WWE SummerSlam Night One: Who is The Ruler?

Undisputed championships and a Hell in the Cell match highlight Night one of WWE SummerSlam in Minnesota.

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

WWE SummerSlam Night One: Who is The Ruler?

Tonight is the first night of WWE SummerSlam, and there are two showdowns worth watching. Oba Femi will be locked in battle with Brock Lesnar in a Hell in a Cell match, and CM Punk defends the WWE Undisputed Championship against the American Nightmare, Cody Rhodes.

This summer is heating up for this Premium Live Event from World Wrestling Entertainment. How hot is it?

Eh, your temperature may vary.

We come to you from the US Bank Stadium in Minneapolis, MN. Michael Cole and Wade Barrett have the call, and your First Match of the night is for the…

WWE Women’s World Championship: Liv Morgan (c) vs. Iyo Sky

Morgan comes out swinging and stomps at the Genius of the Sky. Iyo fires up and is more than a match, even taking the fight to the outside. Morgan gets back in control and punts Sky right in the ribs, taking her sweet time showing why she is the Greatest of ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL (*gasp*) Time. Sky comes back with a double stomp and then a missile dropkick and then nails her with double knees to the corner.

Sunset flip powerbomb to the outside, and now Roxanne Perez and Raquel Rodriguez come out, and the Tejana choke slams Sky off the top for Morgan to cover for a two count. She responds with a Moonsault to the outside on the Judgment Day.

As Sky goes back in, Morgan nails a headscissors takedown between the ropes. She goes up top, but a Shotei catches Morgan, and Sky goes up and connects with a Spanish Fly for a close two count. Sky nails a double underhook facebuster to a backbreaker and then a unique reverse spinning neckbreaker, and even uses Liv’s ObLivIon but still can’t put her away. A moonsault misses, and Morgan connects with a diving codebreaker but gets a two count. She gives Morgan a German suplex on the apron edge to a Bullet Train on the post. Sky feels like she has this won, but her moonsault is reversed, and Morgan delivers an ObLivIon to a codebreaker, and a second ObLivIon ends it.

Your Winner, And Still WWE Women’s World Champion: Liv Morgan

After gods knows how many commercials and a shameless Gears of War intro (since they are a sponsor for those of you who game), your next match is…

The Bloodline (Jacob Fatu, Jey Uso, and Jimmy Uso) vs. LA Knight, Solo Sikoa, and Royce Keys

Fatu comes out with a werewolf mask with the Gears of War insignia, and that is probably the coolest thing I have ever seen. Yadadada-mean?

Keys, Sikoa, and Knight get separate entrances, with Knight getting the loudest pop of them all. After all that, they dive in, and it is a Pier Six brawl from the word go. Sikoa steals Jey’s YEET Moment, and it is a sight to see.

Fatu then takes over, and The Bloodline makes sure he is In Peril. Keys and Knight jump in, and once again, this match becomes bedlam. All six men unload with heavy artillery, but the big moment comes with Keys giving Fatu a powerslam to the outside.

Then Knight delivers with a BFT on Jey after a Sikoa assist on the Usos gives them the win.

Your Winners: L.A. Knight, Solo Sikoa, And Royce Keys

After the match, Knight is skeptical of the alliance, but finally embraces Sikoa.

Wonder how long that will last?

After some more commercials (dear gods, am I watching an extended SNME or something else?), your next match is…

Gunther vs. Nick Aldis

Before we start, allow me an…

(Author’s Note: While we at Slamwrestling.net have covered the career of Nick Aldis, nothing will compare to his recent interview on the Chris Van Vliet show.

It should be noted during the broadcast that Van Vliet is in the front row.

Also, I’m not crying. You Are!

Anyway, Aldis comes out to such fanfare that even I have to say, “What’s the story, Morning Glory?” Even Barrett is jubilant on his countryman getting his proper due.

They lock up, and both men give a textbook match at the start, but Gunther pushes him to the corner and gives a chop, and Aldis retaliates. He attempts the Kingslayer cloverleaf, but Gunther chops him to the outside, where he proceeds to badmouth his wife, Mickie James, and his son at ringside.

Back and forth between the men, and the Ring General is in control, yet there is another attempt at the Kingslayer by Aldis, but it is thwarted by a sleeper. He has the wherewithal to drive Gunther to the top turnbuckle but gets beaten down. Aldis keeps fighting back and hits a powerslam, a la Davey Boy Smith, to a cover but gets a two count. He nails a big elbow, followed by another and cinches the Kingslayer as Gunther fights through the pain to grab the bottom rope.

Gunther tries another sleeper, but Aldis reverses to his own sleeper and gets in a powerbomb for a count of two. The Ring General slaps on a sleeper, but Aldis fights to a vertical base only to get dragged down and ultimately submits.

