Tons of action but not a lot of title changes on AEW Collision and Battle of the Belts VIII (and Rampage)

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

Tons of action but not a lot of title changes on AEW Collision and Battle of the Belts VIII (and Rampage)
Courtesy of AEW.

It’s Saturday night, and it’s still alright for fighting (just not in Israel. At all. Seriously). All Elite Wrestling has a big show that will have Big Bill and Ricky Starks defend the AEW World Tag Team titles against the Blackpool Combat Club, but later tonight will be the eighth edition of The Battle of the Belts.

But let’s start with your…

Rapid Rampage Review

No rhymes on this one (you’ll see why in a second), but let’s get the basics out of the way, starting with…

Mistico defeated Rocky Romero

  • This was a two-out-of-three-falls Match
  • It was a CMLL Middleweight versus Welterweight match, and Romero displayed a passion that fans hadn’t seen in a long time
  • Not sure how this partnership works, since some of AEW’s roster competes from time to time with AAA.

John Silver defeated Kip Sabian versus Brother Zay in a three-way match for a number one contendership for the AEW International Championship

  • Moving along.

Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta defeated Bryan Keith and Exodus Prime

  • Still moving along.

Ruby Soho beat Skye Blue

  • After the match, Saraya and Soho started to spray paint Blue until Kris Statlander made the save.
  • Blue did not want any part of her help and walked away from the TBS champion.

Got it? Good. So let’s head to…

AEW Collision

We come to you from the FedEx Forum in Memphis, TN. Nigel McGuinness, Kevin Kelly, and Tony Schiavone have the call as the First Match of the night is…

Courtesy of AEW.

Bryan Danielson vs. Andrade El Idolo

Early on the Memphis fans bust out the “This is Awesome!” chants as both men feel each other out, and Andrade quickly gets the American Dragon in a Gory Special to lean down to a near fall, and then both men go back and forth with quick pin attempts. Each man goes move for countermove and are giving no quarter. Danielson manages a takedown to a Bow and Arrow submission, but Andrade quickly gets out. Andrade attempts the Figure Four and Danielson escapes as well. At one point, Danielson sends him to the ropes and Andrade is Tranquilo.

Andrade follows after and Danielson rams his shoulder into the ring post and follows up with a knee strike from the apron. During Picture in Picture, Danielson throws him back in the ring and really tries to break his arm to take away the hammerlock DDT finish. Andrade chops with the right hand, but Danielson keeps focusing on the bad wing, and at one point he stomps on the elbow joint. Andrade comes back with a flying elbow and then a springboard dropkick, and finishes with a moonsault to the outside. He sends Danielson back in and nails a split-legged moonsault for a two count. Andrade sets him up top, but Danielson fights out and topples him and then connects with a missile dropkick. Now he lights up El Idolo with kicks to his chest and Andrade catches his leg and quickly goes for the dragon screw leg whip to cover for a count of two. On the third attempt, Danielson catches him and goes for the LeBelle Lock but Andrade gets out of the hold. He goes for stomps to Danielson’s chest followed by running knees and Andrade gets another two count. He slams him and then goes up top for a moonsault, but Danielson moves, and El Idolo attempts a standing moonsault but the American Dragon gets both knees up to his chest and cinches the LeBelle lock again. Andrade positions himself and reverses to a Figure Four, and then arches his back to the Figure Eight, and Danielson reaches the bottom ropes to break the hold. Once again, both men try to one-up the other in a series of near falls and Danielson finally gets a crucifix pin for the three count.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Bryan Danielson

After the match, both men shake hands and then the Forum goes dark. Once the lights come up, Malakai Black is in the ring and gives Danielson the Black Mass. Before BCC can rush out for the save, the Forum goes dark again and Black is gone.

I smell a feud a-brewing.

Darby Allin took a tooth from Nick Wayne after he sided with Christian Cage, and he promises to take more from him once he gets better.

And now for more drama in the ring, here’s…

Skye Blue vs. Hollyhood Haley

This is apparently the Collision debut for Haley, who fans know from the Netflix docuseries Wrestlers (which you should check out our review).

This is a one-sided affair, to be sure, and by all rights, I should haiku this squash match of Blue and Haley, except…I’m actually very interested. She looks to be working stiff on Hollyhood and I like this mean streak of Blue. In any case, Haley tries to get in some offense but a kick in the corner and then she transitions into a powerbomb and Blue finishes things up with a roll-up sunset flip for the pin and the win.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Skye Blue

Nothing like a woman with a chip on her shoulder to get fans interested.

