It’s Saturday night and it’s all right for fighting in the squared circle (not on the open highway in an alleged road rage incident) for this AEW Collision. This is an extension of the Fight for the Fallen to ensure proceeds from the show go to the victims of the Maui wildfires, and later tonight we will have Darby Allin trying to make his way to getting a shot at the TNT title at the All Out pay-per-view.  The only thing stopping him is Christian Cage who’s carrying the belt for the rightful owner, Luchasaurus.

But before we get to that main event, let’s get to your…

Rapid Rampage in Review

Rey Fenix vs. Komander

  • There is no way I can justify doing a recap, so just watch this YouTube clip:

ROH Tag Team Champions Aussie Open vs. Ethan Page and Brother Zay

  • Zay attempted the Swanton but Fletcher blocks with his knees, and Aussie Open defeats them with the double lariat followed by Coriolis, and that gives them momentum heading to All In at Wembley Stadium.

Sammy Guevara vs. Jon Cruz 

  • Guevara just laid out the local jobber with the GTH, all the while fans at ringside chanted, “Let’s Go, Rookie!”

AEW Women’s Champion Hikaru Shida and Skye Blue vs. Toni Storm and Ruby Soho.

  • Shida countered the No Future finisher of Soho with a jackknife pin for the win, and then right after the match, Saraya joined in a beatdown of Blue and Shida with her Outcast mates.
  • Britt Baker arrived to even the odds, and refs and security had to separate the melee, while fans chanted “Let Them Fight!”

But we will continue to Fight for the Fallen as we go right to…

AEW Collision

We come to you from the Rupp Arena in Lexington, KY.  Kevin Kelly and Nigel McGuinness have the call, and your first match of the night is…

Samoa Joe vs. The Golden Vampire

The wrestler in the ring is a luchador dressed head to toe in a gold outfit.  Before I can ask, “What in the name of The Conquistadors is this?”, the Vampire takes out Joe with a knee in the corner to lays out the ROH Television champion.  He unmasks and it is CM Punk, who gets on the mic and says to his challenge for the AEW Real Heavyweight Championship, “I accept, bitch!”

I dunno if there was an official decision, but I am going to use his Heels quote for the foreseeable future:

And Tony Khan makes it official and that match is now added to the All In PPV.

There’s a little video clip on the history of All In, and how it led to the formation of All Elite Wrestling.  It amazes me that it has only been five years since the company started based on doing an independent PPV just to prove Dave Meltzer wrong.

To channel my inner Lance Storm if I can be serious here for a moment: This week’s AEW shows are branded as Fight for the Fallen, and they ask fans to provide any donations to Mauifoodbank.org  to help the displaced citizens of the wildfires and the lost homes of Laihana.  So give what ya can!

But we head back to ringside as the next match is between…

Courtesy of AEW

Jay White (with Juice Robinson, Austen, and Colten Gunn) vs. Dalton Castle (with The Boys)

This isn’t the first time both men faced each other in Ring of Honor, and Castle schools the Bang Bang Gang leader with amateur wrestling takedowns.  He is starting to live rent-free in White’s head.  He tries to toss him out of the ring, but The Boys toss him back, and Castle goes to rag doll the Switchblade.  The match goes back and forth until Castle attempts a knee in the corner, but White dumps him over the top.  White goes out of the ring and front suplexes Castle on the apron edge and during Picture in Picture, he targets the affected back of The Party Peacock.  But Castle fights back and lands a wicked back elbow to White.  He then drives the knee in the corner followed by a series of T-Bone suplexes.

He follows it up with his trademark deadlift German suplex with a high bridge, but that gets Castle a two count.  He goes after White, who lowers the top rope to send him tumbling back to the floor, and he slams Castle’s back into the commentary desk.  As he throws him back in the ring, Castle reverses to an apron huracanrana, and then the numbers game from Robinson and The Gunns starts to catch up until The Boys take flight onto Bullet Club Gold.  Back in the ring, there is a series of reversals until White nails Castle with a high uranage for a two count, but the end comes as he drives The Party Peacock to the mat with a sleeper suplex, and delivers the Blade Runner to finish the job.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Jay White

