Tonight on TNA’s “The Whole F’n Show”: It’s a pay-per-view quality show on Thursday night. Tonight, three titles are on the line, led by a match of the year candidate in the final match in the best-of-five series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship between the Motor City Machine Guns and Beer Money. RVD also defends his TNA World Title against Abyss in a better-than-you-would-expect match. But when that match finished and a feel-good EV2.0 promo was underway, Fortune stepped in and made an impact. Should be a good one!
As always, tonight’s taped show emanates from the Impact Zone in Orlando, Fla. “The Professor” Mike Tenay and The Tazz are our hosts.
Match #1 – Kurt Angle (Pittsburgh, Pa.) vs. AJ Styles (Gainesville, Ga.)
Of course, if Angle loses, he’ll retire.
Tilt-a-whirl backbreaker connects for Angle, but Styles counters with a slingshot double sledge to the outside. Styles charges at Angle out of the corner and gets sucked into a belly-to-belly. Next up for Styles is the three straight Germans. Styles, though, thumbs Angle in the eye and goes hits a springboard elbow smash for two. He sets up for the Styles Clash but Angle backdrops his way out. Styles almost walks into the Angle Slam but Styles counters with the Pele for two. Styles to the top, but Angle ducks under his dive and hits a moonsault. He locks in the ankle lock, but Styles pulls out and sends Angle into the middle turnbuckle. Styles goes for a springboard but Angle drops him. He tries again and hits a reverse DDT for two. He argues with the ref and eats an Angle Slam for it, but it only gets two.
Styles tries for a low blow but Angle counters with a grapevine ankle lock and Styles has no choice but to tap.
Winner via submission: Kurt Angle
Match #2 – TNA Knockouts Championship – (c) Madison Rayne (Columbus, Ohio) vs. Angelina Love (Toronto, Ontario)
As Rayne enters the ring, Taz wonders where he has to apply to be the second rope.
Love takes Rayne down three times by the hair and hits a jumping clothesline. Bicycle kick for Love and she’s rolling when the motorcycle woman comes to the ring. The referee tells her to get out when she is hit from behind by Velvet Sky. She goes to rip the helmet off when in the ring, Rayne drills Love with the title but it only gets a two count. She argues with the ref when Love comes up from behind and hits the Red Alert for the pin.
Winner via pinfall and NEW TNA Knockouts Champion: Angelina Love
Match #3 – Mr. Anderson (Green Bay, Wisc.) vs. Matt Morgan (Fairfield, Conn.) vs. The Pope (Harlem, NY)
The start of the match is Anderson and Pope continually trying to pin Morgan with one pulling the other off. As they argue, Morgan gets up and hits a double clothesline. Morgan ends up crotched on the top rope and Pope sends him to the floor with a dropkick. Pope and Anderson start slugging it out but Anderson hits a Thesz press. Morgan decides to take up residence against the rail and just watch the match.
Anderson hits the Mic Check but Morgan comes hopping in, drills Anderson in the face with his foot as he tries to cover and steals the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Matt Morgan
Match #4 – Jeff Hardy (Cameron, NC) vs. Shannon Moore (Whispering Pines, NC)
Moore is the one who answers Hardy’s open challenge.
They trade arm drags and have a stand off. Hardy goes diving at Moore but Moore leap frogs him and Hardy goes flying through the ropes to the floor. Moore follows up with a flying crossbody. Moore tries to sunset flip Hardy off the apron to the floor. When that doesn’t work, he drops down and pulls Hardy’s leg out and Hardy crashes face-first into the apron.
But back in the ring, Hardy gets going. Whisper in the Wind connects for two. Twist of Fate connects for Hardy and he goes to the top for the Swanton Bomb but Moore gets the knees up for a two count. Moore sets Hardy on the top for a rana, but Hardy pushes him off and hits the Swanton for the pin.