As for things that are somewhat interesting, here’s…

The Gunn Club (Austen and Colten Gunn, with Jay White) vs. The Outrunners (Turbo Floyd and Truth Magnum)

Huh. That’s three wrestlers from OWV getting TV time in as many minutes. Let’s hear it for the Netflix bump.

As for the match? NOW let’s lick off your Haiku In Review™:

*ahem*

Truth and Turbo try

To Outrun the Gunns, but Bang

Bang Gang go Gunns Up!

Your Winners via Pinfall: The Gunn Club

White gets on the mic to cheer The Gunns on their win and states he will hang onto the AEW World Heavyweight championship once he beats MJF. As all three men get ready to go Gunn’s Up, the Forum goes black again, and now a person wearing The Devil mask appears on the Khan ‘Tron. Everyone assumes MJF, but it’s enough to get White spooked.

Lexy Nair is with Orange Cassidy along with Kris Statlander. Before she can ask him a question, Statlander picks Nair up for a last-minute pump before the Battle of the Belts

Say what you will, Statlander is creative when getting her workouts in.

Speaking of creativity, we head back to the ring as it is adorned with plunder, picnic tables, and all sorts of weaponry. Memphis announcing legend Dave Brown joins at commentary for this…

Courtesy of AEW.

Memphis Street Fight: Eddie Kingston vs. Jeff Jarrett (with Sanjay Dutt, Satnam Singh, Jay Lethal, and Karen Jarrett)

In case you missed it, Jarrett challenged the ROH Champion to this fight with the stipulation being if he wins, Jay Lethal gets a shot at the title. Jarrett is decked in his wrestling gear whereas Kingston comes out in street clothes and he is ready for a fight as he fends off Lethal and Dutt. There is nothing pretty about this match as Jarrett drags Kingston to the picnic table and unloads on him. He then dismantles the guardrails and throws it at the ROH champ. Kingston grabs some condiments and Jarrett gets ketchup and mustard sprayed in his face. He props him on the table until Karen claws his eyes and Lethal nails him with a cutter from the top of the ramp through the table.

Jarrett continues his assault with pieces of the table and Kingston is bleeding from his forehead. Jarrett gets ready with more plunder but Kingston comes back with a trash can and proceeds to…

Ads (I would normally be upset if it wasn’t for the fact that I was watching the Utah vs USC game. As a proud alum of the University of Utah, I want them to go on a high note before they head to the Big XII and I see…they went to ads, too! Argh, you Truck Monkey Bastards!!!)

We come back and Jarrett is whacking away at Kingston with a lead pipe to his knee and grabs the trash can for more damage. Then he has The Figure Four locked in the center of the ring (woo!), and Kingston flips him off and starts swinging at his head. He fights through the pain and turns Jarrett over to make his release the submission and then rolls away from a Lethal attack. Kingston is on fire and back fists Jarrett to cover but Lethal breaks the count. Kingston launches Lethal with a half-and-half suplex and then clocks Singh with Jarrett’s guitar. Double J sneaks up from behind and lands The Stroke for one, two… nope. Pretty soon the odds stack up against the Mad King as Jarrett and company quadruple teamed with a choke slam by Singh, then a Lethal Injection, and now Jarrett gets the win.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Jeff Jarrett

Now that he got the Title shot for Lethal, Jarrett and company strut their stuff in the ring after the win.

Nair is backstage with The Acclaimed, and they’ve held the Trios titles for 55 days and want to make it 56 after they beat Garcia, Parker, and Daddy Magic. As for Max Caster, he really needs to curb his selective Tourette’s.

“Hot and Flexible” CJ is out, just in time for…

Courtesy of AEW.

Miro vs. Action Andretti

Miro just stares at CJ and I gotta say on a scale of one to Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, that has to be one interesting marriage dynamic. But, I’d just as soon not want to get slapped anytime soon for my comments.

As for me doing this Haiku in Review™? Eh, I’ll take it on a case-by-case basis.

*ahem*

Andretti soon feels

The Redeemer. CJ is

Happy, and Game Over.

