Aliyah, who reappeared from the abyss.
Aliyah slams Xia, face first, into the mat. Hoping she could knock her some more, Xia manages to escape. Aliyah takes the chance to submit Nattie, but Shayna stops her.
Shotzi zooms into the ring to ‘DDT’ Shayna, and rejoices proudly knowing she planned this. Xia returns in the inside to spin kick Shotzi in the face just as Nattie comes in to plummet Xia and kick Rodriguez in the mid-section. Nattie goes for another punch, Rodriguez stops her and grabs her chin as they back into a corner. Natalya quick turns while holding Rodriguez’ arm and throws her into the turnbuckles.
Raquel prepares to shoulder splash Natalya until Shotzi hits her face onto the first turnbuckle as Rodriguez returns the favour. Raquel lifts Shotzi into the air and crashes her onto Nattie and repays them both with her ‘Spinning Corkscrew’ move. Shayna sneaks from behind and places Raquel into a hold, as Natalya takes the opening to submit Shotzi for the win.
Personally, I was hoping she’d win because she deserves a go at it again. For a little while now, I felt like she lost her touch, but she is back.
The Usos vs. Shinsuke Nakamura & Riddle – Undisputed Tag Team Championship match
Riddle climbs up the ropes to do whatever it is he was planning, yet Jimmy trips him mid-climb, and Riddle hits the mat hard.
Jimmy taps himself in, encourages his brother, Jey, to deliver a double ‘Super kick’ to Riddle’s jaw. Double the clapping sounds. I find it so amazing how in beautiful unison these twins are when performing that kick. I wanted to say it’s like voodoo, but let’s call it magic.
The Usos are stopped by Shinsuke to retain their championships as Nakamura kicks both twins. He exits to the ring to deal with Jey by sending him into the steel stairs, runs to ‘Kinshasa’ him only for Jey to move quickly. Nakamura hits his knee against the metal. Jimmy holds onto Nakamura, and Jey kicks him in the back of his knee causing Shinsuke to scream in complete torture.
The impact was too great that medical was dispatched to carry Nakamura away from the match. I just realized how the Usos love going for people’s knees. They did the same with Rick Boogs, and I’m sorry if you find this cruel, but I laughed knowing this piece of information.
Riddle was so pissed that he fights the twins alone. Jey and Jimmy work together taking hold of Riddle’s wrists, bring him closer to the corner and send him into the turnbuckles as Riddle hits his back so excruciatingly, even I looked away, he flew right off. This move left him aching a couple of weeks ago.
Jey imitates Randy Orton with his regular viper-ness and gets a knee to his jaw. Ouch, but also, fire. Jey resembles a flopping fish out of water in that moment.
Riddle is ready to give Jimmy his ‘Super RKO’ move till suddenly, Roman Reigns’ theme song starts playing? But no matter. What Riddle doesn’t know is that before he delivered his move, Jey tapped in, making him legal to splash on top of Riddle’s stomach for the win.
Again with your presence, Roman. Really? I was wrong. It wasn’t Roman, it was Sami Zayn playing with the controls. As Zayn steps out dancing like an octopus, Riddle was seen fuming smoke from his nose inside the ring. He was mega, mega pissed.
Riddle pursues The Bloodline and attacks Zayn. I think Sami is still blind to the fact that he isn’t as official as he thinks. He squirms around like Paul Heyman, but to give the weasel some benefit, at least he is part of The Bloodline.
Winners: The Usos
TOP PHOTO: Riddle looking at the Usos and Sami Zayn off camera with distain. Courtesy of WWE