High-flying and hijinks highlights this AEW Rampage

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

High-flying and hijinks highlights this AEW Rampage
Courtesy of AEW

It’s Friday Night and you know what that means? No, not to unleash cocaine on a bear (although that would be more fun). It’s time for AEW Rampage, and not only are the Young Bucks in action, but Sammy Guevara faces Action Andretti in the main event. Will it be Lights, Camera, Action against the Jericho Appreciation Society member?

We will find out later, but first…

(Author’s Rant: I wish to thank my Editor-in-Chief John Powell for filling in for me for last week’s Rampage as I was prepping for Elimination Chamber last week. While I will not confirm nor deny what (if any) libations were involved, know that I am Functional when cranking out some inane drivel with a fifth in my system of a local product (and this week it’s from Sugarhouse Distillery)! I merely took up an offer to have John cover what seems to be an interesting way to spend my Friday nights of late.

Either way, it beats dealing with the amateurs at the local bar who assume, “Wrestling is Fake.” Buncha Philistines and haters, I tells ya!)

That said, we are (taped) at the Footprint Center in Phoenix, AZ. Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, Chris Jericho, and Jim Ross have the call and Don Callis joins on commentary for your First Match of the Night between…

Courtesy of AEW

The Young Bucks (Matt and Nick Jackson, with Kenny Omega) vs. Aussie Open (Kyle Fletcher and Mark Davis)

Curiously, there is no Will Ospreay at ringside. I’m curious about what the leader of the United Empire is up to these days.

We’ll have to speculate that for another day, as the action is underway and the Young Bucks are in control early in the match until Davis puts on the breaks with a cartwheel and slams both Bucks to display his agility and power. But there’s double-team innovative offense by the Bucks as they come back with stereo planchas on Aussie Open to the outside of the ring. Fletcher and Davis return the favor with dual slams to the apron edge, and then they pick up both Bucks and circle ring and nail a supercollider on the outside.

During Picture in Picture, the Aussies pick apart the Bucks and get in the face of Omega, taunting him with the damage being done to his Trios tag teammates. They whip Nick from pillar to post and keep him isolated from his brother Matt, and Davis chops him hard in the Aussie corner. Nick fights back, stun guns Davis and hits a springboard huracanrana to Fletcher to create space. He rolls to a hot tag to Matt and he is a Buck en Fuego and gets in a Sliced Bread to Fletcher using Davis as a platform. He follows up with a splash to the outside on Davis, goes back up the top turnbuckle, and drives a big elbow for a two count. The Bucks are back in the driver’s seat, and they use a rope-assisted senton to get a cover but Davis breaks the count. At one point in the flurry of action, Nick goes for a Moonsault that misses, Fletcher nails a scary brain buster on him to the floor, and Davis turns Matt inside out in the ring.

The Aussies go for a pendulum slam to nick and they cover for a two count. Now the Aussies go for the big guns for an over-the-shoulder facebuster/cutter combo but Nick reverses with an ugly cutter that prevents the job from getting done. It becomes a Superkick Par-tay, and they attempt the BTE Trigger to Fletcher, but he dodges out of the way and both Bucks crack their knees. There are more superkicks by The Bucks, but The Aussies give stereo lariats to lay out everyone in the ring. The Bucks go for the Meltzer Driver, but the lights go out…and back on. Since nothing happened, Fletcher reverses for a jumping tombstone on Matt for another two count. Now the Aussies set up for their Corealis finisher to Matt, but Nick makes the save. Now the Bucks set up Fletcher to Davis they superkick him to land a tombstone on his partner. They finally unleash the BTE Trigger on Davis to get the pin and the win.

Your Winners via Pinfall: The Young Bucks

As all of The Elite celebrate in the ring, the lights go out again. This time, The House of Black made an appearance surrounding the ring. The Elite stand their ground, but the lights go black and then they’re gone. Mind games, yo!

Lexy Nair is backstage with Chuck Taylor and Trent of Best Friends on what’s next. As they get ready to answer, Big Bill and The Gunns assault them backstage and really leave some damage that leads to…

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As we come back, Orange Cassidy and Danhausen are there to assess the situation. Cassidy asks who did it, and color me unimpressed.

I think I know what my problem is with Cassidy but I will address it another time since now we get your next match of the night…

Courtesy of AEW

Toni Storm( with Saraya) vs. Willow Nightingale

Storm attacks The Babe With The Power straightaway, but Nightingale comes back with short arm clotheslines and a senton for a two count. She takes it to Storm with a slam and a double chop. Nightingale goes for a fireman’s carry, but Storm digs her nails in to her face and pulls her hair down. She is literally on the ropes until Storm nails her patented hip attack to send Nightingale to the outside. Storm slams Nightingale into the barricades, and during Picture in Picture she clubs away and stomps at Nightingale in the ring. She is in control, but Nightingale tries to fight back but to no avail, and then…

Ads (Oh, how I do not miss your annoying penchant of interrupting the flow of a match, even though Picture in Picture is supposed to, y’know…ELIMINATE THAT ANNOYANCE! Ugh! What Monkeys in the Truck are running this Show? Is it Cocaine Bears?)

