This week’s show features a bunch of illogical ideas that somehow work out in the end. Nattie and TJ try a couple of ways to get Nattie’s sister to leave their house – finding her a man and then using a more “get out”approach. Meanwhile, Bryan has a (literally) crappy idea to get Brie to dress less provocatively. But it’s Paige whose crazy behaviour really baffles – risking not only her life and limb, but her job as well. What’s even more illogical, though, is that people actually want to watch this show! Check out the recap for all of the details.

The show starts off with the Bellas flashing the tattoos on their butts, and this has the potential to be the best episode yet. Apparently they both got tattoos when they were fifteen, but now Brie is getting her lasered off. But then they blur out the next shot, so we’re back to the normal drudgery that is this show.

Brie meets Daniel Bryan for lunch at some “farm-to-table” restaurant. Bryan is upset because Brie is dressed pretty skimpily, and they argue about her general lack of clothes. Brie says that she’ll cover up when she’s pregnant, and in the meantime, he should just enjoy her body. He says he’ll start walking around with one of his Little Bryans exposed (No!), and she says she’ll walk around with a puppy free (Yes!).

Apparently, it’s been Paige’s life dream to buy a motorcycle. She and Alicia Fox go to a bike store where she window shops for a chopper, saying she’ll buy one after she gets her license. Then her and Foxy talk about Rosa’s boobs. Lots of naughty talk in this episode already – must be sweeps week.

Nattie and TJ are out furniture shopping to help fill out their new house. Jenni, Nattie’s sister, is also there, and she wants them to buy the tackiest stuff imaginable. TJ really hates his sister-in-law staying with them, and does whatever he can to make her know she’s overstayed her welcome – especially when she starts getting demanding over the furniture picks that she wants.

Paige gets called in to talk with WWE suit Mark Carrano. Mark tells Paige that Ariane has been petitioning for a bigger role on TV, and Mark wants Paige to train her to get her ready for her comeback. Paige finds Ariane in the back, and warns her that she’s going to be a tough trainer, because that’s how she was trained by her parents, and that’s what she knows.

The Bellas are out on the town and hit a candy store. Brie tells Nikki about how Bryan freaked out about her clothes the other day. Nikki tells her that she should wear whatever she wants. Brie likes that Bryan gets jealous of her showing her body, but thinks he’s over-reacting because she doesn’t dress as sexy as he thinks she does.

Backstage at catering, Nattie and Carrano are talking, and Nattie mentions her sister, clearly hinting that Carrano should date her. Carrano is diplomatic, but his reaction makes it clear that he’d much rather kill himself. Nattie wants to find Jenni a man so that she’ll move out of her and TJ’s house. She sets her sight on Big E. She finds him backstage, and invites him over to meet Jenni.

Paige, Alicia, and Rosa head to a motorcycle track to get some lessons. Paige gets crazy and ends up wiping out into a ditch. Or her stunt double does – it’s hard to say, since she’s fully covered, with a tinted helmet and the whole thing is filmed from a very wide angle. But, for the sake of kayfabe, let’s just say that Paige wiped out in a ditch. She’s shaken up, but is fine.

Backstage at the next show, Carrano seeks out Paige. He lectures her on acting like a Diva, and that she needs to be more careful, because as a Diva, you’re “on” 100% of the time. Wow, from all the butt shots early in the episode, to a buttload of Mark Carrano, I guess maybe it isn’t sweeps week after all. Paige apologizes and says she’s learned her lesson, and won’t be motorcycling again.

The next day, Nattie takes Jenni out to lunch to meet Big E. Nattie tries a hard sell on Big E., effectively pimping them both to each other. Big E. and Jenni seem to be getting along, and Nattie thinks her plan is working. But then Jenni throws a wrench into the works, inviting Big E. back to Nattie and TJ’s house. So instead of leaving, the leech has actually invited others to leech up the place even more.

Brie and Bryan are getting ready for some event, and Brie is showing lots of cleavage. Apparently, to prove to Bryan that her wardrobe isn’t that risque, she borrowed clothes from Nikki who has the entire Trashy Skank collection. Bryan isn’t pleased about it and lets her know he thinks she looks ridiculous.

Driving back from their lunch, Nattie and TJ speculate on whether Big E. will take Jenni off of their hands. TJ just wants Jenni gone.

