Willow Nightingale vs. Kris Statlander – Chicago Street Fight for the CMLL World Women’s Championship
The best match of either’s career. Outstanding stuff here.
They cut backstage to Statlander but not in time. We only hear her say…”Stat-urday night”. Stokely hands Kris a chair. Willow disarms her easily. Willow powerbombs Kris into a corner but almost drops her. A cannon ball scores her a two count. Kris hits Willow over the back with a steel chair and slams her through the announce table.
Stokely and Kris set up a table on the floor. Kris slams her head into a ringside barricade. Kris rips off a turnbuckle pad. She leaps off the top rope. Willow moves out of the way. Kris puts herself through the table. Willow shoulder tackles Kris through a barricade.
Willow as she leads Kris up the rampway: Remember what you did to me?
Kris reverses a suplex on the ramp. She demands Stokely “get the stuff”. Stokely brings out a trash can full of plunder. Kris beats Willow with a trash can before suplexing her again on the rampway missing a garbage can. Kris misses with a barbed wire baseball bat. Willow doesn’t with a bunch of light tubes.
Willow points at Stokely as Kris bleeds from the forehead. Stokely runs backstage to escape Willow. Kris spears Willow off the rampway onto a black sheet covered tables below. Kris drags Willow back to the ring. Kris slams Wi;ow. Willow gets right back up slamming Kris. They both get up clotheslining each other to the mat.
Willow pulls a chain out from under the ring as Kris retrieves a black bag. Kris slaps Willow in the face daring her to hit her with the chain. That seems quite stupid. Willow not only hits her but grinds the chain into her forehead. Willow then bites her head.
Kris dumps out tacks from the black bag. Willow shoves Kris off forcing her to miss an axe kick. She lands on the tacks instead. Kris kicks out of Death Valley Driver on the tacks. Kris drops Willow onto the tacks with a Spanish Fly off the top rope. She smashes the chain into Willow’s head for a two count.
Kris turns the match into a hybrid strap/chain match by bringing in a chain attached to wrist straps. Kris drops Willow with a Tombstone Piledriver. She wraps the chain around her head for a super duper submission move. Stokely rejoins Statlander after the match.
Winner: Kris Statlander at 15 minutes and 20 seconds
Match Rating: 8 / 10
Will Ospreay is interviewed backstage. Ricochet interrupts. Ospreay tells him to rack up some wins before challenging him. Ricochet says he will see him soon. I think Ricochet spoke more in this segment than he ever did his whole time in WWE.
Kazuchika Okada (c) vs. Mark Briscoe vs. Orange Cassidy vs. Konosuke Takeshita – Four-way match for the AEW Continental Championship
Not sure why this match is included. It is just a bunch of jumbled nonsense with people laying on the floor like they have been shot until it is their turn to rejoin the match. There isn’t much to say. The only highlight is Okada and Takeshita facing off when they do. Okada wins with the Rainmaker.
Winner: …and still AEW Continental Champion, Kazuchika Okada at Who Cares 0’clock. (15 minutes and 20 seconds)
Rating: 6 Redneck Fu Karate Chops out of 10
Mercedes Moné (c) vs. Hikaru Shida – AEW TBS Championship Match
Shida needs to spread her wings and go elsewhere. She has so much potential to do so much more but that won’t happen in AEW.
The most overpaid wrestler in the history of AEW comes out next. What is the point of the canned CEO chants? It isn’t just a heel thing because they were using them when she was introduced as a face. No idea why she is shimming and dancing like a stripper without a pole but here we are.
Mone begins the match tripping up herself and Shida then hitting her with weak punches. Mone gives Shida’s leg a DDT. I always hated that move. It looks so stupid. Mone’s drop kick misses the target but Shida tries to make her look good.
Both women run awkwardly round in circles as they hit the ropes. Shida shows Mone how it is done with four great looking drop kicks off the ropes. Mone missed a drop kick. Shida puts her in a stretch muffler. Mone reaches the ropes but Shida won’t let go at first.
Shida lamely drives Mone’s knees into the mat. Shida drapes Mone over the apron for a running knee smash.
Mone executes a really sloppy powerbomb on Shida as she leaps over the ropes. Mone bows to Shida to mock her. The crowd boos. Mone does her knees to the abdomen in the corner thing as the crowd remains mostly muted.
Shida puts Mone down with a missile drop kick off the top rope. Shida hits two of her spinning kicks but a third completely misses. Just awful stuff. Shida and Mone have a tug of way over Shida’s kendo stick. Mone is pulled into the steel post. Shida brings the kendo stick into the ring. The official warns her. Shida misses a knee drop and Mone wins with the Mone Maker. Kamille meets her on the rampway to celebrate.
How many awful matches does Mone have to have before someone gives her the hook?
Winner: …and still AEW TBS Champion, Mercedes Mone at an excruciating 16 minutes and 26 seconds.
Rating: 3 Counterfeit Dollar Bills out of 10
Bryan Danielson (c) vs. Jack Perry – AEW World Championship Match
Why does this match even exist? There is no way on Earth that Perry will be the one ending Danielson’s career. That would be criminal.
Perry isn’t a threat to a Girl Guide never mind a full-grown man like Danielson. Dude has no charisma, no intimidation factor, no charm, nothing. He would barely be considered a cruiserweight, to be honest with you. He will be another one of these people who stays in AEW because that is the only place where they will booked like this.
Tony Schiavone might be going senile because he thinks the building is actually shaking in anticipation.
