The show opens with a hype video for Max the Impaler vs. Ella Envy. Max is one of my favorite gimmicks. They look like the Lone Biker of the Apocalypse (Raising Arizona reference, good movie). Ella Envy is saying Max does not scare her and makes fun of her appearance.
The show opens, which continues to be a disappointment, airs. That song is awful.
Joe Galli and the man with hats on hats on hats on hats (Danny Dealz) run down the card.
The Southern Six vs. Baron Von Storm and Jax Dane
I mistakenly called Tim Storm’s new gimmick a Fritz Von Erich knockoff. It is clearly a Baron Von Raschke knockoff. I am embarrassed I did not catch that. I am also embarrassed for Mr. Storm for being saddled with this gimmick.
Jax Dane is Tim Storm’s caretaker. Legally. That is what the announcers want us to believe. The match halts for Tim, I am sorry The Baron, to take his robe off that he mysteriously kept on. What is this?
In the middle of the match, we have a commercial. Again. This is a taped, streaming show. Why do they put the commercials in the middle of matches? Infuriating.
The manufacturers of Otezla want you to know you should not use Otezla if you are allergic to it? Really?
They were stalling into the break while Silas sold fear of Tim’s right hand. We come back and he continues to sell for the right hand. Dealz tells us Storm should be arrested for his right hand.
So, The Southern Six are getting heat on Jax Dane. Is Jax Dane, who has manipulated Tim Storm into signing his entire life over to Jax, supposed to be a babyface? Or is this heel vs. heel and why do you want to do heel vs. heel?
Silas Mason tries to throw Alex Taylor unto Jax Dane who is lying prone. He badly overthrows Alex who lands in a belly flop. They left that botch in. To make it worse Jax Dane gets up and is looking right at Alex, but since he is supposed to duck a clothesline next, he turns around inexplicably to get the move in. What a series of mishaps.
As bad as that was, things got worse. Kerry Morton shows up out of nowhere and gets on the apron. The ref, of course, is distracted. Silas breaks up a camel clutch by kicking Dane in the face. Why did they need a distraction? Oh, but it gets worse. The ref leaves Morton, even though he is still on the ring apron, to inexplicably check on Alex Taylor. Morton finally gets into the ring and hits Silas. Then stays in the ring and jumps up and down making an enormous racket that the ref just ignores. This was stupid.
All that sets up Storm doing the claw on Morton and the ref disqualifying Morton for being in the ring. This was terrible. They buried the ref. Morton looks like a buffoon. And now Storm is in the ring looking at the ceiling like he is The Sheik while he has the claw on. His face has an expression of ecstasy.
And it gets worse! Now they are all trying to pull Morton out of the claw. The two other members of Southern Six have Morton lifted in the air pulling on him, while Jax Dane is pulling Storm’s waist. Dane finally gets the robe and puts it over Storm’s face to get him to let go. The members of the Southern Six count to three and then let go of Morton. So, their partner drops flat on his face. What am I watching and why? AEW-level bad.
Correction: The referee did not disqualify the Southern Six, even though it was their guy who interfered. No. He threw the match out. What?
Winners: No one
Joe Galli sends it to Joe Cazana, but then Dealz says they are sending it to Kyle Davis with the Southern Six. This is a taped show. How was that not edited out?
Silas Mason starts screaming while Alex Taylor is fake crying. Seriously, Taylor’s acting here is Liv Morgan level. Silas calls Tim Storm “Kaiser-loving” and I am not kidding. He wants everyone to look at Morton’s face but has his butt to the camera. Again, with the comedy. Are you putting the claw over or are you joking? Decide, NWA.
Silas calls Taylor’s nose “an investment” and then claims the claw killed the Von Erichs. That is tasteless. One of the worst cliched promos I have seen in years.
We go to a vignette of the OnlySlams guy. There is a woman eating a banana and some poor beleaguered women whose stock footage they inserted. They also show a sword being forged. Ugh.
