A bloody AEW Revolution highlights this PPV (with Haikus, too)

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

A bloody AEW Revolution highlights this PPV (with Haikus, too)

It’s Sunday and you know what that means?

No, there are no tariffs on pay-per-views, so let’s make sure someone doesn’t impose that (looking at you, White House and DOGE).

All Elite Wrestling kicks off with Revolution and it is a stacked card. We’ll see Swerve Strickland and Ricochet settle their feud in a number one contender match, Will Ospreay and Kyle Fletcher will be locked in a steel cage, and “Timeless “ Toni Storm and Mariah May will have a Hollywood Ending match for the AEW Women’s title. But the main event will have current AEW Heavyweight Champion Jon Moxley defend the belt against “The Rated R Superstar “ Cope.

Can he hang on to the title, or can we count on The Death Riders to ensure his reign lasts longer?

We’ll find out later tonight as we come to you From the Crypto.com Arena in Los Angeles, CA, but let first go to your WrestleAunts, RJ City and Renee Paquette, along with Jeff Jarrett and Emmy/Golden Globe-winning actor Walter Paul Hauser for the…

AEW Revolution Zero Hour

Time was split with the stars of Queen of the Ring, like Kelli Berglund, Damaris Lewis, and the director Ash Avildson. As for the matches, Excalibur, Tony Schiavone, and Taz have the call, and our First Match of the Night is…

Lee Johnson and Blake Christian vs. Komander and Hologram (with Alex Abrahantes)

Lotsa Lucha goodness, with Hologram scoring the win with a 450 splash.

Daniel Garcia and The Undisputed Kingdom (Adam Cole, Roderick Strong, and Kyle O’Reilly) vs. Shane Taylor Promotions (Shane Taylor, Carlie Bravo, Lee Moriarty, and Capt. Shawn Dean)

“Daddy Magic” Mike Menard joined at commentary for his boy Garcia, and we see The Ops ( Katsuyori Shibata, Samoa Joe, and Hook) watching from a skybox. In the end, Cole went for the Panama Sunrise, but Garcia tagged himself in and cinched the Dragonslayer submission as he stared at the Undisputed Kingdom member.

Chris Jericho (c) (with Big Bill and Bryan Keith) vs. Gravity

Jericho just assaulted Gravity with the bat and Keith and Billy joined in, so call this a disqualification. Bandido tried to make the save for his brother but the numbers game was too much. The Nueve added insult to injury by ripping off Gravity’s mask and nailing him with the Judas Effect. Gravity’s Mom and sister tearfully came out and tried to block Jericho’s rage, as L.A. came out with “Culero” chants.

Then finally, because somebody wanted it, it was…

“Big Boom!” A.J. and The Conglomeration (Orange Cassidy and Mark Briscoe) (with Big Justice) vs. Johnny TV and MxM Collection (Mansoor and Mason Madden)

I can honestly say…this happened. I will also concede fans got into the “Big Boom” as he Cassidy, and Briscoe gave Madden a triple power boom to end it decisively.

After the match, Adam Devine and Tony Canvelaro of the comedy The Righteous Gemstones got in on the fun. Even Taz was grumbling about how everyone wants to be a pro wrestler, and I can’t say I blame him.

If you want the rest of the details of what took place in this glorified edition of Rampage 2.0, you can watch it here if you’re so inclined.