Danielson punches Perry in the head while he is in a Gory Special submission. As Perry escapes to the floor Danielson drop kicks him through the ropes. Danielson springboards off the top rope onto Perry. A missile drop kick sends Perry to the floor. Danielson dives off the apron and gets a super kick to the face. AEW exploits Danielson’s neck problems AGAIN with Perry DDTing him on the arena floor. Perry runs Danielson into the ringside barricade and drop kicks him into it as well after a running start.
Danielson turns things around with a suplex from the top rope. Danielson nails his Yes! kicks. Perry almost drops Danielson picking him up onto his shoulders. Perry pulls the official in the way as Danielson rushes across the ring with his running drop kick. Danielson’s German suplex sets Perry up for the kicks to the head. The Young Bucks rush the ring. They attack Danielson. They hit the TK Driver which they never, ever execute correctly and always looks fake.
Cesaro and Wheeler chase The Bucks off. The official comes to. Danielson kicks out of running knee. One Busaiku Knee, stomps to the head and another Busaiku Knee puts Perry away.
Winner: …and still AEW World Championship Match, Brian Danielson at 27 minutes and 34 seconds.
Rating: 7 Romper Stomper DVDs out of 10
Killswitch attacks Danielson from behind. He and Perry exchange glances. Christian Cage’s music hits. He comes out with the contract he won via the Casino Battle Royal. Jon Moxley steps in Christian’s way. Cesaro, Wheeler and Pac join them. Christian and his clowns back off.
Moxley hugs Danielson. The BCC raise Danielson’s hands in victory. Out of nowhere, Cesaro attacks Danielson. Moxley puts a plastic bag over Danielson’s head. Pac holds off Wheeler as Marina Shafir takes out the official. The bag over the head gimmick goes on and on and on. AEW just doesn’t know ever when good is good enough until things traverse into obsurdity.
The AEW crowd chants: This is murder!
Ugh.
As Moxley, Cesaro and Shafir leave the ring, Wheeler rushes over to Danielson. Medical officials bring down an air tank and oxygen mask for Danielson.
Swerve Strickland vs. “Hangman” Adam Page – Steel Cage Match
As the cage starts to lower Swerve attacks Hangman. He chokes him as Nana throws weapons into the ring. The cage is lowered completely.
Hangman slams Swerve. Swerve gets back to his feet drop kicking Hangman. They get into a slugfest until Swerve hits a Flatliner and a House Call.
“You want to play blood games? This is what you get! You stupid idiot! You want to play with fire? You are going to burn.” shouts Nana at Hangman.
Hangman opens a tool box pulling out a staple gun. Hangman staples Swerve in the chest. Swerve laughs at him. Swerve pulls the staple gun out of Hangman’s hands, staples him in the back and gives him a backbreaker. Swerve pulls staples out of his chest.
Swerve takes out some pictures of his family. Swerve staples them to Hangman’s chest and face.
Tony Schiavone: Hangman burned down his house and it was a nice house!
Swerve is thrown off the cage. He hits Page with a clothesline. Page laces some barbed wire into the cage. Swerve is tossed into it. Swerve is busted open. Hangman punches and punches the wound. Swerve’s head is dragged across the steel cage again and again.
Swerve pulls out a concrete block from another box. Swerve stares down at Page before he readies him for piledriver. Swerve gives Page a Dead Eye on the block. Page kicks out at two.
Swerve sets up a table in the ring as the fans chant that they want fire.
Hangman slams Swerve’s head against the cage supports.
AEW fans are triggered and start chanting: Please, don’t die.
Ugh.
Swerve drives Page through the table with a Swerve Stomp. Page kicks out of that too. Swerve charges at Page. Page’s Dead Eye gets him a two count. Page pulls out a massive splinter from Swerve’s burnt down house. Swerve wrestles the spike away from Page. He stabs Page in the head with it. Swerve holds the spike and stares at it. Page punches him in the “lower abdomen”. Swerve is powerbombed on the concrete block.
Swerve kicks out??!? Come on.
Swerve powerbombs Page into the steel cage. I guess his back isn’t hurt that badly AFTER being dropped on a concrete block?!!?
Hangman kicks out of a House Call?!!? Come on.
Page powerbombs Swerve off the cage. Swerve kicks out of Dead Eye?
Sigh.
This has reached the level of stupidity now.
Page bashes Swerve with a steel chair over and over telling him to beg for mercy. Swerve comes up laughing then falls to the mat. Hangman pulls Swerve’s grill out of his mouth. Page retrieves a needle putting it through Swerve’s mouth or cheek. He breaks a steel chair over Swerve’s head. The official calls for the bell ruling Swerve has been knocked out.
Winner: “Hangman” Adam Page at 31 minutes and 32 seconds of complete idiocy.
Rating: 7 M. Night Shyamalans out of 10
All In Summary
AEW just doesn’t know when to call ‘Cut!’ ever. Things would be perfect or at least much better if they ended things as they should instead of always pushing matches, angles, etc, into the stratosphere. Someone’s finisher is enough to end a match. You don’t need to do 35 false finishes. There is far too much excess and that comes from people not standing up against really bad ideas or booking. They are probably more concerned about their place at the trough rather than helping produce a quality product. Pac and Ospreay should take many bows. Their match was outstanding. Match of the Year quality. Willow and Statlander took their careers to the next level with that bruiser of a match. I didn’t know they had it in them. If AEW wants to really turn the corner and spark some positive momentum they need to get back on course, back to the way they were years ago, If not, they will continue to see their live show attendance, their TV ratings decline when they have some of the most talented people in the industry today working for them.