After the match, Tony Schiavone is in the ring and we hear from Bullet Club Gold. White gives guns up for the Lexington Gold Members in the crowd before addressing Kenny Omega is laid up in a hospital bed and that he deceived the fans that The Elite was the pinnacle of Bullet Club. Then the Gunns mention their match with The Elite next week on AEW Dynamite for Fyter Fest, but they want them now.  For reasons I don’t understand, the Iron Savages come out, and that means our trios match of the night is…

Bullet Club Gold (Juice Robinson, Austen, and Colten Gunn) vs. The Iron Savages (“Sauce Boss” Beefcake Boulder, “Dirty Bulk” Bronson, and Jacked Jameson)

So here are a few things I learned from the former tag team known as Bear Country:  even though they trademarked the “Iron Savages” name, there is a Southern California motorcycle club with that name.  They’ve mostly spent time on AEW DARK, and I think they’ve knocked around in Ring of Honor.  But the most important thing I know is that this deserves a Haiku In Review™:

*ahem*

Beefy Savages

Are out Gunn-ed with Rock Hard moves.

Guns up, Bang Bang Gang!

Shots are fired at The Elite, literally and figuratively.

There is another video package on the feud with The House of Black and The Acclaimed, and how they made “Daddy Ass” Billy Gunn retire, along with taking his boots.

Jose The Assistant gets a stern phone call from Rush, and he is not happy with how La Faccion Ingobernable is turning out.  That involves going to Mexico to grab Preston Vance and Dralistico to re-train them.

Tony Schiavone is backstage with Ricky Starks.  He served half of his suspension, but he has a manager’s license and he promises to bring chaos to All Elite Wrestling.  That comes in the form of  Big Bill and they head ringside for the next match…

Big Bill (with Ricky Starks) vs. Derek Neal

Yeah, a squash match by any other name is still absolutely something I refuse to cover, even if Starks is at ringside.  So enjoy this Quick Beef and Zucchini Skillet recipe, since it takes Bill one choke slam and it’s done.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Big Bill

After the match, Starks whips Neal with the same belt he used on Steamboat a couple of weeks back on Collision.  He may be a jerk, but Starks is consistent.

We get another video package as Darby Allin and Nick Wayne went down to Atlanta, GA to AR Fox’s wrestling gym for some good old retaliation for he and Swerve Strickland leaving Wayne in a pool or blood in his family gym a few weeks back.

This bad blood will culminate at All In in a Coffin Match between Allin/Wayne against AR Fox/Strickland.

Now the second hour begins with…

Courtesy of AEW

Willow Nightingale vs. Diamanté

Diamante gives up height but is a fierce competitor and quickly attacks the Babe With The Power.  She is intense as she works on keeping Nightingale driven to the mat.

Mercedes Martínez starts to walk down the ramp and she gives moral support to Diamante (Wink, wink.  Nudge, nudge.)  Nightingale rams her head into the turnbuckles, but Diamante comes out and chop-blocks her leg, and during Picture in Picture she continues to tear into her like a pit bull.  They both begin throwing live rounds midway through the match and Nightingale gets the upper hand with a hip attack in the corner followed by a spinebuster to cover for a two count.  Nightingale goes up, but Diamanté trips her on the ropes and lands double knees in the corner.  She then nails a variation of the Sliced Bread to cover for a two count.  She whips her to the corner and sets her up on the top turnbuckle.  Diamante attempts a sunset flip powerbomb but can’t quite get the leverage needed.  Nightingale pushes her out and lands a missile dropkick.  She goes for The Pounce, but Martinez pulls out Diamante at the last second.  Then Kris Statlander runs down the ramp and jumps Martinez.  She proceeds to give her a suplex on the ramp, and that leaves Diamante dazed on the outside of the ring.

Nightingale comes out and drives her backward into the guardrails with The Pounce, and she sends her back into the ring for the Willow Bomb, which secures the pin and the win.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Willow Nightingale

After the match, both she and Statlander celebrate the win, as Martinez and Diamante walk up the ramp to lick their wounds.

There is a video package for the Young Bucks/FTR match at All In.

