He got the girl but he didn’t get the belt. Authentic Olympic hero – Kurt Angle – favoured to sneak away with the WWF World Heavyweight Title failed to capture gold at the SummerSlam pay-per-view. He did however win the conciliation prize: Triple H’s “wife”, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley. Craftily used by WWF bookers as a way to disguise another in a string of dull “been there – done that” matches between The Rock and Triple H, Angle scooped up an “unconscious” Stephanie and whisked her away while Triple lay dazed and The Rock stood triumphant.
In essence, Angle’s participation in what was billed as a Three Way main event was nothing more than a guest appearance leaving The Rock and Triple H to sleepwalk through their standard routine which wore out its welcome a long time ago. With the lame love triangle of Angle, Stephanie and Triple H taking precedence, the bout itself was a mere formality once Angle was injured before the bell even rang. Fed up with Angle’s romantic interest in his “wife”, Triple H didn’t even wait for the bell or The Rock to get things under way. Brawling with Angle at ringside, Triple H set-up Angle for what should’ve been a Pedigree through the Spanish announce team’s table. Just as Triple H was about to lower the boom on Angle the table suddenly gave way and both men crashed to the floor. Triple H checked to make sure Angle was okay then pulled a sledgehammer out from under the ring and stalled until The Rock arrived.
As Angle was being wheeled away on a stretcher, Triple H attacked him some more. The Rock quickly intervened. Taken to the back, Angle wasn’t seen again until the finale of the match. Standing by her man, Stephanie McMahon-Helmsley came to ringside even though Triple H had told her to stay in their locker room. Per Triple H’s instructions, Stephanie retrieved the WWF World Title belt, swung it at The Rock and missed delivering a weak shot to Triple H’s head. Hampered by a sledgehammer blow to the abdomen earlier, The Rock upped his offence.
The Rock and Triple H fought on. Stephanie stopped the EMTs from taking Angle away to the hospital begging him to help her “husband”. “I’ll do it for you, Stephanie,” said a groggy Angle stumbling back towards the ring. Triple H didn’t require his help though. A Pedigree had guaranteed him the victory. Angle halted the count by pulling Triple H out of the ring and slamming him head-first into the ringside steps. Angle and The Rock briefly tussled each getting two counts. A Rock Bottom had Angle beat but Triple H pulled The Rock out of the ring saving Angle’s hide and his own chance at winning the WWF World Heavyweight Title. Stephanie hefted the sledgehammer in the ring. Triple H cocked his fist back to clock Curt Angle. Angle moved and Triple H slugged Stephanie KOing her. Angle picked up the sledgehammer nailing Triple H in the head then swung around to face The Rock. The People’s Champion clotheslined Angle over the top rope, hit the People’s Elbow on an oblivious Triple H to retain the title. While Triple H napped, Angle scooped up Stephanie in his arms carrying her to the back.
Awwww. Isn’t true love wonderful? Retch. Retch.
- The next WWF pay-per-view is Unforgiven on September 24th.
SummerSlam 2000 Results
Right To Censor Vs Too Cool, Rikishi
- As if he needed to get himself over even more than he already is, Rikishi enters with The Godfather’s former Hos. When they get involved later in the match, Godfather shoves them both to the ground. Where’s the love, I ask you? Where’s the love? Jim Ross makes a big deal about Steven Richards getting in the ring and wrestling. I guess he never watched Richards for all the years he was in ECW — nevermind his handful of matches since joining the WWF. In a wicked spot, Scotty Too Hotty attempts The Worm. Richards Super Kicks him in the face for the win. Sweeet! Bah. Ha. Ha.
- Winners: Right To Censor at 5 minutes and 25 seconds.
- Match Rating: 4 / 10.
Road Dogg Vs X-Pac
- X-Pac wins an admirable technical match. X-Pac helps Road Dogg to his feet saying that the best man won and there’s no hard feelings. Road Dogg takes exception to the comments and punks X-Pac Pump-Handle slamming him to the mat. Rest assured Billy Gunn will sort this one out when he returns.
- Winner: X-Pac at 4 minutes and 41 seconds.
- Match Rating: 7 / 10.
Eddie Guerrero (challenger), Chyna (challenger) Vs Trish Stratus (challenger), Val Venis (champion)
- Unwilling to tag the inexperienced Stratus, Venis basically wrestles the match alone. Venis and Guerrero duke it out on the floor. Stratus’ clothesline bounces right off Chyna, The Warrior Princess. Chyna Ultimate Warrior – Gorilla Press Slams Stratus pinning her to win the Intercontinental Title. Eddie is happy for Chyna. Venis is REAL angry at Trish. Oh, brother. Didn’t the WWF paint themselves into a corner with Chyna and the Intercontinental Title just a short time ago?
- Winner: … a new WWF Intercontinental Champion…Chyna at 7 minutes and 8 seconds.
- Match Rating: 4 / 10.
- More filler footage promoting the WWF New York restaurant is shown. Actually, the eatery is plugged an unbelievable three or four times throughout the pay-per-view. We get it. You have a restaurant “right in the heart of Times Square”. Give it a rest already.
