The Poetry of professional wrestling on AEW Collision

Tommy "Milagro" Martinez

The Poetry of professional wrestling on AEW Collision
Courtesy of AEW.

It’s Saturday night, and it’s all right for fighting. So you know what that means?

Yes, watching INSIDE THE NBA is a slog. It’ll transition to ESPN, if you care about that sort of thing. At least for the moment

For now, we will see who moves on to the ALL IN PPV, and things in the forbidden door open wide with the stars of CMLL & La Facción Ingobernable.

Not like they’re trying to counterprogram any other wrestling promotions.

*ahem*

But for now, as we come off the Double or Nothing PPV, we come to you from the El Paso Center in El Paso, TX. Nigel McGuinness and Tony Schiavone have the call, and the First Match of the Night is a…

AEW International Championship Contender Tournament: Claudio Castagnoli vs. Komander ( with Alex Abrahantes)

Oh, and if it’s been a while, know that all the matches will be recapped by a lot of Poetry. Starting with your first Haiku in Review™:

*Ahem*

Castagnoli Is

Too powerful. Komander

Fights and gets beaten.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Claudio Castagnoli

We get a recap of the beef between “Hangman” Adam Page and Swerve Strickland and how Will Ospreay tried to play peacemaker. Despite those best efforts, things got heated backstage as Renee Paquette attempted to get in a word with the latter two individuals.

But we head back to the ring between…

Konosuke Takeshita and RPG Vice ( Trent Berretta and Rocky Romero) vs. Tomohiro Ishii and Paragon (Kyle O’Reilly and Roderick Strong)

Again, this can only be handled by poetry, so here is your Squared Circle Clerihew™

*ahem*

It’s such a schmozz in the ring

Just to see who will be tops in the thing.

But Beretta goes low,

And Takeshita hits Ishii with a falcon arrow.

Your Winners via Pinfall: Konosuke Takeshita and RPG Vice

Now for a title match, and it is for the…

AEW Continental Championship: Kazuchika Okada(c) vs. Anthony Bowens ( with Billy Gunn)

Because this is a title match, it deserves a Lucid Luchador Limerick in Review™:

*ahem*

Bowens and Okada go to war

And they work stiff, so they’re both sore.

Okada can’t put him away,

But he finally gets Bowens knocked out (Hey!),

Because, bitch, he is the Rainmaker.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Kazuchika Okada

Lexy Nair is backstage with “Daddy Magic” Matt Menard and Daniel Garcia after their tough loss on Dynamite. Magic starts giving some tough love until Don Callis says he needs to be part of their team. Garcia ain’t art of it, and he says to think on it.

Schiavone in the ring with FTR and Stokely Hathaway. At Double or Nothing, they state that they proved they are the best tag team alive. Wheeler gives McGuinness an “A” for effort, but a “D” for his execution. They go on to challenge anyone south of the border, and that prompts “Culero” chants in the El Paso crowd. There are bigger plans with bigger stars for FTR, says Harwood. They promise to kick their ass.

That brings out Atlantis Jr. and Tenplarioand after some name-calling calling they rain down some blows

We then see what took place on AEW Dynamite between Mercedes Moné and “Timeless” Toni Storm ahead of their ALL IN PPV match and why haven’t you bought it yet?!@

Regardless, let’s go back to the ring between…

Mina Shirakawa vs. Skye Blue

I want to care about this match, as well as all the matches. Since the Booker Monkeys™ make it hard for me to do so, here is your latest Haiku in Review:

*ahem*

Mina has “Gravure;”

Blue falls to the ‘Driver

And is close to Storm.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Mina Shirakawa

After the match, Julia Hart ambushed Shirakawa, but Toni Storm came to the rescue.

Now for your Squash Match of the Night between…

The Gates of Agony vs. GMO Kaminari and Cosmo Orion

Can you smell the Squash? I can.

So enjoy this Grilled Yellow Squash recipe because it will be more enticing than this match.

Oh, and before you ask…

Your Winners via Pinfall: The Gates of Agony

Meanwhile, Max Caster gets a group to get behind why he is the Greatest Wrestler Alive

Now for something we hope you really like, back in the ring it’s….

La Facción Ingobernable (Rush, Dralistico and Beast Mortos) vs. AR Fox and Top Flight (Darius and Dante Martin with Leila Grey)

Mortos comes out with a mask styled like “Battle Beast” from the comic/TV Show Invincible.

And…that’s as much interest I have in this match, so enjoy another Squared Circle Clerihew™

Bodies fly around,

And things between Fox and Top Flight are sound.

But in short form,

Rush proves you never mess with the Bulls Horns.

After the match, “Speedball” Mike Bailey and Komander drive off La Facción, and that’s as exciting as it gets.

Mark Briscoe wants Mox to Man Up after his loss on Dynamite. It’s not for the title, but it is personal for the practitioner of Redneck Kung Fu©:

And we finally reach your the Main Event in this Fyter Fest qualifying match between…

Mascara Dorada vs. Hechicero

Commentary lauds praise on Dorada as “The next Mistico.”

Not sure I’d go that direction, but…whatever.

Since it’s getting late, here is your final Lucid Luchador Limerick in Review™:

*ahem*

Hechicero makes Dorada bounce around,

And the Technico has problems abound.

With the power of Lucha,

And an avalanche poison rana,

Dorada punches his ticket and leaves the crowd spellbound.

Your Winner via Pinfall: Mascara Dorada

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