How can you tell you’re hardcore? You hold a wrestling pay-per-view on Mother’s Day. Not a good idea. Call it Karma. Call it Mother Nature showing she truly has the stroke. Call it coincidence or maybe, just maybe…the collective negative energy from all those Moms whose families ducked out on them to watch wrestling came to bear on ECW as it held its Hardcore Heaven pay-per-view from The Rave in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

First they lost the introductory promo that usually follows Joey Styles and Joel Gertner’s chat in the ring. Styles and Gertner looked dazed and confused as the cameras cut to shots of the audience. Then, the house lights went out during the three way match between Little Guido, Mikey Whipwreck and Simon Diamond. Spotlights were quickly turned on to illuminate the ring. The lights came back on after the match concluded. Also, several camera men were taken out when they got too close to the action. A rough night all around for ECW. In spite of the glitches, ECW maintained its composure and put on another rip-roaring show. Congrats to everyone for not missing a step. Though it might be nice in future if they announced the complete card ahead of time. Not doing so makes them look bush league at say the least.

In the main event ECW World Heavyweight Champion Justin Credible was supposed to put the belt on the line in a three way dance with Tommy Dreamer and Lance Storm. Credible threw a wrench into the works by saying that if Dreamer entered the ring he would take the belt and heave it into the trash live on pay-per-view. ECW head honcho Paul Heyman and a mob of security guards held Dreamer back. Heyman told Dreamer that (to paraphrase the crude verbiage) there was nothing he could do about the situation. Dreamer shook hands with Lance Storm wishing him luck before departing to the locker room.

The former Impact Players tag team stared each other down in the middle of the ring. They traded slaps and punches. Storm did a double-leg take down on Credible sweeping him off his feet. Credible bailed out. As the champ went to climb back in, Storm attacked keeping him on the outside. Once he did manage to, Storm whipped him into a corner. Credible completed a Ric Flair flip over the ropes landing on the apron. Storm drop kicked him to the floor. The OTHER grappler from Calgary, Alberta, Canada, jumped upon Credible. Credible caught him in the face with his Singapore Cane. Storm’s forehead was opened up.

Credible set-up a table on the rampway. Credible and Storm rifled chops and punches at each other. The crowd began chanting…We want Dreamer! Storm elbowed out of a chinlock and performed a sunset flip on Credible for a two count. Credible clotheslined Storm down to the canvass. A thumb to the eye, a snap mare and Storm was trapped in the same punishing hold which he escaped via elbows to the gut again. Turning up the offence, Storm Hurracanranaed Credible and hit him with a beautiful flying reverse elbow smash off the second rope. Storm got a two count.

Storm reversed the champion’s That’s Incredible finishing move into a nice bridged suplex reaping another two count. Credible super kicked Storm in the face. The ref slapped two. Credible unfolded a steel chair slamming Storm’s head into it. An overworked official counted two. Credible went for a cross body block off the top rope. Storm rolled with it tangling Credible up for…you guessed it…another two. Using Roddy Piper’s patented move, the champ poked Storm in the eye yet again. Storm reversed an Irish whip hip-tossing Credible over the ropes and through the table Credible himself had placed there earlier. Rolling him in Storm saw the official’s hand hit the canvas twice.

Countering a move by his former partner, Storm twisted Credible into a single leg crab. Francine saw her man in deep trouble so she took off her high-heeled shoe smacking Storm in the back of the head breaking the hold. Dawn Marie intervened. A cat fight ensued. Credible dragged Dawn Marie off of Francine by the hair. Justin drilled her with That’s Incredible. Storm caned and Deep Impacted Credible. Two count. Storm went for his finishing move once more. Credible countered it with That’s Incredible. Two count. Credible and Storm pounded on each other while on their knees. Credible swinging DDTed Storm. Two count. Storm drop kicked Credible down heading for the top rope. Credible crotched Storm, picked him up and laced him with That’s Incredible. Credible got the pinfall to hold onto the strap. Francine picked up the ECW World Title first, then checked on her man.

Joey Styles was about to sign off when Dreamer caned Credible. Dreamer turned his attention to Francine. She put the belt down in front of him, stroked his face and hugged him. Dreamer Spicolli Drivered Francine, took the belt, dropped it on a fallen Credible talking trash to him as the pay-per-view went off the air.

  • The next ECW pay-per-view is Heat Wave 2000 on July 16th.

    ECW Hardcore Heaven Results

  • Cyrus barges into the commentator’s booth. (Wing) Kintaro Kanemura is with him. Cyrus and Gertner bandy threats about. Cyrus orders Kanemura to choke out Gertner. He does. Cyrus takes Gertner’s announcing position, though tonight he seems uninspired giving mostly direct commentary and not playing into his Network angle all that often.

    Balls Mahoney Vs Masato Tanaka

  • Standard spirited brawl they’ve done in the past. Mahoney and Tanaka shake hands ahead of beating the snot out of each other. Tanaka takes three glasses of beer to the face. Mahoney is Tornado DDTed on the rampway. At 4:30, the traditional chair duel. Mahoney kicks out of a Tornado DDT on a pile of chairs. Tanaka shoulders out of the Nutcracker Suite and one on the chairs. Mahoney kicks out of the Roaring Elbow. A Roaring Elbow and a chair shot from the top rope and Mahoney goes down to defeat.
  • Winner: Masato Tanaka at 9 minutes and 13 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 7 / 10.