It’s finally time to get to…

AEW Revolution 2025

And our Next Match of the Night is between…

Maxwell Jacob Friedman vs. “Hangman” Adam Page

Mostly this is MJF playing cocky chickens*** to counter Page’s “Cowboy S***.” They were both impressive on offense and at one point MJF lands a kick and then follows with an Alabama slam into a hammerlock DDT for a two count. They both get into a series of reversals until Page finally connects with the Deadeye but MJF kicks out at two. He goes for a heatseekers that gets blocked and now Page delivers the Buckshot to cover, but MJF gets a foot on the rope to break the count. He grabs Page’s wrist to go for the Salt of the Earth but he’s still seeing stars, and Page clotheslines him again. He sets up for another Buckshot lariat and MJF rolls out of the ring. As he gives chase, he rushes at MJF, who moves out of the way in time as Page’s shoulder hits the steel steps. Back in the ring, Page attempts another Buckshot but MJF counters to the Salt of the Earth and cranks in the hold. He tries to escape and MJF counters with a crossface. Page crawls again and MJF modifies the Salt of the Earth to a regular armbar, but the Hangman gets a boot to the ropes. MJF gets on Schiavone’s headset and says he’s the man around here and yells at fans like TV star Ken Jeong at ringside. Page goes for a moonsault and both men reverse until MJF connects with a tombstone on a steel chair.

Doc Samson is in the corner checking on Page as the ref starts to count him out. He barely rolls back in at the nine-and-a-half mark, and MJF loses it and goes “What about me? What about Raven? What about…”

Oh, hang a tic. I think I got that mixed up with someone else.

Anyway, another Heatseeker is reversed to a Deadeye, and Page follows with a scary-looking Angel’s Wings that saw MJF land flush on his face. Then Page skins the cat and the Buckshot finds the mark to end it.

Your Winner via Pinfall: “Hangman” Adam Page

Now Nigel McGuinness joins commentary for the…

AEW TBS Championship: Mercedes Moné (c) vs. Momo Watanabe

Watanabe is a heavy hitter from the Stardom promotion and is part of the H.A.T.E. faction. Her goal is she wants to stop the Moné Train, and Moné for her part has been quite the belt collector. At points in the match, we see ROH’s Billie Starkz somewhere in a skybox taking notes of the match.

That’s all the enthusiasm I have for this as it is now time for a long overdue Haiku in Review™:

*ahem*

Watanabe shows

The CEO her True Heart.

But Moné Train still runs.

Your Winner via Submission: Mercedes Moné

We see stars like Leslie Jones, Lakers great Michael Cooper, comic Brad Williams, and the aforementioned Ken Jeong in the crowd as we get ready for our next match between…

Swerve Strickland vs. Ricochet

This is a Singles match to determine the number one contender to the AEW World Championship, and Ricochet comes out with Prince Nana’s robe, which is now altered with his logo on the back. Some drummer plays out to Strickland’s music, and his playing feels off-tempo as he walks to the ring, but the fans want to swerve when he drives.

This is a fast-paced match until Strickland hits a torture rack slam, and he’s in the driver’s seat until Ricochet pulls him into the turnbuckles to stun him. Strickland clotheslines him over the rope and proceeds to lay in a beating until Nana catches some friendly fire and he asks, “What the hell, man.” Strickland tries to apologize until Ricochet walks the barricades, connects with a House Call, and goes to his high-flying offense. Nana walks off and flips off Strickland, leaving him on his own. Ricochet eggs on the crowd, including Leslie Jones who is probably louder than the rest of the arena (and that’s saying something).

Strickland gets a dropkick to create space and manages to nail a brainbuster for a two count and Ricochet returns with a discus lariat. He climbs to the top until Strickland cuts him off, and then knocks him down, but Ricochet comes back with a springboard huracanrana. Strickland retaliates with a deadlift powerbomb and powerslam for another count of two. They battle on the apron edge, where Ricochet hits a poison ‘rana. He throws him on the Spanish Announce Table for a big move, and Strickland reverses to a Vertebreaker and there is no give. Back in the ring, Strickland attempts with the Swerve Stomp but only gets a near fall. Ricochet tricks Swerve, thumbs his eye, and then a Northern Lights to a deadlift suplex and gets the high-risk maneuver with the 630 senton. He covers for a close two count.

