WWE Women’s World Championship: Rhea Ripley (c) vs. Zoey Stark

Before we dive in, allow me this…

(Author’s Note:  By rights, I should give this a limerick or even a Haiku in Review™, but my longstanding rule is this:  Never sandbag a worker from my home state of Utah.  Therefore, by virtue of Stark’s hard work, this match gets a pass.)

Stark enters with war paint, but the fans look to be behind “Mami.”

Jerks.

As the trash-talking gets underway between the women before the match, once the bell rings they go to the ground and pound game.  The taller Ripley is more than a match for Stark and a crossbody by Stark to the outside gives her a fighting chance even as she rolls her back in for a two count.  As Stark goes for a springboard, Ripley headbutts her and Mami attempts a suplex on the ring apron but Stark reverses for a DDT.  Back in the ring, She lands a twisting senton for a two count.  The battle goes outside the ring again and Ripley throws her hard into the ring post and now she begins to pick her apart, and she attempts a powerbomb but Ripley transitions to a suplex and gets a two count.  Ripley comes back with a surfboard to a curb stomp, and then she sets her up top.  Ripley throws her for a suplex but Stark lands on feet and superkicks the champ for a cover of two.

Both women are landing stiff kicks and Ripley nails a Northern Lights suplex for a close two count.  She slaps Stark around, and challenges her to to hit harder.

Ripley has had enough and goes for the Riptide.  Stark escapes and nails a suplex for a two count.  She goes back for her Z-360 finisher and Ripley clocks her hard and delivers the Riptide for put Stark down for the three count.

Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still WWE Women’s World Champion:  Rhea Ripley

Maybe next time, Stark.  Maybe.

Backstage Rollins is pacing as Zayn, Uso, and Rhodes worry about Orton not being here, and fans listening to this are sounding less than enthused.  I know I am.  The Chicago fans are chanting for another Midwest son to come back, but we’ll see what happens.

So the sirens hit for the Main Event of the night for the…

WWE Men’s WarGames match: Cody Rhodes, Seth “Freakin” Rollins, Jey Uso, Sami Zayn, and Randy Orton vs. The Judgment Day (Damian Priest, Finn Bálor, “Dirty” Dominik Mysterio, and JD McDonagh) and Drew McIntyre

So far, there’s no sign of Orton, and on the opposite team, McIntyre and Priest giving that death stare vibe to indicate things may not be copacetic of their team.

In any case, Bálor and Rollins start for their respective teams, and “Freakin'” Rollins dives between the rings to take it to The Judgment Day member.  They bother throws each other into the cage to soften them up, as chants of “CM Punk” echo through the arena.  A sling blade by Bálor connects and then he measures him for another big move, but he runs into a superkick by Rollins, and then he slams him on the diamond steel slat between the rings.  He attempts the curb stomp that misses and slams him on his back and then Rollins connects with a backbreaker and Bálor gives him a crack at his jaw.

The clock winds down and McDonagh races to ring.  As Rollins intercepts, Bálor attacks but Rollins goes back to McDonagh and he smacks his head with a kendo stick.  Pretty soon, the odds catch up as McDonagh and Bálor swing away with the kendo sticks.  Rollins tries to fight them off but McDonagh connects with a springboard moonsault and they follow with the double straightjacket suplex to Rollins.  The clock counts down and Uso comes in wielding a steel chair and goes YEET…

(Author’s Pause:  Wait, hold up.  Why is “YEET” a thing?   Why not say “throw down?”  I get it, I’m old.  But c’mon!  I sound ridiculous.)

Back to the action, superkicks by Rollins and Uso light up their opponents in this WarGames, and a tightrope dropkick by Rollins connects.  The Clock counts down, and before McIntyre steps out, Priest tells him to slow his roll and stick to the plan.

Uso and Rollins hold their own but Priest has a baton and the numbers (plus hardware) catch up.  Once again the clock counts down and Zayn makes a beeline and knocks out McDonagh and Bálor.  Chicago pops for the Honorary Ucey as he not only pulls out a table but lands a Blue Thunder Bomb to Bálor.  He climbs up top but McDonagh stops him and ensures he gets shoved back down the mat.  Zayn grabs a pipe and starts using it on The Judgment Day until McIntyre comes out of the cage and the big Scotsman runs roughshod on all four members in the ring.  He stalks Jey Uso and they battle it out.

He gets a neckbreaker to Uso and throws him hard into the steel cage.  Zayn and Uso give McIntyre the 1-D and now Rhodes runs in and gets in the fight.  He starts to pull out a bullrope (if you weeeeell) at one end and Rollins grabs the other end and uses to their advantage.  As the clock winds down, chants of “Dom, You Suck!” get to a fever pitch as “Dirty” Dom utilizes The Power of Douchenozzlery™.  At one point, Mysterio gets surrounded and all four men beat him down “like in a prison yard.”  They begin to set up the table in the corner and Rollins goes for a powerbomb but soon the numbers catch up.

The clock winds down to the fifth member but there is no Orton (Although the crowd chants for someone else.  Some kinda “punk”, I guess).

Priest gives Rollins the Razor’s Edge through the table.  Ripley rushes in with the Money in the Bank briefcase for Priest to cash in…but voices come in our head and Randy Orton is back in and now the WarGames can begin.

The Apex Predator is En Fuego after a long layoff due to his back, and Orton and McIntyre stare at each other and they briefly fight before Judgment Day swarm in.  From there, chaos ensues until Orton and company get the upper hand and nail a middle rope assisted quintuple DDTs to The Judgment Day.

McDonagh makes a break for it and Zayn and Rollins catch him at the top of the cage and toss him to Orton for an avalanche RKO.

Rhodes adds the coup de grace with Orton’s blessing as he delivers Priest a CrossRhodes to cover for the one, two, and three.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Cody Rhodes, Seth “Freakin” Rollins, Jey Uso, Sami Zayn, and Randy Orton

All five men stand tall after the match and then…

Waitasec.  That music?  Is that…?!

Oh yes, CM Punk is back with remixed music from Living Colour and he announces its clobbering time to the raucous Chicago crowd as the pay-per-view closes.

RELATED LINK

Triple H on Punk’s arrival: ‘Mighty cold day in hell’

WWE Survivor Series 2023: 11/25/2023
3.5

Final Thoughts:

Both the Women’s and Men’s WarGames delivered all the action for this PPV, and the extra 1/2 star goes to the man who is a Cult of Personality in Chicago, IL.

It’s not the Monday Night Wars, but this is gonna be damn interesting for pro wrestling in general.

For now, See ya next PPV!

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