WWE NXT: A childish, illogical show

Thomas Starr

Punk makes himself special referee for Page vs. Trick.

Last week’s show was boring and stupid. This week’s show one-upped last week. It was unbearable.

Having Ava all over this show was a terrible idea. She is not a good performer and would have been released or never been signed if she was not Rock’s daughter. She is so unnatural. When she does react, she has the affectation of a teenager. But other times, she does not react the way a normal person would react. Like when Page power bombed Trick in front of her. She looked like there was a fly in her glass.

The TNA wrestlers, outside of Hammerstone, do not belong on national TV. Wentz is especially grating with his interview style. The heavy breathing to show “intensity” is like a little kid doing a wrestling promo.

Even the Punk segment was bad. I know he wants to help Roxanne, but the setup made no sense. Roxanne talked incessantly. At the end, Punk announced nothing. He would come out later in the show to announce himself as special referee for the Page vs. Trick match, but it was hard to care after two hours of childishness.

Booker T was the worst part of a bad show. He never stopped talking. The annoying catchphrases made me want to change the channel repeatedly. He does nothing to help anyone get over.

Ethan Page and Trick Williams contract signing

NXT was daring me to turn the channel by starting with Ava on the mic. She announced Sexyy Red will be returning. Okay, that popped me. She is such a disaster on TV, I cannot believe they brought her back. This is the same woman who came out, said the queen mother of curse words, and then randomly twerked in the ring. It was hilarious.

Ethan Page turned babyface, for me at least. He came out and made fun of Booker T’s commentary. Specifically, the obnoxious way he introduces Trick Williams. It is the worst part of this horrible show.

Ava awkwardly held her hands out between the two men who were not anywhere near each other and did not give any indication they were about to go at it. It was a schoolteacher telling two five-year-olds “come on, guys.”

Ethan Page was great here, but Ava’s facial in the back were so distracting. She has no idea what she is doing. Ethan power-bombed Trick through their table and she stood there like someone called her a bad name. She is such a heat killer.

The announcers pointed out that neither man signed the contract. Oh good. We are making this a show-long thing?

Rosemary and Wendy Choo vs. Lyra Valkyria and Tatum Paxley

We go from Ava to this monstrosity. If Booker T is the worst part of this show, and he is, then Rosemary and Wendy Choo are a close second. One of them brings a pillow to the ring and her entrance theme has an alarm clock going off. Her gimmick is she sleeps. That is her gimmick. I am not making that up.

What is with Tatum and Lyra? Tatum stalked Lyra for months. Now they are friends? Girlfriends? I am not sure I would date someone who was stalking me, but their relationship has not been explained or defined. So, who knows?

Rosemary and Tatum started the match by growling at each other. Vic Joseph on Tatum and Lyra: “True friendship can overcome anything.” What? She was stalking her.

Lyra and Tatum are so over the top with the “we are true friends” gimmick. They act like they are a couple of second graders who just became besties.

Booker T said one of the women hit her in the “medulla.” That is part of your brain, Booker. You meant mandible.

Bad match.

Winners: Tatum Paxley and Lyra Valkyria

Lyra held Tatum in her arms after the match. This is embarrassing to watch.

They have made the contract signing a show-long story. So, we had extra helpings of Ava tonight.

No Quarter Catch Crew was in the back and Tavion was touching Myles arms awkwardly. What was that? Charlie said Tavion “made a name for himself in Japan.” He has? He then said Wren needs to make a name for herself too. This woman randomly made a match for Charlie two weeks ago, but now she needs to prove herself?

Tony D’Angelo vs. Hammerstone

Booker T on Hammerstone: “No brrrreaaadddd! No waterrrrr, mannnnnn!” What? What does that mean?

D’Angelo walked out on the match and took the count out. Oba Femi was watching in the back and said, “He is broken.” D’Angelo’s family were in tears.

Winner: Hammerstone

Just when the show was not horrible, Zachary Wentz showed up. He introduced a video of Trey Miguel being beat up by his car. Wentz has the worst delivery of any wrestler. Even Orange Cassidy is not as fake as this guy on promos. He thinks breathing heavy equals intensity. His breathing into the mic was so annoying.

Here was Ava again. Tyrese Haliburton is backstage, and she asks him to get Trick and Ethan to sign the contract. An NBA player is going to do the contract signing. This is garbage.

Eddy Thorpe vs. Ashante “Thee” Adonis

Ashante handed out a rose to a “fan.” Her “boyfriend” next to her is appalled. To recap, Ashante has been talking to Eddy’s friends and Eddy, even though he is not dating any of them, got mad about it. Why does he care? Why would I care? Or anyone else?

Ashante jumped Eddy before the bell, but the ref just separated them and rang the bell. Seriously?

Booker T called Ashante: “The Ashante of the Adonis.” He is so awful. His commentary was unbearable here. I could not follow the action in the ring, because he talked all over Vic and the match. He just would not stop.

Ashante missed a splash and Eddy pinned him. I cannot rate the match because Booker T made it impossible to like anything they did.

Winner: Eddy Thorpe

CM Punk was shown entering the building. Thank goodness.

Nine o’clock hour

Chase U did a video eulogy for “Mr. Chase.” Ridge Holland broke their hearts. This show just gets worse and worse.