    Simon Diamond Vs Mikey Whipwreck Vs Little Guido (Three Way Elimination Match)

  • Simon should change his name to Johnny Diamond. Oh, yeah. And what’s with the 55 thousand people accompanying him to the ring? Mitch, the dweeb in the tux. Two muscle heads and a Muskateer… of all things? Lose them, Diamond. They complicate matters. Sal has a bandage around his head. At 5:37, the house lights blink out. The grapplers wrestle on as the ring area is lit by spotlights. Mikey boots Diamond with the Whippersnapper at 5:37. Mikey is handed some material from the Sinister Minister. Whipwreck throws a fireball into Sal’s face. Guido plasters Mikey with the Maritado to pin him.
  • Winner: Little Guido at 7 minutes and 12 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 6 / 10.

  • Lou E. Dangerously, the Dangerous Alliance and Electra yap on and on. Dangerously says Electra is the toughest woman in wrestling today. Jazz disagrees punking the Alliance. Electra is wearing a Mike Awesome shirt. Jazz tears it off. Electra is wearing a real skimpy swim suit deal underneath. Anderson Spinebusters Jazz. This brings a steaming Kid Kash to the ring.

    Kid Kash Vs C.W. Anderson

  • What’s with the New Dangerous Alliance’s wrestling attire? They look like a cross between the Killer Bees and The Hart Foundation. Strange. Dangerously clocks Wilde with his phone by mistake. Kid Kash’s hurracanrana puts Anderson away.
  • Winner: Kid Kash at 5 minutes and 8 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 5 / 10.

    The Baldies Vs Nova, Chetti Vs Doring, Roadkill (Tag Team Elimination Match)

  • It’s the match of the gimmick-challenged wrestlers. Each of these guys is a well-schooled yet their personas are dragging them down. Nova is dressed as Venom. Maybe he oughta be in the Rhino – Sandman match? At 3:43, Grimes interferes with a guitar labeling Doring with it. They’re outta there. At 5:03, Roadkill top rope splashes Grimes through a table on the outside of the ring! Nova and Chetti execute the Tidal Wave to usher out the Baldies. The Baldies swarm Chetti and Nova.
  • Winners: Chris Chetti and Nova at 6 minutes and 29 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 7.5 / 10.

    New Jack Vs The Baldies

  • Rap music plays over the speakers. New Jack arrives on the scene with what else…plunder. Devito is staple-gunned in the head. New Jack stabs Devito and Angel in the head using a fork! The Butcher would be proud. New Jack body splashes Devito through a table from a balcony high above. Chair shot from the top rope wins New Jack the match. Match? What match? They never said this was a match. Odd. New Jack’s matches against The Baldies are starting to look the same to me.
  • Winner: New Jack at…who the heck was counting?
  • Match Rating: 5 / 10.

  • Joey Styles addresses the screw-up at the show’s start. He claims he was frazzled because Tommy Dreamer was attacked by Credible and came staggering out into the area all bloody like. Nice try, Joey. ECW has to be commended for facing the mistake and not sweeping it under the carpet.

    Steve Corino Vs Tajiri

  • Match Of The Year Candidate. Awesome display by two EXTREMELY underrated grapplers. Corino reminds me more and more of Barry Windham all the time. Corino offers to forgive Tajiri then he lays into him with some racial slurs. It’s the year 2000. Is this stuff really necessary? Tajiri responds by going nuts on Corino. Corino gets Brainbustered on the rampway. Tied to the tree of woe and kicked in the head, Corino bleeds heavily. Blood drops spray onto the camera capturing the action. Cool. Tajiri drop kicks a table into Corino’s throat. Tajiri blows the green mist into Jack Victory’s eyes and stomps Corino through a table. (Wing) Kintaro Kanemura punks Tajiri. Dusty Rhodes plays hero. Rhino rings Dusty’s bell. Enter Sandman is cued.
  • Winner: Tajiri at 10 minutes and 19 seconds.
  • Match Rating: 9 / 10.

    The Sandman (challenger) Vs Rhino (champion) (ECW World Television Title Match)

  • The Sandman’s wife canes Jack Victory. Bah. Ha. What a loser. Give Victory his walking papers, Paul. He doesn’t do much but put together tables, anyways. In a sick spot, Rhino piledrives the Sandman’s wife off the ring apron and onto a table. Sandman canes Rhino and picks up his injured wife. Rhino gores Sandman through a table. Rhino wishes The Sandman’s wife a happy Mother’s Day using some four letter words I can’t repeat here. Man, Rhino is evil I tell you. Evil!
  • Winner: …and still ECW Television Champion…Rhino at 6 minutes and 21 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 7 / 10.

    Jerry Lynn Vs Rob Van Dam

  • Match Of The Candidate flawed by a run-in ending. What can be said that hasn’t been said before about RVD and Lynn? As for pure wrestling talent, you can’t get any better than them. RVD does a Five Star splash on Lynn and a steel chair. Cyrus leaves the broadcast position. Corino and Victory get involved. Jerry Lynn fights them off. Rhino gores Lynn. Rhino powerbombs RVD. Cyrus sneaks up behind RVD, mike in hand to bash him one. RVD Van Daminators Cyrus. Lynn Van Daminators Alphonso. Van Dam does the same to Lynn. RVD ascends to the top rope. Scotty Anton tears off his RVD shirt and pushes RVD off the top rope. RVD takes a nasty fall hitting the edge of the rampway as he hits the arena floor. Ouch! Anton tosses RVD back in. A Cradle Piledriver by Lynn garners him a two count. A Cradle Piledriver on a steel chair wins him the bout. ECW trainers come in to check on RVD.
  • Winner: Jerry Lynn at 19 minutes and 51 seconds .
  • Match Rating: 9 / 10.

    Lance Storm (challenger) Vs Justin Credible (champion) (ECW World Heavyweight Title Match) )

  • Winner: …and still ECW World Heavyweight Champion…Justin Credible at 12 minutes and 2 seconds .

Match Rating: 8 / 10.