MJF vs. Daniel Garcia
Imagine having MJF and wasting him against a dude who is one step above a jobber in the opening match of a pay-per-view? Imagine that.
Garbanza or Jabroni, whoever, attacks MJF as he is entering the ring. Causing a massive distraction a support crew comes down to remove a banner from ringside. Jabroni is wearing David Lee Roth’s headband. Oh, it is supposed to be a bandage from MJF breaking a bottle over his head three days ago. Funny that. MJF turns things around rather quickly as you expect he would. Jabroni goes for a piledriver but MJF pushes him off into the ropes. An MJF neckbreaker puts Jabroni down as does a guillotine on the ropes.
Tony Schiavone: That’s a serious cravat, man!
MJF gets a two count with cradle DDT. MJF gives the crowd the finger as he suplexes Jabroni over the top rope and they both hit the floor. Jabroni beats the count and starts shaking his head like he is having a seizure.
Jabroni gives MJF a series of neckbreakers. He leaps onto Jabroni, grabs him by the ears and bites, punches his forehead. Jabroni comes up bleeding. Although Jabroni seems out on his feet the official lets the match go on. MJF props him up in a corner. Jabroni fights his way out of a second rope piledriver. Jabroni DDTs him from the top rope. MJF drapes his foot over the bottom rope to stop the count.
Jabroni kicks out of a Canadian Destroyer.
We got a close-up of sticky, slimy snot pouring out of Jabroni’s nose. How delightful. Jabroni delivers some open-handed chops. A guillotine brings MJF to his knees. MJF kicks out of piledriver…but of course he does as this is a match in which everyone kicks out of everything…until they don’t. MJF bites his way out of a second rope piledriver. The official doesn’t see MJF’s low blow. MJF rolls him up for the pin.
Winner: MJF at Far Too Long o’clock (23 minutes and 35 seconds)
Rating: 7.5 Diamond Rings out of 10
MJF extends his hand to Jabroni after the match. He shakes it. MJF lifts Jabroni’s arm in the air. He goes to kick Jabroni in the balls. Jabroni blocks him and kicks him there instead. Jabroni piledrives him from the second rope. Jabroni leaves through the crowd as medical personal attends to MJF in the ring. Oh, god. There is going to be more of this angle. Nooooooo!
Hangman Adam Page and Swerve are shown in separate dressing rooms with guards around them.
Excalibur babbles with a straight face: “This is not only to separate them from one another but to keep all of the innocent bystanders backstage safe.”
Okay, buddy.
The Young Bucks (c) vs. Blackpool Combat Club – AEW World Tag Team Championship Match
Nigel McGuinness calls the BCC, the “BBC”. Hilarious.
Dick Jackson takes down both members on his own. Cesaro and Wheeler are not amused they fire back and make-a-wish with Nick’s legs. They do the same to Rick as the official doesn’t badger The BCC for not leaving the ring. They do it to Mick another three or four more times. The BBC catches both Bucks and both get wish boned. The Bucks take control battering Wheeler. Wheeler almost tags out but Cesaro steps into the ring. The official stops him. Vick spits at Cesaro enraging him even more.
Wheeler makes the tag. Cesaro races across the ring back and forth landing his running forearm smashes over and over and over again. He takes them both down with a double clothesline. He does the same to them on the arena floor. Cesaro breaks the barricade and asks the fan behind it if they are okay. They smile back.
Cesaro swings Dick 20 times. Cesaro hits a superplex. Wheeler goes for a Fastball Special. Rick has his knees up. He rolls up Wheeler while Mick holds off Cesaro.
Winners: …and still AEW World Tag Team Champions, “Mr. Instant Replay” and “Slick Nick” at This Will Never End! (15 minutes and 32 seconds)
Match Rating: 7 Overpriced Running Shoes out of 10
Will Ospreay (c) vs. Pac – AEW International Championship Match
Pac has an AEW Championship? How did that happen? Good for The Bastard. The fans finally get to their feet during Ospreay’s entrance. The crowd is really alive for this one. Pac steps out of the ring just to piss them off. Pac shoulder tackles Will down. Will kips back up as if nothing happened. Pac tries a snapmare. Will lands on his feet. Pac finally grounds Ospreay with a headlock.
Neither man can take the other down. They go back and forth. Will even flips out of Pac’s flying head scissors. The crowd rises to their feet on that one. Pac leaps off the top rope onto Will on the floor. Will counters with a twister off his own off the top rope. Ricochet is watching backstage. Both men take each out with stereo drop kicks.
Once they sit up they begin slapping each other in the face. They get to their feet and exchange chops. Pac starts attacking the taped neck of Will. Pac whips Will into a ringside barricade twice.
Pac spikes Will with an avalanche brainbuster in the ring. Will is holding his neck and his shoulder. Will leaps off a ringside barricade to nail Pac with a flying forearm. Pac is down from some time so while Will poses in the ring, the official checks on him. Will brains Pac with a corkscrew kick in the middle of the ring. Pac leaps off the ropes. Will catches him. Pac turns that into a tornado DDT.
Will hit his cutter off the ropes but he cannot cover quickly enough as his neck is killing him from the brainbuster before.
The crowd chants: “Fight forever!” and I agree with them, for once.
Will puts his hands behind his back daring Pac to batter his neck with forearms…so naturally he does. Will fights back with a hook kick. Pac German Suplexes Will on the ring apron and then hits a Poisonrana on the apron too.
Pac slaps on the Brutalizer. Will makes his way to the ropes to drape his legs over them breaking the hold. Will puts up his knees to block the Black Arrow. Pac amazingly flips out of a powerbomb into a hurricanrana. The crowd gets to their feet.
Pac locks Will in a Brutalizer for a very long time. Will gets to his knees. He hits a hurricanrana and a Hidden Blade for a two count. Pac crotches Will as he goes for another cutter. Pac executes a Poisonrana off the top rope. Will is carried over but lands on his feet for a Hidden Blade and a two count. Pac shrugs off an Oscutter to reverse a Stormbreaker into a pinning combination for a two count. Will hits a Styles Clash, a Hidden Blade for the win.
Winner: …and still AEW International Champion, Will Ospreay…at 2o minutes.
Match Rating: 9 / 10
