To use a horror film reference, World Championship Wrestling has a Jekyll and Hyde thing going on. One minute their product is worse than an Iron Sheik – Nikolai Volkoff match-up. The next, they are delivering like a well-oiled machine. What is with these guys anyways?
Based on last month’s pitiful Mayhem show, we weren’t holding out much hope for Starrcade 2000. Lo and behold, WCW rises from the grave again just when everyone had buried them alive. Even without headliners Sting and Booker T, Starrcade had what WCW has been missing for the longest time: Consistency. The solution to these and other problems dogging WCW is elementary. If the promotion wants to pose a threat and take full advantage of the faltering front-running WWF, all they have to do are two things. 1) Let whomever scripted last night’s show to assume control of the booking chores. 2) Persuade each and every WCW superstar to carry on the effort they gave at Starrcade. When even the uninspired Kronik and Kevin Nash are carrying their fair share of the load you know you have a winning formula within your grasp.
WCW’s premiere event was just that. An enthusiastic show that overcame a routine main event of Scott Steiner versus Sid Vicious for the WCW World Heavyweight Championship. Steiner kicking out of Sid’s chokeslam near the finale of the bout revealed the booking committee’s true intentions in bringing Sid back. Truck out the “all-powerful” Sid and serve him up to Steiner so that Big Poppa Pump’s status as a formidable champion would be further strengthened. And, so it was. Sid had Steiner beat though because the champ took out the referee, there was no one to make the count.
Seeing there was no official to stop her, Midajah tossed Steiner his equalizer — that darn lead pipe. Steiner beat Sid senseless until referee Charles Robinson took over officiating the match. Steiner’s clubbing earned him a two count. Unfazed by any referee, Jeff Jarrett climbed onto the ring apron with his guitar in hand. He swung for Sid, missed and hit Steiner. Sid could’ve won the match again but Jarrett corrected his error by pulling Robinson out of the ring by his heels. Sid threw Steiner off the ropes to set-up his powerbomb. Steiner low-blowed Sid twice and T-bone suplexed him into the middle of the ring. Steiner clamped on The Recliner (which Sid had escaped twice before) and Sid passed out handing Big Poppa Pump a submission win.
- The next WCW pay-per-view is Sin on January 14th.
WCW Starrcade 200 Results
Three Count Vs The Jung Dragons Vs Knoble, Karagias (Triple Ladder Match)
- The winner gets a shot at the Cruiserweight Title held by Chavo Guerrero if they can snatch an envelope hanging above the ring. Match Of The Year Candidate with the ladders being used in countless innovative ways. The set-ups, spots and bumps reminded me of what you might see happen in a ladder match held in Japan, especially when Yang built a scaffold-like platform out of three of the ladders. Shannon Moore’s “skin-the-cat” on the make-shift platform allowing him to hurracanrana Yang was pure poetry in motion. Moore and Helms are the last two standing on the “scaffold”. They agree to both grab the envelope at once.
- Winners: Three Count at 13 minutes and 51 seconds.
- Match Rating: 10 / 10.
- A depressed Hacksaw Duggan is shining up his 2×4 in the locker room. Lance Storm throws him a Team Canada shirt telling him that he might as well stick with him because the American fans will never take him back after he betrayed them. Plus, Storm claims WCW was about to kick Duggan to the curb until he signed up with Team Canada.
- Jeff Jarrett and The Harris Brothers convince Commissioner Mike Sanders to “even the playing field” by transforming the Street Fight they are in with The Filthy Animals into a Street Fight – Bunkhouse brawl. Maybe someone should tell Jarrett that a Street Fight and Bunkhouse brawl are pretty much the same thing. Duh.
- The Acolytes…I mean Kronik…are relaxing in a sauna together. I could make a really off-colour joke at their expense but I won’t. Kronik yack with some unknown benefactor on the phone. It’s about a “special job”.
