It’s Friday night (checks clock), I’m sorry, thanks to the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament it’s very early Saturday morning. That’s means AEW Rampage has been delayed over two hours thanks to hoops. My esteemed collogue, Tommy “Milagro” Martinez, did an incredible job last week with the haiku’s, unfortunately it’s too late for that so here’s a straight forward recap of Rampage.

Powerhouse Hobbs (champion) vs. Rey Fenix (challenger) – TNT Championship Match

Oh man, tonight’s show is branded as the St. Patrick’s Day Slam, too bad it’s not St. Paddy’s Day anymore! Rey Fenix is awesome, but Hobbs isn’t dropping the title this soon. Fenix can’t take Hobbs out of the floor with a suicide dive and then get caught coming off the top rope. Hobbs plants him in the middle of the mat. QT Marshall is at ringside at the crowd let him know how much he sucks. Fenix gets in some offense with kicks, but can’t get the champ off his feet. Hobbs yanks Fenix off the top turnbuckle and power slams him to the mat, but is only able to get a two count. Fenix shows off his strength with a German suplex, but Hobbs kicks out two. Fenix can’t capitalize after a cutter. Hobbs crushes Fenix in the corner and looks to finish him with spinebuster. Fenix some how kicks out. Rey hits a frog splash, but can’t cover right away. Hobbs kicks out. Fenix lands kicks, but then rolls through into a spine buster. Hobbs puts him in the torture rack, before slamming him to the mat. Hobbs covers and gets the three count.

Winner…and still TNT Champion…via pinfall: Powerhouse Hobbs

After the match, QT Marshall hits Alex Abrahantes with a Diamond Cutter.

Don’t forget the Adam Cole is coming back on March 29th.

Stu Grayson is coming for Jon Moxley.

Taya Valkyrie vs. Ava Lawless

Taya made her debut on Wednesday, but this is her in ring debut. Lawless does the job. Valkyrie scores the pin after hitting a spear and then Road to Valhalla, aka Jaded. Yea, like Jade Cargills finisher.

Winner via pinfall: Taya Valkyrie

After the match, Cargill, Leila Grey and Mark Sterling are taking notes from the stage.

Stokely Hathaway is training hard for his match with Hook. He celebrates with a good cookie.

The Bollywood Boys vs. Cool Hand Angelo Parker and Matt Menard

So Menard and Parker do actually wrestle. They do the JAS proud picking up the win after a double DDT.

Winners via pinfall: Parker and Menard

Don Callis is trying the hard sell to recruit Konosuke Takeshita.

The Gunns may be champions, but they aren’t very bright. They make fun of Top Flight while heading to their hotel, but then they leave their bags behind. Dante and Darius are going to have some fun with that.

Brody King w/Julia Hart vs. Daniel Garcia w/Chris Jericho

Garcia takes the fight to King with a drop kick to the knee, but King stays on his feet. A chop stops Daniel in his tracks. Hart runs interference on the floor, allowing Brody to catch up with him. King chops away at Garcia and slams him into the ring side barrier. King sets Daniel on a chair and crashes into him with a cross body block, crushing him against the barricade. Garcia drops King into the ring steps with a toe hold.

After a commercial break, the fight has returned to the ring. King nearly gets a pin after a slam. He follows with a piledriver, but Garcia kicks out again. King chops Daniel into the corner and crushes him with a cannonball. Garcia gets a foot on the ropes to break the pin. Garcia is able to lock in a sleeper. King starts to fade, btu is able to get to his feet. King snaps Garcia over to break the hold. Brody with a huge lariat. Garcia fights out of the Gonzo bomb and nearly gets a pin with a roll up. Daniel locks in the Walls of Jericho. King is able to drag himself to the ropes and break the hold. Garcia distracts the ref and Jericho clocks King with a bat. Brody is out as Garcia locks in another sleep on the mat. King can’t answer the ref, who calls for the bell.

Winner via submission: Daniel Garcia

That’s the show!

AEW Rampage 3/18/2023

Canada Life Center, Winnipeg, MB

Well, the only matches worth watching are the TNT title match and the main event. Nothing else of note happened. It was one in the morning, what do you expect?