Nana comes back out and grabs the robe but Ricochet pulls it back. With the distraction, Strickland rolls him up for a two count. Ricochet whips Strickland to the corner and hits the brakes to avoid tackling Nana but still collides. Strickland dives but gets caught and Ricochet drives him to the floor. Back in the ring, he wears Nana’s robe to taunt both men and drills Strickland with Vertigo for another near fall and proceeds to load the Spirit Gun, but Nana grabs him by the robe. That allows Strickland to nail a series of House Calls but it can’t get the job done, but a JML Driver delivers the win.

Your Winner, and New Number One Contender: Swerve Strickland

Strickland gives the robe back to Nana and both men embrace in the ring, so all is well.

Your next title match is for the…

AEW Continental Championship: “The Rainmaker” Kaizuchika Okada(c) vs. Brody King

This is the first time King is wearing his “X” varsity jacket from his Villain Enterprises days in Ring of Honor.

The match itself is a Power versus Rainmaker match, and this might have been impressive a few years ago. That does lead me to give an…

(author’s Rant: Look, I wanna get into this match, and on paper or in New Japan this would be awesome. Here it feels…well, predetermined. Also, I have a hard time buying into Brody King as a face, and this match just feels rushed. Therefore, we have another Haiku In Review™:)

*ahem*

King shows Okada

His bark. Rainmaker makes him

His bitch. Ichiban.

Your Winner, and Still AEW Continental Champion: Kaizuchika Okada

Now for some hurting business, and it is for the…

AEW World Tag Team Championship: The Hurt Syndicate (Bobby Lashley and Shelton Benjamin, with MVP)(c) vs. The Outrunners (Turbo Floyd and Truth Magnum)

I gotta say, I love the 80s-style, grainy VHS intro of Magnum and Floyd, but equally as impressive were the fans as they chanted at Benjamin and Lashley, “We hurt people!” Also of note, Lio Rush and Action Andretti were at ringside scouting the match.

Benjamin and Magnum start but he shrugs off the Outrunner’s moves. Floyd tags and fares a little better until the OutRunners come back with the double-team offense. Lashley grabs Floyd and Magnum comes to his partner’s aid, and that’s when MVP calls them out for them getting shined on by Magnum and Floyd. That pep talk fired them up, and they go back to their forte of hurting as they single out Magnum and he is getting thrown like a rag doll all over the ring. Magnum is in Trouble in Paradise with the Hurt Syndicate, until he lands a desperation facebuster. A hot tag to Floyd and he is an Outrunner en Fuego, and he and Magnum give the double bicep elbow drop to Benjamin, but Lashley drops both men with a double clothesline. While he works Magnum outside, Benjamin gets in Floyd’s grill and they throw bombs. The Hurt Syndicate stop playing around and deliver the high knee/spear combo to put an end to this side of business.

Your Winners, and Still AEW World Tag Team Champions: The Hurt Syndicate

Jim Ross comes out next at commentary as we get set for a…

“Hollywood Ending” Falls Count Anywhere for the AEW Women’s World Championship: “Timeless” Toni Storm (c) vs. Mariah May

May comes out in a bridal veil resplendent in white and lays down some roses. Storm comes out with Luther, and May rushes at her up on the ramp, and we are off to the races.

They battle on the stage as May nails her with a DDT for a two count. Then she grabs some roses and pulls out a taser. Luther grabs her wrist and May kicks him in the uprights and tosses him to a table. She goes back to Storm, who proceeds to drop her with a sky-high bomb to a table down from the stage and pins but May kicks out.

Storm then beats her down on the way to the ring and crotches May on the barricades. She attempts a hip attack and misses as May drills her head on the steel steps. As May grabs plunder from under the rin, claret is imminent on the Timeless One’s forehead. She gets Storm in the corner, sets up a chair, and connects with a hip attack for another two count. Storm is showing a crimson mask as she gets some athletic tape, dips her hands in a bucket of broken glass, and holds out her fists, as May does the same on her end. Faster than you can say, “Axl and Ian Rotten,” the women have a brief Taipei Death Match as Storm clocks her and May rolls out of the ring.