Your Winner via Submission: Action Andretti

Nair now has Daniel Garcia, Angelo Parker, and Daddy Magic, and she asks if they squashed the beef. Anna Jay grabs the mic and claims they are professional and on the same page. Garcia wants to dance, but everyone is tired of him doing that. As they walk away, Soho comes in and she and Parker get into an exchange, and their different dysfunctions; Soho commenting on his team’s disarray, and Parker commenting on Soho’s lack of a title. As she glares, Soho promises she will succeed over Hikaru Shida this Wednesday on AEW Dynamite.

Riiiiiiight.

There is a video promo of Rush with La Faccion Ingobernable and he wants the TV time, even though he is “too dangerous.”

Kingston is getting stitched up but he cuts a promo calling Lethal Jarrett’s “little bitch.” He states he lost his way, and when he comes for his title and his parents are in attendance, Kingston says he’ll feel bad not for what he’s going to do to him, but for them seeing how far Lethal has fallen.

Next up is tag team action with…

FTR (Cash Wheeler and Dax Harwood) vs. Bad Thad Brown and Darian Bengston

Yeah, I barely have that much interest in the match, so enjoy this Lamb and Butternut Squash recipe instead because…

Your Winners via Pinfall: FTR

Once again, the lights go out in the Forum and then Malakai Black is in the ring. The lights flicker out and, then the lights come back on and Brody King and Buddy Matthews join Black, and The House of Black is back as they demolish FTR.

Jim Ross now joins at ringside for the Main Event of AEW Collision, and it’s for the…

Courtesy of AEW.

AEW World Tag Team Championship: Ricky Starks & Big Bill (c) vs. Claudio Castagnoli and Wheeler Yuta

This is the first shot by the Blackpool Combat Club for tag team gold, and Castagnoli and Yuta look fired up. As the bell rings, Starks jogs around the ring using stall tactics. Once he gets series in the ring, Yuta showcases his technical prowess. Once he tags in Bill, Yuta decides instead of tagging in Castagnoli that he wants to stay in the fight. Well, Bill just manhandles Yuta and then isolates him in the corner. He and Starks cut him off from his side and Yuta is a Combatant in Peril. At one point Yuta is knocked hard to the outside he hits his shoulder on the guardrails and Starks adds injury to insult by damaging it some more throwing him into the barriers. Yuta crawls to the corner, but Starks distracts Castagnoli from the tag and Bill keeps up the punishment. He throws him to the corner and Bill misses a splash as Yuta ducks away. He finally gets the hot tag and Castagnoli is a Swiss Cyborg en Fuego. After multiple clotheslines in the corner, Castagnoli walks the top rope to add insult to Stark and then drops him down.

(Author’s Note: Somewhere, a Deam Man is smiling)

Castagnoli has his leg hooked and Starks escapes his Big Swing. He follows outside and lands running European uppercuts on Starks and Bill. During Picture in a picture, he takes the fight to Starks and sets him up top the turnbuckle. He goes for superplex but Bill holds his legs. Yuta attacks Bill and Castagnoli nails the offensive move and locks in a crossface as Starks fights out of the hold and manages to escape the submission. Castagnoli can’t quite put him away and goes for The Neutralizer, but Starks backs him into the corner and Bill blind tags as Starks hits a tornado DDT and Bill finishes with a big boot and gets a two count. Castagnoli and Yuta double team as well with an assisted missile dropkick for a two count on Bill, and Yuta attempts a deadlift suplex on the big man but can’t achieve it. He elbows his head, but Starks distracts Yuta until a lariat by Bill almost decapitates him and covers for another two count. Yuta somehow manages a Samoan drop and brings in Castagnoli who nails Starks with a clothesline. He signals for it, and he and Yuta hit the Giant Swing/dropkick combo to cover and Bill breaks the count. He goes for a double chokeslam and the Blackpool Combat Club members fight out. Before they can take advantage the House of Black comes out to interfere. As the ref tries to restore order, Starks nails Yuta with a spear and delivers the RoShamBo for the count of one, two, and three.

Your Winners, and Still AEW World Tag Team Champions: Ricky Starks and Big Bill

After the match, all three members of The House of Black stare down the champs and then triple team on Yuta. Danielson comes in for the save but they beat him down just as quickly. Now FTR joins the fray but Starks and Bill align themselves with The House of Black. All looks bleak until the riffs of Wild Thing play, and Jon Moxley is back and it is bedlam.