Lance Storm Vs The Cat
- Referring to the U.S. election, Storm says that it took America 37 days to do what Canada did in one day this year and that the world is laughing at them because the “man with the most votes lost”. You can’t argue with that. The Cat cuts a promo on Storm. Storm can pack his bags and go back to Calgary. He can take Mark Madden while he’s at it. (Editor’s Note: The U.S. can keep Mark Madden. We don’t want him.).
- Pretty slick action with The Cat integrating his martial arts skills better than I have seen him before. Prime Time punks The Cat outside the ring. Miss Jones hauls off and erroneously kicks the ref in the chops. Major Gunns leaps into action. Miss Jones throws her into the steel security fence. Duggan enters the ring with his 2×4 at 6:50. He looks at the 2×4, drops it to the ground and clotheslines The Cat. Storm puts The Cat into the Maple Leaf for the win. Team Canada swarms Duggan. The Cat clears the ring saving him. The Cat puts on his red shoe and is about to karate kick Duggan. He sees Duggan sulking in the corner and decides he is suffering enough.
- Winner: Lance Storm at 7 minutes and 24 seconds.
- Match Rating: 7 / 10.
- Mike Awesome drives an ambulance into the arena. Buff Bagwell has been relegated to conducting interviews. He babbles with The Filthy Animals. Vito, Reno and Marie are heading towards the ring. The Natural Born Thrillers tell Reno he is welcome back into the fold. Reno blows them off.
- Daffney and Crowbar stroll in the back. Wanna know why Daffney screams? Because she has a voice like Cyndi Lauper. Man-o-man. I hope it’s a put-on. Terry Funk, attacks Crowbar from behind spraying a fire extinguisher in his face.
Terry Funk (challenger) Vs Crowbar (champion) (WCW Hardcore Championship Match)
- Wild, insane, wicked action. Funk and Crowbar brawl back to where some trucks are parked. As they fight in the back of a truck, Funk arm-drags Crowbar through the air. Crowbar crashes through a table. Daffney hands Crowbar some handcuffs. Funk and Crowbar take turns slamming their heads in a steel door. The sound of each slam is enough to make you grit your teeth. Funk handcuffs Crowbar and chairshots him like a million times. Then, Funk picks up a car doors and smacks him about the head with that. Funk unfolds a table at ringside and places Crowbar on top of it. Funk climbs on the ring apron. Daffney pulls Crowbar off the table. The Funker starts choking Daffney out using her own shirt. Crowbar chairshots Funk and lies him on the table. With his hands still handcuffed, Crowbar does a flying body press from in the ring, over the ropes and onto Funk putting him through the table. Coolness. The hardcore legend piledrives Crowbar on the car door in the ring to hand SLAM! Wrestling an early Christmas present.
- Winner: …and new WCW Hardcore Champion…Terry Funk at 10 minutes and 28 seconds.
- Match Rating: 7.5 / 10.
- Lance Storm tells Mean Gene that now that Team Canada has “got rid of the trash” (AKA: Duggan), the stable is going to grow. Major Gunns has one line…Don’t blame Canada, blame yourself. She still screws it up. Luger is unpacking his equipment bag. Gee. Look at that. A pair of brass knuckles with Bill Goldberg’s name on them.
Vito, Reno Vs Kronik
- Brian Adams keeps questioning Marie outside the ring trying to convince us that she is the one who hired them for that “special job”. She denies it again and again. Vito tags Reno. Reno punks him with that neck-twister thing he does. He covers Vito and wins the match? What the hell? Reno tosses Kronik a sack of money and joins his pals The Thrillers on the rampway. Kronik throw Vito around like a Ping-Pong ball and force Marie to watch.
- Winner: Kronik…or is it Reno…at 5 minutes and 44 seconds.
- Match Rating: 2 / 10.
- Three Count tell Mean Gene that they both deserve to fight Chavo for the Cruiserweight Title. Chavo interrupts. He says Three Count look exactly like the guys who painted his house last weekend. Chavo and the Cruiserweight Title take out Three Count.