The Timeless one dumps out the glass and goes for a kick but May slams a broken neck bottle between her legs. and then a Huracanrana to the broken glass for another near fall. This Hollywood Ending is becoming more of a horror scene straight outta Evil Dead as Storm lands the Storm Zero on May on a chair and covers but she can’t put her away. Storm then looks for more weapons and comes out with the shoe May once used in cutting her head open. She runs out of the ring and up the ramp, and Storm catches up and whips her “like a government mule”, to quote Good Old JR, with the title belt. She holds the shoe but can’t pull the trigger, and May counters with a Michinoku driver but to no avail. Another table is set up that has the Hollywood logo painted on it, but Storm gets the upper hand, clobbers her with the shoe, and sends May through the table to end it once and for all.

Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still AEW Women’s World Champion: “Timeless” Toni Storm

The final shot has both women bloodied, exhausted, and collapsed in a heap as “The End” is shown on the Khan Tron.

How do you try and top that? How about another match for the…

AEW International Championship: Konosuke Takeshita (c) (with Don Callis) vs. Kenny Omega

It’s The Alpha versus The God of Pro Wrestling as his and Takeshita’s history in DDT Pro and Japan brings up the history of this feud beyond Callis. Speaking of which, he joins at commentary mostly to be Canada’s answer to Bobby “The Brain” Heenan.

Hey, prove me wrong.

They lock up and neither man backs down from the other. They trade blows as commentary talks up Omega’s diverticulitis diagnosis and recovery, which Takeshita uses to his advantage. At one point, Omega rolls out of the ring and Callis runs over and lays in some punches while the ref’s back is turned and supposedly he broke his hand.

Back in the ring, Omega rams his head in the top turnbuckle and goes for a crossbody and belly flops. Takeshita gives a knee to his gut for a two count and focuses his offense on the midsection. Takeshita pulls out a table from under the ring and sets up for Blue Thunder bomb from the apron edge as Omega hangs on the ropes. He chops and spikes his head on the apron edge, then Omega nails a steamroller and sets up a barricade but Takeshita shoves him to the other to further hurt his lower abdomen. He barely gets back in the ring and Takeshita strikes and drills him with a brainbuster for another two count.

Omega is still in the fight but his offense is limited as he grimaces at points in the match. He does manage a pop-up huracanrana and the Terminator sounds signal a dive to the outside. Omega runs the ropes but Callis grabs his foot to distract him, and that allows Takeshita to knock him over the top rope. Back outside, Takeshita lands a German suplex with a release and then sets up a table. Omega tips it over and his suplex gets reversed and Takeshita slams him on the table’s back. He tilts it on its side, then slams Omega abdomen first on its edge as he doubles over in pain.

Now Omega comes back with a snapdragon and that leads to a V Trigger into a powerbomb, followed by another V Trigger for another near fall. He misses another V Trigger and Takeshita reverses for a Blue Thunder Bomb and still can’t put away The Cleaner. He follows with a Helluva kick and sets up on the top rope. He and Omega battle it out but the champ knocks him off the top the hard way as he tumbles to the floor. After the ref determines he can continue, Omega battles back and hits an impressive springboard powerbomb for a two count.

The V Trigger finds its mark and Omega attempts the One Winged Angel, but it doesn’t happen due to his midsection still hurting from Takeshita’s previous blows. The Alpha fires back with a tombstone and another for two. Omega pulls out the stops with a ripcord V Trigger and a piledriver for two as fans chant, “Fight for-eh-ver!*clap clap!* clap clap clap!*” He’s going for broke with a poison ‘rana, followed by another V-Trigger and Callis tries to interfere again. The Alpha takes advantage with a roll up and that leads to a series of reversals but Omega stacks up Takeshita for the win.

Your Winner, And New AEW International Champion: Kenny Omega

Callis is beside himself as Takeshita couldn’t get the job done. That means the Callis Family is 0-1 for big matches.

