Well, just like Josh Barnett’s Bloodsport had one of the best matches of this year, Joey Janela’s Spring Break X had the very worst. Rest easy, Nia Jax. Sleep easy, Omos. There is NOTHING and I mean NOTHING that could be any worse than Sandman’s match against The Invisible Man tonight. To rub salt in those deep, deep wounds, it was billed as Sandman’s last match as well.
Why? Sandman? Why?
The Sandman came to the ring with his kendo stick and poured a beer down some fan’s throat. He stops to light his smoke as the fans sing his theme song. He chugs a beer or two and shares a beer or two. He spends a lot of time, and I mean a lot of time, doing this.
And yes, you can smoke indoors in Las Vegas on casino floors and in some hotel rooms, as casinos are exempt from Nevada’s clean indoor air laws. Imagine that.
Porn star Kendra Lust comes out carrying a kendo stick, too. She escorts him to the ring.
Surprise! Surprise! Out comes Bill Alfonso blowing his whistle. The drapes are pulled back, but people behind them…and out comes, The Invisible Man. As he makes his way to the ring, the fans play along with the gag.
Ugh.
The crowd wants Sandman to f–k up the Invisible Man. Sandman tosses his beer as someone hit it out of his hand, and then he pretends he is being punched, drop-kicked off the ropes…by nothing.
None of this works because IF the Invisible Man existed, he may be invisible, but his fists, feet, leaving marks or impacting Sandman’s body, face with punches, and kids wouldn’t. The same goes for Sandman, doing things like hitting him with a kendo stick.
The Sandman kisses nothing and punches nothing in a corner.
The fans cheer:
You still got it!
Good lord.
The Invisible Man goes low. Sandman throws himself on the canvas a bunch of times. Music plays and out comes two zombies and some dude dressed as The Ringmaster, like in Marvel Comics, not the WWE. They are JCW’s The Outbreak (Jackson and Abel) and Barnabas the Bizarre. There is a reference to The Zombie’s appearance during WWE’s version of ECW. The zombies hold Sandman while the Invisible Man kicks and punches him.
JCW’s Vampiro, Violent J, and ‘Tough Tony’ appear. They take care of the zombies for Sandman. Music plays again, and it is Richard Holiday. He offers his hand to Sandman and then punches him in the face. Music plays again. “Early Morning,” Guy Steele arrives. He beats the crap out of Holiday and gives him a senton. The Invisible Man gives Steele a Destroyer. As Sandman sets up a door in a corner, Kendra turns on him, hits him with a kendo stick. He goes flying through the door. She then delivers some of the worst kendo stick shots ever in pro-wrestling.
More music.
Missy Hyatt comes to the Sandman’s aid. She cracks Kendra with her own kendo stick. They fall to the floor in some awful cat fight. The Invisible Man spears the official and Sandman through a door. Another official comes down to the ring. The Sandman clobbers him with his kendo stick. The next is taken out with an invisible clothesline. Sandman scores a DDT on The Invisible Man. All the officials count, but Man kicks out.
The Invisible Stan comes out? Whatever. The Invisibles double-team the Sandman. The Sandman gyrates on the mat while he is held down and attacked.
Mick Foley is out next.
Foley fights off the Invisibles with Mister Socco. Foley throws Socco to the Sandman. The Sandman smiles and puts it on. As Sandman and Foley hug, they are attacked by The Invisibles, and the Invisible Man pins The Sandman.
Yes, The Sandman was beaten by…air.
In his FIRST singles match, fourteen-year-old Brodie Lee Jr. was
A wiry kid is going to have any hope against a veteran hardcore wrestler? A kid battling a full-grown man?
Good lord. Please. Stop.
This is something that shouldn’t have been rushed. Brodie Lee, Jr. should have learned his craft well, gained experience, some muscle and weight, and then made an impression when he was older. Yes, he is an athletic kid, but we cannot suspend our disbelief THAT much. Brodie locking Janela’s punches? Brodie being able to push Janela’s weight around?
Good lord. Please. Stop.
I give Janela credit for being willing to sell for the kid and making him look decent. Good on him, but this is still a bad idea, just like the Invisible Man match was.
The crowd is cheering his name before Brodie even comes out. Brodie’s gear is inspired by Bret Hart.
Fans cheer:
Brodie’s going to kill you! Brodie’s going to kill you!
Janela backs Brodie into a corner. He slaps his chest and riles up the young man. Janela kicks him in the stomach and shoulder tackles him to the mat. Brodie flips out of an arm lock, taking a surprised Janela over. Janela feigns a handshake but clobbers Brodie. Brodie’s head scissors Janela over and almost pins him with a jack-knife pin. Janela turns that into a piledriver, but Brodie evades that. Brodie spears Janela in a corner.
Brodie pays tribute to his father by hitting Janela in the head with some papers he ripped off a cameraman. Janela puts Brodie in a figure four. Brodie manages to reverse it. Janela kicked out a really impressive jumping kick by Brodie. The official asks Brodie if he wants to go on, as his ankle is worse for wear. Brodie kicks out of Death Valley Driver.
