This is ep. number 1,600 and I’ve easily seen 1,500-plus of them. So I know what I like…

We start with the hobbling Seth Rollins. With a tear in his eye, he announces he has multiple injuries which puts him out for three to four months. Soon after the announcement, Gunther makes his way out to the ring. This is a bit surprising to say the least.

Gunther is very complimentary to Seth and says it’s unfortunate that he won’t make ‘Mania. Seh vows to make it to the Grandest Stage of Them All.

In response, Gunther says he’s winning the Rumble on Sunday (really Saturday, followed almost immediately by a graphic touting the real date, along with Vince McMahon screaming at his TV) and gun for Rollins at ‘Mania. For real, I think his win is a year away.

The two finish the segment by shaking hands, which is a very refreshing heel move – rather than attack a wounded animal, Gunther shows him the utmost respect while touting that he will be the next champ.

Before we can enjoy the segment too much though, the freaking New Day blindsides Kaiser and Vinci, who were at ringside. Gunther doesn’t do anything, but he again shows what a professional he is by not making his unfair presence felt. Imperium is by far the best thing in WWE, and they prove just how much class they have once again amid the devilish attack by their enemies.

Imperium vs. New Day

Vinci with a beautiful cross body early before the heels take over. Kaiser takes over and obliterates Woods. Woods fights back, tossing both opponents out and tries to get to Kofi but is dragged back out by Kaiser. The faces end up standing tall in the ring going to the break.

Back from break and its a slapfest from Woods and Vinci. End result is both men down after a Woods kick. Hot tags on either side and Kofi gains the ADV. Kofi hits suicide dives on both babyfaces but Imperium gets back in control, at least until Woods gets involved.

Eventually both teams are counted out.

Oh, I have the “heels” and “faces” reversed? Look at who was doing the most dastardly moves.

Winners: no one

The brawl continues after the bell rings. A Tornado Tag would be a nice way to keep this rivalry going, just saying. Segment finishes with all four on equipment cases and then going through tables nearby. Strong heat segment.

Backstage time! Judgement Day sees kvetching between Reha and Damian. No sign of Truth, but lots of infighting.

Ivy Nile vs. Valhalla

I am really starting to hate this team-up between Alpha Academy and Diamond Mine. It just doesn’t make any sense.

Amid all the ridiculousness of her new gimmick, it’s easy to forget that Sarah Logan is one heck of a hand. Beautiful running punch on the outside to Ivy.

Ivy hits the RVD feint kick while Cole calls Valhalla a weirdo. Classy. Logan hits a headbutt and tries for the leverage pin but gets two.

More impresiveness from Logan and Nile. Get rid of the lousy gimmick and this would be a lot better. Ivy with a swank bulldog from the top rope for the W.

Winner: Ivy Nile

More backstage time! New Day! Jey Uso! Jackie Redmond! End result – Kofi’s challenging Gunther for the IC belt next week.

Oh, and Damage Ctrl is seen in the background.

Nia Jax is out next and I’m ready to go to sleep. The crowd booing is X-Pac heat by the way.

Blah blah squash blah.

Becky thankfully is out to save us from this horrid segment. She mouths off for a bit before Bayley comes out (wildcard afterall). It doesn’t take long for the fists to fly between all three. Nia tosses Becky over the top (because Rumble). No. Jax isn’t winning. The biggest person in the match never does.

Becky continues backstage and runs into Rhea for the briefest of interactions.

DumbDumb vs. Miz

Let’s see how long this last before Mysterio does what he does worst.

“We Want Truth” chant, which tells you how much the crowd wants to watch this.

Bunch of feint evasions in the early moments. Miz to the outside and is attacked by Balor. Dom goes for the Suicide Dive and almost does himselv in more. Dumb Dumb does the Eddy shimmy and hilo and I’m done.

Schomzz leads to the 619 and Frog Splash finish it for DumbDumb

Winner: DumbDumb

Post-match, J-Day attack Miz until DIY come out. JD eats the punishment from the faces.

For Part Two click the link below: