It’s US Thanksgiving week, so that always has us thinking about what we’re grateful for. We’re really grateful that this season of Total Divas is quickly coming to an end. In these two episodes leading up to the finale, the girls go to WrestleMania. Check out the full recap for all the details.

Two Weeks Ago

Travis and Ronda visit a doomsday bunker in Las Vegas because Ronda is obsessed with apocalypse scenarios. Dr. Faulkner gives them the tour, and Ronda falls in love with the place, because she thinks that it could be a good refuge from the inevitable zombie takeover. Which is a good opportunity to bring up the WWE Hall of Fame and that the ECW Zombie is eligible for induction this year.

It’s a week until Wrestlemania and Ronda’s making the media rounds, as she’s going to be in the historic main event in a three-way against Charlotte Flair and Becky Lynch. Getting a female main event was Ronda’s big goal when she got to WWE, so it looks like everything’s coming up Milhouse.

Sonya and Mandy have a meeting with the producers to pitch the first ever gay storyline in WWE. Their idea is approved and the story is set to kick off at Mania. Woo hoo! HLA, baby!

Beth Phoenix is hanging around backstage, because she’s going to be teaming with Nattie in a match that will determine if they wrestle at the big show. Nattie is super-stoked for that, but also for her friend Ronda.

Nia visits the trainer, because her knees are as painful as watching one of her matches is. The trainer tells her she needs an MRI. Nia really wants a match at Mania for the sake of her cousin and tag team partner Tamina who’s never had that chance.

After Nattie wrestles a match that guarantees her a spot at Mania, she learns that her father, Jim “the Anvil” Neidhart will be inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame that weekend. She gets emotional both in the ring and backstage. it’s bittersweet, because he’s not around to enjoy the occasion. But she’s going to be strong and soldier on.

Ronda bonds with Nattie by talking about the death of her own father, and Nattie should do whatever she can to honour her father’s legacy. I say she should get a flattop buzzcut and grow a goatee.

Sonya and her girlfriend Arianna are out shopping, and Sonya tells her about the planned storyline. Arianna isn’t thrilled about the idea, but Sonya tries to reassure her that she shouldn’t be jealous, because one, it’s acting , and two, Mandy isn’t even lesbian. Arianna says that if roles were reversed, Sonya wouldn’t be supportive, and Sonya doesn’t quite deny it.

Nia goes to a doctor to get her MRI results. He confirms that her ACLs are gone, and that if she wanted the surgery, she would need to take a six-month break from the ring. She’s torn as to what she does. As a wrestling fan, I suggest surgery on one knee first with six months away, and then when that heals, a second surgery and another six months away. Then, hopefully after a year, something else will go wrong.

Ronda is looking past Mania and isn’t sure she has more to offer, as she’s achieved her goal of elevating the women’s division. Wow, and they call Ethan Page “All Ego”.

The producers give Sonya the news that her storyline has been scrapped, and she and Mandy are understandably disappointed. She says that she won’t let it go, and will fight to resurrect it at some point.

Nia realizes that because she was in so much pain, that’s what made her lash out to Carmella over the past few months. She calls Carmella and asks her to go for drinks. Carmella is baffled, but agrees to meet.

Nattie’s mom is visiting and Nattie suggests they spread Jim’s ashes in NewYork, because he loved wrestling in Madison Square Garden. Nattie’s mom agrees to the plan.

Ronda is training with the other Four Horsewomen at her camp, and she’s ultra-confident that she’s going to kill it at Mania. Ronda’s decided on her future, but says she’s going to talk to Nattie first.

It’s Mania week, and Sonya is at Fan Axxess. A number of her fans are LBGTQ and she’s sees her storyline being cancelled as a failure on her part to represent them.

Nia goes to visit Carmella and immediately apologizes for all of the shade she threw Carmella’s way. She tells Carmella that it was her insecurity in her own self, combined with the pain she was feeling in her knees, that caused her to take out her frustration on Carmella. Carmella accepts the apology, and they hug it out and bond over some wine, bringing this season-long drama to a close.

The next day, Nia tells Tamina that she’s going to push through the pain so that TAmina can still have her Mania match. The trainer gives her the go-ahead for the one match, but then she has to get the knee taken care of.

Nattie tries to boost Sonya’s morale, noting that she’s the queen of having been denied special moments, storylines, and big matches. She tells her that it’s better the lesbian storyline be postponed than get lost in everything else going on during the packed show. Which is good advice, because HLA should be slow and lingering and filmed under soft lighting with a pulsing beat soundtrack.

