WWE Raw: Breakker is a Paul Heyman guy

Thomas Starr

Orton RKOs Cena
Orton RKOs Cena

Three matches in three hours. That is a horrible ratio. Even if you liked all the talking segments, and most were good, those segments need to be broken up by ring action. The pacing was slow. I would recommend catching the condensed versions on YouTube.

Must-see moments:

John Cena’s promo

Cena continued his string of fascinating promos. He managed to turn the crowd against him despite their initial applause. They set up a match between Orton and Cena with Randy hitting the RKO on John. Considering all their history, this is one match that needed to happen before John retires.

Gunther attacks the announcers

Gunther has been jawing with the announcers for months, so this had been set up for a while. He was rough with them and with Cole’s age, Michael was courageous to take part in this. Hot angle to get Gunther’s heat back after being submitted.

Seth-Punk-Roman angle

This was mundane at first, but the surprised union of Seth, Paul, and Bron Breakker ended the show with a bang.

Quick Results:

  1. Liv and Raquel defeated Lyra and Becky for the tag titles
  2. Stephanie Vaquer defeated Iyo Sky by DQ
  3. Dominik Mysterio defeated Penta

Chronological recap:

The show opened with an extended highlight package on WrestleMania weekend. It was not limited to matches, but all the festivities during the week. Several newspaper headlines were woven into the package as well. As always, their production is state of the art.

John Cena made his way to the ring with his new bare bones entrance. Just his name in black and white with no video. WWE did set off pyro after he entered the ring.

Cena called the ring announcer, who thankfully was not Alicia Taylor, into the ring to read a prepared statement. The poor guy had to apologize to Cena and announced John as the “Last Real World Champion.”

The crowd was mostly cheering Cena, so he lit into them. He asked audience members if they would treat their family the way they had him. John pointed out that this is the night the crowd takes over the show, which led to a “We are sorry” chant. Cena called them lowlifes and said that they were sorry people. He berated them enough until they turned on him.

John pointed out that he signed for thirty-six dates and there were twenty-seven left. He pointed out that meant appearances and not matches. Cena said he does not have to wrestle again. He referred to the belt as the one Bruno and Roman Reigns wore and said it was going away forever.

The crowd was booing Cody again, which John pointed out. He said it was a year ago that they put Cody on their shoulders celebrating his win and now they boo him.

John told the crowd to get out their cameras. He started to pose with the title “for the last time” but Randy Orton popped up behind him and gave him an RKO. The crowd came unglued.

A recap aired of Lyra Valkyria and Becky Lynch winning the tag team titles.

Liv Morgan and Raquel Rodriguez vs. Lyra Valkyria and Becky Lynch – Women’s Tag Titles

Liv jump started the match by attacking Becky. She walked the dog on Lynch. Becky tagged Lyra who quickly turned the tide early on. The two babyfaces dropkicked their opponents as they went to…a commercial break. What happened? They usually cut out for a second but come right back.

I checked during the break, and I should be ad-free. This is annoying. Anyways, the heel’s heat was in the commercial break, so we came back with the babyfaces turning the tables. Lyra had disappeared despite both heels being in and out of the ring. She was not standing on the apron either and no one explained it. She materialized to try for a double superplex, but Liv and Raquel hit powerbombs on the babyfaces. Raquel’s was from the top rope, which popped the crowd.

Everyone was down in the middle of the ring, which allowed Lyra to take over. She hit Nightwing on Raquel in an impressive feat of strength. Liv stopped the pin. Things got chaotic, but Liv hit ObLivion for the win. What was the point of Lyra and Becky winning last night?

Winner: Liv and Raquel

Becky hugged Lyra after the match but then clotheslined her. She then threw some of the fakest punches you will ever see. They were a good foot away from landing. Both women just stood there like they got lost. Lyra was looking at Becky and just waited for Lynch to beat her up some more. Way to make Lyra look pathetic, WWE.

This is a thing now because I had another long commercial break. Thanks for the warning, Netflix.

The team with entrance music as bad as a Travis Scott track, The New Day, were out next.

Xavier Woods asked the crowd to say in unison, “Thank god for the New Day!” They received only a smattering of boos. These guys have gone from volcanic heat to go away heat in a matter of a month.

Alpha Academy’s theme played, and Maxxine did a promo as they walked to the ring. She was surprisingly decent on the mic. She asked for a tag title shot for Otis and Tozawa. The New Day said no, but then Maxxine called them “Minute Men.” What? This enraged The New Day, why? I have no idea.

The arena went dark and out came Rusev!

The New Day ran away, and Rusev beat up the two babyfaces to dwindling heat. This is how they decided to redebut him? Flat, awkward, lame.

Judgement Day were celebrating their titles when Finn walked up. He stood there like a slab of meat with mittens. Finally, he spoke and said, “What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.” We are still teasing a breakup? It is over. Just end it.

Iyo Sky was out next. She gave a big hug to a little girl in the front row. That was nice.

After another commercial break, Iyo was mid-ring and received a nice ovation. She called WrestleMania the best night of her career. She beat the best, so that makes her the best. This caused a “you deserve it!” chant, but really, she earned it.

