Saturday nights are still all right for fighting, and All Elite Wrestling has tag team action in the Main Event as Maxwell Jacob Friedman and Adam Cole have a title match with FTR for the AEW Tag Team belts. Will the Top Guys rule, or is the new team going to prove they’re Better Than You, Bay Bay?

But before we do that, let’s do the…

Rapid Rampage Review in Rhyme™ 

*ahem*

Brian Cage and Big Bill won the Rampage Battle Royal with relative ease,

Komander flipped over Kip Sabian for the win, if you please.

Then it was Hikaru Shida again Nyla Rose,

And she overcame the Native Beast to bring the show to a close.

But watching Rampage feels like my brain is getting a hard squeeze.

Now let’s kick things off with…

AEW Collision

We are at the XL Center in Hartford, CT.  Ian Riccaboni and Nigel McGuinness have the call, and the First Match of the night is a ladder match between…

Buddy Matthews (with Julia Hart) vs. Andrade El Idolo

Ever since taking El Idolo’s mask, The House of Black has been living rent-free in Andrade’s head.  So either man must grab the black mask suspended above the ring in order to win.  El Idolo is dominant early in the match and sends Matthews out, and then he connects on the Trios champion with a moonsault from the ladder set outside the ring.

Now El Idolo gets all sorts of ladders set in the ring until Matthews gets back and stomps away, but El Idolo throws him into the ladder in the corner and follows with the Three Amigos.  Matthews stops at the third Amigo, but El Idolo hip-tosses him into the other ladder in the opposite corner.  He sets up a ladder in front of him and charges, but Matthews throws it into his face.  Matthews is hurting and he goes out of the ring to be checked by ring doc to readjust his shoulder, and during Picture in Picture, El Idolo climbs up top for his mask but gets caught and given a buckle bomb for his trouble.  Matthews employs offense on the ladders and then throws El Idolo to the outside, and he sets up a bridge between the ring and the other ladder, and then Matthews sets another ladder up between the ring and the Commentary desk and flapjacks El Idolo onto it.

Back and forth they battle, and then El Idolo spears Matthews through the ring ropes onto the ladder bridge but he got the worst of it.  Matthews then brings in a table to the mix and props it in the corner and rams his skull on it.  Now he climbs the ladder but El Idolo tips it over and gives a big back elbow to rock him on the other ladder bridge.  He climbs up top, as does Matthews, and they slug out on top and El Idolo lands a Huge sunset powerbomb onto the ladder.

Now he goes back to grab the mask but Matthews yanks him by the ankle and connects with a knee strike.  Then Hart and Matthews handcuff El Idolo to the ring post, and She teases him with the key in her possession. Matthews grabs a steel chair but He kicks it in his face and the key flies from Hart’s hand to his, and he begins to free himself.  Now Matthews is handcuffed and El Idolo throws the key, and goes back to the ladder while Hart gets the bolt cutters. She hands the Tool to Matthews and Hart climbs on the back of El Idolo to slow his ascent.  Matthews is freed and attempts to head him off but El Idolo shoves him down.  Hart swings around and Slaps El Idolo, who shoves her back to Matthews and they crash into the table and he claims the black mask.

Your Winner of the Ladder Match:  Andrade El Idolo

Backstage Tony Schiavone talks to Miro about a battle coming soon but gets blindsided by QTV’s Aaron Solow.  He’s able to clean his clock, but Miro isn’t happy, and I suspect The Redeemer will be feuding with QTV soon.  

So…yay?

 

Next up is…

Darby Allin vs. Minoru Suzuki

Before the King gets in, Allin attacks directly with a dropkick and then a tope suicida before the bell rings.  He then sets Suzuki on a chair for a missile dropkick on the outside.  He brings Suzuki back and now the bell ring and he covers for a two count.

Suzuki brings the pain with an armbar on the top rope, and Allin is in trouble as he is thrown to the guardrails.  He proceeds to whip Allin to the corner and nails him with a big boot followed by a snapmare to a kick to the chest for a two count.  Suzuki Then targets his taped midsection and during Picture in Picture, he stomps away at his injured ribs.  He gets Allin in a Boston half crab and then…

Ads (again why have it if this nonsense needs to come up in the middle?  Honestly!)

