WWE Clash in Paris: Fatal Four Way in France

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

WWE Clash in Paris: Fatal Four Way in France

It has been a year and a half since World Wrestling Entertainment came to France, and the Last Time is Now as John Cena will face Logan Paul in singles action.

Additionally, Seth Rollins has had a vision, as he cashed in his Money in the Bank contract to defeat CM Punk for the WWE World Heavyweight title. He’s even defended it against all comers like Punk, Jey Uso, and L.A. Knight. Now he’ll face all three in a Fatal Four Way match, and who knows if Rollins has a clear vision or a Plan B to keep the gold around his waist.

From the Paris La Defense Arena in Nanterre, France. Michael Cole and Wade Barrett have the call, as the fans break out in the stadium with colored cards that symbolize the National flag of France. With that, your First Match of the Night is…

Roman Reigns vs. Bronson Reed (with Paul Heyman)

Reed enters with the Oracle and the Jordan “Shoe-a Fala”, The Tribal Thief stole from Reigns, which he adorns on Heyman. Now the Original Tribal Chief enters with the true Ula Fala to a massive pop, and chants of “OTC” ring out in the arena, along with the fans singing, “Roman. Roman Reiiigns. Roman. Roman Reignnnsss.”

You’ve got to love how ultra the French crowd is when channeling chants from the football pitch to the squared circle.

Once the bell rings, they lock up, and it is a classic immovable force versus Original Tribal Chief match. Even the crowd gets into it with “F*** you, Bronson.” Gods, I love the bilingual chants! He mounts Reed in the corner with ten punches and tries to lift him to a Samoan Drop, but collapses under his weight.

Now the Tribal Thief sends him out and shoulder tackles him to the floor, and Reed takes his time. Reigns bounces his head off the ring post, then clears the announcer’s table, but gets knocked down with a clothesline. Aus-zilla gives a World’s Strongest Slam to Reigns for a two count, and Reed is in the driver’s seat, even as Reigns tries to get back on offense to no avail. Reigns fires back, but Reed nails a flash Samoan drop for a count of two. Reed mocks Reigns with the Shoe-a fala, and continues the beating, but it isn’t long until The OTC gets going with a Drive By dropkick from the floor to the ring apron, and he rams Reed’s head into the steel steps.

Now he chambers for the Superman punch, but Reed counters with a uranage to a Senton combo for a near fall. He goes again, but Reed quickly counters with a DVD for a near fall. He sends him out and goes for a tope, but Reigns counters with a Superman punch, followed by another in the ring for a two count.

He goes for a spear, and Reed kicks him in the face and lands a tope suicida on the outside. He rolls the Tribal Chief back in, climbs up for a Tsunami, and there’s no water in the pool coming down. Reigns attempts the spear, and Reed counters with a powerbomb for a close count. He tries for the Tsunami again, but Reigns stops him at the pass, nails another Superman punch, and then a super Samoan drop, then a spear ends it in three.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Roman Reigns

After the match, Heyman stands over Reed, and Reigns stalks him. He pleads his case, and even Paris agrees, “You f***ed up”, as they say in Perfect f***ing French. He gingerly hands the shoes back, and Reigns acknowledges his former Wise Man by giving Heyman a guillotine choke.

Then he stands on the announcer’s table, signs his shoes, and tosses them to the crowd. But during the celebration, Bronn Breakker appears and spears Reigns into the table, as officials try to get him out.

As they try to escort him out and head back, Breakker gives another spear and tells Reigns he is in his way, and he rolls back in the ring, and Reed is back and delivers the Tsunami on a prone Tribal Chief. Satisfied with their handiwork, Reigns is then placed on a stretcher, only for Reed to hit another Tsunami, but Jey Uso runs out to chase them off, but the damage was done, and Breakker spears him, putting his title match in jeopardy. They finally wheel him out to fans chanting, “Merci. Bon Chance.”

We then see Jelly Roll and Post Malone in the audience, and we cut to RAW GM Adam Pearce laying down the law, tossing Reed and Breakker out of the arena. He emphasizes that if they’re in the building and interfere again, they will be suspended without pay.

Huh. Can you feel the “Raw on Netflix” vibes here, or is it just me?

So how do you top that?

With a smoke show for the…

WWE SmackDown Tag Team Championship: The Wyatt Sicks (Dexter Lumis and Joe Gacy) (c) vs. The Street Profits (Angelo Dawkins and Montez Ford)

Dawkins and Ford come out to Borderlands 4 style masks (and they are sponsors for this PLE)

The Profits aren’t on the same page as Dawkins’ gestures (broadly), he’s got next despite Frod’s insistence.