Janela is about to piledrive Brodie, but Chris Bey appears at the entrance way. No interference is allowed, though, or Brodie loses the match. Officials convince Bey to head to the back. Brodie blocks Janela from using his father’s discus clothesline and drives Janela down with Sister Abigail for a two. Janela catches Brodie coming off the ropes and piledrives him. Brodie still kicks out? Come on.
Brodie is dead weight, so Janela drops him. Brodie breaks out of a full-nelson and smashes Janela to the canvas with a nice-looking CrossRhodes.
Brodie hits Janela with two discus lariats. Janela submits to a Sharpshooter. Brodie’s family comes to the ring to celebrate with him.
GCW: Joey Janela’s Spring Break X Results
Gringo Loco versus Shotzi Blackheart versus Bear Bronson versus 1 Called Manders versus Sidney Akeem versus Vipress versus Charles Mason vs Terry Yaki – Grab the Brass Ring DLC
Yaki gives Akeem a Spanish Fly off the top rope to the floor. They aren’t caught very well, and both land on the floor… hard. Mason pulls out a plastic bag to use on Yaki. Hardcore legend Masato Tanaka comes out.
Gringo Loco hits the ropes only for the top rope, and one turnbuckle becomes disconnected. A crew runs out to fix the ring. Kudos for the wrestlers for working around the issue.
Later, Loco stands on the very top of a ladder in the middle of the ring. He splashes Manders, who kicks out. He throws a piece of the door at Lock, who catches it. Manders clotheslines him twice for the win.
Winner: 1 Called Manders
Marcus Mathers and YDNP (Alec Price and Jordan Oliver) versus The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier, Myron Reed and Zachary Wentz)
With everyone taken out in the middle of the ring, Mathers gets ALL the top rope splashes from The Rascalz.
Winners: The Rascalz (Dezmond Xavier, Myron Reed, and Zachary Wentz)
“Reborn” Hayabusa versus Atticus Cogar (c) – GCW World Championship Match
Top counter the new Hayabusa’s high flying skills Cogar uses a steel chair on his knees and legs. He uses a fist full of skewers on Hayabusa back and mask. Hayabusa points his finger to the sky before he hits an Arabian Facebuster as the match becomes all about using a million chairs in the middle of the ring. Cogar lays Hayabusa on six steel chairs. He missed his moonsault from the top rope crashing into them though. A 450 Splash puts Cogar through a door across two chairs. Hayabusa hammers some skewers into Cogar’s head. Haybusa misses his moonsault off the top rope. Cogar pins him with his Brain Hemorrhage finisher.
Winner: …and still GCW World Champion, Atticus Cogar.
Jack Perry and Marko Stunt versus Sam Stackhouse and KJ Orso
I thought Marko Stunt wasn’t supposed to wrestle again or face paralysis? Stackhouse hit a cannonball in the corner as Orso lands a Coast to Coast on Stunt…but he hits Stackhouse instead. Perry gives Stackhouse a Destroyer, and Stunt splashes him from the top rope for a two count. Stackhouse splashes them both in a corner. Stackhouse piledrives Stunt…but he kicks out at one?!?!? Huh? Perry saves announcer Emil Jay from being splattered by Stackhouse, drop-kicking him out of the ring. Stunt splashes Stackhouse on the floor. Perry ducks Orso. Orso goes into Jay who gives him a Tornado DDT. Stunt and Perry pin Orso with their Jurassic Express finisher.
Winners: Jack Perry and Marko Stunt
The Sandman versus The Invisible Man
Winner: The Invisible Man
Effy versus Allie Katch – The Battle of the Best Friends: Loser Leaves GCW
Manders begs Effy not to use a screwdriver on Katch. He hits him in the head with it. Parrow comes out and tells Effy to put the ring bell down. Parrow stops Effy from attacking Katch. Effy head butts Parrow and hits him with the ring bell. Effy stabs Parrow in the head with a screwdriver. Katch is bleeding from the mouth or nose. She can barely fight back. Effy pulls out a spare steel turnbuckle mount. Dark Sheik hits the ring. They have a tug of war over the mount. She brains Effy in the head with it. She then hands it to Katch. Effy begs off then waits with his eyes closed to be hit. She cannot do it. She throws the mount aside. She kneels down and hugs him. Effy head butts her and stabs her in the head with the screwdriver. Katch almost rolls Effy up. Effy clotheslines her and goes for the piledriver…but hesitates…and piledrives her anyway.
Winner: Effy
Mance Warner and Steph De Lander versus and Megan Bayne and Nick Gage
Gage uses a pizza cutter on Warner’s eyes. Bayne powerbombs him. Gage spikes him for the win.
Winners: Megan Bayne and Nick Gage
Joey Janela versus Brodie Lee Jr.
Winner: Brodie Lee Jr.
