In my life, I can honestly say all my decisions (good and bad) can be summed up in a sentence: There was this girl.
That said, MLW seems to have the same problem in their resident Bruja (that means “witch” for those of you that don’t speak the language of America’s heartland: Mexico), Salina de la Renta. De la Renta is definitely a huge influence in the world of lucha libre, and I recommend reading up on her involvement when she spoke to our own Alexandra Robertson last year. But tonight, she is the executive producer for this MLW FUSION, which has all the makings of a very interesting night. So let’s get the show started. We go to the intro, which is very de la Renta-centric…
Live from the GILT Nightclub in Orlando, FL. Your Commentators Rich Bocchini and Jared St. Laurent have the call, and de la Renta starts off berating Bocchini for not wearing a mask. She runs down the matches, then send Bocchini to the back, calling him a ferret. Best line of the night by St Laurent, “Ferrets have no integrity.” Sounds like someone once met Utah’s own former senator, Orrin Hatch.
(Trust me, it plays better in my state.)
Let’s get the action started with your….
First Match: Low Ki vs. Budd Heavy
As I marveled at the fact that Budd looks like the reincarnated Florida man version of “Playboy” Buddy Rose, story of the night is Low Ki still smarting from the loss in the Opera Cup to Tom Lawlor in the finals and wants to take his aggression out on anyone. In the time it took to type that, Ki lays out Budd with a vicious clothesline in eight seconds.
Your Winner via Referee Stoppage: Low Ki
After the match, Low Ki is fuming at the cameraman, and Ki is ready to take on anyone, including King Mo.
We then go to a recap of last week’s MLW Middleweight bout between Myron Reed vs Lio Rush, where the Man of the Hour came up the winner. We then head to Rush, who plugs his new gold and his new single.
It ain’t no Kanye West, but sometimes it can be easy not being Yeezy. (Thenkyew, I’m here all week! Be sure to tip your wait staff!)
Back to the Commentators, wondering about Konnan, who has had a history of antagonizing de la Renta, and it was Konnan who called out the fact that de la Renta was involved in CONTRA taking over MLW during the summer. Where is Konnan, though? Well, here’s de la Renta with a video package. She does her best Chris Jericho and makes the monkeys in the truck roll the footage, and de la Renta promises everyone will pay that wronged her, as she brings a monster from Mexico to exact her vengeance.
We get teasers for Tom Lawlor’s Filthy Island coming soon. Eh, should be better than Fyre Fest, and that’s saying a lot.
Recap of Hammerstone vs. Krügger from last week, and an interruption of the feed gives us Krügger, demanding the MLW Openweight title. Hail Contra!
We head back to the ring and it’s now time for the debut of…
Mil Muertes (with Salina de la Renta) vs. Brian Pillman, Jr.
For those of you like me and my friend, Gutz, who long for the days of Lucha Underground, this is as close as it gets. The match itself is just a one sided affair, as Muertes no sells Pillman’s offense. Muertes then manhandles with chops, and a side suplex to the mulleted man. At one point in the match there is a nasty power slam that looks like Muertes dumped Pillman on his head. Muertes mercifully ends things with the Straight to Hell (Flatliner) finisher for the win.
Your Winner: Mil Muertes
Plugs for MLW joining forces with the IWA in Puerto Rico. The current IWA Caribbean “champion” Richard Holliday states he is a fighting champ, and upset that the former champ, Savio Vega (whose title he “won” from), keeps challenging him. He vows to fight all comers but will not entertain Vega’s challenge. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, Holliday.
We throw it to more plugs for next week’s show with ACH challenging MLW CHAMP Jacob Fatu, and on February 17th, we’ll get Filthy Island, whether we want it or not, I suppose. That segues nicely to a quick recap of the feud between the Von Erich’s and Lawlor’s Team Filthy. Bocchini then sends it to the back and asks if Lawlor will be fair in tonight’s title bout. Lawlor is hurt by the accusation and vows to call it down the middle. I’d like to say I believe him. I’d like to say that
Next we get a recap of Myron Reed and Jordan Oliver getting jumped by CONTRA Unit, and the debut of Daivari to the ranks of CONTRA Unit. Not only did they get jumped but they messed with reed’s chest protector. As for the members of Injustice, well they ain’t happy with that sucker s***, and they are more than ready to serve up some justice.
Back to de la Renta with St. Laurent and the Bocchini (and I’m now seeing the ferret-ness in his face). De la Renta says that her Promociones Dorado is running strong, but the Ferret himself says Promociones Dorado got sold. De la Renta ain’t having it, and exits stage left.
We then head to the MLW Top Ten List (sponsored by Pro Wrestling Illustrated), showing once again who’s in line for the MLW Heavyweight Championship, and they are:
10. Laredo kid
9. ACH
8. Myron Reed (dropping three spots since losing his Middleweight title)
7. Mads Krügger
6. Richard Holliday
5. Lio Rush (making his debut after winning said Middleweight title)
4. L.A. Park
3. Low-Ki
2. “Filthy” Tom Lawlor
1. Hammerstone
And your MLW World Heavy Weight champion is still: Jacob Fatu
But now it’s time for your Main Event.
Ross & Marshall Von Erich (c) vs. Los Parks (L.A. Park & Hijo de L.A. Park, with Salina de la Renta) – MLW World Tag Team Championship featuring special referee “Filthy” Tom Lawlor
The match is under Texas Tornado rules, and no sooner did I type that that Los Parks lays in to the Von Erich’s, and it’s a Pier Four brawl, and Lawlor tries to take control, but…yeah, good luck with that. Park, Sr. just whips at Ross with his belt, then goes out to get a metal stool to ram it into his head. Meanwhile, Bocchini decries all this chaos, and is upset by the miscarriage of justice in his ferret-y voice. Double drop kick by the Von Erichs get them back in control, and the both go diving to the outside to take the fight to Los Parks. Back in the ring and the action settles into some semblance of control by Lawlor, as Park Sr. and Marshall lay into each other with chops, but neither gain the advantage. Tag in to Ross and Hijo de L.A. Park, and Ross gets the upper hand, delivering a nice Falcon Arrow in, but it gets a (rather slow) two count. Hijo rallies with a mid-kick to cover Ross, but he, too, gets a (super fast) two count by Lawlor. Hijo sends Ross out of the ring and goes outside to deliver an Asai moonsault but gets cut off by the older Von Erich.
Park Sr. and Marshall get in the ring (since this is under Texas Tornado Rules), and the elder Park gets in with a clothesline and an Eye of the Hurricane (or is it an Eye of the Calavera? Need a ruling here. Anyone? OK, fine I’ll move on) to cover, and it’s another fast two count again. Well, I don’t know about you, but it looks like Lawlor either didn’t stretch properly or get in his electrolytes, because he starts to “cramp up”, just as the Von Erichs roll up Los Parks for the pin. Lawlor counts but starts cramping up again, to the point he goes out of the ring to recover, and it’s an absolute donnybrook. Ross finally takes control and gets the famous Iron Claw hooked on Hijo de L.A. Park, down into a pinning predicament, but there’s no one to make the count. Well, Salina decides to make her presence known and sprays some mace into Ross’s eyes (or it could be Axe Body Spray, for all I know), blinding Ross. At that point, another luchador (who Bocchini states was probably L.A. Park Jr.) comes hi and hits Ross with a knee and the Papa Park takes advantage with a Spear. Lawlor finally crawls back, and I can only assume while he outside the ring he got fully hydrated because he counts fast for the one, two, three!
Your Winners, and New MLW World Tag Team Champions: Los Parks.
We then see the luchadors carrying the belts, as the show fades with de la Renta laughing all the way.