Winner via pinfall: Jeff Hardy
Match #5 – Match #5 in the Best-of-Five Series for the TNA World Tag Team Championship – Best 2-of-3 Falls – Motor City Machine Guns vs. Beer Money Inc.
This is the fifth and deciding match in this series.
Real hot start and the crowd is electric. After a stalemate between Sabin and Storm, they each tag in their partners as the crowd chants “Shelley!” Taz provides great advice that it’s important to win the first fall. Sage advice. No wonder Samoa Joe hired him.
Head scissors takeover for Shelley but Roode comes back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker. Sabin tags himself in and bulldogs Roode. The Guns are firing out, taking out the knees of both Roode and Storm with dropkicks. Sabin off the rope but Roode trips him as Storm distracts the ref. Then Storm hits a huge boot the face. Now they’ve got Sabin isolated. Bodyslam into an elbow drop into a knee drop for Beer Money. Shelley breaks up the pin with an eyepoke. Sabin with a floatover but he can’t get the tag as Roode grabs his foot. Sabin, though, hits an enziguri and brings in Shelley.
Shelley slams Roode into the second turnbuckle. Storm comes in and Shelley hits a bulldog on Roode and a clothesline on Storm. Storm breaks the pin up. Shelley locks Roode in a DDT position. Storm comes in and Shelley catches him in a uranage position. Sabin hits a missile dropkick to Storm’s back, sending the whole move in motion, Roode in the DDT and Storm face-first into the mat. That only gets a two. It’s breaking down now. A Sabin dropkick sends Roode to the floor. Both Roode and Storm are on the floor, then Shelley and Sabin hit crossbodys, as Shelley goes through the middle rope and hits Roode while Sabin climbs the rope and flies onto Storm.
Back in the ring, Storm takes out Sabin on the apron. Shelley goes to the top and misses a double foot stomp and that leads to the DWI, which wraps up the first fall.
Winners via pinfall: Beer Money Inc (Lead Match 1-0)
There’s no rest period so they go right back to work on Shelley. But they get a little too cocky and Shelley brings in Sabin and he goes wild. They dispatch of Roode and lock Storm in the combination neckbreaker/splash and take the second fall.
Winners via pinfall: Motor City Machine Guns (Match Tied 1-1)
It all comes down to this, a third and deciding fall. Storm, Shelley and Sabin are all on the floor with Roode alone in the ring. Seeing this, he hits a slingshot cannonball onto all three men.
We’re back and all four men are in the ring. Swinging uranage lands for Beer Money. Crowd chants “match of the year.” Two corner clotheslines connect for Beer Money. Storm puts Shelley on the top turnbuckle. Looks like he’s going for a superplex but Shelley knocks him into a tree of woe and hits a double foot stop and Storm tries to lift himself up. Sabin in now and he’s running wild on Roode. He drills him with a springboard tornado DDT that gets 2 and 7/8. Sabin picks up Roode and Roode creates distance with an eyerake. Storm in now and they try a double team but it backfires as the Guns take it over and hit a swinging DDT. Storm eats two kicks, one of the midsection and one to the head, but hits Shelley with the Last Call Superkick out of nowhere, then Roode comes back in and hits the Double R Spinebuster on Sabin. Roode catapults Sabin into a DDT from Storm.
Shelley tries to go for Sliced Bread on Roode, but Storm catches him and they both Roode and Storm drop to their knees. Beer Money feeling it now. Another double team move for Beer Money, but Sabin kicks his way out of it. Storm backs up and fires another Last Call Superkick, but Sabin moves and he hits Roode. Dual kicks land on Storm and they hit the combination neckbreaker/crossbody but Storm somehow kicks out at two.
Crowd going bonkers here. They try it again and hit it. Shelley ties up Roode as Sabin covers Storm. They got him!
Winners via pinfall and STILL TNA World Tag Team Champions: Motor City Machine Guns (Win Match 2-1, Win Series 3-2)
Fireworks go off in the Impact Zone for the win. More pyro goes off as they have their hands raised going up the ramp. Incredible match. Incredible series.
