Total Divas returned to the airwaves tonight and the world is safe once again, or something like that. With Summer Rae replacing JoJo, look forward to some true fireworks this season. Let’s get it started!

We start by being introduced to Summer Rae, who apparently isn’t as much the vet as Eva Marie, though I seem to recall the two actually starting on the main roster at pretty much the same time. (Yes, I recognize that Summer was actually on Raw first, but in Total Diva timeline, Eva was with the crew filming at virtually the same time). Anyways, the two are now sharing a ride on the road and both don’t like Nattie.

We also find out Eva Marie is now married following eloping, and Nikki’s upset because she’s separated from John Cena. Eva Marie also gets chewed out by the seamstress.

Elsewhere, all the girls gossip about Eva Marie. Okay…

Back at Casa Bella, Everyone’s getting ready for Nikki and Brit’s big 3-0. Cena texts Brie to wish Nikki HBD. He may have LOL’d also. The text becomes the topic of conversation in the party limo before everyone hits the club. D-Bry isn’t there either by the way.

Nettie’s apparently also getting drink a lot now, according to Ariane, who pulls Nattie out of the club for dancing with her boyfriend. The two get approached by the cops. Oy.

I swear, at this point I feel like Vince Russo is directing the show with how much is coming at us so quickly.

Next, Eva and her new beau get a calf rom her mom, who wants to come visit with her dad. Uh oh. Hubby has to sleep outside the house.

Back from break, Nikki is constantly reminded about Cena at a Wizard World convention. John shows up, the two hug.

Eva’s back now at her apartment with Jonathan and shipping him out temporarily.

Elsewhere, Nikki’s helping Brie and Bryan shop for their wedding registry. Nikki and Bryan get some time to talk and I’m getting tired of Nikki’s schtick.

Back form our second break, Nettie and the Funkadactyls are chatting in the lobby of a hotel when Summer Rae breezes by her. This leads to behind-the-back talk and eventually a match shown between Summer and Nattie with Eva watching on the monitor back stage. Nattie wins the bout. Nattie then talks about how the two have a battle in the ring for who leads the match.

Nikki and Brie then have a meet up backstage about John (again). And we get a tease of more into the break.

Back from break we see Daniel Bryan winning a Raw match while Eva and Naomi chat about the eloping and Eva’s incoming family visit. Apparently Eva’s worried she’s going to give her father another heart attack. Cameron seems to be played down a bit so far. Interesting…

Family’s here next, and it’s a big family visit. Her bro starts in on the conversation about Jonathan and she gets ribbed. Slowly she clues about the marriage but Jonathan arrives, wearing his wedding band. Big bro asks flat out and it gets real, yo.

Back from break, Eva confesses to the elopement and it really hits the fan. Eva’s father is upset, but fortunately dad doesn’t have a heart attack. Family heads back to the hotel, Eva cries. NEXT!

Nikki then gets a text from John who wants to meet for dinner to talk. She calls Brie who gets the idea in Nikki’s head that John will propose. BAAAHAHAHA. Silly girl, that’s not part of the roommate agreement.

Back from break, Nikki and Brie and Bryan are talking about the upcoming encounter with John, while Eva and Jonathan drive to see her family. They meet mafia style poolside as we get into the next break. Back from break #653, Jonathan stands up for his woman. It really hits the fan now. Eva jumps in about how the bros live in sin with their girls. Dad’s passed and it’s ‘it’. That’s it and that’s all.

Back at Casa Bella, Nikki’s getting ready for John who’s waiting on a pier with wine for her and her fur. He’s wearing a suit… this is serious…

Stay tuned!