Paige and Ariane meet up at the WWE Performance Centre, where they run some drills under the watchful eye of Sara Amato (Sara Del Ray), co-head trainer. Paige is great, Ariane not so much, even screwing up some of the most basic fundamentals. Paige gets frustrated with Ariane’s single-handed botchamania highlight reel, and the two exchange words, followed by a very rough training match, leading into a scuffle, and Ariane storming off.

Big E. comes to Nattie and TJ’s to visit Jenni. Nattie is about as subtle as a heart attach, trying to get these two together. As much as she wants them to continue the date at Big E’s house, those two would rather party down in the hot tub.

At home, Brie and Bryan receive a special delivery. It’s a composting toilet, so the two of them can recycle their own poop. Judging from Brie’s reaction, she likes the idea about as much as Mark Carrano likes the thought of dating Nattie’s sister.

The next day, Nattie suggests that an interior decorator come and do some work on their house, and Jenni jumps aboard that bandwagon. TJ tries to inject some common sense into the discussion, and he and Jenni start sniping. Jenni escalates the situation by bringing up some past relationship stuff between Nattie and TJ. This leads to a great moment where TJ basically asks Jenni when she’s going to leave, and follows that up with a cocky, bold, and smug bite into his deli shop sammich. Jenni gets the point. finally, though Nattie tries to get the both of them to stop fighting.

Later, Paige and Fox are driving around, when Carrano calls up Paige. He heard about the skirmish between Paige and Ariane, and is concerned. Paige tries to pin the blame on Ariane, but he calls her out on her claim that Ariane deliberately tried to hurt her. Carrano dresses her down, saying that she’s supposed to be there helping Ariane and if she can’t learn to play nice, there’s going to be trouble.

TJ and Nattie talk about the Jenni situation. Nattie is torn between her husband and her sister, but agrees she has no choice but to tell Jenni she needs to leave. Before she can, though, Jenni tells her that she knows this situation is untenable, and has decided to move out to live with her and Nattie’s parents. So Nattie wins both ways – her problem is solved, and she doesn’t have to be the bad sister. Everything’s coming up Milhouse as far as Nattie’s concerned.

JJ the Bella brother, his wife, and Mama Bella go visit Bryan and Brie. Within seconds of their arrival, Bryan is trumpeting about the new compost toilet, even offering them to take pictures with it. Meanwhile, JJ uses the big kids toilet in the house, but then reports that the bowl wouldn’t flush – perhaps an issue with the water? Bingo, as Bryan confirms that he shut off all the water in the house since the compost toilet is water-free. Bryan argues that if Brie can parade around half naked, then he can inconvenience visitors by forcing them to use a stinky outhouse in the back yard. It’s official. He’s been spending so much time amongst the Bellas that the stupidity has infected him through osmois, and now he’s as brainless as they are. Or is he? Because Mama Bella agrees with him, saying that Brie sometimes shows off too much skin. Okay, we’ve found the head vampire of stupidity, and it’s time to put her down, Lost Boys style. Because as far as I’m concerned, Brie should be encouraged to show her breasts, not slut-shamed for doing so. Brie agrees to wear a bra if Bryan turns the water back on, and he does. And suddenly this show sucks again.

Backstage, Paige notes that she’s not on TV or any house shows on the coming weeks’ schedule. She decides she’d better “Caaaall Somebodaaaay” – enter the Road Dogg, Jesse James. She finds him and asks if she is being punished for the Ariane Incident. He assures her that they wouldn’t change creative direction just because two Divas can’t get along. Then he gives her a wordy and nonsensical non-aswer to her question. Then berates her for asking the question in the first place, and gives her a final warning, saying that if she knows what’s good for her, there won’t be another. This desperately needed a Dick Vernon, “The next time…. I’m cracking skulls” line, but whatever.

That night, over drinks, Paige tells her side of the story to Nattie and Nikki. They tell her to keep her nose clean, lest Vince find out about this kind of stuff and consider her a discipline issue. They tell her that she should see being asked to coach Ariane as a sign of confidence in her, and to not blow the chance. She gets angry, and leaves in a huff. Nikki follows her and gives her some career advice, saying that she needs to act like the locker room leader that the company wants her to be and will expect her to be in the near future. Paige calms down, and thanks them for their help.

Later, Bryan is going through Brie’s closet and getting rid of any clothes that are too revealing. He dumps out anything too revealing and then heads out to take a dump in the outhouse. And so endeth another crappy episode.

Bob Kapur = hero, for covering this for SLAM! Wrestling. Email your praise to