The evening just started, and we witness Drew McIntyre yanking and beating Jacob Fatu in the parking lot. He literally rammed his car into Fatu’s just so he could get his hands on him. The past couple of weeks of them pulling the rug from beneath each other’s feet has been madness. And I love it. That’s the most irate I’ve seen McIntyre, dear Christ… He even dragged Nick Aldis’ son, Donovan, into the conversation. Jacob was able to get himself up and march to the ring to confront Drew. I thought those tables were reinforced to NOT break as easily as the previous one. Ha!
Here’s a question for you: Why do people waste their time forming mismatched Tag Teams only for them to falter as quickly and senselessly as they started? Damian Priest and R-Truth is something I will never understand. Neverthesless, this Championship match wasn’t the important part of the show, the appearence of the Wyatt Sicks enagaging in a fight with the other MFTs; Loa and Talla, while Uncle Howdy attempted to deal with Solo as well were the highlights. Priest and Truth won in the end. Eh… good for them?
Fraxiom, I must say before I forget, were incredible with their teamwork. Levels above MCMG, at least for tonight. Shelley and Sabin were great, too, don’t misunderstand that. Candice LeRae showing some intrigue by watching from the sidelines… until she got involved by punching Nathan’s face, so Sabin could roll him up successfully. Chris didn’t see it, but Alex did.
Randy Orton didn’t need to explain why he assaulted Cody Rhodes because I understood that he needed to bring the best version of The Viper in order to win his 15-time Championship, and he won’t if he remains hesitant. Making Rhodes bleed wasn’t a random attack but a warning for what’s to come and that this was what you asked for. Orton vowed to defeat Rhodes at WrestleMania 42.
“Welcome to the big leagues, b*tch!” shouted Rhea to Jade when she gave Cargill the title match, so she can climb further up the social ladder. Ripley taunted Cargill to hit her, in that million dollar purple outfit. Nah. But you want to know who was seemingly happy to do so? B-Fab and Michin. Jade Super Kicked Rhea in heels. Heels, mind you. Reminds me of my own book character.
Sami Zayn vs. Aleister Black
Zayn had Black cornered as he inflicted a couple of chops to the chest and punches to the head while Trick Williams watched at ringside. Aleister got his momentum back with a side kick to the head of Sami, he even dodged a Helluva Kick attempt and floored Zayn with a Flying Meteora. It’s been some time since we’ve seen Sami’s full power displayed in the ring, and right now, he might be bringing it back from hybernation as he viciously tossed Aleister into the barricade.
Sami was just starting to recover from the nonsense of earlier as he attempted another Helluva Kick, only for Black to roll out of the ring. Zayn followed after him and forcibly moved Williams’ boots from his perview. Ha! The abruptness was funny. What wasn’t funny, though, was commentary constantly calling him “Trick Daddy”…. Disgusting. Williams wouldn’t let go of the disrespect, so he threw a drink on Sami’s back. The match or the beatdown. The choice was all Sami’s, and he chose to pounce on Williams. He made it back inside the ring before the ten count, yet that allowed Aleister time to recuperate and deliver a conclusive Black Mass. Even he felt like fodder in the back of Zayn’s mind.
Winner: Aleister Black
I don’t what to say about Miz and Kit Wilson communicating, and Danhausen continuously bringing up his curse, so I won’t say anything. Moving on! JC Mateo and Tama Tonga should be the angry ones, but somehow, Solo Sikoa made it about himself when he shouted about the thankless repayment he received with their failure. Tama suggested that Sikoa give the Wyatt Sicks their lanttern back. For the past several months, Solo hasn’t been acting like himself.
Tama said that he started to act like Roman. Oof. It’s about time someone saw what I saw. To be accossiated with Reigns’ behaviour, God, that’s an insult. Of course, Solo didn’t acknowledge that as helpful. But that’s not important right now, because like some sort of comedy skit, Fatu and McIntyre zoom past them still immersed in their brawling. I suppose that’s where all the boom-boom was coming from.
