Happy Holidays and welcome friends!

Mads Krugger vs. Mance Warner – Tables Match

Tis the season for brawling. Krugger finally gets his hands on Warner like he wished ever so dearly from Santa Claus, and he provided. What a nice man. As Mads makes his entrance, I’m surprised that the fans seated the closes to the event wanted a high five from this man who looks like a serial killer. Ha! He ignores them, of course.

His name is “Mads”. It felt like I was in a horror film. My God. That roar… geez.

And speaking of woahs, Mance was backstage earlier talking about his Christmas gift, a guitar signed by David Allan Coe. Every time this man is on screen, I get confused, befuddled. I don’t get it… Even the interviewer is perplexed by Warner when her eyes made contact with the camera.

Once Warner makes his way to the ring and greets the audience for a little too long, that makes Krugger impatient. So, he decides to come down from the ring and attack Mance before the ringing of the bell.

Mance attempts to hurt Mads back with chops to the chest, yet Krugger stands his ground like he’s been bolted to the floor or something. He does slap Mance again, though…

Mance plucks a piece of wood from the crowd to hit Krugger with, regrettably for him, that weapon is hardly menacing or effective. Mads uses the Mexican flag his opponent was going to whack him with, instead turns it on Warner’s back.

The fight manages to land in the spectator area as Mads beats Warner as he sits there completely winded. Mance retaliates with a chair to Mads’ head for separation that doesn’t do much since Krugger has him tittering.

Was I the only one who got confused once Krugger started grabbing painted white DOORS from under the ring? I was like “Isn’t this a Table Match, or am I blind?”

Anyway, Mance is bleeding from the top of his head when he hit the post skull first as we came back from the break. If it wasn’t real DNA, I would have thought it to be well done Halloween makeup. Ha! It’s not quite the time.

Things just went completely berserk when Mads used a screwdriver and started to hammer it into Mance’s front skull. Ooh. Ouch. Ouch. Ouch. It actually scared me. Krugger is barely harmed by this match so far. He sets the doors up as Mance struggles to his feet, thankfully, he makes it. Warner whacks Krugger in the head with a chair twice because the first one didn’t do anything. Oof, inhuman that guy is. Intriguing.

The chairs in the middle of the ring have also been set up, Mads hoists Warner then slams him on top of steel. Mance is losing an enormous amount of blood, and it’s becoming alarming. Given how quickly that escalated, he may, or may not, last long enough to win this match. BUT, I won’t count him out no matter how baffled he makes me feel.

We eventually go back to those doors previously set up. Krugger planned on spearing Mance into one of them, yet he mistakenly lands instead. Mance uses the broken bits to smack Mads over the head with, which narrowly does nothing. So, that results in Krugger spearing Mance, as planned, into the second door. The chaos is enticing to say the least, folks.

Oh, by the way, the funniest thing. When Krugger installed a table on the main floor, some random spectator threw a half empty Coke bottle at Mads. Ya missed. Ha! Why would you do that and it’s not finished? What a waste…

What was also wasteful was that Krugger ended up crashing into his own set up because of the Eye Pock providing Mance the win. I was shocked, but not really at the same time. This match was crazy beautiful! And bloody…

But, it’s not finished yet… for some reason Mance needs to preach about the heavy battle that comes with the world of wrestling. Why? This man needs a doctor. Lord.

Have fun getting drunk, I guess.

Winner: Mance Warner

Somewhere outside, Microman and some other dude are asking for money for the Microman Benevolent Fund. The first thing I said was “Who the hell is this?” The tall one.

Suddenly, some other man comes in to demand these two leave. Oof, oh well.

Anyway, we are backstage with Juicy Finau from the Samoan SWAT Team. They’re here to “drink your beer, smoke your weed, and eat your Goddamn food” according to Finau. If you could see me, I’m tearing up with laughter because what the hell?

Taya Valkyrie is mentally prepared for her upcoming match tonight to defend her title against Lady Flammer. Flammer is beyond certain that the Women’s Featherweight Championship title will be awarded to her. Valkyrie says these Luchadores have been trying to take her out of her game, but failed miserably since then.

So, who’s really going to win? An egotistical, but talented challenger, or the dominant, yet slightly overconfident reigning champ? “Lady Flammer, you’re cute, you’re young, you have a lot of potential. But girl, you ain’t me.”

Elsewhere, Alex Kane brags that everyone is chanting “Boom-Ay-Hey”, even someone’s girlfriend. There are no applications to become a member, yet they do take names and belts, like Davey Richards’. Kane is still bitter about that loss. He even took Davey’s jacket to instigate him to come forward since he’s too keen on running.

Alex Kane vs. ? – Peach State Prize Fight

Can anyone stand five minutes with Alex Kane without getting pinned, submit or knocked out to win 2,250$? Let’s see.