Your Winner via Submission: Gunther

After the match, the US Bank Stadium gives a standing ovation for Aldis as James and their son come into the ring with fans chanting, “You still got it.”

Again, I’m not crying. You are! Shut up, and let me wipe my eyes.

After gods know how many ads and some shilling of Busted Open Radio now being part of WWE, your palate cleanser…

I mean, your next match is…

Fatal Influence (Jacy Jayne, Lainey Reid, and Fallon Henley) vs. The Bella Twins (Brie Bella and Nikki Bella) and Paige

Yeahhh.

My eyes are dry now, and here’s what I have to say as an…

(Author’s Rant: This coulda been an email, or an episode of WWE MAIN EVENT. BTW, is that still a thing? I know I should care, but…nah. Henceforth, it’s time for a patented…)

Squared Circle Clerihew™

*Ahem*

Six women in this match
And Fatal Influence deal offense with panache
But one shot by Jacy Jayne
And that win delivers the pain

Your Winners via Pinfall: Fatal Influence

After the match, the Bellas beat down Paige for losing the match.

Jerks.

This reinforces how I feel about TOTAL DIVAS and TOTAL BELLAS

Anyway, after more commercials, and can I just say in an…

(Author’s Rant: Jesus Marimba, WWE! I see more of this on RAW and SmackDown combined. How hard is it to tone down?!

We also get a shameless plug for Street Fighter, and my gods does Cody Rhodes commit to the role of Guile.

In any case, your co-main event is for the…

Undisputed WWE Championship: CM Punk (c) vs. Cody Rhodes

Rhodes comes out with a Winged Skull with a haircut styled like Guile from the video game, and this will haunt me for some days to come.

CM Punk comes out in the colors of the former Minnesota North Stars (and I can’t help but wonder how the Chicago Blackhawks will think about that.)

Alicia Taylor is out with the boxing-style intros, with boos to Rhodes’ direction. Once the bell rings, they lock up with intensity. They go back and forth feeling each other out, and then the match goes to the outside. Punk connects with a knee to Rhodes’ head, and he is feeling the effects. He works that joint and the American Nightmare is in control, even hitting a dragon screw leg whip on his knee. A Disaster kick is intercepted, and now the match shifts in Punk’s favor. He nails a big elbow on Rhodes but gets a two count. The GTS is averted, and Rhodes tries to get the pin to no avail. A super Cody Cutter gets a close two count. Both men go for big moves, and Rhodes cinches the Figure Four (Wooo!)

Punk rolls over and escapes the submission, and then hits the Anaconda Vice, but Rhodes gets a foot on the ropes to make him break the hold. A series of submissions, but Rhodes nails the CrossRhodes for a coun t of two. Punk attempts a moonsault but no dice. A GTS and Punk covers for one two…kick out. Both men are hurting, as Punk thumps Rhodes’ skull on the announce table. They go out and another GTS in the ring for one, two…Rhodes grabs the rope. He throws his body on the Spanish announce table, and Punk dives…but nobody’s home.

Back in the ring, Referee Charles Robinson checks on Punk and Rhodes hits a Cody Cutter on Robinson blindly. Then things go from bad to worse as Randy Orton comes out after who knows how long, and hits an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE on Rhodes.

Punk crawls back in, hits a GTS, and Robinson counts the three.

Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still WWE Undisputed Champion: CM Punk

Well, that was a match for the ages!

But we’re not done yet.

As the ominous music hits for the lowering of the steel cage (and gods knows how many commercials still)….

Your Main Event (FINALLY!) is a…

Hell in a Cell match: Oba Femi vs. Brock Lesnar ( with Paul Heyman)

Cole gives a shoutout to his former broadcast partner Taz, saying, “Here comes the Pain.”

Once again, Alicia Taylor gives the boxing-style intros, until Heyman takes over the mic and intros the master of the “Brock-tagon.” Now the cage is lowered, and it quickly becomes a slugfest.

Lesnar takes him to Suplex City (bitch!), but Femi returns from the trip.

He grabs the steel steps and slams them into The Ruler, along with a steel chair. This match is all about The Beast Incarnate, until he nails a choke slam and Femi hits the Fall From Grace for a two count. Lesnar sits up just like The Undertaker and responds with three F-5’s and covers for one, two…kick out.

He rips apart the pads and the canvas and tombstones Femi to the wooden boards to cover for just a two count.

He punches the chair out of the Beast’s hand, and a final Fall from Grace gives us the one, two, and three.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Oba Femi

The Beast is (I hope) dead. Long Live The Ruler as he celebrates on Night One of this PLE

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