AEW Rampage: Danhausen tries to Hook a friendship

It’s Friday night, and you know what that means? No, not to get more cuts to the NXT roster (fingers crossed it doesn’t happen). It’s AEW Rampage, and it’s a huge show with an Owen Hart Qualifying match, to Honor living on in the Television title match.  So what could possibly top that? Hook and Danhausen became friends, finally?! Well, that would be very nice and very evil, as they say.

As we head to you from The Liacouras Center, in Philadelphia, PA. Excalibur, Chris Jericho, Rickey Starks, and Taz have the call, and we jump right into your First Match of the Night for the…

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Darby Allin vs Swerve Strickland – The Owen Hart Foundation Men’s Tournament qualifier

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Both men evenly matched, and Swerve goes to a corner kick to the head, but Allin scouted the move and evades easily.  The fans are chanting “Let’s go Dar-by/Let’s go Swerve!”, as the action goes outside, and Swerve goes out and gets stunnered by Allin on the outside.  He goes for a tope suicida, but Swerve catches him with a knee strike to lay him out, and the Swerve gets on with a boot from the apron to Allin, and in Picture in Picture he keeps up the offense with a leaping European uppercut to back of Allin’s head

Swerve puts the boots to Allin in the corner, and Allin grabs his leg in an ankle lock to a knee bar, but as swerve gets to an upright position to swing at his head.  Swerve is still swinging, but Allin gets a Code Red for a pin cover that gets a two count.  He goes to the top for the Coffin Drop, but Swerve gets his knees up in time and Swerve in in controls as he tells the Center “Who’s house” and nails a side kick to cover but gets a two count.  Swerve then gets Allin to a superplex from apron to the floor, and neither man is moving. 

At that point, Starks leaves the broadcast booth and comes out ringside, but Sting cuts him off at the pass.  Swerve is distracted by what’s going on at ringside, and Allin gets Swerve in a Last Supper submission that gets his shoulder in a pin count for Allin to advance.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Darby Allin

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Shawn Spears is on the screen, and he plugs what he calls a Pinnacle pin potential when it comes to Wardlow. He promises that on AEW Dynamite next week, “War Piggy” goes to slaughter.

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We go back to commentary and Excalibur excoriated Jericho on the actions he and the Jericho Appreciation Society have done to Eddie Kingston and Santana and Ortiz.  Jericho double downs that he’s proud of what he’s done, and names himself the Sports Entertainer of the Week.  Santana comes out to object and he punks out his former Inner Circle member, before AEW Staff come out to pull him off.

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Now for some trios action with…

The Baddies (TBS Champion Jade Cargill, Red Velvet and Kiera Hogan) vs Trish Adora, Skye Blue and Willow Nightingale

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Start of the match has Blue against Velvet, but it isn’t long before The Baddies make her a Blue in Peril.  She gets the tag to Adora I’m assuming she’s mostly been involved on AEW Dark.  Don’t judge, since I haven’t followed that show on YouTube actively), and things don’t look better, as Hogan send her to Cargill for a bicycle kick, and then Adora is Jaded as she is finished for the pin and the win.

Winners: Jade Cargill, Red Velvet and Kiera Hogan

My only thoughts on the match were that there was no action from Willow, and the Baddies looked dominant. As squash matches go, this was three times the meh that should’ve been spent on AEW Dark or Dark: Elevated.

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We go to Tony Schiavone with Allin and Swerve backstage.  Allin states that he didn’t want this to end the match that way and offers to go another five minutes.  Swerve said they’re good and it’s good he’s representing the Pacific Northwest in the tournament. Schiavone then sends it to the ring as we get…

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Keith Lee vs Colten Gunn

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Yeah, this has squash written all over it, so here’s another Squash Haiku…

*ahem*

Bask in Lee’s Glory,

As he Fame-ass-ly

Pancakes young Gunn hard!

Your Winner via Pinfall: Keith Lee

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Tony Schiavone is now with The Hardys, and Jeff talks about qualifying for the upcoming Owen Hart Tournament with Bobby Fish, and Matt say he is eating a Swan-ton bomb.

