You know things are really hitting a new low when a troubled promotion begins ripping on and poking fun at its own material. Aware that they are becoming the subject of ridicule, World Championship Wrestling has decided to turning the tables on their critics. It’s The old ‘if you can’t beat them, join them’ mentality. WCW’s stance is that they know full well that their product is shoddy. It’s intentional. Hint. Hint. Nudge. Nudge. Wink. Wink. Case in point, commentator Mark Madden cuts up a Glacier promo shown on last night’s Mayhem pay-per-view. “What are we thinking doing that crap again?,” he says.

I, myself, couldn’t agree more — though WCW’s transparent spin control is only going to exacerbate their problems. The solution is for WCW to seriously revamp their product from top to bottom not wasting time and effort into concocting feeble manipulations. There is reason why 53 per cent of the SLAM! Wrestling readers who voted in our “What match are you looking forward to at WCW Mayhem?” poll chose “Not interested”. That, in itself, is a serious indictment on the management and creative forces behind WCW. They are boring people to tears and decimating their fan base. It has to end before WCW hits the point of no return.

WCW did however interject some mild interest into their beleaguered promotion at the insanely over-booked Mayhem pay-per-view from the U.S. Cellular Arena in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Scott “Big Poppa Pump” Steiner won his first ever WCW World Heavyweight Title defeating Booker T. in their “Asylum – Caged Heat” match. The seemingly unstoppable Steiner absorbed every high-impact move Booker had in his arsenal and then some. A missile drop kick. A Bookend. An axe-kick. Nothing could hold Big Poppa Pump’s shoulders down for the three count. A frustrated Booker even took to wrapping Steiner up in a straight-jacket (which was hanging from the roof of the cage and could legally be used as a weapon) and beating the stuffing out of him with a steel chair. The self-described “genetic freak” got back to his feet, ripped the jacket in half and clotheslined Booker to the mat.

Booker countered Steiner’s Recliner finishing move by lifting him up on his shoulders and guillotining him on the top rope. That and a top rope Bookend gained the champ only a two count. Three clotheslines and an axe-kick later saw Steiner still mobile as he crawled, gaining possession of the steel chair Booker had used on him. Steiner cracked Booker in the head with it, gave him a full-nelson powerbomb then put on the Recliner again. Booker passed out, handing Steiner the win and the WCW World Heavyweight Title. Not satisfied with the victory alone, Steiner beat Booker with the steel chair as the broadcast left the air waves.

  • The next WCW pay-per-view is Starrcade on December 17th.

    WCW Mayhem 2000 Results

  • In cheesy segments, Booker is greeted by “fans” swarming him for autographs as he enters the U.S. Cellular Arena and Ric Flair addresses the crowd promising them a great show. That’s how bad things are for WCW. They need to wheel legend Ric Flair out to publicly show his support for the company.

    Mike Sanders (champion) Vs Kwee Wee (challenger) (WCW Cruiserweight Championship Match)

  • The Thrillers come out to back up Sanders. Paisley fetches Meng from the back and sicks him on The Thrillers. Ric Flair, Doug Dillinger and WCW security force everybody away from the ring. Sanders wins with the Three-Point-O.
  • Winner: …and still WCW Cruiserweight Champion…Mike Sanders at 7 minutes and 6 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 4 / 10.

  • Ric Flair announces that barring managers, no one will be allowed at ringside this evening. The Boogie Knights hire Kronik to assist them in their tag title match. The Boogies only have enough cash though to hire Kronik for seven and a half minutes. Evan Karagias and Jaime Knoble discover while cutting their promo that Karagias used to date Knoble’s sister. Knoble is ticked at Karagias for not treating his sister right. Oh, brother.

    Three Count Vs The Jung Dragons Vs Knoble, Karagias

  • Best match of the evening as each team wrestles hard showcasing some darn fine moves. Three Count (or is it Two Count?) uses a double-team, 3-D like move to put the competition away.
  • Winners: Three Count at 10 minutes and 50 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 7.5 / 10.

  • Bigleow punks Mike Awesome in the backstage area. A-Wall saves That 70’s Guy but the damage has been done. Awesome won’t be able to wrestle tonight.

    Mancow Vs Jimmy Hart

  • No, Sue from Survivor didn’t show. Mancow wears a Boys Bands Suck T-Shirt. Coolness. Jimmy Hart is wearing a cast. He says he can’t wrestle tonight. Mancow replies…”You’re like Al Gore. You don’t know when to say goodbye. I’m gonna kick you in your hanging chad.” Mancow’s pals from his radio show attempt to put the hurt on Jimmy. Three Count does the rescue thing. Mancow rips off Hart’s cast and busts him in the head for the pinfall.
  • Winner: Mancow at 1 minute and 18 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 0 / 10.

