It’s Friday night and you know what that means?
Well, yes, this is on a Saturday due to circumstances beyond your author’s control. Then again, it’s just AEW Rampage (the Velocity of All Elite Wrestling), but it deserves coverage since it’s part of the Grand Slam week at Arthur Ashe Stadium in New York City, so will see some action. There was some good action but because of said circumstances, this will be a Rapid Grand Slam Rampage in Review™ (with maybe a Haiku or two).
But as always, to quote Jimmy Martin, “Show me what you got.”
That said, let’s jump to it as we are joined by Excalibur, Ian Riccaboni, and Tony Schiavone on commentary and the First Match is…
Darby Allin and Sting (with Nick Wayne) vs. Christian Cage and Luchasaurus
So we know how most of these matches go: Sting starts out, and then Allin gets the offense going which involves a nice dropkick to Luchasaurus. However, Allin gets the brunt of the offense from Cage and Luchasaurus for the majority of the match. A mistimed move by Cage allows the hot tag to Sting and he is en fuego. Some nice double teamwork by Allin and Sting with a Coffin Drop/Scorpion Death Drop on the big dinosaur. Allin tags back in and Cage gets back the upper hand briefly until Wayne distracts from the ring apron, and Allin uses the opportunity to roll him up with a sunset flip to hang on for the pin.
Your Winners via Pinfall: Darby Allin and Sting
It’s also announced that on Collision, Allin, Cage, and Luchasaurus will be in a triple-threat match for the TNT Championship this Saturday night.
Now to mix things up (see what I just did there? Eh? Ehhhhh?), we get the next match and it is a…
Mixed Trios Match: Hook, Orange Cassidy, and Kris Statlander vs. Anna Jay, Matt Menard, and Angelo Parker (with Jake Hager)
This was more of a fun match for all six combatants and the Not JAS really can be counted on to play up the doucheiness. The best part of the had all six members go back and forth until Statlander provided the counterbalance needed for Cassidy and Hook to give a triple suplex.
After that Menard and Parker start double-teaming on Cassidy until Hook gives them a series of T-Bone suplexes. As Jay distracts the ref, Hagar clotheslines Hooks down but gets an Orange punch from Cassidy. Jay then tries to get him in a Queenslayer until Statlander gets her up in the electric chair and Hook cinches the RedRum on Menard, leaving Parker to succumb to the Orange Punch for the pin and the win.
Your Winners via Pinfall: Kris Statlander, Hook, and Orange Cassidy
Now for something Schiavone doesn’t really wanna do, it’s time for Don Callis along with Konosuke Takeshita to explain what happened with Sammy Guevara attacking Chris Jericho on the Dynamite Grand Slam. Callis says amid a cacophony of boos he tried to pursue Jericho but came up with a better recruit. Guevara comes down and says he hated Callis for a long time because he tried to take away his family in JAS, but he just realized he never had one. Then he addresses Jericho in that he and the rest of the fans took him for granted. He’s done trying to earn their love, because he has a hot wife, a newborn daughter, and a fat paycheck, and he never wants to see Jericho again.
That brings out The Ocho and he goes on the attack to Guevara and Takeshita until Callis interferes. Before he can hurt him, Takeshita lands a chair across Jericho’s back and the numbers finally catch up to him. Callis prepares a screwdriver to add injury to insult on Jericho.
Then Kenny Omega comes out and makes the save as he chases off Callis and company with a lead pipe. Jericho is still disoriented from the beating, and when he bumps into The Best Bout Machine, things are already intense between the two bitter rivals. Omega drops the pipe and gestures to say “We Good.” Now will that involve a team-up between the sons of Manitoba?
Backstage Alex Marvez catches up with Omega and Jericho, and they both agree their issues pale compared to Callis’ reign of terror. So they issue a challenge at the WrestleDream PPV on October 1st: Omega, Jericho, and Ibushi versus the Don Callis Family.
I’m down for that.
Now we need to find out who will take on the ROH Tag Team of Better Than You Bay Bay, so the next match is a…
Four-way tag team match for a future ROH World Tag Team Championship: The Righteous (Vincent and Dutch) vs. The Kingdom (Matt Taven and Mike Bennett) vs. The Hardys (Matt and Jeff Hardy) vs. Best Friends (Trent Beretta and Chuck Taylor)
I have to say, of the current roster of the new Ring of Honor, The Righteous has tons of potential as a tag team. Maybe it’s because they have that Wyatt Family swagger, or maybe it’s because Vincent has really honed his Rob Zombie/Charles Manson gimmick to an edge. But either way, let’s see more of them.
As for the match, Because there is a lot going on, let’s do a Limerick in Review™:
Four teams vie to be number one,
Yet the match revolved a lot around The Righteous and The Kingdom.
Best Friends take down the Bennett and Taven,
But The Hardys have the Advantage with a Side Effect/Swanton combination.
