It’s a sad fact of pro-wrestling in the 90’s. Presidents and vice-presidents of sports-entertainment companies writing themselves into the storylines not just as casual observers (i.e.: portraying announcers) but as actual participants. It begs the question…Who are the real stars anyways?
Eric Bischoff, the real president of World Championship Wrestling started the ball rolling incorporating himself as the brains behind the New World Order gang. Borrowing a page out of Bischoff’s book, World Wrestling Federation owner Vince McMahon Jr. has stepped out from behind the commentator’s desk establishing himself as “Stone Cold” Steve Austin’s mortal enemy. The white collar promoter who’ll stop at nothing to dethrone a champion he deems as an absolute disgrace. A public relations nightmare, if you will.
Vince McMahon Jr., not “Stone Cold”, not The Undertaker, not Kane, not Dude Love was the star of the Unforgiven pay-per-view broadcast out of the Greensboro Coliseum in Greensboro, NC.
Last year’s real-life betrayal of Bret “The Hit Man” Hart and Shawn Michaels as his source material, McMahon teased the same fate for Stone Cold at Unforgiven. The shifty nods to time keeper Mark Eaton and ordering refs around to do his dirty work all fit in well. What didn’t was McMahon actively supporting his hand-picked challenger Dude Love and leaving his ringside seat to taunt a downed Austin.
Sure, this is pro-wrestling but hard-selling the hatred when in reality McMahon could simply fire Stone Cold really, really, stretches the “suspension of disbelief” factor.
Seven minutes into the main event, McMahon took a seat at ringside as promised. He and the time keeper in attendance signaled to one another. Austin spotted him automatically flipping McMahon the double one-fingered salute. The WWF prez scowled showing his disdain. Austin wrapped Dude Love’s legs, arms and head around the steel post.
“This one’s for you,” snapped Austin to McMahon as he tried to piledrive the Jimmy Valiant rip-off into the concrete floor. Dude Love escaped back dropping Stone Cold. McMahon strode up to Austin telling him to get back in the ring. McMahon ordered the ref to halt his count which would’ve given Dude Love the count out win. That wouldn’t have served McMahon’s purpose as WWF titles don’t change hands on a disqualification or count out.
“Be a man. Get back in the ring,” scolded the WWF president overacting like a first year drama student.
Austin missed with the Stunner and Dude slapped the Mandible claw on. McMahon shook the unconscious referee to no avail. Austin battled his way out slugging The Dudester in the head again and again. Back dropping Dude over the top rope, Stone Cold got into a tug of war with McMahon over his chair. Dude Love shoved the chair into Austin’s face. Austin recovered and countered striking Mick Foley in the face twice.
McMahon hooked the fallen Dude Love under his arms in an effort to bring him to his feet. Austin hauled off and cracked McMahon over the head with the steel chair. Whether or not he was aiming for Dude Love is unknown. Austin applied the Stunner slapping the three count himself. Stone Cold exited still the champion even though the victory was Dude Love’s due to Austin’s DQ for striking an official.
The last five minutes contained speculation that Austin might be suspended while McMahon was carted away a stretcher.
The next WWF pay-per-view is In Your House: Over The Edge on May 31st.
WWF In Your House: Unforgiven Results
: Country superstars Sawyer Brown played a tune during the Free-For-All.
: Austin confronted McMahon in his office saying…”I’ll beat your ass in front of the world if you screw me!”.
The Nation Of Domination Vs Ken Shamrock, Steve Blackman and Faarooq
: Kama stood at ringside.
: The match pushes Steve Blackman giving him mucho ring time.
: At 3:17, Faarooq slides a leather strap out of his trunks whipping D-Lo. No DQ is called.
: Faarooq hits The Dominator.
Winners: Ken Shamrock, Steve Blackman and Faarooq at 13 minutes and 32 seconds.
: Stone Cold comes out grabbing the mike. He hauls time keeper Mark Eaton into the ring threatening to clean his clock if he listens to McMahon.
Owen Hart (challenger) Vs Hunter-Hearst Helmsley (champion) (European Title Match)
: Chyna is suspended in a steel cage 20 feet in the air.