Iyo spoke briefly in Japanese, which even that popped the crowd. The celebration ended quickly as Stephanie Vaquer’s music played. Another surprise appearance. Hopefully, this one will have more impact than Rusev.

Stephanie congratulated Iyo in English and Spanish. She introduced herself and said she was there to show Iyo respect. The crowd quickly started chanting for Stephanie. She challenged Iyo, which Sky accepted. Iyo said she wanted it right now. This brought Pearce out who made it official. The crowd blew for that announcement.

Stephanie Vaquer vs. Iyo Sky

The crowd began the dualling chants of “La Primera” and “Iyo Sky.” The two women wrestled early with Iyo avoiding most of Vaquer’s offense. Sky waved her finger at Stephanie and gave her the “I’m watching you” hand gesture.

Vaquer finally landed a kick and a splash on the outside of the ring. And we were off to commercial land again.

Once again, Stephanie’s offense was during the break. So as an audience member I have seen Iyo dominate and Stephanie look out of place so far. Sky hit a nice arm drag off the tope rope as she continued to dominate.

Vaquer hit a nasty looking Dragon Screw and a Meteora combo. Stephanie set up her move where she wraps her legs around her opponent’s head and turns them over to smash their head into the canvas. The crowd popped big for that. She had a smirk on her face afterwards because of how over it is.

They went back and forth and had the crowd in the palm of their hands. There were multiple moments when the crowd stopped to give them a round of applause. Out of nowhere, Roxanne jumped Stephanie. Flat, flat finish to that match. Giulia joined them in the ring and they both beat up the babyfaces. I am not sure when Giulia turned heel. Rhea came out for the save. Lame finish.

Winner: Vaquer by disqualification

An extended Jey Uso package aired with video from his childhood through his early career until today. Really well done.

Jey Uso made his way out through the crowd. He took a while to get to the ring as usual. When he finally arrived, he talked about the difficult road he had taken to get there. Then he said he finally did it by tapping out Gunther.

Sami Zayn came out. He hugged Jey. The crowd chanted “Sami Uso.” Zayn said missing the last eight weeks was hard and not being on the WrestleMania card was also difficult. He said he was not going to come to Las Vegas at all, but he had to come to celebrate Jey’s win. Sami asked them to hit Jey’s music.

It was not over yet, though. Jimmy Uso came out next and all three men celebrated in the ring. This segment would not end. I understand making this title win a big deal, but four times through Jey’s entrance theme was too much for me.

They went back to Cathy Kelley interviewing Logan Paul. This has been a long stretch without any action. Then they went to Jackie Redmond with AJ Styles. Karrion Kross showed up too. What does he want? Seriously, he just shows up and says nothing.

Back from another commercial break, Gunther was arguing with Michael Cole. Cole mentioned Gunther tapping out, so Gunther threw Cole’s headset off and shoved him. McAfee intervened and punched Gunther, but eventually Pat was choked out. It was chaos at ringside. The crowd loudly chanted “F— you, Gunther!” followed by a “You tapped out!” chant. Security escorted McAfee away from the ring. Pat stopped at one point and looked like he was going to vomit. They lingered on this for way too long, but it was a good angle.

Back from another commercial break, Joe Tessitore was at the announce table. He reset the show. They went to the back for more video of McAfee acting like he was going to throw up. Cole told Pearce he was not going to let some bully prevent him from announcing the rest of the show.

In a nice touch, Tessitore was not fully dressed for the occasion. He had a dress shirt that was not tucked in and jeans on. He looked like he had rushed out spontaneously.

Dominik Mysterio vs. Penta – Intercontinental Title

After what seemed like an hour of talking, they finally got to another match. Cole said he was surprised that Finn was even out there in Dom’s corner. It does not make sense. They betrayed each other last night, why are we still doing this?

Penta dominated the early part of the match. The Gunther angle loomed over this match, though. Cole continued to sell it by asking for updates on McAfee. Finn tried to interfere but was thwarted by Penta. JD McDonagh showed up out of nowhere to help Dom get the win.

Winner: Dominik Mysterio

Judgement Day celebrated in the aisleway. Short match after endless talking. Okay.

A video package on El Grande Americano aired. Clever work, but this show seemed like it would never end.

Paul Heyman and Seth Rollins came out. Rollins did his usual routine but was quickly interrupted by CM Punk. He walked the dog on Rollins. Then he realized Paul was behind him and momentarily grabbed Heyman, but that allowed Seth to attack from behind.

Heyman took the mic as they were about to go off the air. He said that Rollins is the top star in the industry now. Roman Reigns’ music then hit. He ran into the ring and speared Seth. Then he punched Paul. Reigns set up a spear on Heyman. He was intercepted by…Bron Breakker.

Bron then speared Punk as well and Rollins embraced him. Seth sent Bron to the outside to attack Roman. Breakker speared Roman through the ringside barrier. Bron brought Roman into the ring and held him while Rollins stomped Punk. Then he stomped Roman as well.

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