It’s Saturday night, and you know what that means? Yes, some event knocked off the Sport of Professional Wrestling™ for some sports ball Madness.  And in the middle of March, of all months! 

In any case, it’s AEW Rampage, and the main event will have The Acclaimed facing off against The Kingdom, and they are starting to make a nuisance in the tag team ranks after AEW Dynamite.

We come to you from the Cable Dahmer Arena in Kansas City, MO.  Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Jim Ross have the call. The first match is underway and it is for the…

Courtesy of AEW

TNT Championship Match: Powerhouse Hobbs (with QT Marshall) vs. Penta El Zero Miedo (with Alex Abrahantes)

Harley Cameron QT and Aaron Solow from the QTV bullpen are also at ringside to capture the latest scoop, but the story here is that neither man is giving an inch and soon Penta dropkicks Hobbs out of the ring.  He goes for a tope and Hobbs strikes him midair with a forearm and dumps him outside and slams him along the barricades.  He sends Penta back into the ring and gives him a backbreaker.  QT tries to tie Penta’s mask to the bottom rope as Hobbs stomps him some more, but Abrahantes manages to get his mask untied.  During Picture in Picture, Hobbs just picks apart Penta until he lands a sling blade and follows with a backstabber in the corner for a two count.  He attempts an armbreaker, but Hobbs is too strong and plants him hard onto the mat with a huge slam for a two count.

Hobbs pulls the straps down and gets Penta in a fireman’s carry but the Lucha Brother wriggles out and lands with thrust kicks and then follows with a tope con hilo because he has Cero Miedo.  Penta follows with a double stomp on the ring apron and in the center to cover for a two count.

Marshall grabs a chair and threatens to use it from the ring apron.  Abrahantes pulls it away, and now Solow interferes but gets a Fear Factor for his troubles. Hobbs uses the distraction to nail Penta with the belt and delivers a Burning Hammer that gets the three count.

Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still TNT Champion:  Powerhouse Hobbs

Before the rest of QTV wants to add more damage, Rey Fénix comes out with a hammer and sends Hobbs and company out of the ring.  You can tell this is far from over,

We get a recap of the Young Bucks getting injured and the highlights of Omega and Vikingo from AEW Dynamite but read it here if you missed Dale Plummer’s Recap. 

There’s also a matter of Jeff Cobb coming for the IWGP United States belt, and Omega is daring him to take it.  Well, that will happen next Dynamite.

Now, Ricky Starks comes out to talk and calls Juice Robinson out. The Rock Hard Bullet Club member is ready to fight…and pulls up short. Starks has enough and Robinson bails. Then Robinson under the safety of the crowd says if he wants a fight, then it’ll be on April 5th in New York City.  Like Robinson says…

 

Jay Lethal and Company want respect and promise us they will have gold around their waists.  Yeah, like I’ve heard that before.

Moving along, the next match is…

Courtesy of AEW

Brody King (with Julia Hart) vs. Jake Hager

Hager likes his hat, but that matters naught as this is a straight hoss fight that has Hager ahead and taking the fight to the House of Black member all through Picture in Picture, and then…

Ads (I should be more upset, but thankfully some Madre Mezcal makes me feel calmer.)

We come back and King is dominant and lands a side slam for a two count. Then he attempts a powerbomb, but Hager counters and tries an ankle lock but King slips out.  Now King charges for a cannonball that misses, and then Hager uses the opportunity for a running Vader bomb and gets a boot to stun him. King nails a discus lariat, but it’s only good for a two-count.  coming from the back is AJayAS and she takes out Hart but makes no difference as King delivers the All Seeing Eye (Michinoku Driver) for the pin and the win.

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Brody King

Swerve Strickland hasn’t forgotten about Keith Lee.  The war ain’t over as far as he’s concerned and he has someone twisted to help him.  Hoodies up, yo!

And now for the Sacrificial Lamb fight of the night, it’s…

Courtesy of AEW

Taya Valkyrie vs. Leila Grey (with Jade Cargill and “Smart” Mark  Sterling)

Valkyrie is posing the biggest threat to Cargill’s career to date and is even using her own finisher (even though Valkyrie’s Road to Valhalla has been used longer by La Wera Loca), and Sterling is going to try and cease and desist that from happening.  As for the match itself, this deserves a Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

La Wera Loca

Just beats down the Baddie with

Road to Valhalla

Your Winner via Pinfall:  Taya Valkyrie

After the match, Sterling shows the cease and desist, but Valkyrie sends him on the Road to Valhalla as well, as Cargill looks on in disbelief.

(Author’s Note:  That wouldn’t happen with my lawyer.  Which reminds me, I better make sure my retainer is in order for any inane babble I post into these recaps.)

We get a little indication of the happenings in the tag ranks…

Matt Menard and Angelo Parker come out to commentary to observe the Main Event with…

Courtesy of AEW

The Acclaimed (Max Caster and Anthony Bowens, with “Daddy Ass” Billy Gunn)  vs. The Kingdom (Mike Bennett and Matt Taven, with Maria Kanellis)

Bennett and Caster are in the ring but Kanellis offers to scissor (*ahem*) and Bennett takes advantage of his wife’s distraction.  There’s a tag to Taven and he and Bennett lay the hurt on him and send Bowens crashing to the floor.  It isn’t long before Bowens is back in and he and Caster nail an assisted backstabber combination to Bennett, followed by a neck breaker into the signature Scissor Me Timbers.

During Picture in Picture, the Kingdom take control of Caster and he is an Acclaimed in Peril.  Then the Kingdom tease Daddy Ass and get combo offense to cover for just a two count.

Then “Daddy Ass” chases Kanellis up to the ramp, where Top Flight come out and ensures she goes all the way to the back.  Then Gunn clotheslines Bennett from further interference and at that point it is academic as Bowens nails The Arrival and Vaster delivers the Mic Drop for the one, two, and three.

Your Winners via Pinfall:  The Acclaimed

Menard and Parker golf clap, as The Acclaimed declare that it is time to “Scissor Me Daddy Ass!” as the show goes to black.