WWE Backlash 2025: The Last Time is Not Now

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

WWE Backlash 2025: The Last Time is Not Now
Courtesy of WWE.

It’s been a month since WrestleMania, and John Cena holds the top prize in the WWE Undisputed Championship. Randy Orton has always been a thorn in the side of Cena, and he wants to usurp the title in his hometown of St. Louis. Can the Apex Predator ensure The Last Time is Now for Cena?

We will see as we come from the Enterprise Center in St. Louis, MO.

As Michael Cole and Wade Barrett have the call, your First Match for this PLE is…

Fatal Four-Way match for the WWE United States Championship: Jacob Fatu (c) vs. LA Knight vs. Damian Priest vs. Drew McIntyre

As all four stare down, things escalate as Knight and Fatu are in the ring while Priest and McIntyre are outside, battering each other. Then Knight takes it to everyone, and he goes for an elbow, but Priest blocks him. Fatu comes back, and Priest/Knight nail him with a high-low, and then they throw Fatu to the post. McIntyre comes back in with a series of neckbreakers, and everyone gets in their offense. Priest goes outside and receives a Samoan drop by Fatu to the outside. Then Fatu and McIntyre eyeball each other, get in the ring, and they slug it out. Now, Barret goes “Yadadamean” and I have to say…

Stop. Just stop.

In any case, all four men brawl, but when Knight gets Fatu on the commentary desk, Solo Sikoa interferes. As he does out of the ring to discuss the matter, Jeff Cobb comes out and decimates Knight.

Fatu eyeballs both Sikoa and Cobb and then goes in with a hip check and a moonsault for the three count.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Jacob Fatu

After the match, Fatu blows past Sikoa and Cobb, and that cannot be good…or it’s an episode of SmackDown.

Now for the…

WWE Women’s Intercontinental Championship: Lyra Valkyria (c) vs. Becky Lynch

Some shoving early on, and Lynch takes it to the upstart. They have a nice back and forth inside and outside the ring, and then Lynch even gets in the grill of Valkyria’s partner in the front row.’

Valkyria comes back at The Man to no avail, and Lynch loosens a turnbuckle. Valkyria finds a second wind while avoiding the corner as Lynch tries to force her into the corner. Valkyria hits the Nightwing pin but gets a two count. They both go for a series of near falls, and a roll-up allows Valkyria to retain.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Lyra Valkyria

Lynch is upset by the result and gets Valkyria in the Dis-Arm-her as the refs try to break it off.

Jerk.

But let’s get to the…

WWE Intercontinental Championship: Dominik Mysterio (c) vs. Penta

Let’s face it, Penta’s intro music is on fire, especially since the guitarist from TOOL got involved.

Of course, I like this version of Penta since he is a…

In any case, the short version is that Penta is in control for most of the match until Grande Americano interferes and Mysterio retains with a frog splash

Your Winner via Pinfall: Dominik Mysterio

Now for a match SOMEBODY cares about, it’s…

Pat McAfee vs. Gunther

McAfee comes out in an Indianapolis Colts Jersey, and Cole says he’ll be biased in his career when calling this match.

Oh, please.

That said, I do want to give this match its due when I start in a…

(Author’s Rant: There are two times I will support anyone from Austria. First is Arnold Schwarzenegger. Second is Gunther. That said, there is nothing good that comes from a name like Adolph.)

Now, I’m sure you want me to get to the match. Since is don’t give a toss about it, enjoy this…

As for my feelings about this, here is my patented Lucid Luchador Limerick in Review™:

*ahem*

Gunther does not act aloof

As he attacks McAfee, who is nothing if not a goof.

He chops him around

And Gunther keeps knocking him down,

But a sleeper makes McAfee go to sleep and then… poof!

Your Winner via Submission: Gunther

After the match, Gunther shows respect to McAfee

Next, we get some Karate Kid Legends trailers…

I gotta say, on a scale of one to Cobra Kai…this takes the cake.

Then again, I am part of The Only TV Podcast That Matters™!

But let’s get back to the ring as the fans chant for Randy, and then it’s time for the Main Event for the…

Undisputed WWE Championship: John Cena (c) vs. Randy Orton

First, let’s sing along to Randy’s song

Next, enjoy the “Let’s go Cena/Cena Sucks” chants.

Once we get the Alicia Taylor boxing style intros, it’s time for…

What? A call from my friend?

Well, kinda sorta. Since my friend’s wife from work asked how I felt about Cena/Orton, I responded that this was a glorified SmackDown episode in many ways. After I learned some gummies were involved, I tried to get into this recap until my other best friend tried (horribly) to explain why Pabst Blue Ribbon would be the Blood of Christ in addition to Chicago Deep Dish Pizza in honor of Pope Leo XIV.

Personally, I feel this should be a hymn for any future Sunday Mass moving forward…

What, you wanted the results still?

Fine.

The short version is this: Orton heard the voices in his head and went for the kill until R-Truth got in his way. One RKO later, Cena took advantage with a low blow and a title shot, and he gets the win in one, two, and three.

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