Mike Awesome Vs Bam Bam Bigelow (Ambulance Match)
- Not too bad a brawl with Awesome and Bigelow employing chairs, tables and the ambulance itself as a weapon. Awesome is slammed on the hood of the ambulance. Bigelow climbs up ripping the lights off of it. He clobbers Awesome with them. Awesome uses them on Bigelow too. Bigelow falls backwards through the roof and into the vehicle. As neat as it sounds.
- Winner: Mike Awesome at 8 minutes and 40 seconds.
- Match Rating: 6 / 10.
Shane Douglas (challenger) Vs General Rection (champion) (WCW United States Heavyweight Title Match)
- Shane applies some old school cheat tactics like pokes to the eyes and pulling the bottom rope into Rection’s crotch. Rection is no-selling like Hogan throughout the bout. As lame as it sounds. Douglas is thrown into a steel ring post and comes up bleeding. Douglas pulls out the steel chain he keeps in his trunks. Douglas has the chain knocked out of his hands. Chavo Guerrero picks them up and stands on the apron. He throws it back to Douglas. The ref sees this and DQ’s Douglas which was Chavo’s plan all along. Douglas Franchise’s both Chavo and Rection. He then punches Rection in the foreheads over and over opening him up. A-Wall and Cajun drive off Douglas. Chavo and Rection trade words. Cajun takes Chavo’s side while A-Wall takes Rection’s.
- Winner: ….and still WCW United States Champion…General Rection at 9 minutes and 47 seconds.
- Match Rating: 4 / 10.
Jeff Jarrett, The Harris Brothers Vs The Filthy Animals (Street Fight – Bunkhouse Brawl)
- Clever booking has the unadulterated brawl become a wrestling match mid-way through as the ref makes both teams abide by tag-team rules. There is a mock bar in the ring. Jarrett gets double chokeslammed through it by The Animals. Jarrett powerbombs Mysterio over the top rope into a dumpster outside the ring. Rey returns later with a broom taking all three men out. Billy Kidman climbs to the top rope. One of the Harris Brothers breaks a glass bottle over his head. Jarrett applies The Stroke to get the victory for his team.
- Winner: Jeff Jarrett, The Harris Brothers at 12 minutes and 30 seconds.
- Match Rating: 7.5 / 10.
- Luger attacks Sarge during his interview with Mean Gene.
The Insiders (challengers) Vs The Perfect Event (champions) (WCW World Tag Team Title Match)
- Sanders comes out with the champs. Flair shows up and tells Sanders that if he takes one step into the ring he will award the titles to The Insiders. The fans chant…We want Hall! We want Hall! Way better than their last pay-per-view effort. DDP is basically battered and brained until a hot-tag to Nash. DDP Diamond Cuts Sanders on the concrete floor and fights off the interfering Natural Born Thrillers. Nash does his Jack-Knife Powerbomb thingy. Nash sends a message out to Hall by saying “Yo! We got them again!” on the house mike.
- Winners: …and new WCW World Tag Team Champions…The Insiders at 12 minutes and 1 second.
- Match Rating: 7 / 10.
Lex Luger Vs Goldberg (No Holds Barred Match)
- Buff and Sarge come out. Buff tries to stop Sarge from getting involved. Luger pulls the ref in front of the Spear. Goldberg puts on the brakes. Buff pulls the ref away from Luger. Luger punches Sarge off the apron. Buff does The Blockbuster on Goldberg. Luger throws Buff out over the top rope. Goldberg stops The Rack by grabbing onto the ropes. Buff thrashes Sarge outside. Spear. Jack Hammer. Pin. Buff labels Goldberg with a chair. Luger and Buff split the scene together. Sarge and Goldberg carry a Make A Wish Foundation kid to the back on their shoulders.
- Winner: Goldberg (Who else?) at 7 minutes and 21 seconds.
- Match Rating: 3 / 10.
Scott Steiner (champion) Vs Sid Vicious (WCW World Heavyweight Championship Match)
- Winner: …and still WCW World Heavyweight Champion…Scott Steiner at 10 minutes and 13 seconds.
- Match Rating: 5 / 10.
- Total Event Time: 2 hours and 50 minutes.
- Overall Event Rating: 7 / 10.