It’s Saturday night and it’s all right for fighting (unless you’re CM Punk). We are one week out from the All IN pay-per-view and heading less than twenty-four hours into the next one, All Out. Given the recent news heading to Chicago, let’s see if this go-home show from All Elite Wrestling is all out of gas.

But first, because this is still a thing, Let’s get to your…

Rampage Review in Rhyme™

*ahem*

The Dark Order won a battle royal,

Then Vikingo and Wayne beat Sabían and Gringo Loco.

Adam Page destroyed a jobber with a lariat full of buckshot,

And Nightingale and Blue made Jay and Valkyrie question their lot.

To say this was a good Rampage would be disloyal.

With that, let’s jump to…

AEW Collision

But we first get words from AEW head honcho Tony Khan, and he states the following before the broadcast…

Khan said the same things to a very heated Chicago crowd, and that is the equivalent of lining up for a St. Valentine’s Day Massacre.  However, give the man credit; he pulled the trigger on a hard decision and maybe (just maybe) gained a little respect for what he did.  I’ve been in front of  hostile crowds at a comedy open mic, but that is nothing compared to what Khan did, so for that, I say “kudos” for making the tough decision and avoiding another All Out Media Scrum of Infamy

Then we head to you from the United Center in Chicago, Il. Tony Schiavone is in the ring and brings out Ricky Starks with Big Bill in tow. He wants a no-DQ strap match against Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat. As Starks gets on the mic, he complains (rightfully) that he has to start at square one and start over. But he adds that he will show up and show out and that, “you cannot put a lid on a boiling pot, cause it will boil over.” Puts over Bill and his hard work, but then gets back to the script and wants Steamboat.

Steamboat comes out and brings a contract for the aforementioned match, which shows “Ricky Starks vs. The Dragon” in bold letters, and Starks signs it. Steamboat then points out the contract is for The Dragon, but there is another person that uses that name, and that person is…

Yes, yes, yes, Virginia.  Bryan Danielson comes out and his arm has healed up.  The American Dragon signs the contract and now Starks says, “If this is the bed I lay in, I want to get real comfortable.”  

(Author’s note:  When it says on the marquee, “Card subject to change”, you better pay attention.  This has been a Slam! Wrestling PSA©.)

Moxley cuts an intense promo on Orange Cassidy, and I’m just gonna let him talk:

Now we turn to the ring, and Nigel McGuinness and Kevin Kelly have the call for the First Match of the night for the…

Courtesy of AEW

AEW World Trios Championship: The Acclaimed (Max Caster and Anthony Bowens, with Billy Gunn) (c) vs. Daniel Garcia, “Cool Hand Ang” Angelo Parker, and “Daddy Magic” Matt Menard (with Jake Hager)

Interesting choice for Garcia and company to be wearing white before Labor Day, but I digress.  The Acclaimed are in control and at one point Garcia tells Gunn to “Suck It.” He punches him out and Garcia leans to his pelvic region, and Gunn struts as Garcia does.

Bowens tags in but soon finds himself in trouble, and Caster is blocked from helping his tag partner.  Even though Gunn makes the save from a pin, Bowens is still an Acclaimed in Peril during Picture in Picture.  Soon he gets the hot tag to Caster, and he is Scissoring en Fuego on all three men.  Now Gunn tags back in and drops Hager from the mat, and then gives Menard a Fameasser, and Bowens adds to it The Arrival followed by a Mic Drop from Caster to retain the titles.

Your Winners via Pinfall:  The Acclaimed

Lexy Nair is backstage with The Dark Order on wanting the ROH Tag Team Championship from Adam Cole and MJF.

Schiavone encounters Starks in the halls and he promises he will knock it out of the park against The American Dragon.

But let’s head back to ringside for the next match between…

Aussie Open vs. Nick Wayne and Komander (with Alex Abrahantes)

Wayne starts out strong and the Aussies are no match.  He tags in Komander, and gets Davis in an Octopus Stretch but quickly powers out.  Then the Aussies throw Wayne out and work over Komander during Picture in Picture.  He is a Luchador in Peril, and then…

Ads (*sigh*)

We come back and there is a hot tag to Wayne and “Sick” Nick is en Fuego.  There is a series of reversals and Fletcher catches him with a dragon suplex.  Aussie Open double-teams him, and Wayne fights valiantly to his credit but the Coriolis finishes him off.

Your Winners via Pinfall:  Aussie Open

Schiavone then enters the ring post-match talking to Wayne and he is frustrated by the loss.  But Wayne wonders why Allin forgave AR Fox a couple of weeks ago. Allin comes out and explains he got in a fight with his dad once and didn’t speak with him for three years, and before he could apologize he passed away. Fox was his trainer, and he needed to let it go as well. Allin also says he’ll be in All Out for the TNT championship and wants Wayne to be in his corner.

That brings Christian Cage and Luchasaurus, and while he knows his dad…he asks about his mom and wants to slide into his DMS (oh, snap!). Then he asks if Wayne is Allin’s “pity project,” because even Chicago knows losers…like the Blackhawks (double snap with the cheap heat!). But after All Out, Cage promises they will still be on top, now and forever

We go backstage with Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta. He didn’t think he could lose more respect for Eddie Kingston, but after All In he proved him wrong.  As he beats down Yuta to prove he’s used to punishment by the Blackpool Combat Club, Castagnoli says we will be running down Kingston once and for all.

That leads to a rebuttal from Kingston and Katsuyori Shibata.  They retort that they’ll both be ready at all out, with Shibata adding, using Google Translate, “You Both Suck!”

