World Wrestling Federation president Vince McMahon’s a man of his word. Well, sort of. On last week’s Monday Night Raw McMahon swore that if guest referee Austin didn’t raise the hand of Kane or the Undertaker in the Judgment Day main event match to determine a new WWF World Heavyweight Champion, he’d fire the WWF rattlesnake. Technically Austin didn’t so McMahon gave him the pink slip live on pay-per-view.
And if you REALLY believe that Vinnie Mac would REALLY can the most popular money-making wrestler alive today, I’ve got two words you: You’re nuts.
Following in the footsteps of its competition – World Championship Wrestling – the WWF once again presented a solid undercard leading to a hideous main event which lulled the Chi-Town crowd into a collective coma. Realizing that the finale firing would close the pay-per-view on a high note, Kane and his “brother” The Undertaker sleepwalked through their worst match ever. The match’s tedious pace trailed off totally midway through as the Undertaker worked on Kane’s knee utilizing every boring submission hold known to man.
The bout’s pinnacle point of interest had The Undertaker whipping Kane into Austin stunning him. Kane chokeslammed Austin and the two monsters put the boots to Stone Cold. Paul Bearer entered the ring carrying a steel chair offering it to Kane. As Kane turned his back, Bearer gave the chair to The Undertaker who proceeded to chair shot his “bro” from behind. Watching the betrayal from an opposite corner, Austin refused to count the pinfall. Austin Stunned The Undertaker laying the three count on both contenders thereby insuring the WWF title remains vacant.
Austin challenged McMahon to show himself. When McMahon did not appear Austin searched the backstage area running into various employees and personal.
The funniest bit of this time wasting effort was Austin asking Owen Hart if he’d seen McMahon. Owen answered “I don’t know. I’m retired.”
His search turning up empty, Stone Cold made his way back into the ring.
“See. I knew it all along. You probably took a little ride in your Corvette because you didn’t have the guts to come out here and fire “Stone Cold” Steve Austin,” said the former champion calling out the WWF president.
The giant jumbotron screen above the wrestler’s entranceway suddenly rose into the air. McMahon voice could be heard shouting “Get that screen up! Move it! Get the screen up!”. Behind the screen sat McMahon in a private box encased in Plexiglas. At his side was McMahon’s new personal bodyguard: The Big BossMan.
“You got something you want to say to me?,” inquired Stone Cold standing in the center of the ring.
“Austin, I wish I could say that your services are no longer required but that’s not what I’m feeling. You said that I didn’t have the balls to fire you, well…,” said McMahon before his voice was drowned out by the crowd’s “asshole” chant.
Austin gives The Undertaker a piece of his mind.
“I can’t hear a word you’re saying because you’ve got 18,000 people calling you an an asshole. Speak up and put a little bass in your voice,” chuckled Austin.
“I would advise everyone here to get their cameras out and take a photo of that man,” because you’re seeing the last of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin,” growled McMahon. “Stone Cold, screw you! You’re fired!”.
A surprised Austin did a double-take asking McMahon to repeat what he had just said. Fans threw garbage at the Plexiglas barrier protecting McMahon.
“Screw you, Austin. You’re fired!,” repeated the WWF president spinning his wheelchair around and wheeling out of the private box.
“This has got to be a rib on “Stone Cold” Steve Austin because I didn’t think you had the balls to fire me but I guess I was proved wrong,” Austin responded. “Vince, I’ll tell you this if you listen up as you roll your little ragged carcass back in your wheelchair. You might not ever see me step foot in a WWF ring and I guess I might just start hunting season tomorrow but you can bet your ass that you ain’t seen the last of “Stone Cold” Steve Austin.”
Austin asked for his theme music to be played one last time. The audio techies obliged. Downing a six-pack of beer in the ring, Stone Cold saluted the fans as Jim Ross and Jerry Lawler earnestly sold the firing.
The next WWF pay-per-view is Survivor Series: Deadly Game on November 15th.
WWF INYH: Judgment Day Results
Al Snow Vs Mark Mero
: Jackie has that lock of Sable’s hair weaved into her own as a trophy.
: Right before Snow and Mero are about to lock up Jeff Jarrett comes down demanding he take Mero’s place. Mero and the ref won’t allow it.
: The Marvelous Jobber hoists Snow up into the T.K.O. Snow reverses it into a Snow Plow.
Winner: Al Snow at 7 minutes and 12 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
: Footage of Sunday Night Heat is shown of Austin being led to his special referee’s dressing room by McMahon’s three stooges. It’s a utility room. Bah. Ha.
D.O.A. and Paul Ellerling Vs The Legion Of Doom
: Droz comes out dressed as a Road Warrior wearing the spiked shoulder pads and make-up.