Backstage, Ronda tells Nattie that after Mania, she’s going to stop wrestling. She thinks that she’s fallen in love with WWE, but her wrestling career is taking too much time away from her husband and their plans to have a baby and raise a family. Ronda is sad that she’s going to be giving up her WWE family, but she’s gotta do what she’s gotta do. Nattie wonders what’s going to happen with the women’s roster once Ronda’s gone, since she’s been the focus for the past year. Time will tell.

Last Week’s Episode

The girls are all busy with appearances during Mania week. Apparently, the entire Hart clan is there to celebrate Jim Neidhart’s Hall of Fame induction, so Nattie is particularly frazzled.

All of the girls who aren’t in a marquee match are thrilled by the consolation prize of getting to be able to compete during a women’s battle royal.

Suddenly, a bunch of dust flew into my eye when they show Ronda at a Make-A-Wish event, thrilling the kids there with pictures and hugs.

The Bellas are in town, and are glad they get to watch the show and not compete on it. As is everyone else. They talk about their various bodily orifices for a while as the cameras linger on their cleavage. For your Emmy consideration. Nia calls them and she tells them about her reconciliation with Carmella, and they’re happy for her. They then threaten to come back as a tag team and compete for the championships.

Nattie and TJ are prepping for the Hall of Fame ceremony, where she is going to be inducting her father as part of the Hart Foundation.

Sonya’s red carpet tuxedo arrives, and she loves how it looks. The problem is that she doesn’t know how to walk in heels, and when she tries, it’s like the Iron Sheik shuffling to the ring back during the WM17 Gimmick Battle Royal. She keeps practicing.

The Bellas are at brunch, and Nikki tells Brie that she’s spoken with WWE and they have agreed to put the Bellas in a program where they return from retirement and give them the titles. Brie isn’t as excited about the idea, because she and Bryan are trying to have another baby. She says she’ll have to talk to him before agreeing to anything.

Backstage at the Hall of Fame, everyone’s excited, and – oh wow, Carmella’s sister is hella-hot. Nattie gives Sonya some rainbow-themed flare as a way of being able to represent the LBGTQ community on the red carpet, even though she won’t be able to do so through her scrapped storyline.

Nattie and Bret plan for their speech, and Nattie is concerned that his speech is too long. She’s scared that they’re going to get the gong if he won’t cut out some of it, but he doesn’t seem worried.

They get their moment, and there’s some great editing that makes it seems like Bret’s speech is going on for hours, and Nattie’s gritting her teeth in a tense smile, knowing that if anyone’s going to get the hook between the two of them, it’s not going to be Bret. Someone in the audience apparently agrees that Bret is going on too long, because he jumps out of the crowd and attacks Bret. Appropriately, the producers don’t show footage of the attack so as to not give that douche nozzle any further publicity. To their credit, Bret and Nattie are able to persevere and finish their induction speeches.

Before Mania, the girls are having fun driving around a golf cart backstage and just getting caught up in the moment. All of the girls are soaking in the moment, recognizing the significance of the night in terms of breaking the main event glass ceiling.

Nattie talks to Ronda backstage, noting how scared she was about the Hall of Fame attacker, and Ronda get Nattie focused on the task at hand tonight. Meanwhile, Sonya represents wearing rainbow-themed gear, as consolation for not being able to carry out her full storyline. On the hetero side, Carmella is all a-flutter because Corey Graves finds her backstage and gives her a kiss in front of everyone else.

The rest of the episode is basically a reel of highlights from the marquee matches featuring the cast. Sonya and Naomi are in the 30-women battle royal. Carmella wins the match, proving her doubters wrong.

Nia and Nattie are in the 4-way tag team championship match. Nattie rides high on emotions, feeling her dad in her corner in spirit. Nia doesn’t get to hit her big move off the top, which is disappointing for her since she’s going to be leaving for a while to get her knees taken care of.

And all of them are thrilled with Ronda’s historic main event match. which is the culmination of her first year in the business, during which she elevated the women’s division to its highest heights. The episode ends with Ronda breaking her hand mid-match. Not sure how this will affect her baby-making skills, but I guess we’ll find out when the show returns for the season finale next week. God help us.


Bob Kapur is glad that he got to sneak in a Bio-Dome reference in this recap. E-mail him your favourite Pauly Shore quotes at…buuuuddy.