Gacy can’t get anything started, so Lumis tags in. A stiff tag by Ford, and he gives the smoke. He cartwheels while Lumis drag crawls up to him, which makes me miss Bray Wyatt even more (yeah yeah yeah).

The Profits finally get on the same page until Gacy distracts, and that allows Lumis to knock Ford to the outside. Now the Sicks cut the ring in half as Ford is a Profit in Peril from pillar to post (say that three times fast, folks). Ford reverses a suplex on th apron edge to Gacy, and gets the hot tag to Dawkins, and he is en Fuego with a huge Return on Investment for this Profit.

Dawkins lands a huge Swanton, but only gets a two count. A headbutt to Dawkins, andGacy and Lumis connect with a backdrop/ neckbreaker combo, getting a count of two. Ford goes up the high rent district, and then Gacy knocks off Dawkins and Lumis crotches him on the top rope. Ford pushes off, but Gacy is back. Tag by Dawkins, and the Profits nail a blockbuster/electric chair combo to cover, but Lumis breaks the count. Ford for a frog splash misses the mark, and from there it’s a Pier Four brawl, as the other Wyatt Sicks member gets involved like Eric Rowan and Nikki Cross. Ford launches onto the other Wyatt Sick members and tosses Lumis back in the ring. Cross grabs Ford as he tries to get back in the ring, and Uncle Howdy delivers Sister Abigail on the other half of The Street Profits.

They roll him in, and Lumis and Gacy with a powerbomb backdrop combo allow them to retain the tag titles.

Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still WWE SmackDown Tag Team Champions: The Wyatt Sicks

Let’s head back for more title action, and the women have next for the…

WWE Women’s Intercontinental Championship: Becky Lynch (c) vs. Nikki Bella

Lynch is seriously taking her entrance gear fashion cues from her man, Rollins. Also, this is Bella’s first Intercontinental title match after a decorated career. The Paris crowd seems less into the match than they are getting themselves over with their futbol chants. Even I know when things feel like this might be a slog, so allow me the first Squared Circle Clerihew™:

*Ahem*

The Man has come around

Just to slap Bella to the ground.

While this match had a few spotty moves that tripped them up,

Lynch lets Bella know she can’t match her groove and gets the win with a rollup.

Your Winner, and Still WWE Women’s Intercontinental Champion: Becky Lynch

Meanwhile, Uso is being tended to backstage after trying to help his cousin Reigns. RAW GM Adam Pearce asks how he’s doing, and Uso vows to bring back the championship tonight. Yeet!

We see UFC fighter Morgan Charièrre in the crowd, but now it’s time for a Donnybrook match between…

Sheamus vs. Rusev

Seriously, why not call this a street fight, or even a Paris Street Fight for the matter? Bigger question: Is it me, or could this match have been an email…or an episode of Smackdown?

Not me?

Good. Then know I feel justified doing a Haiku in Review™:

*Ahem*

Weapons utilized

With hard-hitting action. Yet

Rusev overcomes.

Your Winner via Submission with a Shillelagh: Rusev

We see Georgie Farmer from Wednesday for the obligatory Netflix shoutout.

Now for a match someone asked for…

John Cena vs. Logan Paul

Fans in attendance have signs that read, “Logan Paul est un parasite!” Plus, there are huge chants for Cena, and a monster pop when his music hits as the crowd in France attempts to rap to the lyrics. There is even a fan with a sign that says “The Last Time is my First Time!”

That is an awesome response for Cena to cherish, and I’m sure he appreciates everything the fans are giving him.

Which brings me to the other side of this equation, so allow me an…

(Author’s Rant: I refuse to give Paul any more column inches than he’s worth. Don’t get me wrong, folks. I do love Cena, but my pettiness towards Paul overrides my wanting to cover this match fully, since there’s nothing good about who he is or what he does. Therefore, we are long overdue for a Lucid Luchador Limerick in Review™.)

*Ahem*

Cena is here to teach Paul respect,

Who channels the Power of Douchenozzlery (I mean, seriously, what did you expect?)

Paul is in control throughout the match

Which has little to no panache.

But it’s Cena winning with an Attitude Adjustment, which is just perfect.

Your Winner via Pinfall: John Cena

Cena celebrates with his wife in the front row, Jelly Roll, and bids au revoir to the fans, including the kid he badmouthed during his “heel” turn.

Barrett says that Paul has earned respect, and if you think otherwise, you are dead inside.

To that I say…yeah, maybe.