Once the dust settles, The House and Big Bill retreat. Starks is still in the ring and FTR give him the Shatter Machine for his troubles as we go to…

Battle of the Belts VIII

Before we get started on the third hour, I think you and I need to have a heart-to-heart…

(Author’s Rant: I would like to cover this as an important event. I really do, if I thought for one second there would be a title change. But like the old saying goes, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me seven times, I really need to lighten up the drinking to pay attention to the hackneyed booking.”

That said, here’s what’s going to happen. Until there is an actual Honest-To-Crom title change on these shows, I vow to cover the portion of the matches on this show in limerick form.

Hey, at least it’s not a Haiku.)

Let’s return back to the ring, where Cassidy is making his entrance, and he shoulder taps Moxley who’s already running hot.

We’ll have to address that later because your First Match of the Night is for the…

Courtesy of AEW.

AEW International Championship: Orange Cassidy(c) vs. John Silver (with Alex Reynolds)

Let the poetry commence.

*ahem*

John Silver is Very Hungee

Because he wants the gold to a certain degree.

Cassidy May fool around,

But he found a way to beat Silver down

And he retains with an Orange Punch, you see.

Your Winner, and Still AEW International Champion: Orange Cassidy

Lexy Nair is speaking with Andrade El Idolo on his close win against Bryan Danielson. Before he can respond, CJ enters and says he could be the best with her managing him. He’s thinking about it, but that might be hazardous to his health. Just ask Andretti.

Because someone wants this, Tony Nese and “Smart” Mark Sterling run down the Memphis crowd as they say they deserve a title shot for the …

Ring Of Honor Television Championship: Samoa Joe(c) vs. Tony Nese (with “Smart” Mark Sterling)

*ahem*

There once was a man named Nese

Who claimed to be a Premier Athlete, to say the least.

Joe came down full of bluster

And dropped Nese with a musclebuster

Because Somoa Joe is a wrestling beast.

Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still ROH Television Champion: Samoa Joe

After the match, Joe gets on the mic and calls out MJF. He says he will get the gift of the AEW World Heavyweight championship match. Joe says it can go one of two ways; MJF can give it or he’ll take it.

I thought we had that match at the AEW Grand Slam…but, whatever.

Now we have women’s action for the…

Courtesy of AEW.

AEW TBS Championship: Kris Statlander(c) vs. Willow Nightingale

Willow is displaying the same eye makeup as Skye Blue after the mist attack by Julia Hart, but she does not have the same demeanor as Blue of late. I do like how both these individuals match up in the ring. Shame I have to do this as a limerick, but I gotta commit to the bit.

*ahem*

Statlander pulls out all the stops this hour

As she takes it to The Babe with The Power.

Nightingale shows an aggressive streak

And there’s no indication in this match that she is meek.

But a 450 splash by Statlander ends the match, and Blue comes in very sour.

Your Winner via Pinfall, and Still AEW TBS Champion: Kris Statlander

Statlander offers her hand, and Nightingale is exhausted until Blue tells her not to do it. She congratulates the champ and walks away while Blue glowers at her and then at the champ.

Nair talks to Cassidy, and he challenges Danielson and Moxley to a fight in Philadelphia against him and Kaizuchika Okada.

Uhh yes, please!

And this final match of the Battle culminates with the…

AEW Trios Championship: The Acclaimed (Max Caster, Anthony Bowens, and “Daddy Ass” Billy Gunn)(c) vs. “Daddy Magic” Mike Menard, “Cool Hand” Angelo Parker, and Daniel Garcia (with Jake Hager and Anna Jay)

Grizz, the Memphis Grizzlies mascot comes down the ramp with The Acclaimed and that leads Gunn to proclaim this is the first time they ever “scissored a bear.”

I tell ya, I can’t make half this stuff up. I just wish I could make up the end of this match, but, oh well.

*ahem*

Fans certainly love The Acclaimed,

Especially Grizz, who in Memphis is so famed.

Menard and Parker look to get things handled

While Garcia’s dancing almost has been saddled,

But Caster and Bowens hit their finish for a main event that felt tame.

Your Winners via Pinfall, and Still AEW Trios Champions: The Acclaimed

As The Acclaimed celebrate with the fans, Garcia, Menard, Parker, and company look at each other dumbfoundedly as to what went wrong as the show fades to black.

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