We come back and Suzuki strangles him using the bandages.  Allin tries to chop down Suzuki and his blows do nothing, as opposed to the King’s hard hits.  Finally, Allin’s speed kicks in and both jockey for position to hit their respective finishers.  Allin attempts the Coffin Drop, but Suzuki catches in a rear naked choke.  He has it cinched in, but Allin tilts over so his shoulders are down to get the surprise pin and the win.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Darby Allin

After the match, Christian Cage and Luchasaurus are on the Khan Tron and he tells Allin he feels distracted.  It doesn’t matter who he faces, says Cage, since he promises he will never get the TNT title.

Toni Storm cuts a promo on that ‘stupid cow” Hikaru Shida, who will challenge her on the 200th episode of AEW Dynamite for the women’s title.  

But your next match is…

Courtesy of AEW.

Samoa Joe vs. Gravity

Apparently, Gravity is the brother of Bandido, and he does look to have a good future ahead of him.  Just not in this match, and this is time for a Milagro-Style Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

Samoa Joe makes

Sure he defies Gravity.

Musclebuster. Done.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Samoa Joe

Tony Schiavone is in the ring to interview CM Punk, who comes down to 70% cheers and 30% boos, and he’s carrying the mysterious red bag.  “Ricky Starks has a lot to do with what’s in the bag,” explains Punk. “He’s beat me twice: once in a singles match.  Congratulations, Ricky. I’m not mad at you. I’m a little disappointed.  Twice in a tag match. More pissed off for Darby Allin than I am myself, because like I said last week, I can take the ‘L.’  Can you take the win knowing that you’re just a cheater? As far as the bag goes, it’s not so much that I’ve been carrying it around. But it’s that I’ve been left holding it and that’s the funny thing about responsibility. Tony Schiavone, it sucks a lot of the time sometimes. You gotta wake up and do some things that you don’t want to do because you’re the responsible adult.”

He then opens the bag and displays the original AEW World Heavyweight title he won against Jon Moxley at All Out last year.

Then, faster than you can say “NWO,” he spraypaints the belt with a large black “X.”  Now before you think this is an endorsement of Elon Musk, Punk goes on…

“This ‘X’ has represented CM Punk since 1997. This is the foundation I have built my professional wrestling career on this ‘X.’  This means I’m straight edge, and straight edge means I’m better than you. This title is mine. It belongs on Collision, and this title is not stolen unlike my catchphrase. I am the real world’s champion.”

Well, Ricky Starks interrupts and says he’s sold on gold and he feels he is owed a title shot since he is the face of Collision. Punk wants a special guest ref, and Starks says he does have any friends in the back and quips, “If you gotta dig from your past, you gotta get Julio Genero, Dave Prazak.  You gotta go up to Stamford to bring somebody; whoever it is, I don’t care.” 

Oooh, snap!

Punk then says next week on AEW Collision will be the title match, and the special guest referee is Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat.  Well, sign me up for that matchup.

But let’s get back to the action with a six-man tag match. Between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Bullet Club Gold (Juice Robinson, Austen and Colten Gunn) vs. El Hijo del Vikingo, Darius Martin, and Action Andretti

Colten and Martin start the match and it isn’t long before he and Andretti send out the Gunns to the outside.  Now Vikingo and Robinson come in and the luchador runs circles against the Rock Hard star during Picture in Picture.  He almost goes to a tope suicida on the Gunns but punks them out, until Robinson gets back in the ring and throws him out.  Vikingo is isolated outside the ring in the Club’s corner and he is a Lucha in Peril.  He attempts a tag but Martin is pulled off the apron by The Gunns at the last second.  He manages to get the hot tag to Andretti and he is full of Action en Fuego.  A springboard moonsault misses, but Andretti lands an enzugiri to Austen and then Spanish Fly on Colten to cover as Robinson breaks the count.  The big move of the night has Martin and Andretti assist Vikingo in the corner as they launch him in a swanton to Bullet Club Gold on the outside.

As they get ready to signal the end, some miscommunication between Martin and Andretti allows the Gunns to take over and then they deliver the 3:10 to Yuma on Martin for the decisive three count.

Your Winners via Pinfall:  Bullet Club Gold

That leads to the women’s action between…

Courtesy of AEW.

Kiera Hogan vs. Mercedes Martinez

Martinez is giving Hogan the fight of her life and nails a rope-assisted neckbreaker for a two count.  During Picture in Picture, she continues the onslaught of offense and Hogan is just on colt legs at this point.  She gets her in the Razor’s Edge powerbomb but Hogan escapes and does a rollup for a count of two and…

Ads (Double Ugh!)