Back from commercial, Joe Cazana is in their backstage set. Cazana is the owner of one of the “territories” under the NWA banner. He is hyping a match between the Miserably Faithful and The Stew Crew. He wants the Miserably Faithful banished to hell. I would not mind going there too after this show.
Max the Impaler vs. Ella Envy – World TV Title
After the promo, we are in the ring. This is for the TV title, so the time limit is six minutes, five seconds. Unless they have turned babyface, Max the Impaler is in a heel group with Father James Mitchell. Then this is another heel vs. heel match. Why?
Ella Envy does the old timeout gimmick and stalls like she is Larry Zbyszko. Envy has now devolved into camp. Bug eyes and screaming like she is Melina in the M&M days.
Max flings Ella by her hair and then saves some of the hair for a trophy. The Impaler then licks Ella’s face and rakes it over the top rope. Now that was great.
Ella’s partner is Samantha Starr, the daughter of Sam Houston and Babydoll. She is also my kayfabe sister (mine is not a gimmick, though, Samantha). Starr tells Max to let Ella go, so Max grabs Ella by the hair and flings her towards Starr. Samantha says, “I didn’t mean it like that.” Now that was funny.
Max ragdolls Ella until the time limit expires. Why? What was the point of the time limit draw? The match was a lot of fun until that finish. Especially on a show where the first match had no finish, why would you have a non-finish here?
Winner: No one
Two matches down, two non-finishes. Last week was so much fun. This week we have a low budget, AEW knockoff.
Highlight package for Mims using his promo from last week in-between action. This is hyping Mims vs. Zyon. Is this another heel vs. heel match or is BLK Jeez a babyface manager?
We go around the territories. This is an effective way to hype up events for the different promotions they are associated with.
Daisy Kill and Talos vs. The Fixers – US Tag Team Titles
This match is for one of the NWA’s 89 recognized titles. The US Tag Team Titles, which have been vacant since they forgot about them a few months ago. This appears to be two heel teams facing off again. At least, one of The Fixers was a heel last week. Again, why is this happening?
Oh good. The terrible looking trade of forearms. Seeing that one hundred times in a week makes them even more special when it happens the 101st time.
Inexplicably, Danny Dealz says, “I don’t know if Wrecking Ball knows the rules of wrestling” while Wrecking Ball is not in the ring. He was standing on the ring apron, and he was holding the tag rope. Baffling.
Another commercial break in the middle of a match. Why does this happen?
We come back from break, Vampiro materializes in the corner of the ring. He was on the promo for this show, but this is the first time we have seen him all night.
Talos has Wrecking Ball pinned, but Daisy Kill inexplicably makes Talos stop to tag him in. I know what they were going for, but he waited for the two count and then asked. Ask him as soon as he hits a move. And milk it. That is the spot.
Now Vampiro is on the apron talking to Talos. No reaction from the ref. Nothing to see here. Vampiro just whispers to Talos and stands there like he is in this match. No reaction. This is dumb.
They redid the spot, where Kill asks to make the cover, the right way with Bradley kicking out. Bradley then makes an iceberg tag. Wrecking Ball runs wild and Dealz says, “Gadzooks!” Really?
Talos threw Bradley like a lawn dart into the ring post. He then choke slammed Wrecking Ball and Daisy Kill pinned him. The finish made sense with how they built the match.
Winners: Talos and Daisy Kill
Vampiro hands Talos and Daisy Kill the title belts.
Vampiro, Talos, and Daisy Kill are with Kyle Davis. Davis is just standing over Bradley, who is still selling on the floor. Why would your interviewer not wait for him to be helped or do the interview somewhere else? This looked so stupid.
Vampiro said nothing. He was on the promo for the show, but other than standing around he did nothing. Why was he there? Bless him, Vampiro got paid for this.
A bad show. Two inexplicable finishes and an okay main event. No great promos or angles. Max the Impaler, Ella Envy, and Samantha Starr was fun with a stupid finish. Every match was heel vs. heel. There is no reason for that to happen. None. If you are going to watch this, check out Max’s segment and skip everything else.
