This will be a very different article to what you’re used to on SlamWrestling.net.
While I’ve been interviewed by them in the past, this is my first time writing for the site.
Following the tragic passing of Jamie Hemmings at just 43 years old, I reached out to Producer Greg Oliver and asked if I may write a one-off article dedicated to her life and struggles.
Myself and Jamie met through our mutual love of wrestling, specifically wrestling books. I posted on my wall one day about my struggles with mental health and addiction. Next thing I knew Jamie was in my inbox talking to me about mental health.
Please do not put my issues with addiction onto her, this is about mental health and that comes in many forms.
We spoke intermittently for the next couple of years about our own struggles. We checked in with each other. We discussed what we were individually going through. I had a breakdown at the beginning of February. Jamie reached out to me and we spoke on February 6. That was the last time I spoke to her and sadly I wasn’t in a place to properly converse.
Just four days later, I’m sitting in a mental hospital, or whatever they’re called, waiting for an assessment and I see the news of her passing. I immediately broke down into tears. I sat there for maybe half an hour just wanting to go ask the receptionist for a glass of water. I couldn’t get up though. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t talk. I was paralyzed with sadness for my friend and her family, her friends. I could see people walking by. They didn’t think anything of a grown man crying though, I was in a mental hospital awaiting assessment after all. Eventually I mustered the energy to get up and ask for something to drink.
The receptionist said quite dismissively, “I can’t right now, please bear with me.”
I replied, “It’s okay. I understand I just need something to calm my nerves I just saw my friend died.”
To her credit she went and got me a glass immediately.
A while later I was seen by the doctors and the first portion of our meeting was talking about Jamie and the impact she had on my life. I was seeing them, because I had attempted suicide. They asked me if I was suicidal and without thought I replied, “I wish it was me that died not her. That’s pretty normal though, isn’t it?” We carried on talking and I explained the pain I felt and I saw others feelings from her passing had taken away all urge. It hadn’t taken away the thoughts, but it took away all urge to follow through.
Jamie was an amazing writer, a loving mother and a devoted wife. She had her problems, but she always prioritized what was most important to her: Her family, her writing, and she loved that podcast with Mad Man Pondo. I remember how excited she was when they had an interview with David Howard Thorton, A.K.A. Art the Clown of Terrifier. That was something else we had in common: horror movies. Sleepaway Camp was one of the ones we discussed heavily with that horrific ending. Ha, can’t help but smile thinking about that.
I actually don’t know the cause of Jamie’s death and I’m not trying to say it was suicide, but with her passing and my own struggles, this felt a prime time to talk about mental health, addiction and all things dangerous to us. Scott Levy, better known as Raven, is very open about his own struggles and always used to end his podcast with the addiction hotlines and links. Slam has such a global reading audience, I think it’s best to include the Help Guide, which is a global directory of mental health services.
Speaking of Raven, he once said, “Because I have narcissistic personality disorder, I have histrionic personality disorder, I have borderline personality disorder, I’ve been diagnosed, I have a lot of emotional, mental issues. It stems from me not being abused as a child, but being neglected as a child. That was just as bad, if not worse than abuse.”
I believe that exact quote is from an episode of Vince Russo’s podcast with Raven. He has said similar multiple times on his own podcast, The Raven Effect, though. So much of what he says has been impactful to me. We as people think if we haven’t had physical abuse, physical trauma then we just need to “man up and get on with it.” That’s not the case though. Sometimes it’s what doesn’t happen, what we don’t get, what we never had that affects us the most. Everybody’s journey is as important as the next persons. It affects us in ways only we can know. I’ve struggled all my life, because I didn’t have a bad childhood so it’s my fault I am the way how I am. I have been wrong all of my life.
Like myself, Raven used to have a Mensa level IQ. Through drugs and drink we have both diminished our intellectual prowess. He’ll tell you that himself. Just listen to his podcast. I recently found out that even using drugs as a teenager is a form of self harm and self medication. I’d never looked at it that way before. I’m currently 36 years old. In one way or another I’ve self-harmed and self-medicated since I was 13 years old. That’s way over half of my life.
Please don’t be me. Please don’t be Raven. Please don’t be Jamie. Don’t suffer in silence for most of your life. Please reach out and get help.
It’s a frustrating process. I’m at the beginning of it. My own wellbeing could have been a lot better if I accepted my neglect, if I accepted I didn’t know best and I accepted I needed help a long time ago. I know it’s not easy and I’m only doing it now, because a friend called health care professionals on my a-to-the-double-crooked letter. Don’t throw your life away ’cause you think you know best. We never do.
Jamie, you were such a wonderful person. If nothing else comes from your passing I hope it helps people look for help. You’ve certainly saved my life. I no longer want to kill myself. I want to live. I want to make you proud. I want to get better.
Thank you my friend, you didn’t mean it this way, but you always wanted to save my life and you have.
You’re not dishonoring anyone by choosing help and choosing to live. In our minds we think it’s “Death Before Dishonor,” but it’s not. The honor is getting help and living to see another day. All death does is hurt people. Maybe some of them deserve to be hurt, but so many more don’t deserve that.
Choose help.
Choose life.
TOP PHOTO: The Figure Gore podcast co-hosts meets up in May 2022. From left to right: Joe Tong, Jamie Hemmings, Mad Man Pondo and Robert Bellamy. Photo credit: Teresa Oldham.
RELATED LINKS
