If there’s one good thing about babies, it’s that they give you a reason to throw a baby shower, where you can spend a day hanging out with all of your friends, eating a bunch of cake, opening presents, and playing pregnancy games. Unless, of course, your mom is Kathy.
Because, as this week’s episode begins, Kathy tells the girls that she wants to throw them a baby shower. They’re not keen on the idea, because they suspect she’s going to use this as an excuse to have a family reunion with all of their cousins and aunts. But they want the party to be full of their friends. And, at the moment, that doesn’t include their sister-in-law Lauren, with whom Nikki is feuding.
Througout these discussions, Nikki keeps talking about her lady parts in graphic terms, and has dropped any self-censorship of dirty words, even with little Birdie in the room. She’s super-horny, you see, because of the pregnancy hormones, and that apparently makes you tactless as well. More than usual.
Days later, Kathy is still gung ho with the planning, so the girls decide they’ll tell her to back off when they see her next.
Nikki goes for a naked swim, and Artem is horrified by the sight. He suggests she shouldn’t do it, and refuses to get in the pool with her. He’s put off by her nudity and says that in Russia, where he’s from, nobody gets naked. Which, I suppose, is why all their strippers move here. Nikki is upset that Artem doesn’t want to have sex with her, and that’s making her randier than usual. Maybe she shouldn’t be a girl, then. Either way, he tells her to get out of the pool and get back in the house, where they’re definitely not going to have sex.
Later, the twins call Kathy, and after Nikki’s done with even more graphic porno talk, they talk about the baby shower. The girls tell Kathy that they want the party to be with friends only, but Kathy is all about the family. Nikki tells Kathy that she’d rather not have a baby shower than have the one that Kathy wants to plan.
Kathy tries to guilt them, saying that the stress they’re giving her is going to worsen her Bells Palsy, but they call her bluff and say that she needs to go see the therapist they told her about on last week’s episode. Kathy knows when she’s been outwitted – and to be outwitted by the Bella Twins is a low point indeed – and she agrees to get her head shrunk.
Nikki does another Instagram in her underwear. Meanwhile, Artem is excited when he sees a large and firm zucchini. Seriously, she doesn’t see what’s really going on here?
Artem goes to Brie’s place and complains to Brie about Nikki’s naked escapades, including doing some midnight rock gardening in their back yard. They spend a lot of time talking about Nikki’s nipples, which are apparently pretty hideous. Brie tells Artem to fool Nikki by telling her that the neighbours have complained about her nakedness, and that may get her to cover up. They do, and she gets the message, and agrees to wear clothes.
She mentions that she’s still upset that Artem won’t do the sex with her, but he just nervously laughs at the idea, because he thinks girls are icky.
The next day, the girls are hanging out with Kathy, and she’s still planning the baby shower. Before they can protest, Kathy tells them that she’s seen the therapist. In flashbacks, we see her therapy session and the therapist basically tells Kathy that she’s in the wrong. Kathy accepts this and tells the girls that they should invite whoever they want and that’s cool with her. The girls think about having at least some family there as a compromise.
The next morning, Brie calls Bryan to ask him to persuade Artem to have sex with Nikki. Which may be the strangest sentence I’ve written in nearly 25 years of writing for this site.
So Bryan goes over and finds Artem playing in his garden, and Bryan suggests that he play in Nikki’s instead. The discussion is as awkward as you might expect. Bryan suggests Artem treat it like a job, which is probably the worst advice he could give, since Artem has never had a real job in his life. But Artem figures that having sex with a girl has got to be less awkward than having this discussion, so he says he’ll hide his disgust, put on a fake smile, and give it a shot. Anything to keep the gravy train rolling.
The next day, the baby shower is on and a number of “Friends of the Bellas” (as the caption reads) are there. Which, since they don’t even get their names on-screen, suggests that they’re simply paid actresses and not real friends. Because hopefully their real friends are smarter than the twins and know better than to attend a crowded baby shower in the middle of a pandemic just for the sake of a stupid reality show.
The Phoenix air gets chilly when Lauren shows up to the party and then JJ FaceTimes in to say hello. But the initial tension between Nikki and him lightens a little bit. Seeing JJ and Lauren’s kids on the call, and having Lauren there in person, makes Nikki long for the days when the family all got along, and she hopes they can get back there some day. Well, maybe if she didn’t scare the kids with her nakedness.
They also get video visits from their cousin Kristin, and WWE’s Natalya. But the girl party isn’t complete until Artem gets there.
That night, Artem asks Nikki to put a blindfold on him in bed, but he still knows in his mind she’s a girl, so that doesn’t work. The bedroom door closes as the episode comes to an end, so presumably she’s locked him inside with her. Poor Artem. Hopefully Kathy still has the shrink’s phone number so he can get over his trauma. After having to watch this episode, I may need that number as well.