WWE Smackdown: Orton and McIntyre a Yawn-fest

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

WWE Smackdown: Orton and McIntyre a Yawn-fest
Courtesy of WWE

As we get nearer to Wrestlepalooza, there are a few things the WWE is trying to get sorted. From Randy Orton wanting to put his hands on Drew McIntyre, to Jade Cargill wanting to claim the WWE Women’s Undisputed Championship from Tiffany Stratton. There is a lot to get sorted.

If what I described seems uninteresting, you are correct.

So let’s get through this together, eh?

There is a lot to process s we come to you from the Scope Arena in Norfolk, VA. Vic Joseph and Booker T have the call, and we see when the Beast was unleashed on John Cena.

Before he gets on the mic, R-Truth comes out and says What’s up. He ain’t scared of him, but Lesnar says he doesn’t know who he is. The fans know, and Truth ain’t down with the disrespect. Lesnar wants to know where Cena is. Truth doesn’t know, and he wants to defend his “childhood hero”, as sure as he is “R-Cena.” He tells Lesnar that “SuperCena” is coming for him.

One F-5 later and Truth is down, along with splitting his pants.

Well…that was pointless.

Sami Zayn is in the back and talks to Rey Fenix about the opportunity to challenge him.

Also, Solo Sikoa cuts a promo on what he sacrificed to get the US Title. He lost everything, and I simply do not care.

So your First Match of the Night is for the…

United States Championship Open Challenge: Sami Zayn (c) vs. Rey Fenix

Nice back and forth, and Fenix has his foot in the gas and gives a nice Tiger feint until..

Ads (Seriously, why? Why do this in the middle of a match? Yes, I am drinking. Yes, I am annoyed by this! What’s yer point?!)

We come back, and Zayn gives a backbreaker to Fenix and keeps the high flyer grounded. Fenix gives a springboard enzugiri to Zayn, followed by a springboard corkscrew splash to the floor. They go back to the ring, and a crossbody gets Fenix a two count. Zayn attempts a Blue Thunder bomb is blocked as Fenix counters with a headscissors for another two count. A superkick by Fenix gets another near fall, and a moonsault misses the mark. Zayn attempts the Helluva kick, misses, and Fenix with a high DDT for one, two…oh, so close. And then..

More Ads (Seriously, WWE. Can’t y’all pony up for Picture in Picture?!)

We come back, and Fenix and Zayn battle up the top turnbuckle, and Fenix comes down with a double stomp from the top to cover for a near fall.

Again, they go back and forth until Fenix is caught and nailed with the Blue Thunder bomb for a two count. An exploder to the corner, and as Zayn goes for another Helluva kick, Fenix counters with a huracanrana for a close two count. The fans chant, “This is Awesome,” and I agree. A corner springboard enzugiri is blocked, and Zayn delivers the Helluva for the pin and the win.

Your Winner and Still US Champion: Sami Zayn

B-Fab spoke with Kiana James and Guila, and I care so little about this segment.

We also get a promo from Bo Dallas/Uncle Howdy and…I dunno why I should care. So, watch it and see what I mean…

So your next match is for the…

United States Women’s Championship: Giulia(with Kiana James)(c)vs. B-Fab

Before I can give you all the Power of Poetry in Professional Wrestling™, Nia Jax gets into the mix, and then Michin comes out with a kendo stick to drive them out.

It was announced that WWE is doing Wrestlemania in Saudi Arabia, and color me unimpressed.

May Allah drive your desires elsewhere

Next, we have your…

WWE Women’s Undisputed Championship: Tiffany Stratton (c) vs. Jade Cargill

Can you feel the yawn? I sure can. So, enjoy this Squared Circle Clerihew™:

*ahem*

Stratton shows some flash

As Cargill beats her down with panache.

Once everything’s said and done

A brawl from Nia Jax to the outside ends the fun.

This was a Count Out. No one wins

Then Nia Jax comes and lays the beat down on Cargill, and I simply cannot care less.

SmackDown GM Nick Aldis comes out of his office, and Chelsea Green has a proposal. Aldis counters and moves on, where The Miz has his own proposition, and he has a similar deal.

We get a little history of John Cena and Brock Lesnar in the developmental territories of OVW. Check this out if you aren’t familiar…

A little info before tonight as the Worlds Collide, which you can see here:

Now Carmelo and Zayn talk, and why is this a thing?!

Now your Main Event is..

Drew McIntyre vs. Randy Orton

This is happening because…eh, who cares. The only thing that made me pop about this match was seeing a sign that said, “You can’t scare me…I flew on Spirit Airlines!”

Tremendous.

As for the match, enjoy this Lucid Luchador Limerick in Review™:

*ahem*

McIntyre is on fire

While Orton seems stuck in the mire.

As McIntyre breaks him down

With no hope to be found,

A Claymore finds the mark, to preach to the choir.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Drew McIntyre

After the match, McIntyre beats down Orton until Cody Rhodes rushes out, and then he proclaims the champ is back and challenges him to a match at Wrestlepalooza.

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