Speaking of which, we get the culmination of a feud that can only be settled in a…

Steel Cage Match: Will Ospreay vs. Kyle Fletcher(with Don Callis)

Fletcher climbs up to the top of the cage, and as Ospreay’s ring music hits (which has an EDM/Rave feel at the beginning)he too climbs up top on the opposite side as they stare each other down.

They climb down and they bring the pain with Ospreay landing a huracanrana and using the cage as a weapon. Fletcher flings him to the ropes and Ospreay goes for a handspring and hits his ankle on the cage. The commentary points out the cage slows Ospreay’s normal momentum and offense, but he quickly adapts with a stun dog millionaire and follows with an Oscutter. His signature move is blocked as Fletcher sends him to the cage. Now Ospreay is cut open and The Protostar grates his forehead along the cage before licking it, prompting a “You Sick F***!” chant.

Fletcher opens him up more while slowing down and taking his time working over The Aerial Assassin. He whips him to the corner and Ospreay leaps and a springboard elbow connects and he throws him into the cage walls. He follows with a standing corkscrew press and that gets Ospreay a two count. He chops Fletcher between the cage and the ropes and signals the Hidden Blade but the Protostar stops it with a boot. He rips off a turnbuckle pad to expose the steel and pushes Ospreay into it before nailing him with a boot. They battle up top but Ospreay comes down, tucks his head in, and kicks it to send Fletcher down. He follows by giving Fletcher a monkey flip to the cage wall, and now He’s showing the first signs of a crimson mask.

At one point they go back to the high-rent district to jockey for position, but Ospreay bounces Fletcher’s head off and he takes a Nestea Plunge to the ring. The Aerial Assassin hits a tornillo corkscrew senton and can’t close the deal.

Both men are spent but Fletcher gives Kawada kicks, and Ospreay gives the receipt in return. Fletcher comes back with a brainbuster for a two count, and Ospreay clutches his shoulder after the effects of this past Wednesday on Dynamite. At this point, Mark Davis marches out with bolt cutters, cuts the lock, and opens the door, and brings a steel chair and a bag o’ plunder to his Aussie Open teammate. Ospreay comes over and kicks the door in Davis’ mush. He pulls out a barbed wire bat and calls his shot on The Protostar.

He swings for the fences and he channels a certain Jack who is as prickly as a cactus. Bang bang, indeed. Fletcher begs him off and pulls out a United Empire armband. Ospreay considers this from his former stablemate, then flips him off before getting low blowed by Fletcher, who proceeds to use the armband to wipe the blood and stuff it in his mouth. He grabs the bat, swings, and misses. The Hidden Blade connects followed by Stormbreaker to cover and Davis rushes back in and breaks the count. Aussie Open gets ready for double team action, and Ospreay takes them down and lands a super Oscutter from the top of the cage for a two count. He warps barbed wire around his arm, as Fletcher makes a hasty retreat. The Aerial Assassin follows as Fletcher pulls out a screwdriver from the cage structure and jabs him on top of the head to send him crashing. He jabs away and nails him with a brainbuster and another on a steel chair but still can’t take him out. Out come the thumbtacks and Fletcher tries to drive him in it Ospreay reverses to a Styles Clash and The Protostar’s lower body gets the worst of it. Fletcher escapes again and Ospreay is in pursuit with the screwdriver in his teeth. They battle up the top of the cage, and then Ospreay nails a super avalanche Spanish Fly. Ospreay tears off his elbow pad, as Fletcher screams that he hates him as he drives the Hidden Blade face first, and the Tiger Driver ’97 delivers the coup de grace to end the second bloodiest cage match in AEW history.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Will Ospreay

As Ospreay limps under his power up the ramp to the back, the ring doctors tend to a broken and battered Fletcher who slowly regains consciousness.