Match #6 – Stairway to Janice Match for the TNA World Heavyweight Championship – (c) Rob Van Dam (Battle Creek, Mich.) vs. Abyss (Parts Unknown)
Eric Bischoff is your referee for this contest.
Abyss tries to climb the ladder before RVD is even in the ring. Seeing this, RVD runs to the ring and goes to the top and kicks the ladder, sending Abyss falling to the mat. RVD puts Abyss on the ladder and goes for Rolling Thunder but Abyss moves and RVD hits the ladder.
We’re back and Abyss looks to choke slam RVD onto the ladder but RVD kicks his way out of it. Abyss clotheslines him off the apron and back into the ring and drills him in the guts with a ladder. Abyss puts RVD in the corner and puts the ladder in front of him and goes for a splash but RVD throws the ladder into Abyss. Abyss ends up on the ladder and RVD hits a standing moonsault. RVD tries the monkey flip but ends up getting power bombed for his troubles. Now Abyss sets up the ladder but he takes too long and RVD meets him at the top but gets choke slammed off. Abyss, though, falls off the ladder after executing the move.
Abyss goes under the ring and grabs a bag which contains thumbtacks and also glass. Abyss takes RVD over there and then puts him on the top rope for a superplex. RVD fires away with shots and hits a sunset flip power bomb, sending Abyss into the glass and the tacks. That momentum doesn’t last long as RVD comes off the ropes and runs into a big boot. Now Abyss goes back under the ring and grabs a barbed wire board. He sets it up in the corner and RVD almost goes into it. Abyss wants to train RVD into it but RVD sidesteps him and Abyss goes into it. As Abyss is still stuck, RVD hits a spin kick which sends Abyss to the mat and he follows that with Rolling Thunder onto the top of the board.
RVD goes to climb the ladder but Abyss gets out of the barbed wire and pushes the ladder over, sending RVD flying over the top and clipping a ladder that was bridged between the ring and rail.
With RVD out on the floor, Abyss grabs Janice. He sets it down, though, to bring RVD back into the ring. He punches RVD into the corner and grabs Janice. He swings but RVD moves and it sticks into the turnbuckle. RVD grabs a chair from the outside and hits Abyss in the back. He follows that with the Van Daminator. Abyss is down in the corner. RVD sets up the barbed wire board and grabs the chair and hits the Van Terminator. He follows that with the Five-Star Frog Splash and that’s it.
Winner via pinfall and STILL TNA World Heavyweight Champion: Rob Van Dam
Hulk Hogan is out for his special announcement. RVD is still in the ring. Hogan puts RVD over and calls him the “hood ornament” of TNA. Hogan says RVD is going to take TNA to the next level. Hogan puts over the Hardcore Justice pay-per-view and welcomes EV2.0 to the ring. Hogan says he bows down to EV2.0 and gives them the ring with nothing but respect.
Tommy Dreamer, complete with hideous black eye, takes the mic and said the matches tonight raised the bar even more. Dreamer thanks everybody when the lights go out. They come back on the Mick Foley is laid out and there’s all of Fortune, with Matt Morgan and Douglas Williams, as well, with weapons beating down EV2.0. Raven tries to come out and he is clobbered by James Storm. Abyss comes back out and pulls RVD out of the ring and starts going to town on him. Fortune just beating the heck out of EV2.0. Complete destruction. Ric Flair makes his way to the ring with a huge smile on his face, clapping.
The camera cuts to backstage, where Abyss and RVD brawled and RVD looks like he’s been the victim of a murder as Abyss stands over him with Janice. Back at ringside, Flair gets in Dixie Carter’s face, screaming “this is all your fault!” and “you brought this on yourself!”
Matt Bishop can be reached at [email protected]. Please include your name and hometown. Click here to follow Matt on Twitter. And if you’re interested in mixed martial arts, check out Matt’s weekly podcast — Lights Out Radio. Should be a good one!.