The World Wrestling Federation has fallen into a severe slump. Lacking any heel depth in their roster the federation has been compelled to renew old feuds and perpetuate a McMahon – Austin angle that’s months past its expiration date. The WWF is running out of fresh ideas as last night’s Fully Loaded pay-per-view from Buffalo, New York, plainly shows.

The matches themselves were worked fine. Not too many complaints there. It was the multitude of regurgitated angles torn from the weekly Raw Is War program that exposed just how empty the WWF’s creative gas tank really is. Mr. Ass hits The Rock with a wooden club. Steve Austin gives Jeff Jarrett a Stunner to clear him from the ring so he can cut a promo. The Undertaker blindsides X-Pac. The Hardy Boys break Michael Hayes’ cane over Bradshaw’s head. Al Snow begs for the Big Boss Man to put him out of his misery. Fans have seen these angles before on Raw and it didn’t cost them thirty bucks of their hard-earned cash either.

For all intents and purposes, the main event First Blood match between The Undertaker and “Stone Cold” Steve Austin was nothing but a highspot mishmash of their most recent bouts.

Jim Ross had it right when he said…”This is a slugfest for the WWF title”. Relying more on boxing than actual wrestling, Austin and Taker threw more punches than Evander Holyfield has in his whole career. Stop me if any of this sounds vaguely familiar. Austin and Undertaker Pearl Harbor each other backstage. Both are cut and need medical attention. Austin and Taker brawl in the entrance way, in the crowd and the ringside area. They bash each other into the steel retaining fences. Austin is clotheslined over the fence and into the crowd. Stone Cold works on Undertaker’s knee. Taker prevents Austin from wrapping his leg around the steel post by kicking him off into the security fence. A camera cable is used as a garrote.

Fans must be forgiven if they momentarily thought they had inadvertently hit “Play” on a copy of Over The Edge in their VCRs. The one and only difference between Fully Loaded and Over The Edge was that McMahon and Austin’s futures were on the line. If Austin won, McMahon would bow out of an active role in the WWF. Translation: Vince is going on summer holiday. If Austin lost, he could never again vie for the WWF World Heavyweight Title.

Thanks to X-Pac, McMahon oughta be packing his sun tan oil by now.

Angry at Taker’s interference earlier in the evening, X-Pac did his version of Rob Van Dam’s VamDaminator kick on The Undertaker as The Man From The Darkside was about to take Stone Cold’s head off with a steel chair. Shane McMahon ran into the ring. He was met with a stiff chairshot by Austin. Stealing a page from Shawn Michaels’ book, Austin creamed Taker with a video camera causing him to bleed profusely and lose the match. McMahon got a Stunner for trying to hit Austin with a crutch. Then it was time for everyone to join the party. Triple H jumped Austin. The Rock jumped Triple H. Taker and Austin brawled again. Austin offered to shake McMahon’s hand. Austin Stunned McMahon again.

  • The next WWF pay-per-view is SummerSlam on August 22nd.

    WWF Fully Loaded ’99 Results

  • The Undertaker attacks Austin on Sunday Night Heat. Austin needs stitches to close the cut in his head.
  • McMahon cuts a promo guaranteeing that Stone Cold will lose the belt.

    Edge (champion) Vs Jeff Jarrett (challenger) (WWF Intercontinental Title Match)

  • Edge enters through the crowd and is announced as the new champ. Stills are shown from the Toronto house show on Saturday where Edge captured the gold.
  • At 11:14, the lights go out. It’s a blood bath by Gangrel. The house lights turn back on and Gangrel is down on the floor with Edge standing over him smiling.
  • Edge and Jarrett punch each other. The momentum sends Edge into the ropes. He bumps into Debra knocking her off the apron. Edge looks to see if Debra is okay. Gangrel socks him in the jaw. Jarrett gets the pin.
  • Austin rushes the ring and Stuns Jarrett. Austin tells the crowd he is on the hunt for the Undertaker.
  • Winner: …and new WWF Intercontinental Champion…Jeff Jarrett at 13 minutes and 20 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 7 / 10.