: Ellerling’s only in-ring involvement is a few kicks to a weakened Droz.
: Hawk appears “sober” wrestling in fine form.
: Skull (or is it 8-Ball?) gets blasted by the Doomsday Device. Hawk goes for the pin but Droz hogs the glory beating Hawk to the cover. A look of disgust covers Hawk’s face.
Winners: The Legion Of Doom at 5 minutes and 4 seconds.
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Christian Cage (challenger) Vs Taka Michinoku (champion) (WWF Light Heavyweight Title Match)
: Gagrel is at ringside.
: Edge looks on from the crowd.
: Michinoku attempts the Driver but Christian twists around rolling the champ up.
Winner: …and new WWF Light Heavyweight Champion…Christian Cage at 8 minutes and 34 seconds.
Match Rating: 3 / 10.
Val Venis Vs Goldust
: Val is about to address the crowd. Goldust’s voice interrupts him.
: At 4:18, Goldust charges Venis in the corner. Venis ducks. Goldust sails shoulder-first into the ring post and out of the ring. Venis works on the “injured” shoulder.
: Terri Runnels hops up on the ring apron bad mouthing Goldust. Venis tries a running clothesline from behind. Goldust sidesteps him.
: Terri, Val and the ref babble. Goldust turns Venis around and punts him in the “family jewels” for the pin.
Winners: Goldust at 12 minutes and 5 seconds.
Match Rating: 7 / 10.
The Undertaker and Kane stare each other down.
D-Lo Brown (champion) Vs X-Pac (challenger) (European Title Match)
: Brown is introduced as residing in Milan, Italy.
: At 3:22, X-Pac goes for the Bronco Buster. D-Lo (Yes! Baby!) sticks his foot up into X-Pac’s groin as he storms in.
: Chyna punches D-Lo in the face at 11 minutes and 36 seconds.
: D-Lo clobbers the ref cueing Mark Henry out. Henry distracts Chyna. D-Lo brains X-Pac with the European belt but X-Pac kicks out before the three count.
: D-Lo launches a flying shoulder tackle from the top rope. X-Pac catches D-Lo and uses his momentum to face bust him on the canvass.
: Fantastic performances and pacing by D-Lo and X-Pac. Hats off to these two young lions.
Winner: …and new WWF European Champion…X-Pac at 13 minutes and 50 seconds.
Match Rating: 9 / 10.
: More footage of Sunday Night Heat. Shamrock slams Helmsley’s leg in a car door. The attack is reported as “re-injuring” Triple H’s knee again.
The New Age Outlaws (champions) Vs The Head Bangers (challengers) (WWF World Tag Team Title Match)
: The best tag team match seen in the WWF or WCW this year. The New Age Outlaws and The Head Bangers holding a clinic on tag team wrestling.
: No friction between The Outlaws.
: The Head Bangers double Flap Jack a decimated Gunn.
: Road Dog can’t stand the beat any more, grabs a ghetto blaster and smashes it over Mosh’s head sparking the disqualification. Anyone for a No-DQ Street Fight?
Winners: At 14 minutes even, The Head Bangers by disqualification. Since the belts don’t change hands on a disqualification win, The Outlaws retain the tag titles.
Match Rating: 7.5 / 10.
Ken Shamrock (champion) Vs Mankind (challenger) (WWF Intercontinental Title Match)
: Cry Baby Shamrock has Mankind in the Ankle Lock Submission hold. Mankind gives himself the Mandible Claw and slips into Dream Land.
: Shamrock is announced as the winner via Mandible Claw. Shamrock argues with the ref that is was the Ankle Lock Submission hold not the Claw which put Mankind’s lights out.
: The World’s Most Dangerous Man throws a tantrum stomping a mudhole in Mankind and suplexing the ref. Mankind slips on Socco and the Claw on Shamrock.
Winner: …and still WWF Intercontinental Champion…Ken Shamrock at 14 minutes and 35 seconds .
Match Rating: 3 / 10.
The Rock Vs Mark Henry
: Henry reads a sappy love poem to Chyna. Hasn’t this dude ever heard of Dial-A-Date?
: Henry splashes The Rock. D-Lo arrives to hold The Rock’s legs down from outside the ring.
: Yes, folks. Mark Henry has won a match. Whoopie!
Winners: Mark Henry at 5 minutes and 6 seconds .
Match Rating: 1 / 10.
Kane (challenger) Vs The Undertaker (challenger) (WWF World Heavyweight Title Match)
Winner: None. Both men counted as pinned at 17 minutes and 35 seconds .
Match Rating: 2 / 10.
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 45 minutes.
Overall Event Rating: 4 / 10.