It’s hard work being Brown and belligerent. But I maintain there is little about his character as a human that endears me. As a performer, he is talented. As a human…he’s got a lot of work ahead of him before I will deign to acknowledge him.

Cole acknowledges the move from ESPN and thanks Peacock for the platform. So for those of you in the United States, this is the last time you get to (as we say on TV TAN PODCAST, The Only TV Podcast That Matters™) “flock to the ‘cock.”

Jackie Redmond is backstage and stops Rollins and asks how he will prepare tonight. Rollins stops her and assures her he is two steps ahead. He reminds her he won at Wrestlemania, and he will remind everyone why he is a visionary, a revolutionary, and he will show everyone he is Seth “Freakin’” Rollins

Philippe Chéreau is out to announce the house numbers, which are apparently more than Taylor Swift’s last concert. I doubt that, but…C’est la vie.

Therefore, Mesdames et Messeiurs (as I say in perfect f***ing French), your Main Event is a…

Fatal Four-Way Match for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Seth Rollins (c) vs. CM Punk vs. Jey Uso vs. LA Knight

Barrett makes it clear Cole has no rhythm when trying to Yeet, and he’s just saying what we’re all thinking. Uso’s ribs are taped up, and that can play a factor in the match. Fans were hot for all four men’s entrance themes, especially Punk and Rollins.

Ring Announcer Alicia Taylor gives the boxing style intros, and once the bell rings, Punk kicks Uso out of the ring, and Rollins rolls out to avoid any blowback. Knight and Punk start, and they unload with blows. Rollins picks his spot when he knocks out Knight and a punk, but gets a Uso splash for a two count. He goes for a tope, and Punk cuts him off at the pass. Rollins pulls out Punk and sends him into the crowd, and connects with a high knee lift to Uso. Then he and Knight punch out Rollins with “Yeet!/YeaHHH!” jabs, and then Uso gets a rollup for two.

Rollins comes back with a hip attack on Knight and yells that he doesn’t need anybody. Now, all three get up and give a Vision of Pain to The Architect.

Knight and Punk and Uso team up on Rollins, and then, taking a page out of the Dudleys, Punk tells Jey to “Get the Tables!” They go outside to set it up, and then Uso superkicks Punk and Knight, and he gives chase to Rollins in the crowd.

All four men brawl into the Parisian crowd, and Punk throws Rollins in the ring and hits a crossbody. He’s in control and hits the running knee lift and signals for the GTS. Rollins squirms out, and Punk is kicked by Uso. Now all four men are unloading with the heavy artillery, and Rollins nails a buckle bomb to Knight for a two count, and he goes up top for a frog splash to Uso for another near fall. Rollins badmouths Knight, calling him yesterday’s news as he stomps him in the corner. Knight fires back at the champ, and gives a side Russian Legsweep, then he slams Uso and Punk and hits the big elbow on Rollins, but can’t cover as Uso kicks him to break the count.

He favors his ribs as the match goes on, and Uso climbs up the top turnbuckle, but Rollins cuts him off at the pass. Then he, Knight, and Punk hit a Tower of Doom, and Punk covers Knight for another count of two.

Punk tries to legsweep Rollins to the table on the outside, but The Architect hangs on for dear life. They jockey for position, and Punk gets his eyes raked, and then Knight shoves Punk to the table, which half breaks. Then he nails the BFT to Rollin for one, two…Uso breaks the count at the last second.

Now, Uso and Knight trade “Yeet!/YeaHHH” punches, but the Megastar gets the upper hand and bounces Main Event’s head off the French announce table, followed by Rollins. He goes for a big elbow on Rollins outside, but fends off Uso, and launches, but he misses and breaks the French announce table in a classic crash and burn.

Uso dives to Rollins, then he throws him in the ring, and goes for a splash, but just pulls up at the last second. He attempts a spear, and Rollins counters with a flash Pedigree for a near fall. An Uso splash nails Rollins to cover, but Punk breaks it up with a big elbow, and then makes Uso Go To Sleep, but Rollins breaks it up with a big stomp for a close two count.

Rollins jaw jacks at Punk and wants him to go away. He grabs a chair and then stomps Uso and Knight outside. Rollins opens the chair, sets Punk’s head in between, and goes for a stomp, but misses, and the chair collapses on his leg. Punk has him on his shoulders for the GTS, until he gets a shot in the…err, little Punks by a masked individual, who turns out to be Becky Lynch. Rollins with a stomp, and he gets the pin in one, two, and three.

Your Winner, and Still WWE World Heavyweight Champion: Seth Rollins

Rollins and Lynch celebrate getting one over on all three men as the show draws to a close.

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