Now we have the Main Event and it is for the…

AEW World Championship: Jon Moxley (c) vs. Cope

Supposedly the Death Riders have been eliminated and/or banned from ringside, so we’ll see how long that lasts. Fans sing along to Alterbridge as Cope soaks in the adulation, while Mox comes in through the crowd.

Ring announcer Justin Roberts gives the boxing-style intros, and once the bell rings they have a stare down. Mox gestures to Cope that he is “number one” with his middle finger and they go slugging away and it drops both to their knees, and then they go right back at it with forearm shots. Cope sends the champ over the top rope with a clothesline, and then dives to the outside on Mox. Back in the ring, Mox sinks in a choke and then attempts a piledriver that gets blocked and the champ is sent out of the ring again. Cope comes back with a flying clothesline to the outside, and grabs him but Mox shoves The Rated R Superstar to the ring post and then tries to use it as leverage to rip his arm out of its socket. Mox tells JR at commentary he’ll see “the full circle of Cope” meaning he was there for the beginning and will witness his end as the champ bounces his head off the barricades. Mox works on his neck, driving his elbow into his throat and lands a neckbreaker on the edge, and covers inside the ring for a two count. He keeps working over Cope’s neck, torquing it at various odd angles, and Mox wears him down. He rushes at him in the corner but Cope gets out of the way as he bounces off the corner a gets a roll-up for another count of two. Cope gives an Impaler to Mox but can’t capitalize. He tries to punch with no effect but Cope gets a desperation lariat, followed by a flapjack. He runs the ropes with a series of lariats and a sit-out rear mat slam for a near fall. He props Mox up top and then gives him a superplex for another close two count, and transitions to a crossface, but the champ manages to crawl and get a finger on the bottom ropes to break the submission.

Cope runs the ropes a spears Mox to the floor, and they battle outside until Mox sends him into the steel steps, and then tells the camera he’ll break him and send him home in a wheelchair. He rips up the protective padding outside and tries to give a powerbomb but Cope reverses to a back body drop. Mox gives him a stomp to the concrete worthy of a Freakin’ man and Cope’s eyes are glazed over. Back in the ring and Mox nails the piledriver for one, two…kick out. He cinches the bulldog choke and Cope’s eyes start to fade. He finally gets his second wind and fights back and crawls slowly but finally gets a hand on the ropes. Mox gets in the ref’s grill, but he’s not taking any mess from the champ. Mox backs up and goes outside to grab a chair, but the ref sees it and takes it away. He sends it out, and Cope comes back and shoves Mox into the ref who gets knocked outside of the ring. He nails the Paradigm Shift on Cope but no one is there to make the count. Mox grabs two chairs and sets up for a Con-Chair-To, and as he takes his time, Cope kicks the chair in his face. A double clothesline knocks down both men and Wheeler Yuta comes out from the back. He enters the ring, eyes Mox, and gives a Busaiku Knee to Cope. Still in the thrall of the Death Rider leader, Mox tells Yuta to grab the briefcase, and then Jay White comes out for the save. He grabs the case and swings but Cope gets the worst of it.

He and Yuta battle to the back, and Mox makes the cover. The ref crawls back for a slow count of one, two…no! He and the ref argue and that’s when Cope nails a spear for a close two count. He drills Mox with two more spears, followed by a cover. The ref starts to count until a hooded man comes out. We soon discover it is Christin Cage as he clocks Cope with his metal folder. He opens it, signs a contract, and faster than you can say, “Dusty Finish,” we learn this is now a three-way match. He lands the Killswitch on Cope, but Mox cinches the bulldog choke on Cage. He struggles to cover Cope, but Mox repositions and finally, the ref calls it as Cage fades away.

Your Winner, And Still AEW World Heavyweight Champion: Jon Moxley

As Mox walks back, Prince Nana is there telling him to be aware of Swerve Strickland’s challenge. As security/enhancement talent comes out and tries to calm things down, up top is Swerve Strickland and gives a double stomp to show Los Angeles this is still Swerve’s house as the PPV comes to a close.

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