Our regular Rampage reporter, Tommy “Milagro” Martinez, downed one too many pre-show libations so I am subbing tonight. Let’s face it. Like Raw, you need that kind of liquid courage to make it through an episode with your sanity intact. And let’s not kid ourselves either. You are here reading this because you missed Rampage as well but unlike Tommy, the odds are you did so on purpose and I cannot say I blame you one bit.

Aren’t you, our faithful reader, and Tommy lucky to have me as your reliable pinch hitter? Let’s get on with the show.

The Elite (Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks) (c) versus AR Fox and Top Flight – AEW World Trios Championship

AR Fox and Top Flight come out wearing basketball shirts and carrying a basketball. Don’t ask me I don’t know anything about basketball, football, tennis or Tiddlywinks. I used to be big fans of the EVPs when they were in Bullet Club but that hasn’t been the case in a long time. As far as the goofy Bucks are concerned I am tired of their dopey, ditzy way they portray themselves. All those moronic faces they make and all the rest of their juvenile antics. I grew old of their tiresome act some time ago. Lucky for me this match is nothing but a comedy match even though it is for the AEW World Trios Championships.

It doesn’t take long for The Elite to start flaking off in the ring and acting like clowns as the official takes one of the basketball for a tip-off in the middle of the ring. Nick Jackson uses the set-up to give Dante Martin a reverse Atomic Drop. Omega tries to enter the ring. Dante throws the basketball hitting him in the stomach. No DQ or anything from the official. There is a misfire when Matt hits Nick with a basketball instead. Sooner or later, they will get to some actual wrestling, I promise. I mean, this is a title match, right?

It doesn’t take long to get flippy as Fox leaps onto the Bucks and Omega. The Elite have a basketball-like huddle on the floor. You would think they wouldn’t be screwing around considering the AEW World Trios Championships are on the line but nope, the Elite then start to pass the basketball around in the ring playing keep away from Fox. Seriously.

Since AEW and The Elite aren’t treating this match or the titles as if they are important neither will I. Omega wins the match for his team with a One-Winged Angel. There, I saved you and me the time and the trouble.

Excalibur makes me chuckle when he asks: “Who is better in the world right now than Kenny Omega and The Young Bucks?

As The Elite celebrate the lights go out and The House of Black appears. Oh, scary.

Winners: …and still AEW World Trios Champions, The Elite.

The Gunn Club are interviewed backstage. The Gunns complain that everything is handed to The Acclaimed.

Mark Henry chats to Orange Cassidy about his winning streak as AEW All-Atlantic Champion. Wheeler Yuta interrupts. Yuta complains that The Best Friends didn’t teach him anything. He has learned so much from The Blackpool Combat Club in such a short period of time. Cassidy: I wasn’t there to teach. I was there to be your best friend. If you want this (holds up the All-Atlantic Championship), you come take it! Yuta: I plan on it.

Ricky Starks versus Daniel Garcia

Starks has the momentum early bouncing Garcia around. Starks knocks him down with an elbow strike. He rains down shots on Garcia. Starks does his top rope walk clobbering Garcia with a hammer shot. Garcia catches Starks with a Dragon Screw Leg-whip in the ropes. Starks just stands there until Garcia knocks him off the ring apron to the floor. Garcia works over Starks’ injured leg by smashing it into the steel steps. Starks whips Garcia over with a belly-to-belly suplex. He comes up clutching his leg and his knee. Garcia catches Starks in a Dragon Tamer. Sammy Guevara tries to interfere but Action Andretti cuts him off at the pass. Andretti tackles Guevara on the ramp as he retreats laying in some haymakers. Starks lands a spear and pins Garcia with his Roshambo. Sammy Guevara snatches a microphone demanding a match with Action Andretti…or as he called him…”That Son of a Bitch”.

Winner: Ricky Starks

Evil Uno cuts a promo on John Moxley. He has a match against him on Dynamite. He claims he is going to bring respect back to the name Dark Order. Uno: You will respect me!

Jade Cargill (c) versus VertVixen – TBS Championship Match

Cargill just destroys Vixen in no time flat to notch her 53rd win in a row.

Winner: …and still TBS Champion…Jade Cargill.

Swerve Strickland vs. Dustin Rhodes

Parker Boudreaux charges at Rhodes as he makes his entrance. Rhodes hits him in the stomach with a turnbuckle without the pad. Rhodes and Swerve get into a slugfest as the bell rings. Rhodes clotheslines Swerve over the top rope. They brawl on the floor. Rhodes slams Swerve’s head into the ringside barricade. Back in the ring, Rhodes lays into some haymakers in a corner. He does his Goldust taunt before landing the tenth blow. As Swerve is staggered, Rhodes lays in haymaker after haymaker. Swerve counters Flip-Flop and Fly with a punch of his own. The announcers call it a “cheap shot to the jaw” when all Swerve did was punch Rhodes cleanly. A Release German Suplex from Rhodes just drives the air out of Swerve. Swerve bites Rhodes’ hand and kicks him in the jaw. Swerve runs across the apron and kicks Rhodes in the face. He misses by a mile. Rhodes still flies backwards. Swerve drop kicks Rhodes into the barricade. Rhodes is busted open.

Swerve lands a running knee strike. Rhodes no-sells it, kicks out at one and gets to his feet. Swerve punches and bites Rhodes. Rhodes just smiles back. Rhodes powerslams Swerve as the crowd chants…Dustin! Dustin! Two clotheslines and Rhodes’ drop down punch has Swerve staggered. Rhodes gets a two count with a Code Red. Rhodes nails Swerve with two Cross Rhodes drops. Boudreaux stops the official’s count at two by pulling Rhodes out of the ring. Boudreaux gets Swerve disqualified by throwing Rhodes into the steel steps.

Boudreaux rolls Rhodes back into the ring and hands Swerve a chain. As Boudreaux hold Rhodes, Swerve punches Rhodes in the head with the chain. Security hits the ring. Boudreaux bulldozes them easily. Boudreaux retrieves a cinder block from under the ring. Boudreaux lays Rhodes’ head on the block. Before Swerve can leap off the ropes with his stomp Keith Lee’s music hits. A bald Lee pummels Boudreaux and Swerve saving Rhodes.

Winner: Dustin Rhodes via disqualification.