Before I can speculate on more zoo animals running production, we come back to Nightingale going for a cannonball that misses the mark. Storm returns fire with a hip attack in the corner that gives her whiplash and she follows with a tornado DDT for a two count.

She goes for the kill with Storm Zero but Nightingale reverses to a backdrop and now gets the cannonball senton in the corner and follows up with a DVD that gets her a two count. Nightingale attempts the Doctor Bomb and Saraya gets on the apron. She grabs her and drags Saraya in the ring but Storm uses the distraction to hit her from behind and Storm Zero ends it.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Toni Storm

Saraya and Storm get ready to spray paint another “L” on the hapless Nightingale, but the music hits and Ruby Soho comes out for the save. They make a hasty retreat until Jamie Hayter and Dr. Britt Baker go out to chase Storm and Saraya from the ring. Soho helps her friend Nightingale up while making broad gestures that Saraya’s AEW Women’s championship would look good around her waist.

Last Wednesday with The Acclaimed and “Daddy Ass” Billy Gunn, they talk smack about Jay Lethal and Company, until they are blindsided in an attack. It’s like no one wants to allow anybody to finish a though when doing a promo. How rude!

Jade Cargill is 53-0, and this is a good opportunity to do another…

(Author’s Rant: Don’t get me wrong. I see what they’re trying to do with Cargill. I really do. But the quality of opponents are not leaving me impressed with the record. At least with Goldberg back in the day, they also fed him people higher up on the card on his way to winning gold. The only way I will be impressed is if the set up something where she challenges Jamie Hayter for the AEW Women’s World title and unify the belts, or she faces competition from other promotion.

In the off-chance Cargill is reading this, I know the NWA Women’s World Champion, Kamille, would be up for some competition. Just throwing it out there.)

Speaking of throwing people out there, here’s…

“The Murderhawk Monster” Lance Archer (with Jake “The Snake” Roberts) beat Bryce Saturn.

Yeah, you all know how I’m gonna roll here with a Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

Welcome back, Archer!

Murder Hawk shows Saturn that

Everyone dies!

Your Winner via Pinfall: Lance Archer

Dustin Rhodes and Keith Lee ensure the Mogul Affiliates (especially Swerve Strickland) that hell is coming for them, and I for one cannot wait.

Stokely Hathaway is with Lexy Nair on who will face Hook next week on AEW Dynamite…and it will be Matt Hardy. At first, he’s not crazy about it, but then Hardy is gung-ho about the idea.

As Mark Henry says, it’s time for the Main Event between…

Courtesy of AEW

Sammy Guevara (with Daniel Garcia) vs. Action Andretti

This match is fast-paced early on and Andretti showcases his high-flying acumen as he takes the lead on Guevara, and sends The Spanish God to the outside. Guevara takes over and rams him into the barricades, followed by a suplex to the floor. But Andretti gets back in control with a thrust kick and flows up with a 450 splash to the floor on Guevara.

He sends him back in the ring and attempts a springboard maneuver but Guevara dropkicks him midair, and then he hits the Pose of Douchenozzlery™. Guevara goes for a high-risk maneuver, but Andretti tries to cut him off and attempts a superplex. He pushes him off, and then faster than you can say “Kurt Angle”, Andretti leaps up the top rope and superplexes anyway. Now he has all the momentum on his side, and gives a tope suicida and an Arabian facebuster to the outside on Guevara. He tries the split-legged Moonsault but Guevara lifts his knees and catches him in the midsection. He gets back on the attack and spikes Andretti with a spinning facebuster for a two count.

Guevara goes up top and attempts the 450 splash that misses and Andretti fires up for a springboard enzugiri for another two count. They trade blows while each has a wristlock and Guevara comes back with jumping knees. Guevara hits the ropes and Andretti counters with a standing Spanish Fly for another two count. Now Garcia tries to interfere for the first time in the match and Andretti anticipates this and kicks him in the mush. He gets a springboard senton to Geuvara and covers for another two count. Andretti dropkicks Guevara to the corner and goes for another split-legged moonsault again, but Garcia clotheslines him mid-rotation behind the ref’s back. Guevara uses the assist to deliver the GTH and cover Andretti for one, two, and three.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Sammy Guevara

Jericho comes down from commentary to celebrate with his JAS bothers as the show goes to black

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