WWE Saturday Night’s (Anemic) Event

WWE showcases matches on Saturday Night's Main Event. Whether you want to watch it or not is up to you, given the matches

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

WWE Saturday Night’s (Anemic) Event

It’s Saturday night, and it’s all right for…Oh, wait. There’s no Collision here as WWE gives us a Saturday Night’s Main Event (I guess).

Tonight will feature Penta defending the Intercontinental title against Ethan Page, Brie Bella and Paige putting their women’s tag titles on the line against the former champions, The Last Legends, and The Street Profits looking to reclaim tag gold from The Vision in Austin Theory and Logan Paul.

You excited for this?

Well, good ’cause I’m not, and if you read on, you’ll understand why.

We come to you from the Allen County War Memorial Coliseum in Fort Wayne, IN (Steve Martin’s Favorite Town). Michael Cole and Wade Barrett have the call, and your First Match of the Night is…

Rhea Ripley, Charlotte Flair, and Alexa Bliss vs. Jade Cargill, Michin, and B-Fab

Basically, baddies are gonna be baddies. Ripley starts on B-Fab and tags Bliss, to Flair’s annoyance. For a while, all three women are aligned against Cargill and company, but then Cargill cheap-shots Bliss and Ripley, isolating Flair and leaving her in peril with her baddies. A hot tag to Ripley and Mami is en Fuego with her Brutality.

Cargill tries to insert herself again, and Ripley heads her off. Then Michin nails her with a poison ‘rana for a two count. There are a lot of false finishes, but it’s Flair staging a rally until Michin hits a Styles Clash on the Queen.

Mami and Cargill come to blows, and a Riptide is hit, but Michin breaks the cover. Ripley and Flair finally see eye to eye and as they and Bliss have a moment, Cargill wipes them out and delivers Jaded on Mami.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Jade Cargill, B-Fab, and Michin

Cathy Kelley is with Ethan Page on his chances of being the Intercontinental Champion. He says this is the chance the belt will get the spotlight it deserves, and that chance will happen in the main event

We then get a video package on the feud with Sol Ruca and Becky Lynch.

Kelley is with Ruca on her thoughts heading to the match, and she believes one Sol Snatcher will confirm to The Man that the future is here.

So now the next match is…

Becky Lynch vs. Sol Ruca

I’m sure this match would be more exciting on Smackdown or Raw on Netflix. Yet here we are, because I suspect the WWE Booker AI™ deemed it so.

Also, a quick…

(Author’s Note: Can you sense the irritation I have covering this show? Good, and when you scroll to the end, I want it to be as blatant as possible)

Lynch throws the title and cheap shots Ruca at the start. Once the bell rings, she takes Lynch on a ride and just outworks The Man. She pulls the ref in front of Ruca, who hits a Sol Snatcher, and the ref calls this match. Therefore, the decision is…

Your Winner via Disqualification: Becky Lynch

Ruca is not happy but gets the win. While she checks on the ref, Lynch comes back to beat her down and hit multiple ManHandle Slams.

Penta is ready to fight for the Intercontinental title against the arrogant clown, Ethan Page

Meanwhile, Lynch complains to Lynch about what took place and complains to SmackDown GM Nick Aldis, and he proposes they settle the matter at the Clash in Italy PLE next week.

Kelley is now with Legend and Jax, and they want to end this nostalgia tour and want to make Brie Bella and Paige history.

But let’s head to the ring for the..,

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Penta (c) vs. Ethan Page

This should have been the main event. It really should have.

Again, yer gonna find out why I’m annoyed as you go futher to this recap.

Lillian Garcia gives the boxing style intros. Once the bell rings, both men go to town, but it’s Penta with the advantage early in the match. Page dropkicks the Luchador to slow the momentum. Penta comes back and they brawl outside, where All Ego backdrops him to the commentary desk.

He follows with a slam to the post, and he picks apart Penta in the squared circle. Page looks to be in control, but Penta finds his second wind and starts to fly outside. He tries to keep Page down, even hitting a top rope lungblower for a count of two. Page starts a comeback and gets the Luchador in an avalanche slam, but still can’t keep him down. He exposes the turnbuckle, but the ref catches him in the act. He tries to undo the other turnbuckle but runs into it, and Penta delivers a springboard Mexican Destroyer to retain.

Your Winner, And Still Intercontinental Champion: Penta

Backstage, Kelley is with Brie Bella and Paige on the responses from Jax and Legend. Paige emphasizes they weren’t supposed to win the belts, but they did. Therefore they will prove why they deserve the belts

So the next match is for the..l

WWE Women’s Tag Team Championship: Paige and Brie Bella (c) vs. The Irresistible Forces (Lash Legend and Nia Jax)

Garcia again delivers with the boxing style intros.

After that, this match starts as a Pier Four brawl. The match turns when Bella gets isolated, and the Forces work against her. A tag to Paige, and they double-team Legend. But it isn’t long before Paige is in Peril in her house against the Irresistible Forces.
hit tag, and it’s Brie Mode Activated.

A well-timed head butt by Jax, and she and Legend double team her. A tag to Paige with a sunset flip on Jax and Brie assists, so they keep the gold.

Your Winners via Pinfall, and Still WWE Women’s Tag Team Champions: Brie Bella and Paige

And now (because I assume the WWE BOOKER AI™ hates me, your (urp!) main event is…

WWE World Tag Team Championship: The Vision (Logan Paul and Austin Theory) (c) vs. The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins and Montez Ford)

So before we go on, I wish to state the following in my patented…

(Milagro Manifesto: Nope. Not gonna give this an inch of column space. To be clear, Montez Ford and Angelo Dawkins deserve better as a tag team, and this match ain’t it. Also, Austin Theory is a talented wrestler and can pull off a great match on his own or when saddled with the right talent.

Logan Paul is the X Factor I would eliminate here and now. I’m sure some will come to his defense, and some will say he has a right to be in this match, let alone in this main event.

Well, count me as the minority that will not do so. I refuse to give him a column inch.

Also, should The Powers That Be Overseeing Slamwrestling.net deem it that I cover it in detail, I will state the following.

Pay me to cover such tripe, or get out of my way. There is a third option, but let’s not invoke that yet.

End rant.)

That said, I do have a duty to cover this, so here it is:

Your Winners, and (Sigh) Still WWE Tag Team Champions: Logan Paul and Austin Theory

After the match, Bron Breakker comes out, and then he spears the Street Profits

Yeah, the Vision is on top, but the overall vision of WWE is blurred in my opinion.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need a shot or ten to forget this show and then wonder how I can get Jesse “The Body” Ventura back to commentate on this nonsense.

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