    The Acolytes (challengers) Vs The Hardy Boys (champions) (WWF World Tag Team Title Match)

  • As “Hardcore” Chris Gramlich astutely pointed out, the Hardy Boys are like “mini Sabus”. They take some vicious bumps in this match. Kudos to them. The Hardys hit Bradshaw with Hayes’ cane. Bradshaw doesn’t go down. The Acolytes double Powerbomb Hayes and get the 1-2-3.
  • Winner: … and new WWF World Tag Team Champions…The Acolytes at 10 minutes and 59 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 6 / 10.

    D’Lo Brown (challenger) Vs Median (champion) (WWF European Title Match)

  • D’Lo splats Dennis (Once-A-Godwinn-Always-A-Godwinn) Knight with the Low Down (a frog splash) to once again become the pride and joy of Helsinki.
  • Winner: …and new WWF European Champion….D’Lo Brown at seven minutes even.
  • Match Rating: 3 / 10.

    Al Snow (champion) Vs Big Boss Man (challenger) (WWF Hardcore Title Match)

  • WWF still can’t do ECW. Al Snow cuts a promo asking someone to stop Head’s screaming over the spike driven into her head. Snow looks like he hasn’t slept in a week.
  • The backstage camera work bites. Snow wants Boss Man to bring the pain on. Brawling outside on a roadway, Snow and Boss Man almost get “run over” by a planted car.
  • Across the street, Boss Man handcuffs Snow to a fence and works him over with a retractable, steel billy club. Boss Man puts a boot over Snow’s throat to pin him.
  • Winner: ..and new WWF Hardcore Champion…The Big Boss Man at 10 minutes and 30 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 3 / 10.

    Kane Vs The Big Show

  • A daily workout schedule would be of service to The Big Show. He can’t go three minutes without looking like he’s gonna pass out. At the beginning of the match, The Big Show gorilla presses Kane clear over the top rope to the floor below. Yowch!
  • Bob Holly – the special guest ref – shot blocks Kane from behind. The Big Show Chokeslams Kane. Holly slaps a three count that’s faster than the speed of light.
  • X-Pac sticks his nose in. Undertaker chokeslams X-Pac. The Undertaker and The Big Show pound on Kane. The Undertaker drapes an unconscious X-Pac over Kane.
  • Winner: The Big Show at 8 minutes and 18 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 2 / 10.

  • Austin catches up with The Undertaker cutting him open.

    Ken Shamrock Vs Steve Blackman (Iron Circle Match)

  • Takes place in an underground parking lot. The cars are in a circle with their headlights on. WWF wrestlers (Droz, Prince Albert, The Godfather..etc) chant, drum on the cars and beep the horns as Shamrock and Blackman go at it.
  • Blackman swings a tire iron. Shamrock dodges it. Blackman smashes a car window.
  • Shamrock misses a punch putting his fist through a window.
  • Shamrock chokes out Blackman with a steel chain shouting…”So, you like to play with weapons!”.
  • Winner: Ken Shamrock at 3 minutes and 57 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 1 / 10.

    Billy Gunn, Chyna Vs Road Dogg, X-Pac (DX Trademark Match)

  • I’ll say it again, I don’t care if it’s the make-believe world of wrestling or not, there is just something utterly disgusting about male grapplers beating on women. Don’t men in the biz have any sense of honour or responsibility these days? I am really beginning to wonder.
  • Road Dogg Pumphandle Slams Gunn for the victory.
  • Winners: Road Dogg and X-Pac at 11 minutes and 36 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 4 / 10.

    Triple H Vs The Rock (Leather Strap Match)

  • Another consummate effort by both young guns.
  • Chyna jaws with the official. Miavia executes The Rock Bottom for a clear pinfall but there’s no ref. Gunn wallops Rock with the wooden club. The Rock kicks out. Miavia drops The People’s Elbow. Gunn pulls The Rock off of Triple H from outside the ring. Gunn is Rock Bottomed. Triple H Pedigrees The Rock.
  • Winner: Triple H at 19 minutes and 23 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 7 / 10.

    The Undertaker (challenger) Vs Steve Austin (champion) (WWF World Heavyweight Title – First Blood Match)

  • Winner: …and still WWF World Heavyweight Champion…Steve Austin at 16 minutes even.
  • Match Rating: 3 / 10.

  • Total Event Time: 2 hours and 45 minutes.
  • Overall Event Rating: 3 / 10.