CM Punk came out in the first bright spot of the night. Punk said he enjoys the show, but he also scouts the talent. He mentions Lexis King and his beard. That beard is incredible. Ethan Page gets a namedrop too.

Punk said he had an idea for the premiere of NXT on The CW. Before he could announce the idea, Roxanne interrupted him. She is legitimately a huge fan of his. There is a video of her meeting him when she was a teenager and freaking out.

Roxanne said she prefers Punk’s wife. That popped the crowd. She was acting like a babyface fan until she said she should have been a McIntyre fan. Ouch.

Punk sold for her and let her talk, but she went on too long. She had the crowd for a bit, but just kept going. She tried to attach this to Giulia, but the connection between Giulia and Punk is not there.

Punk finally retorted and made a joke about her size. Punk is not that tall, and he towered over her. I do not know if he should have pointed that out.

They set it up for Giulia to come out, but someone missed their cue in the truck. Punk said, “We can talk about Giulia.” Then he had to stand there awkwardly before someone finally hit her music. Giulia came out and said Roxanne had two weeks left. That was it.

That was a bad segment. It was nice to see Punk, but Roxanne thinking he was talking about Giulia made no sense. Then she talked and talked and talked. She seemed to lose where she was in the script too, which led to an awkward pause.

That missed cue by the truck was inexcusable. I know Punk is talking off bulletin points, but he hit his line and then had to stand there swinging in the breeze. Roxanne is incredibly talented, but not everyone can do these types of segments. If they had kept it brief, it would have been better for her.

Wren Sinclair interrupted a Kelani Jordan promo and slapped her. She then ran away screaming like a child. This show is so childish.

The D’Angelo Family did a backstage skit. Tony admitted he was afraid. Great.

No Quarter Catch Crew was awkwardly standing in the entrance way. Not walking to the ring, but just standing there. They looked around a bit and finally got into the ring.

Myles Borne and Tavion Heights vs. Je’Von Evans and Cedric Alexander

The world-famous Tavion Heights, after being made in Japan, was in control early on. He has a nifty arm sleave with Japanese words on it.

After a series of missed moves, Je’Von Evans did a spinning, flipping move and completely missed Myles except he managed to land on the side of his head on Myles’s shoulder. He seemed legitimately hurt afterwards.

A bad match. They are pushing Je’Von, but he is not ready. After that botch, they announced Je’Von is facing Randy Orton on October 8th. I like the idea of Je’Von being in the ring with a veteran, but seriously? Je’Von already looks small, but Randy will expose him. Plus, what has Je’Von done to earn a shot at a hall of famer?

Winners: Je’Von and Cedric

Brooks ran into Shawn Spears, who was sitting around in the loading area. Why? He asked Spears to accompany him to the ring. Again, why?

Dion Lennox vs. Brooks Jensen

The mystery man has been revealed! For two weeks a guy has been telling Brooks Jensen that he is being gaslighted by Shawn Spears. This guy was never identified by anyone on their TV show. Brooks Jensen is so dense that he had to come back last week and ask the mystery man what he meant by gaslighting. This grown man did not know what gaslighting was.

So, this week Brooks has challenged the mystery man to “look for answers.” Okay, so again this grown man is so confused by the word gaslighting that he had to ask the mystery man last week to explain what the word meant. That was not enough, however. This week he challenges him to a match to get an answer. There must be an easier way. And how is this guy going to explain while Brooks is beating him up? This is stupid.

The mystery man is Dion Lennox. That name is so obscure it had never been tagged on this website. And Brooks is so deep, he asked Spears to be his friend.

Brooks wore cargo pants in the ring. What is he going for with this look? Lennox, on the other hand, wore glasses to the ring. Brooks picked up the glasses and that infuriated Lennox. I am guessing Lennox has never heard of Zenni Optical. He must he paying retail for those glasses.

Spears tried to take the glasses; Dion was distracted. Brooks won. Stupid.

Winner: Brooks Jensen

Wes Lee did a twitter promo. He caught Trey “slippin’.” Well, that explains it. He was not attacking him; he was trying to help him up. See, Zach? You were breathing heavy for nothing.

Lola Vice vs. Jacy Jayne

Lola Vice has a legitimate MMA background, but in a backstage segment she threw the worst looking punches in shadowboxing history.

Lola Vice won a short match. Fatal Influence attacked Vice after the match. Jaida Parker made the save. Then Vice screamed at Parker for helping her. Sigh.

Winner: Lola Vice

D’Angelo was sulking in the back. Rizzo came and gave him a pep talk. They have packed six months of storyline in one show. I am not advocating for these backstage skits to continue for months, but Tony losing his will to compete is interesting. It could play out for weeks. Instead, it was resolved tonight.

Tyrese Haliburton was awkwardly walking backstage. He looked like a ‘90s child making a trip to Toys R’ Us before Christmas.

The contract signing

Tyrese Haliburton was in the ring. He has his Indiana Pacer teammates with him. Somehow, he is more natural than Ava. He does not need to be on the mic, though.

WWE tried to make Haliburton into a babyface, but the crowd was not having it. Finally, they signed the contract, and Tyrese said the segment was done. It was a swerve, though, and out came Punk.

Punk placed himself as special referee for Ethan Page vs. Trick Williams. The last five minutes were the only thing worth watching.

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