Okay, some guy named Daniele Dentice D’accadia better known as D3 accepts the challenge. I almost called this dude “dentist” because of his middle name. Ha! Ha! Oh, God. What the hell?…

Daniele had a small grip at the beginning of this match, but Kane quickly turns it around with a suplex into the ring ropes. Mister “dentist” was in pain.

Kane has plenty of suplex maneuvers in his arsenal to take down D’accadia. He performs another one to D3’s back causing him to wobble like raw chicken fingers.

The next move Kane did, I’m not sure what it was, but it resembles a vertical throwing suplex as D3 lands hard on the back of his neck. I don’t know how long it’s been, but the agony is ongoing. Alex performs The Mark of Kane maneuver for a swift victory that I don’t mind, actually.

Kane cleanses the filth from his hands like this was nothing. He force-fed a peach to Daniele. I thought it was over, yet Kane felt like stirring up more problems as Davey Richards marches his way to the ring. Officials and the Boom-Ay-Hey Fight Club try to keep Richards back, unbeknownst to all of us, Myron Reed leaps over the cameraman and crashes on top of everyone in order to push Davey into the hands of Kane. It becomes a Fight Club assault on Davey.

Richards just wants his Opera Cup back.

Winner: Alex Kane

Two weeks ago, Myron Reed was dumbfounded by the abrupt union between Shun Skywalker and Davey Richards. Given the brute strength and skill Shun demonstrated in his title match against Reed, he won and left a the former champ wide-eyed.

How quickly that went. Reed lost his title so fast after just receiving it not too long ago. Ha! Sucks for him.

EJ Nduka reminds Alex Hammerstone once against that he’s built for this game. He has a diamond chain with the word “built” written on it and teeth carved out of that very gem. He’s full of himself. Wow. He wants to fight Hammerstone, so he could unite his title and prove he’s the best there ever was. Nduka is somewhat bonkers… damn.

Backstage, the Luchadores and members of the Samoan SWAT Team are celebrating a potential team up with drinks and funny Christmas hats.

Regardless of the injury Hammerstone received  two weeks ago, he’s glad he and Nduka keep going at it, but he’s also confused by it. Hammerstone believes that he knows his purpose in this industry is to get up and do what you do best, and that’s wrestling. He loves it; although, Hammerstone questions Nduka’s motivations other than wanting to be a superstar for easy money.

“We’ve been told you were a star in football. A star in bodybuilding. All I’ve heard is that you’re good enough to be kind of successful at a lot of things and get to the top of none of them.” said Hammerstone. “Until now, God has given you a lot of gifts that have gotten you very far. Seize, strength, and power. But what he left out was grit, heart, passion.” He makes a sharp point.

Taya Valkyrie (c) vs. Lady Flammer – World Women’s Featherweight Championship match

Before the match begins, everyone has the Canadian national anthem and Mexican anthem scoffed down their throats, and I’m just saying that to be funny not rude. Don’t hit me… I’m part Canadian, so really, I’m insulting myself.

My stomach was cramping up with laughter because whoever was responsible for ringing the bell took at least 14 seconds to remember they have a job to do. Ha! So hilarious.

At first, this fight was mostly Taya shoving Flammer into the ropes like a kid at the playground before Flammer slingshots Taya using his legs, destabilizing her a little bit. Valkyrie returns the favor with a smooth but brutal arm drag to her challenger.

Flammer suicide drives into Valkyrie outside the ring then proceeds to kick her in the mid-section and dragging her from her hair to throw Taya face first against the post.

Flammer has the majority of the upper hand in this match with a Super Kick to Taya’s jaw. The champ is in trouble… momentarily. Valkyrie has Flammer on her shoulders and throws her face first against the top turnbuckle. Taya takes down Flammer by kicking her, so she could bounce off the ropes and provide her with a clothesline.

The Lady has Taya stretched out on the second ropes, she runs and drop kicks Taya in the stomach. Surprisingly, the champ reveals a sneaky card from her sleeve as she spears Flammer turning her inside outside for a failed win.

Flammer thought by meeting Taya on the turnbuckles would stop the champ from body splashing her, but that slowed Taya down only just. Valkyrie switches positions to Powerbomb Flammer in the middle of the ring.

Lady Flammer conjured the Flip Pile Driver move that was so well executed, but that didn’t grant her a win.

Valkyrie was out in all sorts, that could have costed her title. Luckily, she digs down deep, summoned a few right hooks before planting Flammer with The Road to Valhalla move for a retaining victory. And a deserved one at that.

Winner: Taya Valkyrie 


TOP PHOTO: Taya Valkyrie holding her title belt. Courtesy of MLW