: Owen Hart attacks Triple H as he inspects the cage. He rams Helmsley into the cage twice, fences him and labels him with a full soda can to the head. The bell rings one minute and 27 seconds later when both finally enter the squared circle.
: Chyna pulls a hacksaw out of her pants. She attempts to saw the bars but drops the blade to the arena floor.
: The acoustics in the ring are so loud that at one point we hear one wrestler giving the other instructions as they lay in a rest hold.
: Chyna bends the bars open. She hangs precariously from the cage. Road Dog commandeers the cage controls lowering it down.
: Owen lands the Pedigree on Triple H but X Pac slugs him with a fire extinguisher.
: Ho-hum. Owen is screwed again.
: In an interview following the match, Owen says…”This bulls–t’s gonna end”.
Winner: …and still WWF European Champion…Hunter-Hearst Helmsley at 12 minutes and 26 seconds.
The Rock n’ Roll Express (challengers) Vs The New Midnight Express (champions) (NWA Tag Team Title Match)
: Added match that wasn’t announced previously.
Winners: …and still NWA Tag Team Champions…The New Midnight Express at 7 minutes and 12 seconds. .
Luna Vs Sable (Evening Gown Match)
: Marc Mero isn’t around. Goldust is.
: The dresses are in rip-away parts.
: Sable her bottoms torn away. She is wearing a g-string underneath.
: Mero arrives and distracts Sable. Luna rips Sable’s top off revealing a bra containing two expensive silicon implants.
: Sable, the sore loser, Power Bombs Luna then rips her dress off.
: Luna is chased under the ring. Sable comes out holding Luna’s bra and underwear.
: Goldust wraps Luna in his robe. Sable screeches at Luna in that whiny, annoying voice.
Winner: Luna at a very brief 2 minutes and 50 seconds.
LOD 2000 (challengers) Vs The New Age Outlaws (champions) (WWF Tag Team Title Match)
: Road Dog announces they have a special coach who has come out of retirement just to manage them. Billy Gunn carries out a blow-up sex doll representing some sports star named Dean Smith. Whatever. [Note from editor: John’s obviously not a college basketball fan!]
: Gunn hits Hawk with one of the tag belts. Hawk still kicks out. Road Dog goes to do the same. Hawk ducks. Road Dog punks Billy Gunn. Hawk crunches Road Dog with a German suplex. Though both their shoulders are to the canvass, the ref counts Hawk’s.
: LOD is screwed again. Do I see a pattern forming here?
: A ticked off LOD puts the ref in the Doomsday Device..not the Devastation Device as Jim Ross is fond of saying.
Winners: …and still WWF Tag Team Champions…The New Age Outlaws at 12 minutes and 13 seconds.
: Jeff Jarrett performs with Sawyer Brown.
: The crowd chants..We want Flair! We want Flair!
: Steve Blackman attacks Jarrett. Tennessee Lee breaks a guitar over Blackman’s head. Jarrett puts him in the Figure Four.
The Undertaker Vs Kane (Inferno Match)
: Sitting atop the ring apron are burners on all the four sides. A techie controls the flames which for most of the match are an inch or so high. When a big move is completed by either wrestler the flames burst higher.
: The loser is the one set on fire first. There is no referee.
: Kane leaves the ring. From out of nowhere, Vader Pearl Harbours Kane. The Undertaker leaps over the top ropes onto them. Paul Bearer chair shots Taker. He doesn’t feel a thing.
: The Undertaker chair shots Kane twice chasing Bearer to the concert stage. The bass drum is broken over Bearer’s head. A mike stand is rammed into his belly.
: Bearer bleeds.
: Kane goes to hit The Undertaker with a chair. Taker kicks Kane into the flames which sets his costume-covered arm on fire.
Winner: At 16 minutes even, The Undertaker.
Dude Love (challenger) Vs “Stone Cold” Steve Austin)
Winner: Dude Love via DQ at 18 minutes and 49 seconds. Dude Love does not win the World Title as title changes are only legit with a pinfall or submission. .
Total Event Time: 2 hours and 50 minutes.