For the rebuttal, the Undisputed Elite offers a counter argument and Bobby Fish says Jeff’s days are numbers and that’s Elite. Now cut the camera, Brandon, you idiot!

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Back to the ring and Danhausen is out, and he’s Very Nie and Very Evil and says to send Hook.  Cue the Action Bronson, as Hook comes out, and Danhausen is rethinking this strategy. Hook wants this, and then “Smart” Mark Sterling comes out asking if the fans want this. Before the crowd can respond, Tony Nese tries to blindside both men. Of course, Hook waylays Sterling and Nese with a variety of suplexes.

Danhausen curses them from the ring, and then he and Hook meet eye to eye, and that means…a sign of respect.  So…Hookhausen is running wild, eh?  In that case:  Very Nice.  Very Hook-y.

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Lexy Nair is backstage with The Gunn Brothers asking about Colton’s loss earlier in the evening.  Austin says he never lost, but then The Acclaimed come into camera shot out and they said they need to scissor up (read:  Pair up.  Don’t make it weird, you freaks!). This rightly prompts the Gunns to talk to “Daddy” Billy, and The Acclaimed offer Nair a chance to scissor up as well, and she rightfully refuses.

As I constantly explain to friends/family/lawyers/religious figures/activist advocates, I cannot make this stuff up, folks.

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Next week on AEW Dynamite, it’s more Ring of Honor action as Deonna Purrazzo goes head-to-head with the ROH Interim Women’s Champion, Mercedes Martinez, and she declares in a promo she may appear to be a fluke, but she is a true champion, and will be an undisputed champion next week.

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Mark Henry is with Samoa Joe and Trent Beretta, and he starts with the TV champ if he has a message, and Joe emphatically states we’re in the birthplace of ROH, and he promises Beretta will pass out. Beretta confidently states he will be the new ROH Television champion

Well, enough talk, says Henry. It’s time for the Main Event!

Ian Riccobani joins up on commentary, asROH announcer Booby Cruise announces the…

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ROH World Television Championship match:  Samoa Joe (c) Trent Beretta –

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The Code of Honor recognized, and Joe is able to overpower the Best Friend.  Beretta goes out for a powder and Joe dive to the outside.  Beretta slides back in the ring, and then gets the champ with a sliding kick from the apron and nails an Asai Moonsault to the outside.  Back in the ring, he chops away at Joe, and during Picture in Picture, Joe just amps up the beating to Beretta as only the Samoan Submission Machine can.  Beretta comes back with some offense against the champ, and he goes to a diving crossbody to Joe on the outside or the ring.

Beretta lights up with chops, and a side suplex and a tornado DDT for a pin for a two count.

Joe retaliates with a npowerbombs for a two count and then transitions to a single leg crab to a STF submission.  Beretta struggles, but he manages to reach the ropes to break the hold.  Back to chops to Joe’s chest, but he levels Beretta with a clothesline. He sets him up top for the muscle buster, but Beretta escapes and rolls him up for a two count.  Beretta has the advantage, and he gets a knee to the Joe.  He rushes in the corner for a splash, but Joe slams him to the mat with a patented corner uranage and one Coquina Clutch ends the match.

Your Winner and Still Roh Television Champion: Samoa Joe

After the match, the Code of Honor is observed, as Schiavone enters the ring for a word with Samoa Joe. As Joe mentions his appreciation with crowd, Jay Lethal and Sanjay Dutt come out with their protégé, Satnam Singh. Orange Cassidy steps up to the giant, puts his pockets in his pants and lights up with “kicks”.  Singh just tosses him aside, and it is bedlam as refs and security try to restore order in the ring as the show fades to black.

TOP PHOTO: Danhausen and Hook get face to face at the Liacouras Center, in Philadelphia, Wednesday, April 27 2022, for AEW Rampage, which aired on Friday, April 29, 2022. Photo by George Tahinos, georgetahinos.smugmug.com