But Vincent steals the pin, and thus The Righteous underhandedly won.
Your Winners and New Number One Contenders for the ROH Tag Team Championship: The Righteous.
And we next get some title action, and this match is for the…
AEW Trios Championship: The Acclaimed (Max Caster, Anthony Bowens, and “Daddy Ass” Billy Gunn (c) vs. The Dark Order (Evil Uno, John Silver, and Alex Reynolds)
Give credit where credit is due: The Dark Order are starting to go back to their heelish ways, and I hope they add more to their stable. Maybe a merging with The Righteous might be in order? Eh, I will do that armchair booking for another day (since TK doesn’t pay my bills, or my consultation fee for the low, low price of $99,999.99 USD).
As for the match itself, Caster was an Acclaimed in Peril throughout the match and kept isolated by Evil Uno and company. A hot tag to Gunn, and he is a Daddy Ass en Fuego. From there, it’s academic, and Bowens and Caster hit the Arrival and Mic Drop, but Silver pushes him to break the count. As the senior referee Aubrey Edwards tries to restore order, Uno clocks Caster with the Trios belt and Reynolds covers, but gets a two count. Dark Order gets back on offense, but Caster lands a Famesser to Reynolds, then he tags in Bowens and they do a new finisher which was a Military press into a powerbomb combo to retain.
Your Winners, and Still AEW Trios Champions: The Acclaimed
Now for women’s action between…
Julia Hart (with Brody King) vs. Skye Blue
Hart is definitely giving some modern-day Stevie Nicks vibes to her persona in The House of Black, and having King in her corner certainly does not hurt
As for the match itself? Well, as promised, here is your first Haiku in Review™:
Skye Blue fights with Hart.
However, Hart proves that she
Is Hartless with win.
Your Winner via Submission: Julia Hart
Hart continues to keep the submission hold locked on until Willow Nightingale makes the save, and Hart scampers out of the ring in a hurry.
And now making his singles debut, we get…
Mike Santana vs. Boulder
Since I can smell what the squash is cooking here, howzabout your second Haiku in Review™:
This Proud New Yorker
Gives the Iron Savage a
Beatdown. Bye, Boulder.
Your Winner via Pinfall: Mike Santana
After the match, Ortiz appears on the ramp. As he walks up to him, Ortiz says, “We gonna talk?” and Santana keeps on working much to his former tag partner’s chagrin.
(Author’s Note: It’s a shame that he and Ortiz are not going to be a part of the tag division since they made their feud public on social media. Personally, I think its a work, but the evidence is looking more and more like there were problems long before, and maybe during, their tag run. I sincerely hope this is a case of “brothers gonna fight,” and that a reconciliation is in the future. For now, I do hope the best for Santana’s singles run, but I am curious how Ortiz is gonna insert himself into the picture. Hey, as the Jarrett family mantra goes, “Personal issues draw money.”).
Now we get to the Main Event, and it’s time to Carry on my Wayward Son, since this is for the…
ROH World Six-Man Tag Team Championship: The Mogul Embassy (Brian Cage, Bishop Kaun, and Toa Liona) (c) (with Prince Nana and Swerve Strickland) vs.
The Elite (Matt Jackson, Nick Jackson, and “Hangman” Adam Page)
Strickland is looking rather fly in a white fur coat as he watches on. The early points of the match have The Embassy staying in control as they focused their attacks on Matt, making him a Young Buck in Peril. But soon he dives with a crossbody to The Embassy on the floor and dodges Cage’s attack to tag in Page, and he is getting Cowboy S*** done En Fuego. Liona and Kaun try to tie up Page, but the Young Bucks make the save. Then Page goes for a sunset flip on Cage, and he catches him and reverses to a falling Alabama Slam for a two count. He props up Page on the top turnbuckle and gets him in a fireman’s carry, but it gets countered to a huracanrana and The Young Bucks are there in the center of the ring for a Superkick Par-tay. The Embassy gets all three of The Elite to land triple TKOs.
From there it’s a Pier Six brawl, and the Young Bucks dump Liona and Kaun out of the ring, and Page nails a Deadeye on Cage in the center, but only gets a two count. Strickland starts to saunter to the ring, and as Page misses the Buckshot Lariat to jaw at Swerve, Cage turns him inside out with a discus lariat. He sets him up for the Drill Claw, but Page wriggles through and rolls up Cage as the ref counts one, two, and three.
Your Winners, and New ROH Six-Man Champions: The Elite
After the match, Page stares daggers at Strickland, as The Young Bucks tell him to enjoy the moment.
If AEW would book Rampage more like this, I would continue to cover it more often. As it stands, the Grand Slam Week really gives the show the extra push, along with some great matches.
But until then, see ya next time on AEW Collision, and here’s hoping Rampage isn’t a complete loss.