Remember when November meant “sweeps week”, and TV shows would do all sorts of interesting things and come up with really creative moments that shock and amaze and have you excited for the show when it returns after the holiday break? Well, the producers of Total Divas apparently don’t, given the lame third episode of this season (that aired last Wednesday). On this episode, Lana and Naomi break rules but don’t get in trouble, the Bellas go on the dullest road trip ever, and Maryse and Miz bore Carmella and Cass so much that they won’t even stay at their house. Check the recap for all the (yawn) details.
The show starts off with Nia trying to teach Maryse the penis game. Maryse doesn’t agree that it’s time to play the game, and forfeits.
Nikki is in Toronto for the iHeart Awards. Wait, how did I miss this? I would have loved the chance to tell her how terrible I think she is in person. To be fair, she does look awesome in the dress she’s nearly wearing.
Carmella and Cass are at home, and she’s gushing over how much she loves him. They start beat-boxing, and she’s terrible. They feel they need a break from Orlando, but can’t decide on where to go. Carmella wants to go to Los Angeles, but he flat-out says no to the idea of living there.
At TV, Naomi tries on a pair of booty shorts, and then talks about getting her Women’s title painted up so it glows, so she can make it pop during her entrance. Jimmy asks her if she’s talked about it with the company, since it involves her shipping the title to the place that will glow it up, and of course she hasn’t.
Brie comes to visit everyone at TV, bringing along Baby Birdie. Everyone’s excited to see her backstage because there’s no fear that she’ll get into the ring. Brie and Bryan have decided to spend the summer in San Diego, since Phoenix is too hot. She’s also happy that she’s going to drive there with Nikki, since that will give them some sister bonding time.
Lana is still trying to get the chance to wrestle, and thinks she’ll try to use social media to campaign for a rematch with Naomi by posting a picture of Naomi botching the pin on her from last week. Nattie warns her that she could get in trouble for going into business for herself, but Lana figures since the internet trolls have already posted comments to that effect, she won’t be seen as a troublemaker.
John Cena makes his return to the ring, and everyone’s happy. Well, except for Naomi, who’s more interested in pimping her title. She contacts the company that will add the glow, and arranges to have the shipment made. She knows that she’s risking incurring the wrath of the company and could get fired.
Backstage at a house show, Nia and Alexa are clowning around. Meanwhile, Carmella calls Maryse who invites her to stay at her place when she comes to LA.
Naomi and Jimmy are at home and the belt arrives. It looks fine, it all lights up in neon colours, and actually looks pretty neat. Jimmy’s a bit dubious, though, suggesting that she’s going to get in trouble.
Brie and Birdie are all packed up for their road trip. Nikki wants to drive straight through to San Diego, but Brie reminds her that as a new mother, she has to take care of the kid, which involves stopping from time to time. And apparently cutting the cheese, which Brie does.
Backstage, WWE suit Mark Carrano pulls Lana aside and calls her out for posting the photo of the botched pin on the Twitter. He reminds her that this is a business and how dare she go rogue. She apologizes, but Carrano says that she’s going to get her rematch after all. She’s thrilled, thinking that she got one over on them. He tells her that she got lucky and that she’d better not try anything like that again. Lana tells Nattie about what happened, and Nattie is ticked that her plan worked.
Maryse gets home and the front gate is broken, which upsets her because Carmella and Cass are en-route. She wants to impress them, and has ordered them some balloons and even a new bed specifically for Big Cass. Which, unfortunately, is actually too big to even fit in the door. Miz rightly blasts her for wasting money on this nonsense.
The Bellas are on the road, and based on the montage of Birdie sleeping, she seems like the most boring road trip companion ever. The Bellas then argue about stupid things, and hearing them talk makes Birdie cry… she must have seen some of their promos. They stop at a rest stop and Brie goes into the shower to breastfeed the baby. Nikki’s pretty grossed out by the whole breastfeeding thing, and isn’t impressed by the time spent on keeping the baby alive.
At lunch, Naomi gets a call from WWE producer Scotty, who questions her about some pictures taken at a house show where she debuted the glowing title. Scotty tells her that the company is ticked, and Jimmy’s like “I told you so.” He says that she’ll likely get punished by losing the championship, which upsets her.
The Bellas stop at a rest stop to try their magical milkshakes. Afterwards, Brie wants to explore the area, but Nikki wants none of that, complaining that the ride is taking too long already, and she’s anxious to hit the road again. Brie’s upset that they used to spend time having fun on road trips, but now Nikki is making her feel rushed.
Carmella and Cass show up at Miz and Maryse’s. Maryse trumpets about getting Cass a bed, but it won’t actually fit in the house, so it’s set up poolside. They also got a taco truck, which admittedly is pretty cool. Carmella’s confused, because she apparently didn’t understand Maryse’s accent, and thought she was only invited to “see” the house, not “stay at” the house. She’s actually booked a hotel for them because they wanted some smoochie time. Awkward.
The Bellas finish their road trip, and Nikki admits she actually did have a lot of fun bonding with Brie.
As Miz and Maryse do some stuff, Carmella tells Cass that she doesn’t want to stay there, but he feels obliged to do so, given they bought him a bed. He says if that’s how she feels, she needs to tell them so. But then he takes one for the team, and tells Miz and Maryse they’re going to go to the hotel. Awkward squared. Miz and Maryse are a bit hurt, after they’ve done everything to accommodate the two, but Miz gets it. He tells Maryse that she’s overdone things like she always does.
Backstage, Naomi shows Nattie the title. While Nattie loves it, she thinks the world’s gone insane, with everyone breaking the rules willy-nilly. Carrano shows up to specifically talk about the title, and pulls Naomi aside for a lecture about responsibility, maturity, etc. He says it was a great idea, and that it’s great she’s so passionate about her character. But the way she went about it was wrong. He says he has to get this cleared, and if Creative and TV doesn’t approve, then she’s going to be in big trouble, because she won’t have a title to wear on TV.
After making her sweat for a bit, he tells her that the idea was considered, and approved. She’s naturally relieved. Even moreso when the crowd seems to really like the title. Wow, except for this one fan who glares at Naomi, but she’s likely a racist. Not sure why the editors would keep that shot in there.
Her opponent, of course, is Lana, who’s happy that her risk paid off and she’s actually getting to wrestle again. Both she and Naomi then talk about how they’re making history by taking chances, and you’d think from their talk they should be up there with Rosa Parks or something Let’s all slow down a bit, okay? Though, to be fair, Rosa would probably have been a better wrestler than either of the Bellas.
Bob Kapur sleeps on a waterbed. E-mail him your nostalgic memories of the ’70s at [email protected].