  • Lance Storm and Bigelow are plotting backstage.

    Big Vito (challenger) Vs Reno (challenger) Vs Crowbar (champion) (WCW Hardcore Heavyweight Title Match)

  • Crutches, bats, trash cans, chairs are all used in very unimaginative ways. Reno and Vito brawl to the backstage area. Reno powerslams Vito through a table. Reno’s sister, Marie, puts herself between Vito and Reno. Crowbar (who received some anonymous flowers at the start of the show) chair-shots Reno from behind to retain the belt.
  • Winner: …and still WCW Hardcore Champion…Crowbar at 7 minutes and 48 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 2 / 10.

  • Once again backstage, Buff Bagwell smashes one of Jarrett’s guitars. DDP and Nash babble in their dressing room about something or other. The Cat says he will leave for 30 days if Douglas beats him. Mean Gene hits on Miss Jones.

    The Filthy Animals — Billy Kidman & Rey Mysterio Jr. Vs The Boogie Knights

  • An injured Disco goes on and on about WOW Magazine at the announcer’s desk. Kronik tags with Wright until 6 minutes and 18 seconds when they decide…time’s up! The Boogie Knights had a minute and twelve seconds left. They should ask for a refund. With Kronik gone, The Animals make short work of Wright.
  • Winners: …The Filthy Animals at 7 minutes and 46 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 2 / 10.

    Shane Douglas Vs The Cat

  • To start the match, The Cat chokes out Mark Madden. Well done, Ernest. Next time do it for real. Miss Jones slips Miller his red dancing shoes as Wilson throws Douglas his chain. The throw is way out of bounds and The Cat karate kicks Douglas in the kisser.
  • Winner: The Cat at 7 minutes and 55 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 6 / 10.

    Bam Bam Bigelow Vs A-Wall

  • A-Wall is chosen by Flair to replace Awesome. A-Wall brings in his table near the conclusion of the bout. Triple B hits The Greetings From Asbury Park and A-Wall is done. All of a sudden, Triple B falls face down as if hurt. Stevie Ray even checks on Bammer. EMTs arrive to wheel out Triple B.
  • Winner: Bam Bam Bigelow at 5 minutes and 38 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 2 / 10.

    Lance Storm (champion) Vs General Rection (challenger) (WCW U.S. Heavyweight Title Match)

  • BBB is still being carted off as Rection makes his entrance. Playing possum, Bam Bam gets off the stretcher and attacks Rection. He hurls him into the ring stairs. This is the deal BBB and Storm struck earlier. Major Gunns foils Rection’s first attempt at No Laughing Matter. The second finds its mark.
  • Winner: …and new WCW United States Heavyweight Champion…General Rection at 6 minutes and 12 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 6 / 10.

  • Sanders tells Dillinger he can send his crack security staff home.

    Jeff Jarrett Vs Buff Bagwell

  • David Flair interferes, DDTing Jarrett on a steel chair. Buff gets a two count. Jarrett counters the Blockbuster by rolling through for a two count. Jeff Jarrett pulls out another guitar from under the ring. As Buff sticks his head out between the ropes, Jarrett tees-off on him. Jarrett pins Buff.
  • Winner: Jeff Jarrett at 11 minutes and 12 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 7 / 10.

    DDP, Kevin Nash (challengers) Vs The Perfect Event (champions) (WCW World Tag Team Title Match)

  • Mike Sanders and the new security teams comes out. Of course, it is The Natural Born Thrillers. The fans shout…We want Hall! Flair, Dillinger and WCW security removes the interlopes. They can’t hustle Sanders to the back because he has made himself an official manager and has a nifty card to prove it. DDP Diamond Cutters Sanders on the floor. Nash does the Jack Knife Powerbomb as DDP hits The Diamond Cutter at the same time on The Perfect Event. Nash and DDP walk away with the gold.
  • Winners: …and new WCW World Tag Team Champions…Kevin Nash and DDP at 14 minutes and 49 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 4 / 10.

    Lex Luger Vs Goldberg

  • Longer than I thought it would be with Luger putting some power moves on Goldie though he doesn’t sell some of them. Luger pulls the ref in front of Goldberg’s Spear. They both are skewered. Goldberg Jackhammers Luger. Another ref slides in to count three.
  • Winner: Goldberg at 5 minutes and 50 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 3 / 10.

    Booker T. (champion) Vs Scott Steiner (champion) (WCW World Heavyweight Title, Caged Heat Match)

  • Winner: …and new WCW World Heavyweight Champion…Scott Steiner at 13 minutes and 17 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 7 / 10.
  • Total Event Time: 2 hours and 50 minutes
  • Overall Event Rating: 3 / 10.