Jerry Lawler Vs Tazz
- There once was a bad ass named Taz. He kicked ass in ECW as a legitimate tough guy wrestler. Then he went to the WWF and they screwed up his debut after they had months to plan and plan. He got injured, came back and it looked like the bookers finally were giving him a push as the mean mother he is. He randomly attacked wrestlers. He bullied announcers. Then, one of those announcers challenged Tazz (note the extra “Z”) to a match at SummerSlam. The announcer won and it was all downhill from there.
- Tazz comes out wearing a cowboy hat, dark sunglasses and a blindman’s cane to mock J.R.’s injury on SmackDown!. Tazz “no sells” Lawler’s piledriver and slaps the Taz-mission on him. J.R. breaks his candy jar over Tazz’s head enabling Lawler to pin him. Tazz is bleeding and claims there is glass in his eye. What’s next? Tazz against The Brooklyn Brawler or Barry O? Man, what a waste of primo talent.
- Winner: Jerry Lawler at 4 minutes and 23 seconds.
- Match Rating: 5 / 10.
Shane McMahon (champion) Vs Steve Blackman (challenger) (WWF Hardcore Title Match)
- I will go on record as saying that Shane McMahon (not a wrestler or stuntman) is a colossal idiot for taking the fall he did. He could’ve easily missed the air bag and went splat on the solid concrete. What a fool and what is going through Vince McMahon’s head permitting his very own son to risk his life and limb like that?
- The crowd is cheering Blackman and he’s making comments directly to the camera too. Way to go Steve! It took long enough but he might just be over. T and A assist a beaten Shane. Blackman chases Shane about 75 feet up the side of the oval Titan Tron. A couple of whacks and Shane plummets off the rigging to an air bag below. Blackman leaps off too landing an elbow on Shane. Complete madness and stupidity on display especially when Lawler and Ross compare Shane’s fall to Mick Foley’s in that infamous Hell In The Cell match with The Undertaker. Their commentary praising Shane’s dive as more dangerous when Foley didn’t use an air bag to soften his impact really belittles Foley’s stunt.
- Winner: …and new WWF Hardcore Champion…Steve Blackman at 10 minutes and 7 seconds.
- Match Rating: 3 / 10.
Chris Benoit Vs Chris Jericho
- A knockout technical presentation. Jericho taps out to the Crippler Crossface at 3 minutes and 16 seconds giving Benoit the first fall in this best of three match. Benoit submits to the Walls Of Jericho at 8 minutes and 39 seconds. Benoit rolls up Jericho and grabs the bottom rope for leverage to get the final fall.
- Winner: Chris Benoit at 13 minutes and 20 seconds.
- Match Rating: 8.5 / 10.
The Hardy Boyz (challengers) Vs Edge, Christian (champions) Vs The Dudley Boyz (challengers) (WWF World Tag Team Title – Tables, Ladders and Chairs Match)
- Everything you’d expect and more. People going through double stacked tables. People falling off ladders, out of the ring and through tables. Jeff Hardy shortening his wrestling career by three more years. At 11:57, Lita interferes. D’Von and Jeff Hardy each have hold of a tag belt suspended above the ring. The ladders they are standing on are pushed out from underneath them. They hang from the cables holding the belts kicking and swinging at each other before D’Von falls hard to the mat below. Edge and Christian use a ladder to knock Jeff down and then retrieve the belts amid the carnage.
- Winners: …and still WWF World Tag Team Champions, Edge and Christian at 14 minutes and 51 seconds .
- Match Rating: 10 / 10.
Terri Vs The Kat (Thong – Stink Face Match)
- Unbelievably inane crap. Terri and The Kat try (unsuccessfully) to wrestle in platform boots and bikinis. Saturn is in Terri’s corner. Al Snow in The Kat’s. The Kat bonks Terri with Head and does a stink face on Terri to win.
- Winner: The Kat at 3 minutes and 4 seconds
- Match Rating: 0 / 10.
The Undertaker Vs Kane
- This is a one move match. Let me repeat that…a one move match! I kid you not. Besides a Spear by The Undertaker at 5 minutes and 12 seconds into the match, Kane and Taker do nothing but kick and punch each other. In a pointless and confusing ending, Taker rips off Kane’s mask and is awarded the victory even though there was no mention that the removal of the mask was a stipulation. A total embarrassment and a blight on both men’s careers. We didn’t even get to see Kane’s face clearly. A sad state of affairs for me personally as The Undertaker used to be one of my faves. It’s horrible to see him reduced to a typical brawler because of his injuries.
- Winner: The Undertaker at 6 minutes and 25 seconds. .
- Match Rating: 1 / 10.
Triple H (challenger) Vs The Rock (champion) Vs Kurt Angle (challenger) (WWF World Heavyweight Title – Three Way Match)
- Winner: …and still WWF World Heavyweight Champion…The Rock at 17 minutes and 48 seconds. .
- Match Rating: 5 / 10.
- Total Event Time: 2 hours and 40 minutes
- Overall Event Rating: 6 / 10.