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Armageddon: WWF saves the worst for last

John Powell

 

There’s a phrase us old school, traditionalist types have used as our battle cry all throughout the presently fading pro-wrestling boom. “Shut up and wrestle!” is the mantra which succinctly sums up our disappointment at various times with a business that allowed promos to supersede matches.

When people look back on the history of wrestling years from now WWF Armageddon 2000 is the pay-per-view that will no doubt symbolize the whole yackity-yack-yack period. Booking a flimsy Armageddon card when they have a roster full of talented wrestlers was the WWF’s first mistake. The second was to then fill that air time with a deluge of drawn-out, run-of-the-mill promos, company ads and stock footage of past Hell In The Cell matches fans have no doubt seen before on tape countless times. The Undertaker taking about five or ten minutes to describe his Hell In The Cell matches? Kurt Angle being interviewed for five to eight minutes? Vince McMahon cutting a long-winded, unnecessary promo you’d expect to see on Raw Is War? And how many times do die-hard , knowledgeable fans need to see footage of Foley’s infamous bump during the show? I lost track at five or six.

At one point, I kid you not, almost twenty minutes went by without a match. Normally peerless in the industry, the WWF production and writing staff really messed up and they did so in a really big way. To top off an already appallingly bad night for the WWF, the transmission of Shawn Michaels’ interview from the WWF Restaurant in New York experienced satellite trouble and the wrong title graphic was shown during the WWF Women’s World Heavyweight Title match. HBK spouted off for minutes with only the audio streaming through. Viewers were left to vacantly stare at a blank screen for the duration of HBK’s ramblings.

But, the very worst thing of all about the wretched Armageddon pay-per-view was the bouts the WWF did present (excluding a couple) were utter rubbish, especially the main event Hell In A Cell match for the WWF World Heavyweight Title. A candidate for Worst Match Of The Year, the steel cage contest between Steve Austin, Kurt Angle, The Undertaker, Rikishi, The Rock and Triple H couldn’t possibly live up to hype the WWF itself generated during the broadcast and it didn’t. Reminiscent of the Hardcore Junkyard match WCW littered our screens with or the Hardcore Invitational at WrestleMania 2000, the full-scale brawl had very few high points. There’s only so many punches, kicks and guys being slammed or rammed into something before it all kinda blends into one, big chaotic mess. Everyone bladed and each of the WWF superstars involved worked hard but because of the very nature of bout they didn’t have much to work with.

The turning point that basically ruined everything was when Vince McMahon, against the very idea of placing six top WWF superstars inside a cage from the get-go, and his stooges drove a flat-bed truck down to ringside in an attempt to pull the Hell In A Cell down. Up until that stage, things weren’t going too badly. Triple H got his head dragged around the entire cage by Austin. There were a multitude of interrupted pinfalls that keep the unpredictable pace hopping. Once the truck showed up and ripped off the cage door, all hell broke loose and not in a good way. Foley did a run-in beating up the Stooges. Security came down and took away a fit-to-be-tied McMahon. The wrestlers fought to the Armageddon entrance way display, a grouping of battered automobiles. They then proceeded to suplex, slam and throw each other into the vehicles.

Austin, Taker, Angle and Triple fought on the top of the Cell. Rikishi jumped in on the action chair-shoting The Undertaker. The Undertaker chokeslammed Rikishi off the cage roof into the bed of the flatbed truck. Quite an impressive fall for the big guy. Although the one obvious trick that eagle-eyed viewers could see is that the pile of wood chips in the bed of the truck were there to cover an air bag employed to soften Rikishi’s fall.

Once the wrestlers made it down into the ring again, The Rock, Austin, Triple H and Kurt Angle squared off. The Rock punished Angle with a Rock Bottom. Austin stopped the three count. Austin Stunned The Rock. Triple H cut the pinfall short. Triple H pulverized Austin with a spinning neckbreaker. While Triple H went to cover Austin, Angle has already draped his arm over the unconscious Rock to pin him and retain the WWF World Heavyweight Title. A bloodied Angle showboated until Austin Stunned him.

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