Carmelo Hayes (c) vs. Ilja Dragonuv – US Championship match
Hayes was trapped for a while, but he managed to get out of there with a face buster on Dragonuv for a near fall. Melo performed an impressively failed suicide dive and banged his ribs against the commentary table very hard that I grinted my teeth. The worst case senario popped up in my head. I thought that he might have internal bleeding, especially when the referee worriedly rushed after him when he witnessed that as well. You could see how much that nasty landing effected him when he delivered a frog splash to Ilja.
A Senton from Dragunov was a smart play, given how the receiver’s ribs are in pain, all that weight crashing down on that spot must be agony. However, Ilja didn’t successfully pin the champ. He did retaliate the First 48 with the H-bomb that almost, almost pinned Hayes if he hadn’t reached the bottom rope with his left foot. His upper body was far too weak to bother. Since that didn’t work, amazingly, Dragunov tried to powerbomb… to no avail.
The Mad Dragon was truly mad as he flicked his tongue around before venturing forward for Torpedo Moscow, only to be intercepted by another First 48. Hayes couldn’t believe he didn’t win there. The shock on his face. Naturally, he went for Nothing but Net, he missed, and Dragunov capitalized with a triumphant second attempt at Torpedo Moscow. He doubled down with a final powerbomb, Carmelo slipped underneath with a swift sunset flip and retained. You know what’s weird? I think Dragunov’s right shoulder was slightly up.
Winner: Carmelo Hayes
Jelly Roll was right. Kit Wilson was weird for calling him over to engage in a rap battle, no, sorry, a poetry battle to further his crusade on the extingushment of toxic masculinity. We’re about to have our first and hopefully our last slam poetry night. Wilson attacked Jelly on his criminal past, his weight loss, and he pulled a Kung Fu Panda out of his ass, too. You guys know that scene where the Furious Five make fun of Po for not being able to see his own feet because of his stomach? Yeah, in this universe, Wilson congratulated Jelly for now being able to see his own dick. The belly is no longer in the way. Isn’t insulting a man’s stick another form of venomous masculinity that Kit has been preaching about? Double standards, I see. Jelly clapped back so hard that it enraged Wilson enough to jump him.
Irresistible Forces (c) vs. Bella Twins – Women’s Tag Team Championshp match
Nikki was in a tough spot, but she managed to tag her sister, Brie, to come in and fight Nia Jax, who failed to squash her with her ass. Brie took it further with those Yes Kicks just as Lash Legend attempted a pump kick only for Brie to duck out of the way in time and deliver a drop kick. Jax was up on her feet and headbutted Brie.
Nikki was tagged and floored the opposition with a crossbody. But that was nothing compared to Nia going up to the second rope with Nikki on her shoulders and perform a Samoan Drop. Nikki propably would have lost there after the frog splash from Lash if Brie hadn’t come in with a Bella Buster. Nikki had Lash in the Fearless Lock.
Outside of the ring, Brie and Nia were fighting until Jax got the best of her opponent by shoving her into the stairs. She was lining up for a shot on Brie using her title, but Charlotte Flair intervened. Nikki was pissed because she could have gotten the score if that didn’t happen. Nikki pushed Charlotte, Alexa got in the middle and was denied, so Flair retaliated against Nikki, who got some help from her sister. Things turned around very quickly once Bliss, Jax, and Legend rushed in the fray. Nia and Lash annihilated everyone by the time this was over. But let’s be honest, I don’t think the Bellas would have won here.
Winners: Disqualification
Jelly Roll felt like he had to tell Randy Orton that he doesn’t recognize the man from last week, that Orton shouldn’t try so desperately return to a version of himself he’s already been, and the husband, father, friend version of The Viper is the heart of it all. Although that’s enlightning, it doesn’t apply to Randy. The Viper remains the Viper, he simply lost track of time. The voices were momentarily dormant. His apology to Matt Cardona was a salty one since it wasn’t genuine. Randy shouldn’t feel sorry for being exactly who he is. And if things weren’t already volcanic, Jacob and Drew haven’t finished yet.
TOP PHOTO: Fatu and McIntyre. Courtesy of WWE
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