(Author’s Rant: Now before all you smarks decide to go on Reddit and proclaim what’s going to happen, there are a lot of moving parts here.  To start, Wheeler is alleged to have done this, so he is not proven guilty.  Also, it may be some time before we know all the facts.  Having said that, this is another bad look where the All Out Media Scrum seems tame in comparison, and I had already discussed how AEW needs to do things better and smarter.  I may need to expand on this as time allows in a Mat Matters, but I will say between now and August 27th, let’s not be too quick and say, “Top Guys Out” just yet.)

Lexy Nair with Toni Storm on her four-way match for the AEW Women’s title.  Storm cannot handle these rude questions, and tells Nair to never question the sisterhood that is The Outcasts.

And we head to the ring for…

Powerhouse Hobbs vs. Kevin Ku

Well, it’s been a minute since we’ve seen Ku in a wrestling ring outside of MLW.  Obviously, he’s a long way from Team Filthy and his Violence is Forever tag partner, Dominic Garrini.  As for how I feel about this match, you know we’re getting another Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

New Chapter for Hobbs,

And he writes outline of pain.

Spinebusters Ku. Fin.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Powerhouse Hobbs

After the match, Hobbs takes a page out of Miro’s book and uses his Accolade submission on Ku.  That brings Miro on the Khan Tron. He acknowledges that he is godless, but he knows Hobbs is not, and states that he now prays to him.

This is why religion gets so confusing for me…and I’m from Utah!

Jim Ross comes out to join Kelly and McGuiness at commentary for the main event between…

Courtesy of AEW

Darby Allin vs. Christian Cage (with Luchasaurus)

As the bell rings, Allin outwrestles Cage at every turn with some impressive amateur moves and tries to psych him out.  Cage takes a breather to refocus and as he climbs back in he whips Allin hard into the corner turnbuckles.  During Picture in Picture, he attempts to take Allin’s arm to wrench it out of its socket.  Cage then further damages his arm/shoulder joint on the ring post and then…

Ads (SIGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!)

We come back and Cage is still in the driver’s seat, but Allin tries a backslider for two but his arm is hurting so bad he can’t get a good grip.  He attempts a move on the middle ropes but Cage trips him and then slides him back into the guardrails.  Then he grabs the TNT belt and taunts Allin with it before getting back in the ring to nail his signature reverse DDT and then backs up for a spear. Cage rushes and Allin punts and a gets sunset flip for a two count but his shoulder is further aggravated.  Then he pulls up the sleeveless turtleneck up to his head, and then both skulls collide and for the second Picture in Picture, Allin wills himself to a vertical base and they keep fighting.

Allin uses his offensive arsenal and dropkicks Cage to the corner and then attempts a Coffin Drop on Luchasaurus.  He catches him and throws him into the guardrails and then sends him to Cage who clotheslines him inside out.

Cage whips him into the guardrail corner, and then attempts a dropkick and whiffs.  Allin then sets him on a chair and climbs up the top turnbuckle for a missile dropkick to the floor.  He tries to follow up in the ring with a Coffin Drop on the apron, but Luchasaurus pulls Cage away at the last second and he hits the apron edge.  The ref sees Luchasaurus’ interference and ejects him from ringside.  During the confusion, Cage clocks Allin with the TNT title and covers for one, two…Allin gets a toe on the bottom rope.  Cage goes for another spear but Allin dodges and lands a dropkick.  He then sets him up on the top turnbuckle, but Cage escapes and nails a sunset flip powerbomb followed by a spear to cover again for one, two…ooh, so close.  He then goes to his Unprettier finisher but Allin reverses to a jackknife pin and the ref counts one, two, and three.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Darby Allin

Tony Schiavone comes in the ring with a spent Allin on earning a shot at the All Out PPV in Chicago for the TNT championship.  Before he can answer, Cage decks him with the belt, and Luchasaurus choke slams him down to the mat.  With Luchasaurus looking on, Cage forces Schiavone to make him count the pin and announce his name as the winner in a splendid display of The Power of Douchenozzlery™.  Allin is looking the worse for wear as the show fades to black.

AEW Collision and Rampage - 08/18-19/2023
3.5

Final Thoughts:

Cage and Allin was a fantastic main event.  The rest of the card was just so-so.  Granted, FTR was supposed to be in the building, but we’ve beaten that dead horse enough.  So kudos for trying to make chicken cordon bleu out of the recent chicken s*** of current events.

For now, see ya next Saturday and holster your guns when in traffic.