Lexy Nair is backstage with Ruby Soho and Saraya about her title win at All In and the dissent between her and Toni Storm. Saraya says to let it go, and Soho adds The Outcasts are still strong (even though Storm was half-naked backstage throwing shoes at the birds…ahem), but she vows she will win the TBS championship in this godforsaken city

Schiavone is in the ring and brings out Dennis Rodman. Fans are cheering the former Chicago Bull, but before he can get a word out, the Jarretts, Sanjay Dutt, Jay Lethal, and Satnam Singh come out. “Double J” makes a deal with The Worm and asks to join them. Rodman says this is the first time he was here in Chicago in 13 years, and Jarrett says, “Don’t make me have Singh dunk on your ass like the Utah Jazz did in 1998!”

(Author’s Note:  As a Utahn from that time, I say this:   BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA*gasp*HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Dutt tries to smooth things over and schmooze The Worm, and he tosses him out. Before they can jump Rodman, The Acclaimed come out and Bowens wants them to fight. Gunn makes a better proposal that they fight for the Trios title on the line and have Rodman in the corner.  

Just like that, we have another match.  The only way this can be better is if Diamond Dallas Page and Karl Malone come out for a beatdown.

But, I digress.

We get a Shane Taylor promo wanting the ROH World Television title.   Then Samoa Joe retorts he will be the champion after All Out.

But the next match in the ring is between…

Courtesy of AEW.

The Outcasts (Saraya, Toni Storm, and Ruby Soho) vs. Dr. Britt Baker DMD, Kris Statlander, and Hikaru Shida

As The Outcasts walk down the ring, Storm hurries out and is a little bit of a hot mess.  Before Soho starts, Storm wants in and she goes to work over Statlander.  She sets for a hip attack and Statlander dropkicks her in the corner.  Now Shida comes in and The Outcasts keep her isolated during Picture in Picture and she is a Joshi In Peril.  Now Storm takes it to the former champ and Shida lands an enzugiri to daze her.  A hot tag to Statlander, and she runs roughshod over The Outcasts. She gives a Blue Thunder bomb to Saraya to cover before Soho breaks the count.  Now all six women are firing live rounds until it is just Baker and Soho in the ring and she pushes the DMD to the ropes as Saraya sprays paint in her eyes, and Soho rolls her up for the win.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Saraya, Toni Storm, and Ruby Soho

Adam Cole is here, Bay Bay, and he wants to talk about The Dark Order prior to All Out.  MJF is not here, but he reads a text that is…well…

Probably best we move along, eh?

Nair is backstage with Statlander and is not happy with the loss. Before she can say another word, Soho gets in her face and tells her she will take her TBS Championship.

 

That goes right to the next match (if you wanna call it that) between…

Powerhouse Hobbs vs. GPA

Before I can compose a haiku, Hobbs squashes him for a quick three-count.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Powerhouse Hobbs

Hoobs wants The Redeemer, and Miro comes out and he and Hobbs give fans an amuse-bouche of things to come at All Out.  They battle to the outside and Hobbs beats a retreat into the crowd as Miro looks on.

We hear from  Orange Cassidy on his upcoming title defense of his AEW International Championship at All Out, and we get something different from Freshly Squeezed himself…We get a damn good promo who is ready to hang with Moxley to retain his belt and put the company on his shoulders.

Jim Ross joins commentary for the Main Event and it is a singles match between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Jay White (with Bullet Club Gold) vs. Dax Harwood (with Cash Wheeler)

It’s pointed out there is a lot of history between the two factions, not to mention this is the first singles match for both men, with White being a little rusty with his tag teaming of late.

Harwood has the upper hand early in the match until White crawls out of the ring to confab with the Club.  During Picture in Picture, Harwood is still in the driver’s seat and then…

Ads (Mega-SIGGGHHHHHHH!!!!)

We come back and Harwood has White up on the top turnbuckle, but after raking his eyes he drops him and follows with a turnbuckle suplex.  White chops away and keeps the Top Guy grounded, but then Harwood pushes him into the corner and gets a rollup for a two count.  Then he superplexes White and both men are down.

In the second Picture in Picture, White gets Harwood in a single-leg crab, but he reaches the bottom ropes to break the hold.  White chops away, but Harwood reverses into a German suplex and then a brainbuster for a two count.  Then they fight outside and back into the ring, where White gives Harwood a dragon screw leg whip followed by a German suplex and then a back elbow into a running DVD for a count of two.  Harwood goes for another superplex, but White shifts his weight and crashes down for another two count.  He then whips Harwood hard to go through the corner into the ring post and then nails a high uranage that gets White a near fall.  Then Harwood returns fire with a slingshot powerbomb that gets him a two count, but switches to a sharpshooter and White fights his way to the ropes to break the submission.

Bullet Club Gold pulls White out of the ring and as they distract the ref, White delivers the Blade Runner to Harwood on the floor.  Then he sends him back in the ring as Wheeler seethes, but Harwood is still alert and attempts to roll him up for two, but White kicks out. A second Blade Runner is enough to stop the Top Guy as The Switchblade pins him in for one, two, and three.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Jay White

Wheeler tends to his partner after the match, and that’s when the Bullet Club Gold pounces until the Young Bucks make the save. After they run off, Matt and Nick Jackson offer a handshake like what FTR did at the end of All In, and then they bail out of the ring to leave them hanging.

How this will play at All Out is anyone’s guess as the show fades to black.

AEW Collision: 09/02/2023
3.5

Final Thoughts:

This is how you make chicken cordon bleu out of the chickens*** left by CM Punk, and this PPV looks like it could now be the equal of All In.

In any case, we’ll see ya at All Out for the recap.