This week, the Divas travel to Europe, but never fear, because the drama follows them there. Alicia Fox gets the spotlight this time, as she’s still pining over her ex-boyfriend Wade Barrett. Meanwhile, Nikki Bella and Paige disagree over Nikki’s penchant for the finer things in life. Speaking of finer things, Eva Marie’s in this episode too. This week, she poses for some photos in which she’s simultaneously red-hot, white-hot, and black and blue. Check out the full recap for all the details.
The show starts with Nattie telling the girls about her new cat who humps everything that moves. Cue the Melina jokes. She’s even videotaped the cat humping her head – kitty porn, if you will.
It’s time for the company’s European tour, and the entire roster gets split up into two touring teams. Alicia is excited / nervous to see that she’s on the same team as Wade Barrett, her ex-boyfriend who she’s still crushing on.
Paige and the Bellas are on the other team, and start talking about what they can do during the trip. Nikki says how much she’s going to love sipping high price champagne and living the fancy high life, but Paige is more used to quaffing beers at the pub like an everyday person.
After the first show on the tour, Alicia and Rosa Mendes are backstage and run into Tyson Chandler, who’s apparently a basketball player and I assume is on the show to be a potential romantic interest for someone. During the 20-second meeting, Summer Rae still has time to get in an insult towards Nattie.
Backstage, Nattie and Paige gossip over Nikki’s past job as a Hooters waitress. Paige loves the story, as it totally exposes Nikki as coming from middle-class roots despite her always talking about being high class.
Eva Marie continues to show in-ring improvement at a training session with The Brian Kendrick. She’s sore, but she says putting in the hard work is worth it.
Over mid-day drinks, Brie starts planning to get into “Brie Mode” (for non-regular viewers/readers, that’s code for getting stupid drunk) while on tour, noting she doesn’t have to behave because her husband Daniel Bryan is on the other tour.
After one of their shows, Alicia is hanging out with Emma and Rosa, but she’s still fixated on Wade Barrett. Rosa tries to get Alicia to forget about it, but Emma stokes Fox’s flames, saying that she thinks Wade and his current girlfriend are having relationship issues. Fox sees this as her opportunity to take on his Bull Hammer, if you get the drift.
Eva goes for a photo shoot, but because she’s all bruised up from her training, she says she’s going to put on full bodypaint. Her photographer says she should get some photos with the bruises because they have to manufacture some drama for the rest of the show to kill time. She gets covered in white paint with red eyes and looks like a hot female version of “Powder”, but then cries tears of blood and that’s weird, but still hot.
At the hotel, Nikki bought some tea hats which she brings to the room of a hung-over Brie and Paige. Nikki insists that the girls go for tea, but Paige would prefer to go to the pub. They go for tea and Nikki, who’s way overdressed, keeps going on about how fancy she is because that’s her thing this episode.
Meanwhile, Nattie and Alicia are out shopping, and Nattie tells Alicia that she should make a move on Barrett already. Rosa, though, says Alicia should keep the past in the past and move on.
Eva tells her husband that a bunch of her Instagram followers have commented that her husband Jonathan is beating her, because of the photos she posted of her all bruised up. He dismisses the internet trolls, but the episode is only a third of the way through, so expect something to come out of it later on.
Nikki is excited to go for tea time and has brought her hats and some gloves because she thinks she’s Lady Downton or something. Paige still hates this plan. Nikki tries to force them to act like proper ladies and hold out their pinkies while eating crumpets and scones with their noses in the air, but Paige and Brie are more interested in going for fish and chips and pints. Paige has had enough, so she gets in the car and bails, stranding the Bellas.
When we next see Paige, she’s at some dive bar with Trinity and a breakdancing Lana who, incidentally hadn’t even been shown once all episode before this scene, so could theoretically have been there breakdancing for the past four days. Paige complains about Nikki’s disastrous tea plans, and the three of them start getting into Brie Mode.
Eva and Jonathan are out for lunch, and when she goes to the restroom, a fellow patron cuts a PSA on her about not having to live in an abusive situation. This weirds her out enough that she has to leave.
Backstage, Nikki seeks out Paige to find out why she was so distant and dismissive of her tea plans. Paige says that the whole thing reeked of pretentiousness and disingenuousness and she didn’t want to be part of that scene. Nikki gets offended because she says she’s legitimately interested in high culture.
Driving home from the restaurant, Eva is still freaked out about the lady’s comments. Jonathan rationally tells her that the woman was just being a good person, worried about a potential domestic situation, and that Eva should not feel ashamed of her war wounds because they come with the territory of trying to be a good professional wrestler. Safe to say that Nikki Bella has zero-point-zero bruises on her body. Eva says she’s proud of her bruises and wont’ worry about what other people say.
Nattie, Cameron, and Alicia are at the hotel bar, and Alicia gets all emotional talking about Wade Barrett. Nattie confesses that she told Wade that Alicia wants to see her. Their drunk-logic conclusion is that she should find out what room Barrett is staying in, then go confront him. In a talking-head segment, Nattie says that she’s just stirring the pot because she wants to have some entertainment on this trip, and if that’s true, then she’s the coldest person on the planet. And amazing.
Nikki and John Cena take Brie out to celebrate her one-year anniversary with Bryan, who unfortunately is on the other tour. They start talking about the conflict with Paige about her upbringing, and somehow the conversation becomes about how John Cena once wore hand-me-downs and was homeless so that’s why he appreciates the finer things in life now. Nikki says she’s always been fascinated with the upper-crust lifestyle even when she was a kid growing up on a farm.
With Nattie’s help, Alicia finds out what Barrett’s room number is, and she knocks on the door but then gets spooked and runs away. After, the girls head into the lobby bathroom, but then Nattie takes Alicia’s purse and runs away. This segment brought to you by “Swerved”.
The next day, Paige and Brie are out and about. Brie notes that Paige is still wearing her tea hat, even though she clearly hated the actual tea time. Paige feels bad about calling Nikki a phony and asks Brie if she should apologize. Brie explains that Nikki really does like dressing up and doing fancy things. And that the ten-year age difference between Nikki and Paige likely means that they will have different interests, so they should each cut each other some slack.
Hanging out in a park, Rosa and Nattie are still arguing their sides in the whole what-should-Alicia-do question. Rosa says that Nattie’s advice to knock on Wade’s door at night was a bad idea and calls Alicia a wanna-be homewrecker. Rosa gets so mad about it that she and Nattie start arguing, leaving Alicia more confused than ever.
The two tour groups meet up for a major show. How major? Maria Menounos is there, so draw your own conclusions. Unfortunately for Alicia, so is Wade Barrett’s girlfriend Rachel. Alicia introduces herself to Rachel (so does Maria Manounos, for some reason – screen hog), and Rachel is so nice, that Alicia realizes that she doesn’t want to be the wedge between her and Wade. Alicia says she’ll have to wait to find Mr. Right. Hey, Alicia – he’s the guy who wrote this report.
After the show, Paige seeks out Nikki backstage to apologize for their argument. Nikki accepts and all is good.
That night, Alicia hits the bar to begin a search to find herself a man. She can start by e-mailing me at the address below.
Bob Kapur will be patiently waiting for Alicia Fox to contact him at firstname.lastname@example.org. Or any Diva. Please?