We come back and Hogan nails a sliding dropkick to cover Martínez for a two count, and then she attempts a fisherman’s suplex but Martinez reverses to a Saito suplex and then follows with a sliding forearm to the back of her head.  The end comes swiftly as Martinez locks Hogan in the surfboard dragon sleeper in the center of the ring, and she taps out right away.

Your Winner via Submission:  Mercedes Martinez

Martinez refused to let go of the submission, and then Kris Statlander runs out from the back to check on Hogan.  While that happens, Martínez grabs the TBS title and cracks her on the head with it, and holds it over her prone body in defiance. Now Willow Nightingale makes the run in as Martinez beats a hasty retreat, but even as all three women stand tall in the squared circle, you know this is far from over.

But it’s time for the Main Event and it is for the…

Courtesy of AEW.

AEW World Tag Team Championship: FTR (Cash Wheeler and Dax Harwood)(c) vs. MJF and Adam Cole

There is a big pop for Cole and MJF, and boos for the Top Guys, then there were the dueling “Double clothes-line/F-T-R!!” chants.  Already this looks to be a good one.  Cole and Harwood start out and they’re testing the waters but isn’t long before he gets the upper hand, Bay Bay.  MJF comes in and he keeps up the pressure until a blind tag allows Wheeler to do a slingshot tackle and he wears down the champ until Cole catches him with an enzugiri.  Tag back to MJF and they attempt the double clothesline, but Harwood grabs his partner and puts on the brakes.  Tag back to MJF and he rolls out and struts his stuff for the fans, and he goes back to face Harwood.   MJF leads a “Bash His Nuts!” chant and tries to catch him in the nethers, but the ref is keeping a close eye on him.  He then shoots the ropes and MJF pulls up lame clutching his ankle, but he was playing possum.

Tempers are running hot as the ref tries to restore order and during Picture in Picture, the action goes outside the ring. MJF threatens Harwood’s lower region again and attempts to crotch him on the ring post, but Harwoods pulls him in as a reminder to everyone to never skip leg day. Harwood has MJF locked in the camel clutch, and he is now a Salt of the Earth in Peril. He leaps up for the tag, but FTR blocks him.  MJF manages to reverse it with a double DDT to FTR.  A hot tag to Cole and he is En Fuego, Bay Bay, and gives Wheeler a Last Shot for a two count.

Harwood goes for a crossbody up top and Cole catches him midair with a superkick for another count of two.  Once again, MJF and Cole go for the double clothesline and Harwood ducks. Wheeler and MJF jockey for a tombstone piledriver, and Cole superkicks Wheeler and MJF goes for a rollup for another near fall.  They g back and Cole and MJF nail a combo superkick/tombstone piledriver to Wheeler but he still kicks out at two in a close call.

They attempt the double clothesline again and FTR stops it.  Now Cole goes up top for his Panama Sunrise, but FTR reverse it and they nail him with the superplex to a splash for another two count.

Tag back to MJF and he and Harwood fire hard bombs, and Harwood gets a slingshot powerbomb for another two count.  Harwood goes up top but Cole takes out legs, and as the ref is distracted by Cole and Wheeler on the outside, MJF channels his inner Goldust and punts him right in the yambags, to quote the philosopher Taz.  Now FTR goes for their Shatter Machine/Big Rig finisher on Cole, but it gets blocked as MJF makes the sacrifice and he goes for the Heatseeker on Wheeler, but Harwood pulls him away and rolls him up for the one, two, and three.

Your Winners, and Still AEW Tag Team Champions:  FTR

FTR shakes hands with Cole, and MJF is disappointed. Cole consoles him and hands back his title, and he gets ready to wind up.  Cole senses a disturbance in The Force and tells MJF to just get it over with, and MJF…tosses the belt.  He can’t do it!  The Power of Douchenozzlery™ has failed him, but they hug it out in the ring as the show fades to black.

George Tahinos’ AEW Collision 7/29/2023 Gallery

 

AEW Collision - 07/29/2023
3.5

Final Thoughts:

A solid show once again with a great ladder match with El Idolo/Matthews, and FTR tore the house down with Cole/MJF, but the fact that MJF didn’t channel The Power of Douchenozzlery™ is very interesting.  I didn’t think this pairing would last long, but here we are and I want more of this bro-mance.

For now, see ya next Saturday!